Chương 63: Chapter Sixty-Three: Hopelessness

"… Every monster standing there is over level 100." Tobias's words bring about a silence that feels as if the entire sky is weighing on our shoulders. I know for a fact, just by the way the man is acting and how his body sits, that he's not lying. Despite wearing an entire bodysuit of armor, I can still see vibrations wrack the man's body and his lips audibly quiver as he describes what he sees through the bow's sight.

The shorter man next to him offers absolutely zero words to describe the fear that permeates the platform. The soldiers along the walls might not be anywhere near us, but even they, with their enhanced senses due to their levels, can hear exactly what Tobias has reported. A cold chill settles down my spine as I pan my gaze left and right to take in all the terrified faces of the rest of the recruits. it doesn't take a genius to see that they are scared shitless by the new information. I mean, can I blame them?

Every single piece of data we could scrounge about the wave said that only a select few of the Freylith would be over the level of 100. For an entire legion of over level 100 monsters to appear as the first thing we see when the wave starts is basically a death sentence. Matching what the men said earlier, I'm sure the borderline peaceful behavior of the level 100 monsters is also abnormal.

For them to surround what I expect to be the entirety of the Veil and just stare at the troops that are ready to blow their entire forces away is unsettling indeed. I suppose that this entire situation begs one very important question: Is the entirety of the wave of darkness that I see on the horizon also full of level 100 beasts? If so, I truly don't even know if I will be able to survive, much less everyone else in my group.

A tsunami of thoughts floods my mind and for some reason I can't help but think about abandoning everyone right here and now. Grab Paul and go. Will we even survive? If I'm being honest with myself, I suspect that even if I abandoned everyone right now, I would not even survive the trip back to the castle. I'm cornered. The monsters have created a cage and we're all captured. Currently the only thing that stands between us and death is the Veil.

Just like a diver inside of a metal cage in the middle of the ocean; the only thing stopping me from being fed to the sharks is the questionably stable and invisible barrier that has stood strong in this world for as long as history has recorded.

"D-don't worry, troops! The Veil has protected us for forever! We have to adopt this strength into ourselves!" Brian shouts in a half-hearted attempt to rally the troops. It's clear the man's will is on the brink of destruction. Even as he stands as one of the highest-level commanders on the entire field, even he cannot stop himself from falling to the depths of despair. I'm unsure what other high-level individuals lie within the city but I can say one thing for certain: there is no one coming to save us.

The wave of darkness continues to approach, and I can start to make out the individual forms of the grotesque and gluttonous enemies we will face in mere minutes. This place will be our graveyard if we don't do anything. If we falter now, everyone will die. I will die.

POV: Nicole (Nikki) Franklin As soon as Tobias' words hit my ears, I freeze. This is too much. I force myself to tear my eyes away from the tall metal man and look back at the disgusting creatures that await us beyond the Veil. I thought I was ready. I thought I could do this. As my eyes finally lay upon the line of black creatures surrounding the wall for as far as the eye can see, I can't help but lose every single bit of confidence that I had built up in the past few weeks.

The sounds of the world slowly drown out as my heartbeat starts to pound in my ears. Surprisingly, I find myself instinctively reaching for my <Process> skill, but for some reason it is beyond my grasp. The lack of feedback from my skill pushes me further into the depths of my fears. All the power that I had thought that I compiled over these past few weeks and all the harsh training I went through seems like it will be for nothing. What can I do in the face of such a horrifying opponent with no end?

My entire body feels cold and my heart continues to beat so hard that it feels like it will pound right out of my chest. A feeling of weakness that I had thought I left behind on the first floor starts to seep back into my bones and I find myself falling to my knees. This can't be it can it? I had tried to change so much. I had pushed myself so hard and yet in the face of the enemy before me I can't help but think it was for nothing. For the millionth time I wonder why the hell I was put into this place.

I was given an advantage over my other group mates: a mental skill that would push my fear into the back of my head where it could only manage a quiet whisper. Everything should be so much easier with this, right? If everyone else can keep carrying on and pushing forward then why can't I with this unfair advantage I was given? Love what you're reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on.

I had to be strong, and I keep trying to stay that way because my mind remembers all of the faces of the people we left behind on Floor One. There was so much blood, so much gore, so much awful everywhere. I thought I could continue to abuse my mental skill and toss all of these negative emotions and bad memories into the void of my brain. This place is hell. I know it is. I had accepted as much when I first saw a goblin tear one of our group members limb from limb.

My thoughts spiral and my body follows in its footsteps while every scrap of willpower to fight leaves my soul. Looking around for a moment to find a lifeline, I finally lay my gaze on our leader: Vince. Regardless of the times that I get upset about him ordering me around or yelling at me to do something, I have faith and trust in his leadership. Without him, I'm sure myself as well as the others would have never made it through Floor One.

If there was any chance of our group surviving the apocalypse that waits at our door, it's through his will. Like a starving man abandoned at sea and searching the ocean's horizon for any sign of rescue, my desperate gaze settles on Vince, our savior, who is still standing and staring valiantly out at the oncoming horde without fear.

