Chương 29: A Breath Between Thoughts

Lira spent the next couple of days in a half-catatonic state, her body moving through routine while her mind wandered elsewhere. She found herself drifting through memories without direction, pulled along by fragments of the past that surfaced one after another.

"Pika. Moren. Kaldris." A vivid image of her father filled her mind, followed by something even farther back in time. She saw glimpses of a time when her mother was still alive. The images were surprisingly complete, like when she restored a book based on faded ink. The spell had opened paths she did not know existed. She was no longer limited to recent memories or those tied to strong emotions. With effort, she could push further back, into moments she had long forgotten.

The flashes of her childhood, scattered and disjointed, became fully formed memories. It was enough for her broken heart. She could hear her mother's voice, soft and calming, singing to her. She could feel her warmth as she hugged her, a presence she didn't even remember to miss. Her father's absence was always raw and noticeable, but most days she didn't even think of her mother. She had been gone for so long that there was almost nothing to miss. Now she felt their absence both.

And she had cried so much that she ran out of tears. Physically, she continued her work. She dusted shelves, sorted books, and maintained the illusion of progress. Her hands moved with practiced efficiency, but her thoughts were years away, caught in a past she had only just begun to rediscover. She knew intellectually that she needed to snap out of it soon. She couldn't spend the rest of her days moping around, lost in memory, but she didn't care. When her father was killed, she couldn't even shed a tear.

Maybe now that she finally felt safe, she could afford to grieve him properly, grieve them both. It was in that state of melancholy that Tessa and Maren found her. They had noticed her absence over the past few days. Missed lunches, barely touched dinners, and a general lack of presence had not gone unnoticed. They sought her out when she showed up for dinner, and both sat at her corner table. Tessa was the first to speak, her voice carrying a mix of concern and impatience.

"You look terrible." Lira blinked, the words taking a moment to register. She turned her head slightly, her thoughts slow to follow the motion.

"I feel fine," she said, though even to her own ears, the words lacked conviction. Maren stepped closer, her expression softer but no less worried.

"You haven't been eating properly," she said.

"And you keep disappearing all day. We were starting to think you collapsed again." Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website. Lira glanced down at her plate, though she could not remember when she had picked it up.

"I've been busy."

"No, you don't get to use that excuse, not after the last time you overworked yourself," Tessa replied.

"You need to take better care of yourself." There was a brief pause, Lira being at a loss for words. Maren broke it first.

"You have been pushing yourself too hard," she said gently.

"Whatever you are working on can wait a day." Lira considered that. Maybe it was time to snap out of it. She should stop casting the memory spell. She nodded at the girls. But her thoughts felt slower than usual, and she had missed what they meant by that. Tessa clapped her hands excitedly.

"That settles it," she said.

"We are taking a break tomorrow." Lira opened her mouth to protest, then closed it again.

"Fine," she said. She needed some fresh air anyway. The next day felt different from the moment it began. She didn't dress in her apron for once. Tessa was excited to finally be out for once and had cleared everything with Celena. The air in the courtyards carried a sense of movement that had been absent from her library. And further still, in the streets, the city was alive with activity, filled with voices, footsteps, and the constant exchange of goods and conversation.

Cloth merchants displayed simple fabrics in neat rows. Trinket stalls offered minor curiosities and pretty jewelry. Herbalists offered cures for real and imagined ailments. Food vendors called out to passersby, advertising warm bread, spiced meats, and sweet pastries. It felt distant at first, as if she were observing it rather than participating. But Tessa and Maren did not give her much time to linger in that state.

They moved through the market, dragging her from one shop to another, window shopping in noble boutiques and actually shopping in higher-end commoner shops. Lira followed along, her attention shifting gradually from her thoughts to her surroundings. She helped Maren pick up some earrings, silver with vivid green corals that matched her eyes. Tessa bought a bonnet and a new pair of shoes. At one point, Tessa pulled her toward a small stall that sold sweets.

The display was modest but well-kept, with rows of candied fruits, small cakes, and hardened sugar treats arranged in careful patterns.

"Those look so good," Tessa gushed excitedly, already reaching for a small selection. Lira picked a piece and slid it into her mouth. A jolt of sensation ran through her spine, the taste so intense she moaned softly for a moment. She blinked at herself, surprised at how her body reacted. She remembered the effect the pound cake old Marga had given her had as well. The first bite brought a similar sense of clarity. Did magic require more sugar, or was it the mental strain she had caused herself with mind magic?

They found a place to sit, sharing what they had bought. Lira went for seconds or thirds as she felt a subtle lifting of the fog that had settled over her thoughts. The conversation was light, mostly led by Tessa, with Maren adding occasional comments. Lira listened more than she spoke, but she found herself responding more easily as time passed. The weight of the melancholy she had been carrying began to ease. Before they left, she returned to the stall and purchased a small bag of candy and dried fruit.

She picked items that would keep the longest. It was a practical decision as much as anything else. The mess hall food was never rich in sugar, and Lira would need to come back often on her days off to restock if magic truly required her to increase her sugar intake. By the time they returned to the castle, Lira was in a far better mood, laughing at something Tessa was saying. She was glad to have friends here, even if she couldn't tell them half the secrets she was carrying. Being alone was never fun.