Chương 5

Jing, as the Emperor, could not just pick me up and run away with me. Though it was clear he dearly wanted to, for it was written on his face, which everyone else mistook for rage. After taking several deep breaths to regain control, his hands steadied and he released his hold on the pot, forcing himself to take a few steps backwards. He straightened his spine and motioned to a nearby Eunuch, instructing him to take the tiny tree and place it in his room immediately.

The servant bowed, puzzled but obedient, taking the pot from me and leaving to do as instructed. No one understood what had just happened. For my disrespect, I should have gotten at least a beating, but instead the Emperor was treating my gift as the most precious thing given to him the entire day. Emperor Shu whispered some instructions to a high ranking official near by and then dismissed my family. More gifts were to come, and he had to personally accept each one.

It would take past dinner time before he was done. My family was escorted out of the throne room, but instead of being taken to where everyone else was, we were guided into a very elegant private room. Servants dressed in fine silks served us tea, then later dinner, and occasionally an entertainer would come to personally amuse us. Like everyone else, my parents had no idea what was going on. Obviously, if the Emperor was angry, he wouldn't be treating us so well. So he was definitely not angry.

They could only think that he had really really liked the mini-tree we'd gifted him. It was a very lovely, somewhat mystical tree. As far as they knew, it was one of a kind. They'd been impressed with it too when they'd first seen it. So perhaps the Emperor had been enthralled by it. Father, Mother, why hasn't it crossed your mind that I'm what he's enthralled with? Sighs. It was quite late into the evening before the Eunuch who'd taken my tree entered and announced his Majesty Emperor Shu would arrive shortly.

My parents immediately arranged themselves into a bow, with me following along because it amused me. We waited, in the bowing position, almost ten minutes. By the time he entered, I was irritated with him. He'd really taken his time!

"Please, raise your heads." Emperor Shu instructed. When I raised my head, I saw a slight smirk play across his lips and realized he'd kept us waiting on purpose! My parents, however, refused to do raise their heads out of respect and reverence. Seeing this, Emperor Shu added with exasperation: "Then this Emperor commands you to raise your heads. Do not dare disobey." My parents couldn't refuse after that and, trembling, they raised their heads. The Emperor was wearing normal clothes.

They were very finely made, but still muted in color and style. His hair was now half down, with a simple gold crown holding the rest up. He looked more like General Jing than he did Emperor Shu in that moment. He then walked over to the table and sat down. My parents and I hastily followed. Tea was served, again. Everyone drank in awkward silence, unsure of how to start the conversation. Except for me, I was quietly enjoying the entire thing, except for that ten minutes of kneeling. I was thoroughly entertained.

"Your daughter—" Began Emperor Shu, only to be immediately interrupted. Both my parents were extremely nervous and thought that the Emperor might be thinking of punishing me for my earlier insolence. They clamored to apologize and beg forgiveness, even willing to take on my punishment. He listened to their pleading until they'd calmed down. I could tell he was thoroughly worn out from the day's events and was trying to be patient. A mixture of tolerance and bewilderment could be seen on his face.

He said to me, using informal speech, "I am, at the very least, assured that your parents are genuinely good people. You must have been outrageously spoiled over the last three years. No wonder you never contacted me."

"I'm their only daughter, so of course they've spoiled me." My parents heads were swinging back and forth between us, too shocked to even speak. The Emperor and their daughter were talking as though they were old friends.

"I almost died three years ago. I had to work very hard to relearn how to walk and talk and even eat. Exactly how was I to contact anyone, much less your Royal Majesty?"

"You.. You almost died?" The fear on his face was so genuine, I felt bad for bringing it up. It would have been better to explain things privately. As it was, I could not tell him the details.

"Er… this servant begs his Majesty's forgiveness but… have you met my daughter before?" We both stared at my Father, who'd finally gathered the courage to interrupt. We then stared at each other.

"Penpals." I finally announced.

"Eh?"

"Secret ones."

"Uhm." It was clear Father was doubting me.

"Daddy," I said, looking ever so innocent and soft.

"Do you remember that party you and Mother attended five years ago, and when you both came home I was very sick?" Father nodded. It had been terrible, his daughter had almost died.

"The reason I got so sick is because I snuck out of the Estate while you were both gone." I lied while looking into my Father's shocked face. To be able to lie… the human body was an amazing thing. As a spirit, it would have been impossible for me to fib like this. But somehow having a mortal body allowed me the privilege.