But just as the stomach-turning hunger of a castaway causes hallucinations, my vision finally unblurs and reveals to me the sight of a broken man staring headlong into the face of his own death, full of horror and cowardice. The only way someone can move forward is if they become a soldier- acclimated to war and to the most gruesome scenes known to man. That's what Vince told us so long ago, and somehow, I had believed him back then too. How can I be such an idiot?

Here he stands, just like the rest of us: Broken and hopeless. I-I can't do this anymore. The fear I have to bottle up all the time, the harsh training and environment we have to live through, the inevitable hundreds, maybe even thousands, of bodies we're going to have to climb over just to continue to survive. I can't fucking stand it. Wouldn't it be better to just die right here? This wouldn't be the first time I had given up either. I can just do it again- accepting one's own death is easy enough.

I guess I really haven't changed at all since I was in the hospital…

"Heh… haha… HAHAHA!!!" Laughter begins to erupt from my left side, and the sudden noise doesn't even sound like it belongs to a human. It's difficult, but I eventually find the strength to turn my gaze back from the impending doom that awaits us to check on the source of the unhinged laughter. It's Sebastian. The mysterious group member of Squad Five is the only one in the entire station who has the strength to laugh in the face of our collective demise. I can tell it's not bravado either. It's not even confidence.

The man is simply losing his shit right in front of everyone. Muscles tense underneath his papery white skin and the man's eyes widen as every single one of his teeth is shown to the world in a grin wrought with what I can only describe as joyful madness. In a way his actions are even more unbelievable than somebody that actually kept their cool in the face of such a horrific enemy. The man is barely older than me and he is no soldier like Vince.

From what I saw on Floor One, before he came to The Pillar, Sebastian was nothing more than some lifeless pile of bones waiting to die from some incurable disease. Back then, I had actually felt sorry for him as he reminded me of what would have surely become of my own body had I not been sent to The Pillar. The terminal diagnosis I received a few months back was something that gave me an edge over our other group members.

It made me more familiar with the concept of death and accepting it was so much easier than running around terrified that my life would end from some alien beast. I thought my mental skill was something that was given to me by The Pillar as proof that I could adapt to these dire circumstances faster than most people. But I was wrong. This man, no, this thing stands before everyone here, including a seemingly endless wave of creatures from my nightmares… and he laughs.

It's completely unlike the desperate and unbelieving laugh of a person staring down the barrel of another's gun. This outburst is reminiscent of a man walking free from a court trial in which he was spared the death penalty. All other sources of sound in the entire vicinity go quiet as everyone nearby turns their attention to the man standing on the platform's edge. Most have no idea who he is and the rest that do probably just see some insane level 28 boy who is losing his nerve before the wave even starts.

I can tell that his actions aren't the result of fear, horror, or anything like that though. His eyes, an impossible amber color that should never be achievable by any human, look out toward the incoming Freylith with an excitement beyond any level of sanity. I don't understand it myself, but the very sight of a man who is probably the lowest level in the entire wave, standing free on the edge of the platform, waiting to meet the enemy with open arms, lights a spark of resolve within me.

As small tubes of mana reach from his back toward the floating hula hoop of rampant energies that had been sitting next to him for the last day, I can't help but feel strength slowly return back into my limbs. My eyes can't leave Sebastian's thin figure as I feel an entire wall of heat blast my body and chase away the seeping cold of defeat I had felt only moments before.

The spinning wheel of energy behind his back continues to move even faster and I see all of the devastating flames that had been enveloping his body a split second ago start funneling directly into the loop, causing it to glow even brighter. Techniques I couldn't even imagine myself being able to achieve begin to flutter into the air as small sparks of mana start to form in the very space around him.

The sparks glow with an internal heat and their forms are reminiscent of bullets in a way as they start to spin around his wheel just as fast. Before I know it, I can start to hear the environment again and even the words that he apparently has begun to whisper to himself. Without even realizing it my heart has begun to calm underneath his presence, and I find my skills finally settle back into my control as if they had never left.

It's not just me though, as it seems the sight of Sebastian's mania has pushed our fellow teammates back onto their feet as well. Vince pulls free the shiny new buckler, a rare item that Sebastian somehow pulled out of nowhere to give him right before the wave when they truly needed it. Orders began to bark out from him toward our group, and I hurry to gather myself to listen.

Even the commanders, who are supposed to be much higher level than us, seem to regain their senses underneath the desperate tone in his voice and start moving too. Soon enough, Brian and Tobias send out orders of their own, and the frozen bodies that line the walls thaw out and run around to man their stations. With the entire station's willpower finally returned, we all turn toward the wave of bugs that have already come much closer in such a short time.

My mental skill fires up, and the debilitating emotions from before are pushed to the wayside as my mind shifts into a state better fit for battle. Despite the moment of the enemy's arrival being only a few breaths away, I can't help but recall the words I heard Sebastian repeating to himself while I was too busy breaking down along with the rest of the forces.

"…I need to get stronger. I need to get stronger. I need to get stronger."