Chương 36: The Weight of Diplomacy

FRANK was nearing the end of his rope, and his rope was already short. And frayed. Emperors Hawk and Falcon kept at him for minutes he didn't dare count. All he knew was that each head of state expressed increasingly bizarre opinions on the discovery of the Oldest Complex and the approaching Horror from Beyond.

Hawk began the silliness by insisting that their empire's internal structure remain 'unchanged' by the world-reaching plot he 'had' been cooking; to which Frank replied, there was no 'plot' to influence national territories beyond the initial plea for cooperation.

"That is not what the Dirge of Flames told me!" Hawk squawked.

"They said that this 'alliance' is a plot to rummage through the world's treasuries and bring them under control of the Defense Council! You want to control our military spending so YOU can control who does and does not go to war!"

"Your esteemed grace," Frank said, holding in the sigh along with the 'you nincompoop!'

"That is untrue. There is no 'plot' to control our alliance members' treasuries or how they manage their national defenses. Hawk, this is not the first time you and I have had a talk about these conspiracies, of yours. You are the leader of your country, Hawk. Why are you allowing an entertainer from another country to sway your opinion?" And so, they went back and forth as they usually did. Hawk eventually agreed he had believed in some 'talking points' that he ought to reconsider.

Falcon upped the ante, then, by demanding war funds in case their hypothetical inclusion as part of the alliance inspired their rivals to launch an invasion; Frank told Falcon that Warhol himself would put an end to any attempt to take advantage of the cooperative spirit by launching attacks.

"Oh, you can promise, then, that the Omni-Wizard is not going to go rogue? You remember what happened last time there was a sensitive geopolitical situation that involved him, don't you?" Falcon said, referring to the 'affair.'

A scandal involving the princesses from several countries who met in a 'dark wood' to conspire ways to foster dissent among their country's working masses so as to keep defense spending high; their conspiracy led to their attack by an evil warped 'serpant wolf' inflicted by the Mind Slop parasite which would go on to infect Warhol.

"Falcon," he said, this time unable to hold in the sigh.

"Half of those princesses were from your own territory. Do I need to remind you, by the way, it was there that Warhol became infected in the first place? I am beside myself anyway since Warhol never spilled the beans about what he saw and was party to there while defending your royalty from monster attack. I believe you must be thinking about your own imperial assembly who voted to censure you for your participation in said conspiracy?"

"Umm..." And so, Falcon had nothing more to say. Warhol's participation in conflict resolution, however, only prompted Hawk to 'declare' that Warhol was a rogue asset and shouldn't be on the Planetary Defense Council and would not participate in any alliance with the Omni-Wizard's participation; this earned the emperor a remainder that Warhol had been stripped of his Council position after the 'incident' two years ago and so he and his nation should have no issue in joining he cooperative alliance.

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. Of course, each emperor had lines upon lines to say to every conceivable response. Each were infected with their own brand of crazy that made it hard, if not, at times, impossible, to discuss matters with them, let alone in a fair and balanced way. When the emperors finally left him be — neither of the three any closer to bridging the chasm between them — Frank was left with a headache.

"Just get back from training?" Josh, another member of the Planetary Defense Council, joked.

"You look awful." Around them was the remains of the party they had thrown. Confetti dotted the floor while goblets, garbage, and streaks of mud from the outside ruined the otherwise neat Headquarters interior. Balloons in odd corners littered the floor, putting an odd contrast against the sleek material which formed the base of the headquarters.

"I'm fine. Just dealt with several hours of the Imperial Twins. They were on their usual game, you know..."

"Ugh! I am so sorry! I didn't think they would actually show up. But you said, 'invite everyone,' so I did. I'm like you, Frank, a warrior. I don't know how to phrase party invitations! We should really get a girl to do that kind of thing for us!" Josh said with a laugh.

"A girl, sure, we just need to find one with experience in international politics, who understands the ins and outs of the Planetary Defense Council, someone who has a monumental understanding of world history and magical theory, oh, and someone who has a penchant for dealing with the innumerable nuances of personality management and bureaucratic organization. And someone who knows how to throw a heck of a party!" Frank groaned.

"I'm sure we already have a hundred incredible candidates to pick from..."

"Hey, never say never," Josh remarked, lighting up a pipe with some stinky grass inside.

"The world's a-changing, as the kids say. New technology is making for better and faster connections every day." Frank gave Josh that — the world was changing; in the last few years alone, a series of revolutions swept both the Eastern and Western continents, bringing to power radically different governments than what had been seen before, governments which functioned not from the top-down as absolute dictatorships of Kings and Emperors, but whose rule was mandated by the people.

Sure, many archaic places of rule still existed, not the least of which the country which graciously housed their Headquarters, but for a few years, it was more change than usually happened in decades. Being a modern man, Frank knew that the reason for these revolutions was changes in technology. People realized the ruling classes of their societies had no interest in adapting new technologies to better the people, only their own tyrannical rule. From there, of course, repression happened, and revolution in kind.

He couldn't help but wonder how much more the world would change before he passed.

'A lot,' he answered.

"I hate to ask, buddy, but could you put out a help wanted posting somewhere," he looked at the state of the Headquarters and sighed again.

"Or maybe a lot of somewheres? I can't keep hosting gatherings, parties, whatever you want to call them. We need a team of people dedicated to bringing territories together. If we can't find one person to do it all, how about a hundred?" Josh smiled.

"Do we really have the funds? Sounds expensive. Our coffers were always lean, Frank."

"I know that, but I have been rubbing elbows lately. We've secured the aid of some top tier people, so funds won't be an issue. Look for people un universities, colleges, monasteries, heck, even academies. I can't keep doing this myself, Josh. I'll die of carpal tunnel!" A snicker, Josh's facial catchphrase, came across his face.

"I'll see what I can do, boss. Death by carpal tunnel. What a shame that would be for the bravest hero in the world. The weight of diplomacy can be a real killer!"