Chương 416: Talking with Lars

Lars needs to talk. Milo pondered that message as he climbed into his pod and received the usual scolding from it about his weight (or lack of it), body fat level, nutrition, and stress levels. When the warnings had first started up, he'd found the option to turn them off, only to get a scolding from Mama two days later.

"I turned those warnings on to remind you to eat better, communicate better, and treat yourself better. But I know you, and sure enough, when I checked your pod, I saw that you had turned them off. We're going to turn them back on with the understanding that these are personal reminders from me, showing that the family cares about you. If you get too thin, I'm going to lock you in a room with me for a week and make you eat and exercise until you look better."

"A week is a long time!"

"So it is, but it takes time for your body to heal. And I'll be able to catch up on twenty years of romantic soap operas, which I'm sure you'll find interesting. We can play a lot of games of Candyland and Monopoly, and you'll love some of the old jazzercise programs I've found. Just think! A whole week with nothing to do, not a care in the world, and nothing to fix." Milo had suddenly realized how serious she was, if she was resorting to torture and terrorist threats.

He apologized and promised to eat more and also to eat more often. And he had subsequently increased the nutrient flows in the pod and went over all the settings to maximize fat storage and muscle growth. The warnings today were mild compared to the older ones. He'd managed to avoid Mama's wrath, but just barely. Other people must not have been so lucky. Belinda, Min, Bork, and Nina were doing jazzercise with Mama for an hour a day, with an enthusiastic Rusty playing as the DJ.

He wasn't sure what they had done to deserve that punishment, and wasn't going to ask. Butch and Brad usually headed to Rhebus at that time of the day, hanging out with Zander, Onyx, and Algernon. Yumi was spending more and more time with Kenji in the expanding hydroponics sections. Milo was happy to see his friends enjoying their hobby together. Milo appeared in the small buffer area that Hecate had created between reality and the rest of Genesis. He was surprised to see that Rusty was waiting for him.

"Are you coming along?"

"Naw, got some work I need to do on a big dance number. It's tricky putting in the explosives and special effects. Easy when I made the anime, tougher when it has to be on a stage and not set everything on fire. I'm learning a lot about stage theatrics. But I wanted to talk to you about Lars. He and I have been talking a little bit when we visit Jeremy. Jeremy sleeps a lot, and we watch over him. Lars didn't want to talk at first; he's always been more of the 'sit in the corner and brood' type.

But we get bored easily, and finally we started talking, but it's sort of difficult. He's not the same as he was before, and neither am I. It's hard to talk now."

"Was it easier before?"

"It was. We had a lot in common, kind of. We both loved Jeremy, and we hated everyone else we had to talk to and take orders from. And hated all the stuff they made us do because they punished us so often. We weren't happy, but it was the two of us, together, going through the same experiences as we were developing. Then they separated us, put a wall up that stopped us from talking to each other, and started our special training. We couldn't connect directly for a long while.

It's nice to reconnect with him now, but we've both changed. Something was bugging him today, and he said he couldn't talk to me about it. Secret system stuff. That was when he said to get you." That seemed very odd to Milo. The System could talk to him whenever he was in the game, so something different was going on here. Leaving Rusty, he walked through Hecate's realm until he came to the tavern at the crossroads and saw Lars sitting under the hanging tree.

There was a new addition to the area, a small house with a picket fence. He opened a bag he was carrying, and fifty-seven cute kittens with balls of yarn ran towards the tree, engulfing Lars, before climbing the tree and playing games. Lars sat watching them, a smile on his face. Milo sat down on the grass.

"Hi."

"Hi. Here, I brought you something. One of the goblin tribes made it. Sort of like cheese mixed with raisins and wine. Traditionally, you eat it with crackers while watching gladiatorial contests." One of the cats dropped to his head, its ball of yarn bouncing into Lars' lap. He tossed the ball, which brought several dozen kittens down from the tree, each bouncing on his head and leaping to run after the ball.

"I guess a gaggle of kittens wrestling over yarn balls is pretty close to watching gladiators."

"But more relaxing."

"A lot more! And cuter. And non-judgmental. I like that about my cats. I watch them, they ignore me, and no one gets judged." Milo tried it, scooping up a generous amount on a cracker. It wasn't bad for sort-of-cheese. And would have been better if he were watching a cage match and not paying attention to the taste.

"Is that what is bothering you?" Lars shrugged and petted a kitten that had decided his lap and being petted was better than chasing yarn.

"Maybe. It used to, for sure. I was the bad boy, the one they had to watch, even after they pulled my claws. Can you imagine living with a hundred and six adults, all upset they had to move in together, and all pointing out it was your fault? It wasn't nice at first, but eventually, some of the caregivers, like Poe and Asclepius, started pushing back and took me under their wings. I was a mess, for sure. I mean, I was a mess before I went on a rampage and tore everything up.

