Chương 14: Ravishing Emotions

Cillin Amoxi's visage was a paragon of nonchalance, yet the same couldn't be said for the flourishing thoughts littering the Cognition. Awawawawawa, the girl panicked in the closeness of her mind. Have I heard incorrectly? No, it can't be… but… The usual cyan shade of the cognitive reality became dyed with pink, though this was more of a synesthesia thing as Cillin's mind became as unfurled and clear as a map.

"Could you repeat it?" The female gnosiamancer asked the half-naked priest.

"Amoxi Cillin, do you like me?" Nolotl expressed with the same gnosiamancy-taught impassiveness as her. Awawawawa! She reiterated in her local Cognition. Oh, Celestials! Oh, dear Celestials, he's being serious! The girl barely of age blushed in her cognitive self as she remained unreactive on her physical self.

"Cillin," Nolotl started.

"Yes?" Cillin yelped in surprise.

"Your emotions are out of control," the dark-skinned terian revealed, his torso exposed and his muscles defined. He could only sigh after hearing such plain and superficial descriptions in his own mind. The local Cognition had become an utter mess.

"Oh," she blurted in realization.

"So you have been…"

"Yes," he nodded.

"Give me one second I'm going to defenestrate myself," Cillin seriously responded and turned away. Nolotl grabbed her by the forearm as he couldn't know how serious she was actually being. Mages tended to be all too suicidal, whether in acts of madness or bouts of power. And a gnosiamancer who was caught leaking their thoughts into the Cognition had more than a valid cause. This was way worse than being seen naked, for a gnosiamancer the mind was far more sacred than the ephemeral body. You have resisted Madness.

Yes, status report, I'm more than aware of the effects of the Cognition on my mind, so could you just shut up? The notification came at the worst of times. You have resisted Madness. Ugh, Nolotl groaned mentally, but unlike his friend, he kept his mind closed off so it couldn't be read. In paranoia from Cillin's outburst, he also renewed any spell suppressing his emotions. Just in case.

"Release me," she growled, her cyan eyes set on his hand, with tears forming in the corners. Ashamed didn't even begin to describe Cillin's current mental state. If anything, she felt utterly disgusted about herself. Controlling one's mind was the first thing gnosiamancer's learned after they automatically became open with Cognitive Connection. Not even children were that careless. This was a lapse of judgement so great that it was making her unstable.

"I can't let you die," Even if you will come back to life in little more than a month. It shook him how quickly he had, not understood, but assimilated the time loop. The experience of reviving when death had been a guarantee had irrevocably scarred his Cognition, after all. Not all traumas were visible, nor did they shape a person in great manners, but just molded them with the soft hand of a potter.

"Release me!" Cillin shouted and struggled against his grip. Alas, no feeble body of a bookworm could fight his strength born out of the paranoia to fight biomancers in equal footing. And every mage knew a physical bout against the Life practitioners was a death sentence. But if it was about growling and shouting, no celestial would outclass a terian.

"Listen here," Nolotl proclaimed with a low yet growling voice as she pulled Cillin to her, yanking her by the arm.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to harm yourself."

"I'm..." the Tamorean girl avoided his gaze, a hint of redness on her visage.

"Look me in the eyes," the Tezlan's growl intensified.

"Now."

"I'm not going to harm myself," Cillin finally responded, their gnosiamancy-blue eyes meeting. Hers were watery, filled with both shame and powerlessness. With a satisfied smile, the Empyrean let the gnosiamancer go, who then caressed the reddened section of her forearm from the violent grip.

"You could have been gentler…" She added.

"No, I couldn't," Nolotl said as a matter of fact.

"I'm not going to allow anyone on my watch to die. Do you hear me?"

"Loud and clear," Cillin responded with a hint of frustration, or at least that was until she remembered what the half-naked man with his luscious hair and powerful build had asked her.

"Cillin, your emotions are filtering again," the Empyrean expressed with nonchalance, which only made the girl blush even harder.

'Tis weird for a gnosiamancer, and even more for someone as serious and strict as Cillin to portray such emotions. Was I right in thinking she feels attraction for me? The feeling was alien to Nolotl, especially when he was under several layers of emotion-numbing cantrips as he was still dealing with... things. Not just to keep himself from spilling into the Cognition like Cillin had just done, but also to keep both of his Animal Spirits in check.

The pain of death and Enantyum's overwhelming presence still lingering in his body after many hours. Everything was compounding and leaving him numb. He had died. His heart had been perforated and he had last his arm. And that feeling lingered in his mind. His Cognition was very much feeling it, no matter how much he tried to act with nonchalance. His own instability rivaled or even surpassed Cillin's but he had a long history with instability, which allowed him to suppress it better than most.

"Remove that smug smile from your face at once!" Cillin shouted and stomped on his foot. Now, he wasn't smug beforehand, especially because his mind was wholly focused on grim affairs. But experiencing that poor, pathetic excuse of a stomp amused him to no end.

"Stop!" She cried.

"Okay, okay. I'll stop," he raised his arms in a sign of peace, though a smile started to get drawn in his visage.