"During my escape, I met Emperor Shu. I did not know who he was, as he was traveling in disguise, but we talked and got along quite well. We decided to exchange some letters. I knew you would not approve, so I did not tell you. Isn't that so, Emperor Shu?" When I turned to Jing, he blinked and then nodded enthusiastically. Both my parents could do nothing but accept the highly unbelievable story I was giving them, seeing as the Emperor was agreeing with it.

I saw a glinty disapproving look in my Father's eye about the whole thing. If what I said was true, I'd been only 12 at the time. I could almost read his face: How dare anyone be so intimate with my daughter, when she'd barely blossomed! Even if it was the Emperor, such actions could not be forgiven! Heh. Sorry Jing. I'm pretty sure I ruined your reputation with your soon to be father-in-law.

Emperor Shu kept the conversation light after that, staring at me the entire time, careful not to touch too much on the past. Because it was getting late, he could not justify keeping us any longer. He looked a little sulky when he announced we should go home. We were given a royal carriage to ride us home. My Father and Mother were too busy grilling me mercilessly about my "penpal" story to really appreciate the honor.

They then gave me a lecture to end all lectures about etiquette and the proper distance a man and woman should keep. I was never to try and send a letter to the Emperor again, it was totally inappropriate. Also, I was grounded to my room for a whole week. I readily agreed, which made them suspicious. I promised them on the family honor that I would never write a letter to Emperor Shu again. Since I'd never written him to begin with, the promise was easily kept.

True to their words, I was forced to stay in my room all week long. Any mail sent to me, which wasn't much, passed through my parent's hands first. On the forth day, after I'd changed into my night dress, an unexpected guest came calling. Jing had snuck into the Estate. It was easy enough to do, as security was modest at best. Seeing me in such light clothing, he blushed and almost fell over while sneaking through the window.

"And how may this servant help Emperor Shu tonight?" I teased lightly, bowing, amused by his awkwardness.

"Oh, shut up with the formalities." He hissed, still red, and then started complaining.

"Where have you been all these years? Why didn't you at least contact me through the fairies? You didn't really die, did you? I've been wanting to ask but do you know what a huge pain that birthday party was? Not only did I get thousands of unwanted gifts, because I personally received every gift, I also had to send a personal thank you note in return. I couldn't leave! Now my hand feels like it going to fall off and the smell of ink is starting to make me nauseous."

"Whose fault is it that the Imperial Family has so many second cousins and third nieces? When I suggested the party, I didn't think so many people would show up."

"It's not like it's my fault either, but I'm the one suffering." He sulkily huffed.

"If it's any consolation, I was desperate. My parents were trying to marry me off. It not like I could march into the Palace and announce my presence, so I needed some other way to meet you." His eyes narrowed.

"Who were they trying to marry you off to?"

"…what's that got to do with anything?"

"Just tell me!"

"Alright, alright." I handed him a bundle of papers and pictures.

"They were going to let me choose at least." He looked at the suitors and scoffed, a sneer playing on his lips.

"Did any catch your interest?"

"Don't be stupid."

"Did they?" He was being needlessly difficult.

"Of course not. Who do you think I am? I've got you, I'll never accept anything less." A pleased look formed on Jing's face. Slightly annoyed by it, I asked, "And what about you? Any pretty girls catch your interest while I was away?" I expected him to be equally annoyed by my question, but instead he just looked stressed.

"No. And I'll have you know it's been a battle trying to keep Court officials off my back about it. They've been hounding me for years to get a wife, even a concubine. Last month an elderly official actually suggested a bed warming maid would even work."

"How very brave of him."

"He was forced to retire."

"How very generous of you." I chuckled and then paused.

"What do you think?"

"Hn? About what?" I waved my hands down my body.

"This, my face, my body. It's not the most beautiful in the world, but it's mine. I hope it meets your minimum requirements at least." I then gave a half bow, not being completely serious.

"It's, it's a fine body." He said, face starting to flush before he remembered the important question he'd asked earlier.

"How did you get it anyway? And what did you mean you died?" I hastily explained the story to him, knowing that all his complaining had really been his anxiousness about this one detail. Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.

"…ah, so that's what you meant by almost dying."

"Yes indeed."

"Could you really die, with a body like that?"

"The body would die, but I… would probably be fine."

"Probably?"

"Well…." I combed my fingers through my long hair thoughtfully.

