Chương 225: Act 3, Chapter 74: What melody would you be, if you were one?

Day in the story: 28th January (Wednesday), evening Alex Weatherlight The sun was setting on the horizon, sinking along the firmament as it slipped behind the hills at the edge of the visible Domain. I knew sound couldn't travel through the vacuum of space, yet in moments like this—when the sight seized my attention and stilled my thoughts—I couldn't help but wonder: did that mean sound didn't exist there at all, or simply that it was trapped, unable to move through such a hostile void?

Was the star's melody still present, only silenced—waiting to be heard if the sun were placed within an atmosphere? As the warm orange light brushed my skin, I found myself asking a different question: was I the same? Always present in the universe, even when my melody failed to reach this body—when I lacked the Authority to exist as something whole and autonomous? I pulled the string of the guitar that was now bound to me on a more profound level, the blueprints of our connection etched into my skin.

They would guide it to my hands at the whim of my will, whenever I made a wish. It was the same with me and the anchor of myself placed within Alexa's spellbook. She could call on me—summon me whenever she wished—and I'd be yanked out of wherever I was and placed right within her reach. I was an artistic creation at first, and after those forced sleeps, when my melody could not travel through the vacuum imposed on me, I was reminded of that. I—whoever I was—existed on a whim.

I played the instrument, and it sounded only in my mind so far. I wanted it that way, relying on imagination and memory of the chords that I learned instead of the actual melody. Training like that gave me a strange comfort, knowing that those notes, despite never leaving the confines of my mind, existed nonetheless.

"Hi!" Sophie shouted from below. She stood on the surface of the black lake, while I sat on the cornice of The Hearth, like a silent rooster declaring the end of the day.

"Hello, Soph," I answered, looking down at her to let her know that I'd seen her. She looked very beautiful in her casual late afternoon attire. Her jeans hugged her thighs just right, once again awakening my sexual urges, and that loose asymmetrical T-shirt did not help either. I was aroused once more, and I did not like it.

"What's up, girl?" I pushed those thoughts away. It was clear to me that I'd have to deal with this tension sooner rather than later.

"Just wanted to check on you. How are you feeling? Did the hospital help in any way?"

"Not yet," I said to her, landing on the lake in front of her after a jump. I held my instrument firmly in my hand by its long, sturdy neck.

"Unfortunately, the doctors were not yet able to find the root of the issue that has bedridden Alexa—I mean… me." She looked at me intensely for a while, hands on her hips. She exhaled at the few loose strands of her golden hair, blowing them aside with her lips. I wondered briefly how it would feel to kiss her.

"You can speak however you want about yourself. I know you are both you and her. I understand the concept."

"Concept is easy. Execution much more difficult," I answered, pointing at the bench by the wall of the building. There was a constant stream of minions going into the building and out of it, Ali still building that weird web-nest of hers inside. I wanted to be somewhere more private with Sophie.

"Can we sit?"

"What do you mean by that?" she asked, following my lead. I patted the bench beside me after taking my place, and she joined me there.

"Identity is trickier than Alexa assumed—than I assumed. We thought that me, Elle, Miriam, or whomever would exist as an extension of her, and we do, but there is more to it. By the will she instilled in us upon our creation, we are free to act on our own, and this leads to unintended deviations from the melody we were supposed to play." I said, setting the guitar against my thigh and playing it without a sound again.

The edge it was shaped into, due to the Authority that strengthened my body, did not hurt me, but I imagined that a human trying to use it would feel uncomfortable doing so in a sitting position—with its sharp endings pressing against the skin.

"Such as?" She looked at me and her silver eyes caught the last of the sun's rays. The Paintflies—our own species of butterflies that started spawning last week—were changing into their fluorescent night version. The ephemeral trails of paint they were leaving behind as they flew were illuminated now, leaving threads of pure colorful light behind as they danced in the air.

"I, for one, am slowly driven mad by arising sexual attraction to women, that is most likely also spreading to other Personas such as Elle. A side effect of seeing the world through male eyes," I answered, focused on the strings, closing the sp-eye-der tattoo on her side to not look at her.