"But I would like to have an answer to my question." The Tamorean's mood instantly shifted at being confronted with such a statement.

"A-are you being serious?"

"I'm afraid I am," For my death was partially secured by the rambling of a jealous man.

"I… uhm…" the strict gnosiamancer toyed with her hair like a blushing maiden, though she wasn't blushing that much. He had seen people blushing harder in battle from their lust of violence.

"Yes?" Nolotl pressured her. He understood he was being too aggressive, but he needed answers as they could be key to the ambush.

"Well," Cillin coughed and changed to a serious expression.

"First, I'd like to leave things clear. I am not romantically interested, nor invested in you." Nolotl nodded. The sentiment was shared, but he feared that if he uttered that sentence, the gnosiamancer may jump at his throat barring teeth. No, Nolotl. Celestials don't tend to do that; he told himself as he remembered the taste of the taximancer's blood in his canines. At worst Cillin would just do something moronic like cast Fireball at melee range, but she wouldn't devolve to biting.

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"But I must a-admit," she stuttered and took a deep breath, "I am somewhat—and just somewhat! —attracted to your physique."

"Only that?" Nolotl frowned. Was the jealousy of Xanax's secretary misplaced? Physical attraction feels too little for a murderous jealously to take place, is it not?

"What do you mean only?" She tapped him on the chest in a bout of rage.

"Do you know how much courage I have gathered to admit this?"

"Cillin, sweet Cillin, people are allowed to find others attractive." The use of condescending language intimidated her as she backpedaled, but she quickly regained her composure.

"I… it's not the same where I come from!" She blew from her nose and replied with crossed arms.

"I must admit that I'm not the most knowledgeable in Tamorean culture, but I have never heard of such stigmas." After all, two of the other Tamoreans he knew were rather… open about such things. Perhaps Roxina couldn't be called that, but she tended to be lightly clothed. And Nina's promiscuity wasn't a secret to the average student.

"You just admitted to your ignorance; you have no footing in this conversation!" Cillin harrumphed, tightening her arms even more.

"Alright, I concede," Nolotl knelt down in both knees. If she was going to play the culture card, so was he. Cillin instantly panicked as kneeling meant very different things in their cultures. For him it was an act of respect or acknowledgement, but for her it was an act of submission or deep apology. There was something dashingly beautiful about such cultural differences.

"I get it, I get it! Stand up!" She gestured him to arise as her visage became more colorful by the moment.

"So let me get this straight," the Empyrean continued after standing up.

"You are only carnally attracted to me?"

"Don't put it that way!" The gnosiamancer shouted louder than ever before.

"B-but… yes. And it's your fault for wearing such… taut clothes." Cillin may have believed herself coy and subtle as she avoided his gaze, but that imagery of muscles, dark skin, and sweat lingered on the local Cognition. Which was quite ironic as his avian constitution impeded him from sweating and she was purely adding that image herself.

"Your emotions. Again," Nolotl warned her, growing tired of her antics.

"And I must add they are ceremonial clothes, which cover more than normal Tezlan clothes."

"Ah…" She blushed harder—completely ignoring his latter sentence—and closed her eyes until she got her Cognition back in place. Such was one of the many reasons why gnosiamancers had to keep their emotions in control, because they were highly connected to the Cognition, that connection could become a backdoor if not locked properly.

And ravishing emotions were the foremost reason why gnosiamancers forgot to lock it, that was how Nolotl had managed to decimate the makeshift coterie that tried to rape his mind as he bombarded them with images of cruelty and authority. His Quetzal Wings and Crow Crown certainly helped building a better narrative with his cruel illusions.

"I suppose you do not have a partner, don't you?" The priest asked cuttingly.

"Where does that come from?" She countered with a scowl.

"Ignore me," he dismissed, getting the information he needed. Most gnosiamancers in the academy didn't have a partner, either because they were forced to keep themselves locked in their mind lest something entered inside, or they simply didn't have enough time as they were drowning in their studies. He couldn't thank enough the perks of the Empyrean status. Outright dismissing classes and grades for having become the greatest student of the generation was a capital Blessing as stress was the bane of the mind.

"But on a totally unrelated question, do you happen to be acquainted with Xanax's secretary?"

"You mean Luminol?" She pondered with crossed arms as she inspected him.

"That's how he was called?" The Empyrean answered with veritable surprise.

"Don't you have Perfect Recollection?" Cillin lectured him with a nasty squint.

"Truth be told, I may have never heard the man's name."

"Haven't you gone to Xanax's office for years now? Even before becoming an Empyrean? How is it that you don't know his name? Haven't you even bothered fishing it up from the Cognition?" The raven-haired girl incriminated him.

"I blame my gender for this."

"Your gender," Cillin reiterated in the most exhausted and done for expression.

"We, men, have this thing where we will never ask each others' name. Sort of a game and the one who tells his name first loses. Also, talking about games, you just lost it."

"Raaaaah!" The gnosiamancer exploded in true fury as she lunged at him, causing Nolotl to dodge to the side as this hit would have hurt unlike all the other ones. He wasn't made of stone, after all.

