Chương 44: Chapter 43: Parting Ways

Yang had been sitting here numb for who knows how long. Time had lost meaning after the he failed the sect entrance exam. He thought back to how it came to this. He'd always believed he kept arrogance away from himself. Never actively thinking himself above others just because of his rebirth. He'd tried to be humble. To remember where he came from. To treat people with respect regardless of their station. But today he realized he had been thinking of himself as different than others. Special. Chosen.

His life in this world had been difficult, yes. But he'd achieved things not possible for someone his age. Surviving for years alone in the forest. Increasing his strength without any guidance or help. Climbing and crossing a mountain alone that should have killed him. Finally getting an opportunity to enter a world of cultivation. Even when he'd failed to find a way to get into the martial path on his own terms, fate, or rather his inner instincts, had led him to an even better opportunity.

Every obstacle had been overcome. Every challenge met. Every door that closed had another opening. Yang had started to believe he was invincible. That success was his birthright as someone who'd been reborn with knowledge from another world. Failing the entrance to Azure Sword Sect was like being dunked into cold frozen water. It shocked him out of his senses. Forced him to take a hard look at himself. As he sat there, he saw others succeeding where he'd failed. People younger than him.

People who'd had easier lives. People who weren't special or reborn or gifted with supernatural strength. And they'd climbed past him like he wasn't even there. It was like his whole world turned over in that moment. Everything he'd believed about himself revealed as comfortable lies. As he self-reflected, sitting on the cold ground, he realized something else. Even as Li San had been excitedly talking about entering the sect, it was Li San himself Yang had worried about. What if Li San doesn't get in?

What if his brother fails? Yang had never even considered the possibility of not getting in himself. Despite not being particularly interested in the sword path. Despite this not being his dream. He'd still been confident in his uniqueness. His specialness. His protagonist-like destiny. It was like looking into a mirror and seeing himself for the first time. Yang let out a self-deprecating laugh. Sharp and bitter in the silence. This rejection and shock was much needed, he realized.

And he was glad it came at a kinder time. Before his arrogance could lead him somewhere truly dangerous. He'd thought himself so special that a sect trial most people were dreading and praying to pass, he'd assumed he would pass with flying colors. Just another obstacle to overcome on his destined path. But whatever power was on the mountain had shown him the truth. He wasn't special. Wasn't chosen. Wasn't destined for anything except what he could earn himself. He was glad he'd failed this trial.

Otherwise, who knows how far his arrogance would have taken him? What terrible mistakes he might have made thinking himself untouchable? Yang thought back to those who'd continued the climb. How despite the agony and pain, they'd kept climbing. As if they were seeing light at the end of a dark tunnel. As if there was hope, only if they reached the end. For Yang, there had been no hope. No light at the end of the tunnel. He'd only suffered. And even his inner instincts knew there was no way out for him on that path.

The sword path had thoroughly rejected him. Yang knew it in his bones. Even if he were to go through a thousand trials for Azure Sword Sect, he would never be chosen. And if he were to somehow force his way onto the sword path with another sect, there would be no success. Only more suffering without purpose. Yang didn't know how long he sat there. Lost in thought. In self-recrimination and reluctant acceptance. Then he saw movement in the corner of his eyes. Many fellow rejects stood up.

Yang followed suit, looking toward the source of the disturbance. More young men and women were arriving. Coming back through the shimmer. Some looked triumphant. Others devastated. The trial was ending. Yang quickly scanned the crowd and found Li San. His brother was making his way toward him, face distressed. Yang's heart sank. No. Not Li San too. He quickly went toward him and asked before Li San could say anything, "Are you okay? Did you make it?" Yang was worried seeing Li San here among the rejects.

Li San greatly desired to be part of the Azure Sword Sect. It would be a huge blow if he didn't get in. All his dreams crushed in a single morning. In his worry for Li San, all of Yang's own disappointment faded. What did his failure matter if Li San had succeeded?

"Yang," Li San said quickly, putting his hands on Yang's shoulders. Looking him over head to toe. Searching for injuries.

"What happened? Why didn't you come up? Did something happen to you on the path?"

"I failed," Yang said clearly. Simply. No point hiding it.

"What?" Li San asked, bewildered.

"But you're so much stronger. You should have been able to withstand the sword intents." Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

"Sword intents?" Yang mused.

"Is that what that was?"

"Yang! Concentrate." Li San slightly shook him.

"What happened? With your strength, you should have been able to reach the top."

"Li San, calm down. I couldn't climb up. I couldn't take the pain."

"But you should have been able to concentrate on the sword arts," Li San said desperately.

"That's how I climbed. That's how all the other climbers made it. You focus on the intent, let it teach you, transform the pain into understanding."

"Li San, I couldn't see anything like that. The forces gave me nothing but pain." Li San still looked disbelieving, slightly shaking his head. Refusing to accept it. Yang pushed Li San's hands off his shoulders and pulled him into a hug instead.

"Li San, it's okay. I'm assuming you got in and succeeded?" Li San leaned back from the hug.

"Well, yes. But we were supposed to be together. I left the village with you so we could be stronger together." Then his expression hardened with determination.