"Seriously? That's unexpected, but kinda obvious in retrospect. You'd always been a bit closed off. Weirdly so, I have to say—sorry girl."

"Weirdly? I just found physical joy in doing different things, so I did not seek sexual pleasures."

"And here they are, finally finding you," she said, laughing.

"Isn't the world strange?"

"It is." I kept on playing the chords, while one of our white painting spiders caught the Paintfly in its web.

"Can't you blow off the steam, you know… doing it with yourself?"

"Oh good Reality, Soph," I replied.

"That's fucked up."

"Isn't it just masturbation in your case?"

"Yhm, no? Think of all the things that could go wrong with that. I am both a person and not, both within a real body and not. Despite this artistic rendition of me being just a three-dimensional model, if you cut me right now I'd bleed. All my internal organs are there and working, on the Authority I was granted to exist as myself. That means that my sperm is as real as the magic forcing the universe to be."

"Oh. I get it now. You could always use protection though."

"Peter and Zoe used one as well." Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

"Damn. Right."

"Yeah, and if I were to make someone pregnant, even by a fucking minimal chance, and this baby existed as part magic? I don't want to go there. I honestly don't want to go there with any woman, by the pure chance of getting her pregnant."

"That leaves men for you. You could be gay in this body, right? You are mostly a woman, still."

"True. Elle, in the same vein, is attracted to women now. Maybe partially because of my influence, maybe because of innate fear of getting pregnant herself. Imagine what would happen to that baby she carried if she stopped being real for a second? Would it exist only conceptually when she started being herself again?"

"That's horror stuff."

"It is." I replied, infusing the amplifier tattoo on my back with an identity to become the real thing connected to my guitar. I pulled on the string and my body played the chord. It felt nice to reverberate slightly with each sound. Sophie smiled upon hearing the music play from within me.

"You could always just go with oral stuff too to help ease yourself, or you know—normal kind of masturbation."

"Thanks, Soph, I wasn't aware." I let the sarcasm spew out of me between the chords. She laughed at me.

"You will figure it all out in time. And on the subject of time—today we've got our first client."

"Seriously? Why didn't you call me?" I kept on playing while I looked back at her. She sat with her arms spread wide on the backrest of the bench, chest thrust forward. I sighed and looked back at the forest in front of me.

"Nickolas was there with me and Max. I hired Nick, as he is more than eager to put his new abilities to the test. I hope you don't mind."

"Of course not. Who's the client? What's the job?"

"It was a kid that lost her mom some time ago. Poor girl, she had misplaced her one memento of her that she loved—a music box with their shared photo. She moved with her father, and it did not go with them. No one wanted to help her, or could help her find it, so she was looking on the net until she found us—the Hoppers, an agency of mages willing to help with any unusual case."

"Oh damn. I thought we'd get a different kind of clients."

"Me too, but Nick took it as a challenge. He promised her to do everything in his power to find this item," Sophie said, when Maya came in as a streak of silver light from between the trees.

"Hi Soph! I overheard. Not that I was listening in on purpose, or anything. Especially about nasty sexy stuff…" She had unleashed her silver tongue in a theatrical display of disgust..

"I'd love to help with the music box thingy!"

"Eh, sure?" Sophie asked, looking to me and back to Maya. I just reached for our little seer with my open palm. She landed on it, and with a thought I sent her to the university grounds.

"You teleported her to Nick? Can you do that?"

"No, he carries no item of ours, so I sent her to Earth and she will use Catansi to call Nick and organize a meeting with him somehow on her own. She is a capable little flyer. Don't worry about it."

"I don't. I just want to be in the know about your capabilities. I hope Nick and Maya will find this music box. This girl was really sweet. It would be good to have a positive opinion on the net too."

"I bet." I focused on playing. It was an amazing feeling to be one with the music, both in the sense of pulling the strings to thrust it into the world, but also as being the speaker through which it was let into it. It was liberating.

"What are you up to tonight? Besides masturbation, of course," she joked, giggling.

