Chương 26: Tour

"Clubs?" I asked. Did Hogwarts have official clubs? Harry was basically shoved straight into the house's quidditch team, but neither Ron nor Hermione were mentioned as having extracurricular activities until they were prefects.

"Yeah," Ginny said as we waited by the marble staircase. She looked around furtively, clearly not wanting anyone else to overhear her next words.

"I think I want to wait and join the flying or quidditch club myself—once I'm in our second year anyway. I'd need my own broom though… What about you, Lyra?"

"I'm really not that good at flying," I pointed out.

"I know. You're scared of heights. That sucks."

"I am not scared of heights," I said indignantly. I was just one of the few who understood basic physics. If she knew that Madam Hooch hadn't done anything to save Neville when he fell from his broom last year, she wouldn't have been challenging Riley to barrel rolls after only our second lesson.

"Sure," she nodded patronizingly.

"I was talking about joining any club though, not specifically flying. Maybe the Charms or Transfiguration clubs?"

"I think I'd prefer to avoid the clubs. If I want to study, I'd rather work alone or form an unofficial one. More freedom that way." I shrugged. I didn't see the point of formalizing anything. Adult supervision would just slow things down and limit my ability to focus on what I wanted to get out of the experience. Keeping things casual meant I could set my own goals or opt out entirely if other, more important things, happened.

"Well, if you change your mind, the posters on the Gryffindor noticeboard said they're recruiting throughout September."

"I'll think about it," I lied. I fidgeted with my wand a bit. I supposed Riley would join an official study group or two. Mathis would join something mindless like the Gobstones club. Luna… Divination club? Maybe I could recruit her into helping me research prophecies and Fate? I still needed to figure that stuff out before October 31st. I'd been putting it off. Making excuses and focusing on easier tasks to scratch off my list while getting used to Hogwarts, but I really needed to start no-lifing the library soon.

Fred and George finally appeared and sauntered up to us. I put my wand away. Fred swept into a dramatic bow.

"Ladies. Welcome to the one-of-a-kind, all-exclusive, Weasley Orientation Tour."

"You're late," I stated flatly. I was starting to have buyer's remorse about paying them to show me around. I was already confident with the path between Ravenclaw Tower and the Great Hall. From there, it wasn't too difficult to find the classrooms. It was mainly the unused and abandoned parts of the castle where there were traps and obstacles.

"We had Quidditch practice," George apologized.

"I asked for a tour last Friday."

"And Wood has had us out on the pitch every day. You're welcome to come by and watch if you want. Just don't take pictures. Another first-year contributed to an incident a week ago."

"Bring those forms of yours," added Fred.

"Wood has a gambling problem he refuses to acknowledge, and your system seems better put together than what he had going last year." I met Ginny's eyes. It would be a way to spend more time with her. She'd like it for watching Harry, and I could bring homework or study books. It meant being outside, but so long as I wasn't getting dirty, it wouldn't be that bad.

"I'd like that—if Ginny joins? We could alternate weeks between watching them and going to Hagrid's."

"Sure," Ginny said.

"Glad we have some fans."

"Now let's head out." v^v^V^v^v The twins ushered us into a dusty room used as a painting gallery. Fred leaned on the frame of the cross-eyed portrait of a wizard.

"No running," the portrait harrumphed.

"We never run."

"We glide majestically." That seemed to satisfy the wizard, who waved his wand and opened a hidden door.

"Watch this route; Filch likes to use it and the portrait will rat you out."

"It has the opposite of the extension charm—Capacious Limitus—between the exits. Meaning it can vastly reduce travel time under the right circumstances."

"Those circumstances being travel between the courtyard break area, near the Trophy Room, a few spots throughout the dungeon, the fifth floor of the Astronomy Tower, and Filch's office."

"A total of seven exit points."

"Don't use the dungeon ones," George finished seriously.

"Never use the dungeon ones," Fred echoed just as seriously. v^v^V^v^v"Best not to do anything against school rules when you see that gargoyle." The thing in question was pretty distinct. It had a human-like body covered in carved scales and a large lizard tail. It was sitting on its hindquarters, and its face impassive, sporting a short dignified beard and fangs jutting out of the corners of its mouth.