"I won't join the Azure Sword Sect. If they won't have both of us, then I won't join them either."

"Li San, no," Yang said forcefully.

"You will not give up this opportunity."

"But…." Li San began.

"No. No. You will join the sect. You've desired to join the Azure Sword Sect since you first heard of it. I will not allow you to give it up."

"But I wanted to join the sect with you," Li San said. His voice breaking.

"We were supposed to be great sword cultivators together."

"Li San," Yang interrupted gently.

"The sword path is not for me. I wasn't interested in it to begin with. I only took the test because you are enamored with the sword path. And clearly, you're suited to it." Li San's eyes went wide.

"Li San, you are my brother. My friend. I love you more than anything in this world. I want the best for you. And nothing would make me happier than to see you achieve your dream of being a sword cultivator. This is the path you have chosen. And it looks like the path has chosen you as well," Yang said with a smile.

"This doesn't mean the end of hope for me. I will find my own path. One that would make me happy. One that would be more suited to me." Li San's eyes watered. Yang pulled him into another hug.

"Li San, we are brothers and we will always remain so. Our being brothers is not contingent upon us being in the same sect or on the same path." He pulled back to look Li San in the eyes.

"Now please tell me you didn't do something like reject the position in the sect already?" Li San shook his head, his eyes still watery.

"No, no. They gave us until tonight to inform our companions and gather our things. Many people have their belongings left in inns or with their servants or families in carriages. So we were given time to get everything done before moving into the sect."

"Makes sense," Yang said. Then he put his arm around Li San's shoulder.

"Now come. Let's find a restaurant to eat. The torture made me hungry." Li San let out a wet laugh.

"Restaurant?" Yang sheepishly corrected himself.

"Restaurant... I meant a stall."

"There are carriages further up for hire," Li San said, wiping his eyes.

"Waiting for people wanting to go back to the main city." They got into a carriage with two other boys. Both unsuccessful in their climb like Yang, considering their reddened eyes and disappointed expressions. The air was heavy with shared defeat. They quietly made their journey to the main city. Yang mused to himself that one would think Li San himself had failed, looking at his sad face. Only I look like I succeeded with my demeanor. He kept quiet instead of teasing Li San due to the presence of two strangers.

They got out and made their way to the market area after paying the carriage driver. Li San was quiet as they walked. Yang finally said, "Li San, do you want to spend our last moments together in silence?"

"What do you mean, last?" Li San asked sharply.

"I didn't mean anything dire by it," Yang replied calmly.

"But you'll be joining the sect by tonight. It will inevitably be different after living and traveling together for so long."

"Li San, please don't be sad. I don't want you to join the sect feeling melancholic."

"What will you do?" Li San asked. His voice small.

"There is no other sect in Azure Point City." Yang replied, "The mountain may not have shown me the sword path, but it did show me that my path isn't the path of the sword. I think I'm beginning to understand what Senior Cheng Mo meant when he used the word fate." Li San went quiet. Then asked, "What is your path then?"

"I don't know," Yang admitted.

"I know I want to cultivate. But I don't know my path yet. Looks like I have to keep seeking it out." Li San looked guilty.

"If I hadn't pressured you to come here…." Before he could continue, Yang interrupted.

"If you hadn't pressured me to come here, then you would not have found the best path for you. Or maybe if you did, you wouldn't be taking that path in the best sect of the cultivation world." Yang grabbed Li San's shoulder.

"Why must you feel guilty for that? Would you feel bad for me if our positions were reversed? If I had found my path and you were still looking?" Li San went pensive at that.

"Right?" Yang asked.

"Can you not imagine me being happy that you got to live your dream while I search for my own?" He continued earnestly, "Li San, you must cultivate hard and achieve Foundation Establishment quickly so you may come visit me soon. And provide support to me as I search for my own path." Li San smiled this time without any of the guilt and grief at losing Yang.

"This is not the end," Yang said firmly.

"Just a new beginning. One day we will look back and laugh at the way you acted today." As night began to approach, Yang led them toward the carriage station. He told Li San it was time to go.

"Li San, this is the start of our cultivation journey. You must work hard and take care of yourself. And don't worry for me. I believe fate will lead me to my right place," Yang said as he patted his chest. Yang took out half of the spirit stones given by Senior Cheng Mo and shoved the bag into Li San's hand. Li San tried to refuse, pushing the bag back.

"Yang, no. You need…."

"I have half. It will be more than enough," Yang said firmly.

"You must have some use for it in the sect. I doubt even Azure Sword Sect will give new outer sect disciples so many spirit stones." They hugged. A long, tight embrace. Brothers saying goodbye. Then Li San climbed into the carriage that would take him back to the mountain. Back to the Azure Sword Sect. Yang stood watching as the carriage pulled away. Li San's face was visible in the window. Looking back. Watching Yang grow smaller. Yang waved until the carriage disappeared around a corner.

Then he stood alone in the street. In a city he barely knew. With no plan. No destination. And no path forward. But somehow, Yang felt lighter than he had in hours. The mountain had rejected him. But it had also freed him. Now he just had to figure out what came next.