Chương 199: Over the Summit (V)

It was uplifting. Sort of like that time dad picked me up when I fell asleep in the back of his old Cadillac. Half-awake, I felt his arms lift me up with such ease that he seemed the strongest person in the whole world. Over the length of our courtyard and up the stairs, gently putting me down on the bed, pulling the blanket over me, kissing my forehead, and leaving the door just a bit ajar because he knew I was afraid of the complete dark.

Or that time Yas dragged her tired ass across half the town to my apartment when I called her out of the blue, patently drunk, at 3AM and hung up after mumbling something. I was just so drunk that I passed out on my couch, but she thought something happened to me, so she ran three red lights, got a speeding ticket, and nearly had a panic attack when she saw me sprawled on the couch... only to quickly realize I was just passed out. Those moments that show the unconditional potential of love. I felt it.

Something had wrapped around me and held me tightly, and without me even so much as trying, I found the Qi revolutions increasing in quality and speed. One by one, soon there were ten, then twenty, then there were fifty. And bit by bit, I felt my entire scope of reality expanding--colors appeared that I'd never seen before, stirrings of invisible insects miles away itched my ears, and I could practically decipher the state of every single one of my cells by just looking inwardly.

Though I don't know exactly how I knew this, I did know this was a temporary sensation. I knew it'd fade. It was as though something was affording me a glimpse into the world so far beyond my grasp that I could barely wrap my head around what I was experiencing. But with each new 'rebirth', it felt, memories flooded me. Things I'd forgotten, things that I don't think I ever even remembered, they were all coming back like a tidal flood of the ages. Despite that, however, my heart remained eerily calm.

Not of my own accord, I don't think. But, for the first time ever, I could 'objectively' look back on my life.... Damn, it was kind of shit. Honestly. Hah. With the bad, though, there was the good. I didn't even realize I'd forgotten just exactly how Yas and I met. I mean, I always knew it was 'at college' or whatever, but I'd actually managed to forget the exact moment. Probably because we wouldn't start dating for over two years after, but you'd think I'd remember something so quintessential.

--and yet, just as they surged into me... they vanished. Not all, no. But most of them receded back somewhere in the depths of my mind, perhaps to be remembered yet another time. [CHOOSE] The letters were the first to appear in the darkness, and with them came the light--a deluge of kaleidoscopic colors overwhelmed my sight, and I found myself drowned in a strange, vague reality. The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

[100 YEARS WORTH OF QI CULTIVATION + A RANDOM 'UNIQUE' PHYSIQUE] [OR] [ALL YOUR DISCIPLES EXPERIENCE A MINOR EVOLUTION OF THEIR UNIQUE TRAITS] There were exactly two more windows just like it on either side, and it looked like I had to make three choices. All very deliberately weighed. [CHOOSE] [EVERY BREAKTHROUGH IN THE FUTURE WILL BE AUTOMATIC LIKE THIS] [OR] [NONE OF YOUR DISCIPLES CAN EVER FALL INTO QI DEVIATION DURING A BREAKTHROUGH] And the last one. [CHOOSE] [YOU WILL NEVER DIE OF OLD AGE] [OR] [???]...

right. It's like I'm six and my parents are trying to teach me a lesson. But, honestly, even if it didn't feel like the most obvious trap in the world... I would have chosen the 2nd choice for all of them. As 'strong' as I'll become after this breakthrough, even if I choose the selfish choices, I'm a grain of sand in the desert--and they're the suns burning. From day one, it became clear to me that if I were to have any chance at doing anything meaningful in this world, it would not be by me becoming a 'hero'.

Yas would probably yell at me if she could hear me, but Yas had more blind faith in me than Dai Xiu does. And that's fucking terrifying. Without much hesitation, I made my choices and found the darkness swallow me. The world settled for but a moment before it warped into blurry shapes yet again. They didn't last for long, as, within seconds, I found myself sitting by a calm, still pond of water, blooming, pink lotus flowers drifting gently across its surface.

There was nobody and nothing else there--just the pond and the blurry haze beyond it. I opened my eyes and saw Long Tao staring at me with a mix of emotions, but not the kind I'd ever expected to find in him: awe... and terror. Just then, notification windows abounded, but I pushed them all to the side and focused on him.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"... no," he lied.

"Nothing. Congratulations, Master, on breaking through. How are you feeling?"

"Like a thousand buck--ets of gold. Like a thousand buckets of gold."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I feel good. It's an expression."

"I never heard of it before."

"Yeah, well, I made it up. I do that, on occasion."

"I've noticed. Harrowing, truly, how one man can occupy the slots for worst cultivation and literary talent."

"... not nearly as harrowing as one child depending so much on his parents' knowledge that he can't do anything on his own." Oh, wow, great burn, dude. You truly had him there. Haah.

"You should do a few rotations," he chuckled, standing up and turning to leave.

"I'll inform others that you've successfully broken through. Knowing them, they'll want to arrange something for you. So... do a few extra rotations."

"Long Tao."

"Yes, Master?"

"Is there truly nothing wrong?"

"... you're a knot, Master," he spoke in riddles, as per usual.

"Can I trust you?"

"With what?"

"With us."

"..." There was genuine worry in his gaze, something I'd never seen before.

"I never had kids of my own," I said, smiling faintly.

"Never much liked the kids, truth be told. Any time I imagined myself in the role of a father, a fear would shoot through me like a bolt of lightning. All I could think about was how I'd screw it up. How, somehow, the kid would slip past my fingers and become something… untoward. You're not my children, of course, but… you are my responsibility. And every day, I face those same fears.

When I see Dai Xiu ramble on jealously about one thing or another, or watch Wan Lan bury who she is deeper and deeper, or watch Light neglect the core of being human, or Xi Zhao struggle with himself… or even you."

"What about me?"

"Your family's heritage is vast," I kept it vague.

"But with as vast as it is, it is equally heavy. I can't claim to have the capacity to shoulder your burdens, but it aches to know you're trying to shoulder them by yourself."

"…"

"I promise you, from the bottom of my heart… there is nothing in this world, or any other for that matter, that would make me turn my back on any one of you. Not now, and not ever."

"Big words," he said.

"What if Light decides to avenge her father and burn all the Holy Lands to the ground?"

"Then I'd laugh in those flames so loudly they'd forget she exists."

"And what if Dai Xiu decides to go after her birthplace? To turn one of the most ancient clans into her mortal enemy?"

"I'd go to war with the world for you kids. What's one random clan worth?"

"... greater promises are made all the time, Master," he said, smiling rather gently for a change of pace.

"One last time."

"Hm?"

"I'll believe."

"..."

"Please," he added just as he turned to leave.

"Don't be a liar, too."