Chương 20: Taboo.

Ch. 20- Taboo.

The Academy grounds were quieter than usual as dusk settled over the campus; most students had retreated to their dormitories or the dining hall, leaving the stone pathways nearly deserted.

"So what's the plan here?" Amy asked, breaking the silence.

"Just wandering aimlessly until curfew?" [Not aimlessly. I have a specific destination in mind.]"Care to share with the class?" [You'll see when we arrive.] She let out an annoyed sigh yet continued following the book in silence. The familiar weight of stress and anxiety that had been pressing on her shoulders seemed to lighten with each step away from her responsibilities. Running away from reality might not be healthy. But walking? That sure does feel nice.

As they approached the Academy's main gate, a uniformed security guard straightened at his post.

"Student pass?" he requested, holding out his hand. Amy fumbled in her pocket for her Academy identification card, presenting it to the guard who inspected it briefly.

"Amy Stake," he noted, his eyebrows rising, recognition flashing across his face.

"Late evening excursion?"

"Just getting some fresh air." The guard glanced at the floating book beside her but did not comment on it.

"Academy gates close at eleven sharp," he said while handing back her card.

"Don't stray too far. The town may seem peaceful, but appearances can be deceiving after dark."

"I'll be back before then," she assured him. As they passed through the barrier that surrounded the Academy grounds—a subtle ripple of magic that felt like static electricity—Amy felt a strange sense of liberation. Finally away from school!

"I didn't think it would be that easy to just leave," she commented once they were beyond earshot of the guard. After the Building B incident, the Academy had restricted movement throughout the campus, making entering or leaving certain places very annoying. So she found it kind of surprising that the guard just let them get away that easily. [Class S privileges. Lower-ranked students require explicit permission.]"I used to hate on favoritism, but I kind of dig it when it's applied to me."

The path leading from the Academy wound down a slope toward the city, which was nestled at the base of the hill. Lanterns had begun to flicker to life along the main street, making it easy to see despite the growing darkness.

"Should I be concerned about you leading me into an ambush?" [If I wanted you dead, I wouldn't need to organize an ambush. I could kill you right now.]"Wow, that's... reassuring," the casual way the book delivered its statement sent a chill down Amy's spine.

"Let's not go testing that theory, okay?" she said with a nervous laugh, unconsciously creating a bit more distance between herself and the floating tome. [It was merely a statement of fact. Not a threat.]"I sure hope so…" [This way.] Libris floated toward a path that branched off to the right, winding through a small street that after a few minutes of walking, led to the heart of the city. There stood a small clearing with a stone fountain at its center.

The design was familiar, with intricate carvings around its base depicting various magical creatures. Amy stopped abruptly as recognition dawned.

"Wait... is this—" [The teahouse where you first met Crow should be just beyond those trees. And yes, this is the fountain you nearly touched before I stopped you; if you had touched it before gaining your core, there would be vomit all over the place right now since your body would have had trouble dealing with mana. Luckily, I was there to stop you.] Amy approached the fountain slowly, memories of her first day in this world flooding back.

"I can't believe it's only been somewhere around a week," she murmured, running her fingers along the fountain's edge.

"Feels like a lifetime ago." [That tends to happen when one travels between worlds, stops a demonic ritual, fights eldritch horrors, and has to deal with classes in the span of a few days.] Amy's expression darkened at the mention of the ritual chamber; Elias once again appeared in her mind. After a shake of her head, she sat on the fountain's edge, the stone cool beneath her. The clearing was peaceful in the fading light.

For a moment, they simply remained in peaceful silence, looking at the environment around them—Amy on the fountain's edge, Libris hovering nearby— only the distant sounds of the city could be heard. After a few more seconds of nothing, Amy exhaled.