"Why?" Ginny asked.

"It connects to Dumbledore's office." You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

"It's always in this part of the castle, but it can be on any floor. Never did manage to figure out why the entrance moves." I examined it much more thoroughly. Memorizing its location and where it would appear if it stayed on the same vertical axis. v^v^V^v^v George pointed to a now-exposed stairwell.

"This route should cut ten minutes from your trek to Ravenclaw Tower. Only appears while the hour hand on this clock here is pointed more 'up' than 'down'. Meaning the time between 9: 01 and 2: 59. A. M. or P. M."

"Except Tuesdays," Fred said.

"On Tuesdays it tries to kill you."

"Only a little," George amended. I made a mental note never to come here on Tuesdays.

"How does it try to kill you?" Ginny asked.

"It creates a slide down to the seventh level of the dungeons."

"Technically, it's the dungeons that try to kill you. That's why I was saying it was 'only a little'.'" v^v^V^v^v We stopped in front of a narrow hole in the wall.

"This is the safest secret passage in Hogwarts," said Fred proudly.

"As long as you're ready to duck suddenly and completely without warning." They crawled in. A second later a loud Whoosh echoed, and a bucket zoomed past like a missile.

"Filch keeps faulty enchanted cleaning equipment in here," Fred called back to us.

"They've got terrible aim, though. Mostly." Ginny knelt to climb in after them, but I held her back. It didn't make sense for Filch to store things in a place people would walk through. Not unless he was trying to keep students from something, and the twins had so far stayed away from anything off-limits.

"Where does this passage even go?"

"Go?" George asked, confused. v^v^V^v^v"Hogwarts has a dueling arena?" I asked. Doesn't Lockhart end up holding his club meeting in the Great Hall? Why not use the room specifically built for it?

"Yep."

"Best not to enter the room though. Turns out, centuries of students trying to curse each other tends to have an effect on the surroundings." Well, that answers that.

"What happens if you enter it?"

"Could be anything. Take a peek inside." We did so, very cautiously. It was set up like any sporting arena, with tiered seating and a large open area at the bottom of the steps. A multicolored mist hung over the dueling grounds that gave an ominous feeling.

"Cursed Mist. You don't see it very often outside of areas of Dark Magic, or at least according to Rakepick back in our first year."

"Never put too much trust in her words. She claimed to be a curse-breaker—that she'd break through both this mist and the curse on the DADA position. Never did either, obviously." v^v^V^v^v"This is as deep in the dungeons as it's safe to go."

"Are the dungeons really that dangerous?" I asked, dubious.

"Yes."

"Yes." the twins replied together.

"Make sure to use the same path we came here from. At least until that oubliette."

"What's an oubliette?" Ginny asked.

"Basically a prison with the cells in the floor."

"Why does the castle have so many cages, jail cells, and torture implements?" I asked. The more of them I saw the more repulsed I was. This was supposed to be a school. Forget the formerly cursed dagger, I could just come down to the dungeon and grab thirty rusted spikes within five minutes. Combine that with the sharpened knives given to students during meals and it was no wonder the teachers didn't try to regulate weapons.

"Not really sure. Filch likes to go on about how—in his time—they used to string up students by their ankles and whip them as punishment."

"Spare the rod, spoil the child." Fred added with an eye-roll. Disgust welled up in me. Filch really wasn't that old; maybe mid forties. If what he claimed was true, that meant he attended Hogwarts with the headmaster before Dumbledore. Armando Dippet—or whatever his name was—had allowed severe corporal punishment on teens and pre-teens. It was hard to remember sometimes, that for all I thought of Dumbledore as old and archaic in his beliefs, he was considered a revolutionary in the wizarding world.

Even worse, these rooms were built into the castle. They predated Dippet by a millennium. Maybe Slytherin wasn't the only founder who was a monster. I put my clenched fist into my pocket and felt something that wasn't there before; a slip of parchment. Curious, I pulled it out and unfolded it.