"I have eyes painted all over the city where EoT is doing their operations. As soon as I notice that one of those places is getting less secure, I'll strike it. And in the meantime, I am learning how to play an instrument, as you can see. Music is an amazing tool for artistic expression, and as I keep on learning how to make it, I find it easier to compose the tunes I could supply with an identity, instead of relying on already created songs."

"More freedom of expression," she mused.

"Exactly. This also makes me wonder what melody I would be if I were one."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I was made by becoming a concept in Alexa's head first, then cast into physical form, and later given colors. It begs the question whether music itself is enough to mold something physical as well, or is it good enough only to represent processes. Is my existence such a process? Maybe I could be cast into the world just as my own bodiless consciousness? And if so, what melody would portray me?"

"Those are some profound questions. I like that about you and artists in general. You are all like kids who look at the world with wonder. The difference between a common person and you is that you never grew out of it and still ask questions others would deem shallow, stupid, or inconsequential. You dare to wonder." She said, and reached for a flower growing near the bench.

"May I?" she asked, and I nodded. She picked it up and rotated it in her hand before taking a sniff.

"It smells amazing. Everything in here is so fresh. Thank you again for letting me come in here."

"I've seen you arrange floral compositions and interior spaces of rooms—there is artistry in that as well, Sophie. Don't sell yourself short," I answered, when she reached for another one and started making a bouquet out of them.

"I don't. Not anymore. There is worth in what I am doing, and I really like it now." She added another flower to the thing she was creating.

"I'd like to meet the other me though. Have a chat. Can it be arranged?"

"Sure. But I'd need to paint an anchor for our other apartment first. Can't open the doors to it on a whim anymore. We are not bound to that place as home anymore."

"The container? I forgot about it."

"Yeah. I anchored it to wherever it is right now. Safer that way."

"Could you make this anchor for me?"

"Already on it. Anansi is making her minions paint it inside the spellbook. Should be ready in a few minutes."

"That will certainly be an interesting experience. I am kind of worried to look myself in the eye."

"Don't be. You are a pleasant person to be around," I answered, while she kept looking at the bouquet she'd made.

"I will give it to her. I hope she'll like it." She placed it on her legs and extended them forward in a stretch, before putting her arms on the backrest again—spread wide.

"Do you find me attractive too in this body of mine?" Her voice was suddenly more sultry, or it was my imagination messing with my head.

"Sophie…"

"Don't Sophie me. It's a simple question. You are a man now, so man up and answer."

"You know I do. I am as far from being blind as a being can be—I have eyes everywhere."

"Good to know, likewise." She answered, laughing soon after. I must have responded with an offended face, because she apologized.

"Sorry for teasing you. That was inappropriate."

"Whatever."

"You can think of me, when—""Soph! Don't go there. Stop torturing me, it's enough that the biggest part of me is forced to be still in a hospital, another one is trapped in some horror hotel, and I am a prisoner to my hormones. Okay?"

"Had to do it."

"I bet. I'd do the same," I answered and kept on playing something soothing—a ballad of sorts in the name of the lights that shone through the coming of night.

"I'd be the rustling of leaves, and the buzzing of bees that came for the flowers on the spring meadows. I hope that would be my melody," she said all of sudden.

"I can't live without at least some nature, however curated it is, in my life."

"Money can be rustling too," I joked back to her.

"And they are green."

"And who is the teaser now?" she prodded me in my ribcage with her elbow.

"Had to do it."

"I bet," she replied, standing up and leaving the bouquet on the bench. I briefly looked her up before averting my gaze back onto the treeline.

"Is it safe for me to go for a walk in front of those trees?"

"Yes."

"Great. I will go for it before I return home. I'd like to have that talk with the other me tomorrow, if that's possible. I don't feel ready yet."

"Sure, Sophie." I walked her off with my eyes, tracking her every movement. She waved to me when she reached the woods and trailed away along the trees.

"Fuck," I whispered to myself, pulling the string of the last note. I'd have to get the matter of the issue into my own hands tonight. This was unbearable—rustling in-fucking-deed.