Chương 52: Chapter 51: Grief, Grind, and Guiding Light

Ren had lost track of how long they sat there. People came upstairs to them. Some touched Elna's shoulder, some crouched beside Tessa, and others looked at Ren as though they had no idea what anyone was supposed to say to a baby who had just watched his father die. Mara eventually came up as well. Tired, worse for wear, with blood marking one of her sleeves. A result of her patching up the people hurt during the attack, no doubt. She sat beside them without speaking at first.

By then Elna had stopped sobbing, though tears still came whenever someone mentioned Bren. Tessa leaned against her, exhausted enough that the crying had faded into occasional shudders. Ren sat quietly in Elna's lap, grieving in his own silent way. Mara looked at all three of them.

"I'm sorry," she said. Elna nodded once, and nothing followed. There was not much anyone could say to that. Mara then convinced Elna to come back down, and stayed with them after. Ren's hands needed something to do. His legs wanted somewhere to go. His mind kept reaching for the same impossible task: fix it. The church offered him very little room for that. He could walk around and attract attention from everyone who had somehow missed the village's unusually mobile infant.

He could start working mana in the middle of a room full of wounded people and several knights. He could attempt physical training beside his grieving mother and sister and complete the transformation from strange baby into obvious lunatic. Appraisal was quieter. Ren looked toward a man passing between the benches and tried it. Nothing. He shifted to one of the women helping with the wounded. Nothing again. Appraisal remained stubbornly unhelpful with people.

Ren had spent enough mana learning that lesson before, but right now repetition had its own value. Look, Focus, and appraise. Read the result or lack of one, move to the next thing. All to keep his mind occupied for a while, even if only for a few seconds at a time. Items gave him more cooperation. [Church Bench] Ren moved on. [Prayer Stand] [Offering Box] At least furniture respected the basic principles of information gathering. The labels gave him almost nothing useful, but usefulness had become secondary.

Every Appraisal was something Ren chose to do instead of replaying Bren's death. His gaze eventually settled on the statue at the front of the church. He had seen it before without paying much attention. The woman carved there held one hand forward while the other rested close to her chest. A sun-like mark had been worked into the stone behind her. Ren focused on trying to extract as much information as he could out of that Appraisal.

[Statue of the Goddess of Guiding Light and Benevolence] [Skill Level Increased: Appraisal Lv. 8 -> Lv. 9] Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author. The level up was nice, but the information it provided was even better. Guiding Light and Benevolence? Ren looked from the statue toward Sister Calia as she moved among the wounded. The same sun mark appeared on her robes. So that was who she served.

Ren committed the name and symbol to Memory and moved on to the next target. There were still plenty of objects in the church, and his thoughts still needed somewhere else to go. When his Mana ran out, Ren instead listened as bits of information passed through the church. At first someone said seven people had died, then another voice corrected the count to six. One person was simply heavily wounded, but survived, with help.

Several more were wounded with cuts, broken bones, burns from the fires, and one badly injured shoulder, but according to Mara, none of the remaining injuries were likely to kill anyone. Ren knew that should have been good news. It was good news. Half a dozen deaths from an attack that had once destroyed nearly everything was an enormous improvement. The village had survived, and most of the families around him would leave the church with everyone they had entered with.

A woman near the stairs laughed too loudly when her husband appeared inside. Two children ran into their arms, while an old man sitting against the wall kept repeating that they were alive. Ren watched them and felt something ugly twist through the emptiness inside him. For a moment, he resented them. The feeling passed quickly enough to make him ashamed of it. He wanted these people alive. He had spent this entire loop trying to make sure they survived.

It simply hurt to watch other families receive the ending he had wanted for his own. The knights remained after the fighting ended. Ren heard that roughly half had gone back outside the village to watch the approaches and search for goblins that might have fled into the woods, while the rest stayed behind to help with the damage.

Several buildings were still burning, so men who had spent the morning killing goblins were soon carrying buckets, shifting broken timber, and helping noncombatants pull whatever could be saved away from the flames. On another day, Ren probably would have found that fascinating. Today he barely cared. Once word spread that the village was safe, the church gradually emptied. People seemed unable to sit still for long.

Families went to check their houses, others carried water or cleared broken barricades from the roads, and abandoned weapons were gathered into piles while people sorted damaged things from those that could still be repaired. Ren understood the need to move. Sitting still left too much room to think. He watched as some of the villagers went to the dead. And the moment people were allowed outside, Elna stood. Mara caught her arm.

"Elna."

"I need to go."

"You do not have to."

"Yes." The answer ended the argument. Ren looked up at his mother and knew where she was going.

"Bren," Elna whispered. Tessa started crying again. Elna closed her eyes, and for a moment Ren thought she might stay. Then she crouched in front of them.

"Mama has to go see Papa." Tessa shook her head hard enough for her hair to move around her face.

"No." Elna's expression crumpled again.

"I know."

"No."

"I know, sweetheart." Ren wanted to ask her to stay too. He also understood why she could not. Bren was still out there, and whatever had happened to him, he was still Bren. Elna needed to reach him after watching him fall from a church window and then being trapped upstairs while everyone else decided when it was safe enough for her to leave. Ren swallowed against the tightness in his throat.

"Go," he managed. Elna looked at him.

"Papa." She kissed his forehead, then Tessa's. Mara took them both while Elna turned toward the exit. Ren watched his mother disappear beyond the church doors. He stayed beside Tessa under Mara's care. For once, his sister did not complain about being carried, watched, or told where to stay. She simply remained close and held Ren's hand. People continued passing them as the church emptied. Some cried while others laughed too loudly, as though relief had not yet remembered how normal conversation worked.

Others moved slowly, exhausted enough that every step looked deliberate. Every so often, someone glanced toward Ren and Tessa. The pity in those looks lingered too long. Ren looked away whenever he noticed. By late afternoon, the village outside sounded alive again, though everything about that life seemed exhausted and damaged. The goblins were gone, the knights had arrived, the fires were under control, and most of the village had survived. The plan had worked.

Ren sat beside his crying sister and waited for his mother to return from seeing their dead father. He squeezed her hand. It did not feel like a success. Not at all.