"So, why did you bring me here?" she finally asked. [I thought you might appreciate the symmetry. This is where your journey began, after all—where I first spoke to you. Despite the several problems going on inside your brain, you've shown remarkable sanity since then.]"Hey!" Amy protested, though without much heat. [But there's another reason I brought you here… I thought it might help to step away from the Academy—to remember that there's a world beyond its walls, beyond plotlines and character arcs. And that at any point, you could leave.] Amy considered this, watching the darkening sky.

"And then die…" she muttered after a long pause, her voice barely above a whisper. [Is it truly that bad? Death?] She looked up at the floating book.

"What do you mean?" [Death is something all beings arrive at eventually. You speak of death as if it's the ultimate tragedy.]"Isn't it? Death is... the end. Everything you are, everything you could be—just gone." [Is it though? The end? In this world, and perhaps even in yours, death has many interpretations. Some see it as a transition, others as a transformation. The energy that makes us doesn't simply vanish.]"That's just philosophy to make people feel better about the inevitable.

You are still going to lose everything you know– everyone you love." [Is that why you risked your life in that nightmare for strangers you've never met? Because you didn't want them to die?]"Isn't that obvious…?" [... No, it isn't. Not for me.] Amy stared at the sky for a long moment, her fingers absently tracing patterns in the cool stone of the fountain's edge.

"I don't know," she finally said, her voice unusually soft.

"Maybe I'm just tired of watching people get hurt." [Interesting.] She shrugged, not meeting the book's metaphorical gaze.

"When I saw those students trapped in that ritual, I just... I couldn't stand by and do nothing." [Even at great personal risk?]"Yeah, well." Amy tried to laugh, but it came out hollow.

"Maybe I'm just stupid that way." [I don't believe 'stupid' is how I would describe your actions.] Silence fell between them again, it took a few seconds this time for it to be broken. [Amy,] Libris finally said, its tone going to that robotic voice. [I should perhaps... thank you.]"For what?" [For giving me a name. For treating me as... something more than a tool. I've existed for a very long time. But no one has ever bothered to name me before.]"Really? No one?" Amy asked, genuinely surprised.

[They've called me many things. Manga's Will. Artifact. Thing. Weapon, occasionally. But never a name of my own… Names have metaphorical power, you know. They separate entities from objects, individuals from concepts.] Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.

"Well, it suits you," Amy said with a small smile.

"Even if you did complain a little about it." [I didn't complain, just said that it was 'acceptable'… But maybe that word isn't enough to describe it anymore; I've grown rather attached to it.] Amy leaned back on her hands, looking up at the stars that were gradually appearing in the night sky.

"So you said you lived a long time. How old are you exactly?" [Older than this world. Though I was dormant for the majority of the time. My memories of those times are fragmented.]"Damn, you're old. Like, actually old, a living fossil even. How was it dealing with the dinosaurs, Grandma?" [... remember that comment about me being able to kill you at any moment?] Amy cleared her throat.

"And the Goddess…" she said, rapidly changing the topic.

"... she saved you, right? I remember you telling me this. From what did she save you?" The book was silent for so long that Amy thought it might not answer. [From oblivion...] Amy frowned.

"That's very vague…" [The details aren't important,] Libris replied, its metallic tone suggesting otherwise. [What matters is that she found me, recognized what I was, and gave me purpose again…]"And that purpose is...?" [To assist you in your task as you seek to change the ending.] Amy studied the book, sensing there was more to it than that. But she didn't press further, respecting Libris's clear reluctance to elaborate. Instead, she asked, "What will you do when I'm gone?

When I've either succeeded or failed and returned to my world?" [I don't know… Perhaps the Goddess will have another task for me. Perhaps I'll simply... wait again.]"That sounds lonely…" [Loneliness requires the expectation of company. I've spent most of my existence in solitude. It's familiar. Either way, about the name—" Wow, nice topic change there." —you may not realize how significant that is,] Libris continued, ignoring Amy's words, [But as I said, no one has ever considered me worthy of such distinction. If we are using human terminology, you would be what one might call my first... friend.] The word hung in the air between them, fragile and unexpected.

