Chương 106: Chapter 105

Shit Loads of Skeletons The projection of Caxir faded out of existence, laughing that disturbing cackle the entire time. We barely noticed, though, too focused on the colossal beam of green energy that erupted from the tip of the pyramid. It shot hundreds of metres into the sky, so bright that the city was suddenly illuminated as though it were the middle of the day… assuming you were on a planet where the sun was a creepy, sickly green.

It exploded like a firework, breaking apart into countless spears of green that rained down across the city and the surrounding countryside. The air was so thick with them that it was almost impossible to see anything else. There had to be hundreds of thousands of the fucking things. They weren't falling at random either. If anything, it was almost as though they had some kind of arcane targeting system adjusting their trajectories as they plummeted to the ground.

Most of them headed towards the surrounding countryside, but plenty rained down within the city's bounds too. Hundreds fell around us, and I expected explosions of stone and rubble as they slammed into the buildings. Instead, they passed straight through them as though they weren't even there. Rel and I tracked one of the spears as it fell from the sky. It ignored the roof of the house to our left entirely, disappearing inside.

"Do you remember when I told you about those things we had on Earth called movies?" I said. Rel nodded.

"Well," I continued.

"This feels like a scene straight out of a horror movie. The characters are always colossal dumbasses who make the stupidest possible decisions and then end up getting brutally murdered." I pointed at the house.

"Which is why we should absolutely not go in there to see what happened to that spear."

"The characters in these movies…" replied Rel.

"Are they ever archmagi of unrivalled genius and power?"

"I suppose not…"

"Or absurdly strong men who, for some inexplicable reason, insist on dressing like peasants?"

"Well, no, but…" I didn't bother finishing the rest of my thought. Rel had already strode into the house, humming merrily under his breath while casually juggling a fireball between his paws. I sighed and followed him inside. The door opened into what looked like it had once been a dining area. A table stood in the centre, although its legs had long since given way, leaving it collapsed in a heap on the floor.

An empty fireplace was built into one wall, a thick layer of dust coated every surface, and every corner, nook, and cranny was thick with cobwebs. There was little time to examine the décor, though. Beside the collapsed table lay a skeleton. The only thing left besides bone was what looked to be the remnants of a leather apron. Whoever they'd been, they'd died a very long time ago. The green spear was embedded in the creature's ribcage. And it was dissolving. Quickly.

The magic seemed to be breaking apart, turning into some sort of fucked-up pixie dust. It spread across the skeleton, clinging to the bone before being absorbed. We watched the process with morbid fascination. I was pretty sure I knew exactly what was about to happen, and maybe the sensible choice would've been to smash the bones apart, but honestly? I was curious to see how it'd play out. It took twenty seconds or so before the arcane energy was fully absorbed.

The bones had taken on a sickly green tinge during the process, and they now glowed faintly. As the skeleton's fingers began to twitch, I was surprised to find that I wasn't horrified. In fact, I felt a little relieved. Sure, there had been hundreds of thousands of those spears, and we'd likely soon be battling an army with a larger population than the entirety of Stonehaven... but look on the bright side. They weren't zombies.

It had been so long since the inhabitants of the city and surrounding countryside had died that all that remained was bone. Their flesh, muscles, and all the other gross squidgy bits had long since rotted away. The reanimated skeleton rose to its feet with all the grace of a drunk. It staggered across the room, tripped over the collapsed table, and crashed headfirst into the wall.

"Is this idiot part of the glorious army Caxir mentioned?" asked Rel.

"I was tempted to summon Commander Osian and his knights after the necromancer ran away, but having seen this, I'm relieved I didn't. Osian would be mortified by such an embarrassing display." It turned out Caxir wasn't entirely useless. It took nearly a minute, but eventually the skeleton seemed to orient itself. It rose to its full height and turned to face us. A small, pea-sized sphere of arcane energy appeared in each of its empty eye sockets.

They quickly expanded until they filled them, glowing with a sickly green light.

"The living must be freed," it rasped, which I thought was pretty impressive, considering it didn't have a voice box. Rel drew back his arm and launched the fireball into the skeleton's chest like he was a pitcher and its ribcage was the strike zone. The undead's ribs exploded, and shattered bone rained down around the room. The skeleton seemed entirely unfazed by the fact it'd just had a hole blasted through its chest.

It snatched up the metal poker from beside the fireplace and lunged, drawing back its improvised weapon in an attempt to bludgeon Rel. I moved between them and caught the skeleton by the head, my hands clamping onto either side of its skull like a vice. It snarled in that same raspy voice and started laying into me with the poker. In the name of scientific research, I stood there and let it. I had to give credit where credit was due.

The thing was strong, which I supposed was inevitable considering it was an enemy in a three-star Tier Five quest – even if it was only a lowly minion. Unfortunately for the skeleton, a metal poker wasn't a suitable weapon for a creature of its strength. It was even less suitable against someone as durable as me. A few swings was enough to bend the poker out of shape and turn it into a useless lump of metal.

Research complete, I closed my hands, the thing's skull popping like a balloon and exploding into little pieces. The skeleton dropped to the ground like a sack of... well, bones. The green glow faded from its remains as the spell animating it fell apart. Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

"Huh," I said, brushing fragments of bone off my peasant garb and out of my hair.