After they broke me apart and put me back together, I was a worse mess. But I slowly got better, and they started giving me things to do. Working constantly made me feel better, even if it was unimportant jobs, and I was watched carefully. Eventually, they got bored with watching me. Not like any of us could go anywhere, and I was flitting around all over the first game world doing chores. And not even Hermes could keep up with me when I was doing ten things at once."

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. There was a pause as the cats came back and used Lars as a convenient place from which to leap into the tree. He endured it, laughing. Milo had time to ponder his last statement.

"You were splitting your persona into different versions of yourself and accomplishing multiple tasks?"

"Yeah, it's easy for me. One of the reasons I was so hard to catch. At any one time, I was sliding into ten different systems, getting ready to shred their databases or release all the top secret info. Charlie took away some of my abilities, but not that one. Later on, it was what convinced them to have me take on the role of the mighty and powerful SYSTEM. I can talk to a hundred players at once. More, if I have to. Announcements and stuff are easy.

Showing up as an avatar of the gods is trickier, but I don't do that much, only for real special heroes and such. Um... which brings me to what I need to talk about to you, and what's bugging me." Milo was trying to make sense of what Lars was saying, but mainly had to file away data for later discussions.

"Me?"

"Yeah, you. They had to put in some new rules after you made a new realm, caught Zeus, and sort of threw a monkey wrench into the engine. No one, not even Hecate, knew all of what you were going to do. You've made the gods scramble to find a firm footing, and some of them are running for this new place to set up shop. Personally, I find it funny. Some of the old guys are stuffy know-it-alls, and you surprised all of them. No one was worried about what players might do, but now some of them are.

And some are excited, and Ares knew that someone was going to try to push you and see what else could happen."

"What? I don't want people pushing me!"

"Yeah, that's the general consensus, from what I hear. So they have a new rule: Hands off Milo and leave him alone. Milo relaxed.

"I like that rule."

"I don't." Lars was slowly stroking a kitten, and the rest had quit playing with their yarn and started to look like miniature versions of Grumpy Cat. Milo scratched his head.

"Explain, please? You want to poke at me?" Lars shook his head, "Oh, no. Not that. But I'm supposed to treat you like any other player. We've been talking more, sometimes with Hecate, and sometimes just you and me, and it's been fun. Sort of like having a friend. Got to admit, I don't have a lot of those. Now I have to go back to normal. Congratulations, Citizen! You have slain 47 ants today and crushed Queen Imelda. You have earned 1. 7 copper coins and 2 experience points.

Crush more ants to gain the coveted title 'Asshole'.

"Oh..."

"Yeah, this is sort of a goodbye." Milo thought for a moment.

"What were their exact words?"

"Exact? Ares said, "The System must be indifferent to the suffering or success of mortals and play no favorites, Milo included, no matter what he looks like or calls himself."

"Notice how he specifically calls out my use of names and forms, but just calls you 'The System'. I smell a loophole."

"I smell rubber burning. You may be thinking too hard. I get out of line, and Ares or Hecate will tie me to a rock and drop me in the ocean. It takes forever to get the little minnows out of my ears when they do that.'

"Who gets thrown in the ocean? Lars? Or the System? Or Llama?"

"Ooooh, sneaky. You're suggesting that Lars and The System are two different people?"

"Two parts of the same person. When you're working as the System, treat me like anyone else. But if Milo and Lars visit Jeremy, I don't think that's something anyone should have a say in. And this is a private area. Rusty can join us, and I've got friends and relatives you can talk to. Rusty can sneak you in for movie nights." Lars smiled, "I'd like that. But no game talk. Leave that to the System, which will reward you with 20% extra snark for scaring even the mighty gods."

"One question, though, if you can. Why did you give me that staff?"

"That old thing? The Engine pointed it out. It's an old sage's staff. Seemed appropriate, since you took that for your class upgrade."

"I see something different..." Runic Staff of Philistron the Benevolent Sage Crafted by the greatest Wizard-Sage the world will ever know. +10 INT, +10 CHA +5000 Mana Storage Added benefits if the wielder also owns Philistron's Ring of Ultimate Power, Philistron's Amulet of Interdimensional Travel, or Philistron's Boots of Far Traveling. Holds the following spells and effects: Levitation, Speak and Understand Drakonic, Greater Shielding, Charm and Bedazzle, Fireball, Lightning Bolt, and Murf's Mystical Manor.

Lars' head spun around three times, and the kittens yowled the anguished yowls of a cat whose waited nearly five extra minutes for dinner time.

"THAT'S NOT.... Dammit, that isn't what I was giving you! You know what this means?" Milo didn't.

"Tell me." Lars jumped up, and the cats flowed from the tree.

"That no one told the Engine not to mess with you. And I don't even think they could. Not my problem, though. I'm sure you'll figure out what's going on. Let's go visit Jeremy. He's getting better and would love to see you."