Chương 72: Chapter 71: The Scars We Share.

"Just try and reach out. You should feel something." Damian's voice was barely encouraging, likely due to the strain of repetition.

"I still feel nothing," I grumbled, eyes closed. Mana leaked out of me and into the surrounding air. I could feel it, somewhat, but the sensation was vague. It felt like a thousand invisible fingers brushing against the fabric of the world, yet possessing no strength to grip it. Whenever I tried to exert my will, the mana slipped away like water through clenched fingers. It felt like I should be able to take those fingers and make something happen. I couldn't. Or at least I hadn't, so far.

I opened my eyes and saw Damian sitting on the grass cross-legged in front of me. To his right, a small spear of earth protruded from the ground, raising until it almost reached head height.

"Show off." He opened his eyes and sighed.

"I don't get it. It shouldn't be this hard." The afternoon sun cast its glow on us. A breeze caressed my skin. The sounds of very violent sparring came from somewhere just behind me.

"Maybe I just can't use my Gift that way," I said, not for the first time.

"You can." A surer voice replied. Estovan's gaze flicked over to me before it turned to the sparring taking place behind me. Ever since we had started this, he had looked oddly…uncomfortable, though I couldn't see why that would be.

"All Gifts have a Tenet and an Edict. There are no exceptions, My Lady." That was something he had said before. He was likely right, though that didn't make this any less frustrating.

"I am an exception to quite a few things." I pointed out.

"You wouldn't be an exception to this." Damn it. It was rather obvious to guess what my Edict -the outward application of my Gift- would be. It was to control the Sensations and Perceptions of other people. A strong power, with many more applications than what I was doing with my Tenet. If only I could figure out how to actually make it work. I sighed.

"Alright. Tell me again how you use yours." Damian shrugged. Even as he sat, he was lifted a little higher as a stone…cushion rose to life underneath him.

"I just think… what do I want to happen in the world, and it just happens." That was the issue, with anyone teaching anyone else how to use their Gifts. A Gift, I was quickly realizing, wasn't just a magical superpower like in the stories. A Gift was a reflection of oneself. Not knowing how to use your Gift was like not knowing how to move your hand. It didn't make any damn sense. Then again, I hadn't known how to use my Gift initially either. Was this not just to be expected?

I huffed, fell back against the grass, let the wind trail over me.

"My Lady, you are pouting."

"Indeed, I am."

"You have already made progress with the Godblade," Estovan said.

"You do not need to fight personally. If, however, you do…I imagine it will be enough." I sighed, raised a hand. Pulled. Gleaming white steel settled into my palm, bright white light ever so slightly bleeding into pink. The Godblade -Vaelin- was as beautiful as it had ever been. I had made progress. At the very least, the Godblade hadn't yet hurt me since that day when it had first started to glow pink. It also didn't seem so inclined to take control over every little spar. That was good. Fight?

"No, can't I just look at you?" I grumbled back.

"Still can't believe it can actually talk," Damian murmured.

"It's kind of creepy." Creepy? I paused, stared at the blade. A brief hum went down my arm.

"I don't think it appreciated the comment."

"It has…feelings?" I stared up at the Godblade again. Once, the answer would have been quite simple. It wasn't so simple anymore. More and more, the Godblade was starting to respond and react to things with…something akin to an intelligence. It didn't always make sense to me, but there was a rhythm to it that belied something deeper.

"Who knows. It's just sharp steel." My arm thrummed again, giving me the distinct impression that the Godblade was annoyed. I smirked, dismissed the blade entirely as I sat back up.

"My Lady, are you intending to participate in the King's Tournament?" Estovan asked.

"What?"

"You seem to have a newfound need to get stronger, and so I was only wondering if that was your goal." Surely I hadn't actually given him that impression?

"No, nothing like that. I simply think it's safer to be strong than it is to be weak." A truly obvious thing, and yet people forget it surprisingly often. Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings. It was fine. Gifts developed and changed with age, and I still had quite a bit of growing to go. I just had to hope the progress I'd already made was enough. Estovan watched me for a long moment.

"My Lady... do you truly intend to bring them all outside the walls? The boy is green, and the girl is but a child. Violet Indri might be impressive, but…even with House Vance's protection, the Ashen Wastes are merciless." I met his gaze. So that's why he had been uncomfortable.

"I do, Estovan. I won't leave the people I care about behind." I used a tone that brooked no further argument.

"I do not believe this city is as safe as you think. I almost do not wish to leave Anias behind either." Estovan bowed his head reluctantly.

"As you command, My Lady." He didn't sound convinced. I didn't need him to be. Letting out a heavy breath, I yawned and rose to my feet, stretched out my arms. A sharp fluctuation in the air behind me pulled my attention to the sparring ring. Violet stood in the center, her mother's warhammer raised in her arms. I didn't see Sere, which just meant the girl was using her Gift. The fact that I could remember her better was a good sign.

Either I was getting better at processing her Gift, or Sere was getting better at using it. It was hard to say.

"Come out!" Violet growled. She swung her warhammer around her in a circle, practically creating a gust of wind with just her swing. I winced. I did hope Violet knew Sere wasn't going to be anywhere close to her if she was going to do that. Violet staggered forward. Sere stood behind her, fist extended. Violet turned and swung her hammer. Sere jumped in the air, and then she…blinked out of existence. Violet hesitated for only a second. It wasn't just I who had gotten more used to Sere's Gift.

"Sorry, Esra. Gonna need…a new fucking ring!" Violet raised her hammer high. What…what was she doing?

"Hey, don't you dare brea-" Violet brought the massive hammer crashing down onto the ground in front of her. Boom. A violent shockwave tore through the earth, vibrating straight up to the ground below me. A cloud of stone and dust exploded as the heavy tiles buckled and cracked. When the dust cleared, Violet stood at the edge of a small crater, having almost folded my sparring ring in half with a single swing. Sere materialized. She was lying on her back, staring up at Violet wide-eyed.