"Oh…" Amy said, a strange warmth spreading through her chest.

"I…I-I mean, we haven't known each other for long, but… I do consider you my first friend too…" ["First." I'm surprised you never had friends; you seem quite adept at dealing with people.]"... I kind of did for a while," she tucked her knees up to her chest.

"But I realized they were never my actual friends, not real ones, I mean. The people I thought would always have my back turned on me when I was at my weakest." Her voice grew quiet.

"Though I probably deserved it." [Why would you deserve such treatment?]"Because I am awful, just like my father. I feel like a mirror version of him at times." Amy admitted.

"I pushed people away, said cruel things, acted like I didn't care about anyone. And then when I needed someone... no one was there." [I don't understand. You say that about yourself, yet you risk your life to save strangers.]"Maybe I'm trying to balance the scales," she said with a bitter smile.

"Too little, too late, probably." [Is that why you can't simply leave? Fear of adding more 'sins' to your ledger?]"First of all, I don't want to die, that's why I'm not leaving. And second, I can't just abandon people when I might be able to help. I'm not that awful. And besides..." She glanced at the book, her expression softening slightly.

"I promised to help you become human, remember? I don't break promises to my friends." For once, Libris seemed at a loss for words, its pages fluttering slightly. [I... appreciate that,] it finally responded, its voice carrying that metallic quality again.

"So," Amy said, changing the subject slightly, "how does that work anyway? Making you human? You still haven't explained that part." [...]"I suppose it was too much to expect a response…" Instead of answering, the book's pages suddenly began to glow with a soft golden light. Images formed on them—sketches, really, of a human figure. A slender frame with short golden hair and amber eyes, wearing an academy uniform.

"Is that... how you'd look?" Amy asked, genuinely curious. [Perhaps… I've been considering potential forms. This is merely a hypothetical visual representation.] Amy studied the drawings with interest.

"You resemble me a lot…" [I find your form aesthetically pleasing and functionally efficient. However, I might prefer shorter hair. Less maintenance.] A small laugh escaped Amy.

"Thanks. I also find this yassified version of me pleasing to the eye." [You indeed are. Perhaps I might even emulate more aspects of your personality than I already did.]"My personality…?" Amy raised an eyebrow.

"I still don't understand why you would want to copy that train wreck?" [Because I find you quite likable, and I like the idea of resembling a human like you.] She fell silent, unexpectedly unable to respond for a second.

"That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me," she finally managed. [Don't get used to it.] They sat in comfortable silence for a while longer, watching as more stars appeared in the darkening sky. [Amy,] Libris said after a long pause, its tone unusually gentle. [There's something we absolutely need to discuss. It can't wait any longer.]"What's that?" she asked, something in the book's tone making her tense slightly. [Elias Varn.] Amy's body went rigid, her fingers digging into the stone edge of the fountain. Her jaw clenched so tight she could hear her teeth grinding.

"No," she said, then stood abruptly, taking several steps away from the fountain. [Running from this conversation won't help you.] She spun around.

"I'm not running. I just don't see the point in rehashing what happened." [The point is—]"Can we just... not? Please, Libris. I'm tired of thinking about that." The book hovered silently for a moment. [Sometimes the conversations we most want to avoid are the ones we most need to have.]"Talking like a wise old man doesn't suit you," she said with a bitter laugh, turning away again.

"I bet that sounded better in your head." [Amy,] Libris scolded.

"Fine." She remained standing, her back to the book.

"What about him?" [He's the epicenter of all your stress, isn't he? I want to talk about him.]"There's nothing to talk about." Amy's voice hardened, though she still wouldn't turn around.

"He died. I couldn't save him. End of story." [Is it?] She kicked at a loose stone, sending it skittering across the cobblestones.