"This body was broken when I took it over. Resurrecting it and fixing it took a lot out of me. If my body died, my spirit would be… much, much weaker, I think. At the very least, I'd never be able to take over another human body. Hm, I might not even be able to travel once I'm a spirit again either. So this body is all I have. Once it dies, that's it for me and being human or going on adventures." Jing's face noticeably paled at my explanation.

"You… you didn't have to do this. I would have been fine with you as a spirit." Sighing, I walked over to him and placed both hands on the sides of his face. I ran a thumb gently under one eye. Looking into his deep black eyes with my own, I said, "Do my hands feel nice?" He nodded, eyes wide and mouth clamped shut.

"This feeling you have right now, is only something a human body can cause. Even though you say you could live without it, I don't want you to. I don't want you to miss the feeling of touch, of warmth, of loving someone physically. I've seen what the lack of such intimacy does to a human, and it's not good. The loneliness turns to emptiness and it becomes unbearably painful. I won't let your love for me cause you to live that kind of life. I love you too much, so I won't allow it."

I went to release his face, but he grabbed my hands. This time it was my turn to blush and look awkward. Raising my hands to his lips, he gave them a gentle kiss. The action made me feel warm and itchy at the same time. Still looking a little sad, he said, "How can I object now? Thank you. Thank you for sacrificing for me." The itching feeling grew, but I didn't know what to do with it, so I asked to distract myself, "Why'd you come here, in the middle of the night, anyway?

Wouldn't a day trip have been a little more… sensible?" He lowered my hands, but did not let go. A smile playing on his lips. He explained that it was difficult for the Emperor to leave the Palace. Even if he went incognito, it required a lot of planning. And with all those damn "thank you" notes to write, he never had the time to even get things started for leaving the palace officially. So he'd snuck out at the first opportunity. As to why he wanted to see me…

of course he'd been worried silly about me saying I'd died, but he'd also missed me terribly. I'd selfishly ignored him for three years after all. Naturally he wanted to know what had distracted me to the point of not even sending him a message via fairy. Of course I profusely apologized for not contacting him sooner, especially after he mentioned it a third time. He even admitted to purposefully making me and my parents bow for so long as a sort of penance for my sins. What a cheeky man he's grown up to be!

Before he left that night, he gave me a kiss. It was my first kiss. His lips were thin but soft and he tasted of tea. The itchy feeling was almost unbearable after he was finished, and I'm pretty sure my entire face was red as cherry. Seeing my reaction, he laughed. It was a boyish laugh that I hadn't heard in years, and it reminded me of when he was young. I smacked him, embarrassed at my own response.

The next day, the Head Imperial Eunuch came to our home, decked out in his finest outfit and pulled in a Imperial Carriage, with several carriages behind him carrying all kinds of goods, and surrounded by guards. He had an Imperial Edict with him, which were rare at this point. (Emperor Shu believed that they had more value when used sparingly.) The Ya Family Head, my Father, was informed that his first and only daughter was to be the Emperor's Consort, Empress and Mother of the Nation.

This was by order of the Emperor, and the wedding would officially be held in two months time, on an auspicious day. To alleviate the status differences, and as a show of goodwill, the Emperor had also sent over material goods, gold, and servants which could be used to supplement the future Empress' dowry. An additional set of gifts were given directly to the Ya Family, as an apology from the Emperor for rushing the wedding and as a betrothal gift. Both my parents almost fainted.

When I said they were distantly related to the Emperor, I had not been joking. My Father's great-grandfather had a sister who'd been married to a Forth Prince of the then ruling Emperor. But both the Forth Prince and the sister hadn't been wise people and their children learned from them, so by the time my Father had been born most of the wealth and prestige had been squandered away. Leaving only a name.

Thus the Ya Family was viewed unfavorably by nobility, especially and particularly in the capital (where nobles were free to gossip and scheme to their hearts content). Since the Nobles shunned my Father, there was never even an opportunity for him to meet the Emperor, or anyone from the Imperial Family for that matter. Up until last week, he'd thought himself totally unrelated to the Imperial Family in almost every regard that mattered. Today, he found out he was about to become the Father in Law of the Emperor.

An Emperor who took interest in twelve year old girls. Such an Emperor was taking his baby girl away and he couldn't do anything about it! He started gnashing his teeth at the thought. This was a better reaction than my Mother, whose mind had put up a white flag and gone on vacation. She had no relationship to any nobility ever, much less the Emperor, coming from a merchant family. After the line about me being an Empress, she'd stopped thinking from shock.