She was a few feet off to the side.

"Found ya!" Violet growled and leapt at her, hammer forgotten. Sere tried to hurriedly crawl away, but Violet had the girl already pinned underneath.

"Come on. Try to fucking get out of this." Violet gloated.

"Or are you gonna rely on that little Gift forever, huh?" Sere squirmed underneath her. I felt the air grow thicker.

"Don't fucking leak mana," Violet growled.

"Compress it. Leaking it does fucking nothing." Violet raised her fist high, making Sere's eyes go wide. I winced and stepped closer. This was going a little farther than these spars usually did.

"Violet…what are you doing?" She didn't look at me.

"Teaching her fighting isn't for kids." She growled.

"If she wants to fight, she has to know what it means." I understood what this was now. Violet was just trying to scare Sere a little, testing her nerve before the expedition tomorrow. It felt a little late to do this, but when did Violet ever make any sense? Thump. I blinked, saw Violet pull her hand back. Sere groaned, shook, and flailed. Violet had just punched her, and hard enough for me to hear.

"Good, you compressed that in time," Violet muttered.

"Just do that in your legs. How the hell is that harder than this?"

"You're going too far." I hissed, stepping closer to them. Violet clicked her tongue. It looked like she was going to get up. It was Sere who stared at me, pointedly shook her head.

"Good. That's the fucking spirit." Violet grinned.

"Now come on. Fucking compress." She raised her right arm again. Sere struggled. Thump. There was blood this time. Violet's punch had broken Sere's lower lip. Violet was flung back as Sere heaved so hard she almost sailed through the air before she skidded onto the ground. She took a second to collect herself, then grinned.

"See? That's how you fucking do it. Was that so hard now?" I was starting to get a headache. I stepped closer to Sere and leaned down. The blood was trickling down her chin now. I needed to find Anias.

"Is this really what you wanted?" I asked, my voice thick. She nodded her head fiercely, wiping at her own lip with a bruised sleeve. My heart clenched to see it, but I took a deep breath and forced myself to step back. I didn't have the right to control her life, after all. I paused. I had spent my entire previous life suffocating under someone else's will. What they wanted. What they decided. What they permitted. I hated it. Despised it with every fiber of my being. Mirror.

The Godblade whispered, and I went very still. Gifts weren't just magic. They carried Intent. No -Intent was too small a word. The right word was Ego. The absolute, uncompromising expression of who you were. My Edict was the intent to reach into another person and impose my will directly on them. I had spent a lifetime learning to hate exactly that. No wonder I couldn't use it. No wonder it slipped away every time I reached for it. Some part of me, somewhere deep, was refusing.

All knowing did was make me want to shy away from it more.

"Don't just wipe it." Violet came and stood next to me.

"Let me look." She bent down, reached a hand towards Sere's lip. Sere twitched back for a moment before reluctantly moving closer.

"Let's see…." Violet muttered. Sere's lower lip stopped leaking blood. She let out a hiss.

"Sorry, not exactly good at this," Violet grumbled.

"Should be better now. Won't scar for a while. Get someone else to fix it." She paused.

"Show me your back. Come on." Sere froze.

"You're bleeding," Violet said pointedly.

"Come on already, this won't take more than a couple of seconds. Must have chipped you earlier."

"Violet, that's-" How was I supposed to explain this?

"That's not a good idea." I looked at Sere. She looked back at me. There was a steadiness in her eyes that made me close my mouth. She let out a small huff. Turned around. Blood was dripping down her back and onto the floor. The blonde-haired girl took a slow breath. Lifted her tunic. The fresh cut sat just above her midsection. She'd lifted the fabric high enough that we could see everything above it, too. Every old line. Every mark that had no business being on her back. Violet went very still.

I watched her stare. Watched her take it in. She didn't speak. Didn't move her hands yet. Just looked.

"Hey, kid." She murmured.

"Who did-" She paused.

"Are the bastards who did this to you dead?" Her voice was low, cold. Sere seemed to think about this for a moment. Then, she shrugged.

"Her mother was a Blue Viper," I said softly.

"I don't know if she did this, though, but…it's safe to say that whoever did this is dead."

"The Blue Vipers?" Violet repeated.

"Those were…the guys you said that bastard was using, wasn't he?"

"Yes." There was silence for a few seconds. Violet hovered her calloused hands over the fresh wound. I watched as the trickling blood physically paused and then reversed. The crimson droplets pulled backwards into the cut. The wound didn't close, but no more blood flowed either. Sere shivered, her breath hitching. I reached out and put a gentle hand on Violet's very rigid shoulder.

"It's not your fault," I murmured. Violet chewed on her lower lip.

"Never said it was."

"You thought it." More silence at that. The only sound came from the soft breeze.

"Hey, Sere," Violet murmured. Sere paused and looked back at the red-haired girl.

"You don't want me to go easier on you, right?" Sere pointedly nodded. Violet nodded too.

"Alright. Guess I understand now."

"If any of those bastards is alive," she murmured.

"I'll cave their skulls in for you." It was exactly the wrong thing to say. It was exactly the right thing to say. Sere nodded.

"You might have to get in line." Violet snorted.

"Alright. I'll cave in their skulls, you can cave in their chests."

"Doesn't seem very fair."

"Never bloody said it would be, did I?" I found myself giggling. Heard Violet join in a second later. Sere pressed a hand over her mouth, shoulders shaking. Her eyes were bright. Not a bad sight at all. Tomorrow, we were heading into the Ashen Wastes. It was hard to feel afraid of anything at all right now.