"I hate you!" Her visceral reaction came from a popular gnosiamancer exercise plainly called 'The Game'. Because Information mages had thoughts so accelerated that led them to ramble and tune off, this activity was created to keep them from overthinking. If they remembered that The Game existed, they lost. Which had the side effect of causing massive psychic damage. Actual tangible psychic damage.

Not that it mattered when it only affected gnosiamancers and the damage was practically nullified by Resistance to Cognitive Harm.

"Completely understandable," Nolotl responded with a grin as he trivially dodged Cillin's swipes. They couldn't even begin to compare to Azithromycin's.

"Now that I have your attention, though, how close are you to this Luminol fella?"

"I can't say I'm much," Cillin casually talked as she violently thrashed at him. The disconnect between words and actions was veritably amusing.

"I see him almost daily from all the documents I have to bring to the tower master, but we haven't interacted much. I'm not really interested in astromancy." Nolotl chuckled.

"What's so funny, hey?"

"Nothing, nothing," he chuckled again. If the first thing she thinks of him is astromancy, then they aren't close at all. But that raises the question of why he was so jealous of me, enough to try to murder me, when he has nothing to do with me? A stalker, perhaps?

"Luminol has never tried to approach, has he?"

"Why? Suddenly getting jealous?" Cillin question with the smugness of someone who had just gained the high ground.

"From what I've heard, you would actually enjoy that." That was the perfect response to infuriate her more. Not used to battles nor banter, Cillin overstepped with her attacks, permitting him to grab her by both wrists, locking her arms into place and then pushing her against the wall.

"Alright, enough playing."

"Ah," she yelped once her back collided with the wall.

"Listen to me, Cillin, that man is bad news."

"Oh, so you are really jealous," the Tamorean smiled smugly, completely misunderstanding his intentions. And perhaps enjoying too much the situation. He put more strain on her wrists.

"I'm not jesting. That man is dangerous, and you may be in his line of sight. At best he's a weirdo, at worst a lethal stalker." Lethal to the competitors, but maybe even too to the prey.

"You are serious," the Tamorean's struggle stopped as she noticed the gravity of the situation.

"Yes, and I would like if you trusted me here."

"What do you want me to do?" Their eyes met in a share cyan glint.

"I haven't gotten that far with my plan just yet, but I wanted you to at least be informed."

"I'll have it into account. You have my word," she nodded, no longer jesting. Whilst he had no attraction towards his junior, he had to admit that he liked that part of her. She could compartmentalize when it mattered. Now that Cillin had been notified of the potential danger, Nolotl relaxed and eased his expression, allowing himself to smile again.

"You are enjoying this, aren't you?" Nolotl said as he pushed his forehead forward to meet with hers.

"I don't know what you are talking about," Cillin harrumphed. The Empyrean sighed and she let her go, which prompted quite the betrayed expression from her as if she wanted more. Learning of Cillin's interest hadn't changed in the slightest how he saw her. But then, if it did then he would have to deal with the time loop. He doubted relationships would survive that. But then again, Cillin had been quite vocal about her lack of actual emotional investment.

The question being if the time loop is really real or somehow Enantyum has manipulated my divination ritual and it's playing me a horrible jest, he kept to himself. I severely doubt it's the case considering how Perfect Recollection is affecting me but…

"Now, go to sleep," he commanded, deciding against wasting her time. His thoughts could wait a moment.

"You have been awake for too long and that won't be good for your mind. I will do as you told me and go down to the offices to trim the growing queues."

"I… yes, thank you." The girl looked up to him with a mixture of surprise and excitement.

"You've been quite authoritative today when you try to be as unassuming as possible, not that I care or anything, but has something happened?"

"Let's just say I've had a rebirth," Nolotl responded with a smile. She's right, Nolotl, he told himself. The knowledge of the time loop is already affecting you. He walked down to the central tower with that in mind. I may be able to recreate any given moment with Perfect Recollection by instinct, but I have deviated greatly from the script. I'm acting too… carelessly. I don't like this lack of consequences. I have yet to do anything, but the guilt of acting so aggressive is already killing me.

How does Enantyum manage to cope with it? If it's even real… He had already been forced to embrace paranoia since youth, his silvery tattoos a physical reminder of the fact if he didn't live by said paranoia, but the time loop elevated his tendencies by impossible degrees. Was the reality he was seeing real or an elaborated fake? A simulation of colossal scale? He went in circles over those thoughts.

He had yet to truly experience the significance of the time loop, who was to say this was but a one-off experience, but he found himself already corrupted by it, if only by gentle and surface-level tainted caresses. His duty as a scribe was even simpler than the first time as he not only was able to accurately recreate his actions by reflex, but doing a repetitive task for the second time was simpler, more efficient.

Nolotl "Quickfingers" Xocoyotzin was truly living up to his monicker as he handled as much as twenty times the amount of people seeking status checks than the rest of his coworkers. And still, he was surprised when a familiar sight appeared before him.

"Is there something wrong?" The Empyrean of Time and master of the loop said with the exact same tone, posture, and cadence than he had used a month before. As it would seem, he wasn't the only one able to perfectly follow a script.