'Dignity' was all that was written on the thing. I folded it back up and looked around. Fred was eyeing me in a smug way. Reverse pickpocketing? Was he saying I wasn't acting with dignity? That my robes or hat had something embarrassing on them? The twins weren't shy, why not just say it outright? Wait. No. I had paid the twins for the password to the Slytherin common room. If this was the deepest the twins were willing to take us, that probably meant there was something relevant here.

They didn't point anything out, so it was probably the hidden entrance. The Slytherin password was currently 'Dignity' then. Would just saying the word here be enough to open it up? Was it just for the added drama that they gave it to me in such a way, or were they keeping it from Ginny? I memorized notable things in the area as best I could, and mentally retraced the path here to ensure I could remember it for later.

The biggest identifier was a large snake statue curled around a pillar, looking in the direction of a blank wall.

"The dungeons are dangerous with all the remnants of curses and old magic, but there are also a few spots that let out into the Dark Forest, and occasionally creatures get into the castle through these passages."

"Last year a troll got in during the Hallowe'en feast. Ron had to battle it in a girl's toilet."

"That really happened?"

"Yeah. Speaking of which, you should both avoid the girls' bathroom near that painting of a room full of vampires on the ground floor. It may seem like a good private place, but for some godsdamned reason it locks from the outside exclusively. Some girls have gotten trapped in there and others have had to let them out."

"Back to what I was saying. There are a lot of serious dangers in the dungeons, but the biggest is their sheer size. It's completely dark down here and easy to get lost."

"And getting lost compounds every other danger by orders of magnitude. The entire mountain Hogwarts sits on is hollow. There is more castle down here than there is above ground, and it's a lot more confusingly laid out."

"Don't explore down here until you're better at magic. And always keep a method to avoid getting lost with you."

"Students have died at Hogwarts. Most of those deaths happen down here or in the forest." The unusual seriousness in their tone was very effective at conveying the danger. I couldn't help but look around at the dark stone walls with a bit more trepidation as we made our way back up. v^v^V^v^v A few hours later we were finally wrapping up. We had done enough walking that I ended up needing another Muscle-Mend potion. I was getting stronger, but that was still exhausting.

I did have to admit that the twins had earned that galleon. The secrets, shortcuts, and random tidbits were excellent. I was feeling much more comfortable wandering around now. That didn't mean they shared everything. Quite the opposite. They didn't point out the kitchens to Ginny. Secret passages out of the grounds—like the One-Eyed Witch—were left unmentioned. Not to mention the dungeons. I hadn't really considered how extensive they were before.

The mountain under the castle was 'almost entirely hollow' as George had just said. The Slytherin common room was under the surface of the lake, meaning that as high as Ravenclaw Tower was, the Slytherin dorms were just as deep underground. And there was stuff even deeper. Hogwarts was an iceberg, and even the mundane depths were dangerous enough that the twins didn't want to bring first-years down there. It was the place Dumbledore had hidden the Philosopher's Stone.

The place where Slytherin had hidden the Chamber of Secrets. In the game, the Keepers had hidden a whole cavern full of ancient magic. Was there even more down there? I had a feeling there was. It was frustrating to know that and be completely unable to sate my curiosity. I wanted that map; no point wasting time on the secrets that had already been discovered. Up ahead, Fred leaned against the wall. We were in the Entrance Hall once again. Students were starting to trickle their way over for dinner.

"So," he asked lightly, "you got what you needed?"

"Yep. Thank you. It was well done and worth the wait." George flashed a confident grin.

"Excellent. We do so love to leave the ladies satisfied." You're fourteen, one of the 'ladies' you're talking to right now is your sister, and I'm fairly sure neither of you will get a girlfriend for at least another two years. Always nice to have a reminder that I wasn't the only cringe-worthy teenage boy to have ever existed. Rather than voice my thoughts, I just smiled and waved them away as they entered the Great Hall. Other students were starting to filter in as well. Ginny nudged me.

"They like you."

"I'm trying not to hold it against them," I said dryly. I stood and stretched. Then turned and took off in the opposite direction the twins had taken.

"Where are you going? Dinner's about to start."

"Yep! Have fun!" I waved back to her as I descended a staircase towards the kitchens. I still had elves to meet, and 108 of them were far less headache-inducing than 400 or so humans.