Right now, she was blankly looking around, as if she didn't recognize her own house. The Head Eunuch then had the goods sent by the Emperor brought in, checking himself that everything was there. Seeing that my parents were totally useless, he turned to the Head Servant of our house and had him double check the list and make note of where things were going. I'd always thought our Head Servant was a decent fellow, if a bit boring, but I really appreciated him that day.

He kept his cool despite being of vastly inferior status to the Head Imperial Eunuch and being tasked with suddenly finding places for a seemingly never ending flow of goods. After all the gifts were brought in, the Eunuch handed me the Edict. He then announced, almost casually, "His Imperial Highness Emperor Shu has tasked me to bring Young Miss Ya Xuilan and her honorable parents back to the Palace. While the Edict is final, his Imperial Majesty thought he should iron out the details with the Ya Family."

He and the servants with him then herded us into the Imperial Carriage and carried us off to the Palace. No one spoke. My parents didn't know what to say and I didn't need to say anything. The only thing that had surprised me today was the enormous amount of goods Jing had gifted to me. The Head Eunuch said nothing because he hadn't been spoken to. Unless their was an emergency or business, Imperial Servants never spoke first.

He would obviously follow procedure in this case, even if the people involved were currently ranked lower than him. Honestly, he didn't understand why the Emperor had chosen this Young Miss. After so many years of being unwilling to wed, to do so now and to someone who gained the Imperial Family nothing at all was extremely puzzling. The Eunuch was certain the outcry against this marriage would be great, and dreaded thinking about it.

Emperor Shu welcomed us at the entrance of the front Palace doors, his servants forced to stand at a distance. He was extremely happy, smiling and chattering away a welcome upon our arrival. He actually hugged my Father and bowed to my Mother, calling them "Honored Mother and Father" and saying that since he had no parents of his own, my parents would be like his parents. Both my parents, who'd been in a daze, finally came back to themselves.

It was well known that Emperor Shu had tragically lost his family at a young age and spent most of his life an orphan, eking out a living until becoming a soldier (which was only slightly true). For just a moment, my parents saw Jing instead of Emperor Shu, and were touched by his humanity and humility. By the way, excepting those eye-witnesses, no one knew that Jing had killed the disgraced Crown Prince.

In fact, the most heinous actions of the disgraced Prince were hidden from the public, including the murder of the entire Shu Family, and his death was ruled a suicide. His wife and concubines were sent to live in the country, on a limited income. All his young children and older unmarried daughters were sent to live in the houses of the other Princes, taking on their Family names. His older sons, if they had no profession, were sent to serve in the Army to make a living.

This was all decreed by the former Emperor, out of the last bit of love he had for his dead son. I am of the opinion that he was too compassionate and generous. Other than the young children, which had not been totally infested yet, all the rest of that man's family was hopelessly evil. There was no chance for redemption. They relished being wicked, just like their father. Well, isn't a good thing I was going to be the Empress?

Between my fairy network and my physical strength (which is unusually good thanks to my spiritual origins), I have confidence I can keep my husband-to-be safe! Jing had a long discussion with my parents about our wedding, when to hold it, and who to invite. The whole conversation was pretty boring to me. My Mother would be in charge of my dress and the Empress Dowager would be in charge of decorations. My Father would deal with the financial aspects, including handing over the dowry.

All I had to do was show up, walk in a straight line, and bow a lot. I couldn't even see the actual event properly, because my head would be covered with a red veil. That bit of tradition was particularly irksome. I'm not shy, I don't need my face covered! Why can't I at least wear beads or tassels? Ugh… but there's no way my Mother would budge on that. Wearing a curtain of beads and tassels is only common in the south.

Mother absolutely loved everything about traditional weddings, and in this region it was the veil. It's a good thing she never saw the wedding ceremonies my blue eyed children threw. She'd have been scandalized! Partying outside under the stars, men and women mixing together, no red dress, no procession… the vows were unique to the couple too. Ah… I miss how informal they were compared to here. My heart hurts when I think how I'll never be able to see them again.

I've lost too much power to travel freely, and I'm tied to this body as well. Chances of seeing them again, before they're totally absorbed back into regular human culture, seems very unlikely at this point. Speaking of the past, I wonder how my Brother is doing? Brother, I hope you're not angry anymore. Your sister is getting married and wishes you could be there to see it. I wish you could meet my parents, Jing, experience the world outside the mountains. I wish you could give me your blessing. I wish…

I wish you were here. I miss you. … Anyway. By the end of the wedding meeting, my parents had loosened up significantly around Jing. Well, who could blame them? He had dropped all pretense of being the Emperor. He even told them that, as long as they weren't in public, they must treat him as family and be informal. He really pressed home that he'd been orphaned, using sympathy to manipulate my parents into overriding long ingrained social norms in dealing with him.