"What do you want me to say, Libris?" [Nothing. I just want you to stop pretending it didn't affect you.]"I don't need therapy from a book." [I agree. I'm the least qualified being to perform therapy in this universe. But even I know you need to acknowledge what you're feeling instead of burying it under sarcasm and distractions. Start by telling me how you feel; it might help somewhat.] Amy remained silent for so long that Libris seemed about to speak again. Then she turned around, her face carefully controlled.

"You're not going to let this go, are you?" [No.] She exhaled sharply through her nose.

"Fine. You want to know how I feel? I feel like shit… I feel like I should have been faster, stronger, smarter. I feel angry that the manga just... skipped over him like he didn't matter." Her voice cracked slightly.

"And I feel guilty because part of me was relieved when they did." Libris floated closer, hovering just at the edge of her vision. [Why relieved?]"Because it meant I didn't have to see it again… Every time I think about that moment, I was right there, Libris. Right there. If I'd moved differently, or been a little quicker..." [If you pushed yourself further than you did, you might be the one dead instead.]"Maybe that would have been better." The words escaped before she could stop them.

[Do you truly believe that?] Amy was silent for a long moment, staring up at the sky.

"No," she admitted.

"I'm too scared of dying... It's pathetic, but I'm glad he's the one who's gone and not me." [Nothing pathetic about worrying for oneself.]"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" [No. It's supposed to make you understand that what you're feeling is normal. According to the internet, humans who witness death, particularly violent death, often experience the same feeling you are going through. Your brain is trying to process something it was designed to avoid at all costs and never taught how to handle.] Amy sank back down onto the fountain's edge, suddenly exhausted.

"I just... I keep thinking about who he was. I know for a fact he had friends– maybe a family. Dreams. A future. And now he's just... gone. And I can't stop thinking about it." [The fact that you care this deeply about someone you never truly knew speaks well of you, more than you realize.]"Or maybe it just makes me weak," she muttered. [No, it doesn't.] Amy stared down at her hands, remembering the blood that had covered them in the ritual chamber.

"Tell me, Libris. What do I do with this?" she asked, looking up at the book.

"How do I stop feeling this way?" [The Internet says that time will help, as well as acknowledging what happened rather than trying to forget it; and I agree.] She nodded slowly at its response.

"I'm going to save them," she said, her voice steadier now.

"Lain and everyone else who died in the original story. I won't let history repeat itself." [I believe you'll try, and that's what counts.] They fell into silence again, but it felt different now; she couldn't describe how.

"Thanks," she said quietly after a long moment.

"For trying to make me feel better." [Did it help?] She considered that, gazing up.

"Meh." She exhaled slowly.

"I suppose expecting it to happen with a single conversation is too much…" [It's a long process.]"Look at you, sounding all wise and mighty, when most of the time you are probably just reciting some words you learned from a site," she said with the ghost of a smile.

"Next you'll be telling me to practice mindfulness and drink herbal tea." [Chamomile does have proven calming properties.]"Is that why you gave it to me back when I first arrived here…?" [Affirmative. I thought it might help you take everything in.] Amy let out a long sigh, her shoulders visibly relaxing. The night air felt cooler now, a reminder of the passing time.

"We should probably head back," she said, glancing toward the path that would lead them to the Academy.

"I still have that chapter to read. If I'm going to shape how readers see me, I need to know what they're seeing." [Are you certain you're ready?] Libris asked, floating closer. [There's no rush. The chapter will still be there tomorrow, as well as the comments.]"Weren't you the one who wanted me to read them?" [I wanted you to not run away from it.'Avoiding' and 'postponing' are two different things.] Amy considered this but then shook her head.

"Thank you, really thank you. But don't worry. It's just a manga chapter and some comments, no biggie. I have read hundreds of those." [Very well. Then let's not waste any more time.] Amy stood, brushing off her uniform and taking one last look at the peaceful clearing.

"Yeah," she said, her voice steadier than it had been all evening.

"I'm ready now."