I thought we'd be going home after that, but he insisted we stay in the Palace over night. He'd had a mini-banquet prepared and wanted to celebrate with just us three. And anyway, they might as well get use to the Palace, they'd be coming here regularly. Or so he rationalized. When he snuck into my room that night, I laughed, realizing his intentions. He'd be officially announcing our marriage to the Court tomorrow, and then the nation the next day.

Once that happened, tradition dictated the bride and groom couldn't see each other until the wedding night. So, before that happened, he planned on getting some alone time with me. While I always felt glad to be around him, seeing him alone at night and sitting so close to me caused that itchy feeling to return and my temperature to rise. Since this was the second time it happened, and not really understanding it myself, I asked him what he thought was happening.

"…you feel itchy?" He replied, himself somewhat perplexed.

"Yes, erm, though I suppose it's not really itchiness either. I don't know what else to call it. But when we're alone like this, I feel it inside and it makes me hot. I bet you could feel it, see?" I took his hands in my own and then blinked.

"Oh, perhaps you can't. Your hands are hot too. Why are your hands so hot Jing?" This had been a very innocent question, but at that moment he understood what I meant by itchiness. He reached out his hot hands and pulled my face to his, kissing me gently and then with a little more force. I suddenly pushed him away, my whole body shivered, but not from cold. I stared at him in wide eyed surprise.

"You made that feeling worse! How is that helping?!" Seeing my innocent expression, he bent over, grunting, and covered his face as if he'd been hit.

"I didn't realize you… but you're a spirit so… right, right, I should have thought this through more carefully… foolish of me…" He was muttering into his palms when he suddenly stood up, clearing his throat and looked at me with so many different emotions I didn't know what was running through his head.

"I.. I think I should leave."

"What? Why? Can't we kiss again?" Even though I'd pushed him away, my whole body was screaming at me to have more skin contact. I grabbed his pant leg, pouting and begging at the same time. His face had already been flushed, but now it turned bright red. He took a few steps back. There was a panicked look on his face.

"You… are you a natural tease!? Ack! Don't keep grabbing onto me! L-le-let go! We'll… we'll be able to kiss plenty later! D-don't look at me like that! Gah! Even if you've been a spirit all your life, you've got to be more careful! I— I— I'm just a normal man, you're making this hard for me! So… so…! Reflect on your actions, please! Bye!" After he lectured me Commander Jing, conquerer of nations, current Emperor, ran out of my room as if his feet were on fire.

I reflected on his behavior and words, at first confused by his mention of our "kissing plenty later". Then, suddenly, I connected the reference. Alone in my room, I slapped the bed I was laying on at my discovery and then started giggling uncontrollable. Of course, of course… so this is what it feels like! No wonder humans both love and hated it. My giggle turned into an evil chuckle. He thinks I'm innocent because I only acquired a body recently, but who's really the innocent one?

Who walks into their betrothed room in the middle of the night and thinks nothing is going to happen? Just because I didn't know what it felt like, didn't mean I didn't know. In that way, I was probably far more informed than him. I'd been watching humans for a long time. A very long time. I'd seen it all. Literally. Humans might find my peeping morally questionable, but I didn't have the right organs to be addicted to what I was seeing. It was just curiosity. The knowledge of what I had seen remained, even now.

And I knew enough to fill books. It was all clinical, impersonal information. But now I had an emotion to go with it, and so I could combine the two. My insides burned with a wondrous and terrifying desire. I wanted it all now, I wanted Jing. My body almost ached to be near him. But as he said said, we could do "plenty later". Even though it was bothersome, I was a human, and I needed to live by human standards. So I would wait. After some thought, I decided waiting wasn't so bad either.

The moment before and after giving into desire are different. Having only recently gotten a body, I understood this better than most. Even though this feeling was itchy and frustrating, someday it'd be gone. So in a strange way, it was good to treasure it. It was a distinctly human thing to experience. Besides, I had uncounted years of information I needed to sift through. It was good I got the chance to think. I could pick out the best parts and then test them on Jing.

At this, I smiled and started giggling like an idiot all over again.