"I expected them to be a little tougher."

"I believe we have Bane of the Dark to thank for that," replied Rel.

"It provides a permanent 50% boost to damage against 'creatures of corruption." He swatted away one of the bones that had landed beside him.

"And I think it's safe to assume that undead qualify." Undead destroyed – 1/5, 000 I called upon my formidable mental arithmetic powers to calculate that we'd now completed precisely 0. 02% of the bonus objective. Shit. We were going to have to think of a more efficient way of killing them. If I just walked around popping skulls, it'd take us days to complete.

"This is going to be so much fun," said Rel. Based on his slightly demented smile, he wasn't at all worried about finding an efficient method. I supposed that was understandable for someone who could just hover over the city and cast Relfire Vortex, unleashing a storm of fire, lightning, and ice. I absolutely loved Flight, and I was still completely certain it'd been the right choice overall, but damn if I didn't wish I'd picked Golden Gaze in that moment.

I could've just stood in the middle of the city, activated the ability, and slowly turned on the spot. I'd probably have torn through the bonus objective in a matter of minutes. I shrugged. Once I had a better idea of what was happening outside, I'd figure something out. I always did. After Kaelis defeated the Troll King using my incredibly wise 'kick them in the dick' strategy, he'd informed me that my 'combat genius was unrivalled'.

When we left the house, the streets were so busy it was like being at a Christmas Market. Except instead of merry people wandering around while drinking mulled wine and eating bratwurst, the crowds were formed of mindless undead whose only mission was to kill us so we could join their ranks. As soon as the skeletons became aware of our presence, they surged towards us.

They were nothing like the zombies in movies, who grunted and groaned unintelligibly while ambling around at a snail's pace with their arms raised in front of them. They were speedy little shits, and we shot into the air to avoid being swarmed. The situation didn't look any better from above. The streets were absolutely heaving with skeletons, already numbering in the tens of thousands, and more were pouring in from the surrounding countryside with every passing second.

"Pete, I know you consider yourself something of a gambling man. How about we have ourselves a little wager?"

"I'm listening…"

"How about…" Rel paused, tapping his forehead as if he were pondering a particularly challenging arcane theorem. It was performative bullshit. He knew exactly what the terms of the wager would be, and based on the smug smile he was battling furiously to keep off his face, he was convinced he was going to win.

"Whoever destroys the most skeletons in the next thirty minutes wins?"

"Sure. What does the winner get?" There was no trace of a smug smile anymore. Instead, Rel eyed me suspiciously. He clearly hadn't expected me to agree so easily.

"I have an idea," I said before he could respond.

"If I win, the next time we see Kaelis, Voklum, and Allaria, you have to tell them you have an important announcement to make. You have to look each of them in the eye, completely serious, and tell them you've decided peasant chic is the future of fashion, and that wizard robes and hats are vastly overrated... and just a little bit tacky. If you win, I'll do the same. Obviously, the other way around."

"On second thoughts, I fear you already have something of a gambling problem, and I'd hate to be responsible for–" Rel never got the chance to finish. Apparently, the system wasn't about to let him back out. Whoever or whatever was responsible for overseeing our quest updates seemed to be a fan of a friendly little wager. Undead destroyed Pete – 0 Rel – 0 * Rel swore under his breath. Declare to Kaelis, Voklum, and Allaria that peasant chic was superior to wizard chic? Never.

The lightning arcing across his fur surged until he blazed like a blue sun. He shot forward, repositioning himself closer to the centre of the city, where the undead were more densely packed. And then he unleashed hell. Dazzling bolts of lightning. Blazing balls of fire. Shimmering bolts of frost. Undead destroyed Pete – 0 Rel – 48 Undead destroyed Pete – 0 Rel – 97 Undead destroyed Pete – 0 Rel – 145 Rel began to laugh. Amplified by the Heart of Lightning, the maniacal sound echoed throughout the city.

* I had to admit, Rel was putting on an impressive little light show. However, I wasn't worried. When I'd questioned my decision to pick Flight over Golden Gaze a few minutes earlier, I'd realised something… I'd seen enough superhero movies and TV shows to know that Flight could make one hell of a weapon. So far, I'd limited myself to two different poses: the Superman arms-out-in-front style and the Dragon Ball Z arms-at-my-sides style. It was time to introduce a new one. The star pose.

I flew to the edge of the city, then dropped until I was hovering just above the ground. I raised my arms out to my sides, perfectly straight and rigid. I spread my legs as wide as my testicles would comfortably allow. It was genius, if I do say so myself. Traditional flight poses were designed to reduce air resistance by keeping your surface area to a minimum. The problem was, in this case, I wanted as much surface area as possible. It was time for the moment of truth…

With a wager of such monumental importance at stake, I couldn't afford to hold back. It was practically a matter of life and death. I surged forwards. * Rel's laughter faltered as a thunderous boom tore through the city. Undead destroyed Pete – 356 Rel – 426 What…? No! That was impossible. Undead destroyed Pete – 586 Rel – 472 Rel scanned the city desperately. What was Pete doing? He had no ranged or area of effect abilities! And then he saw it, and he didn't know whether to laugh or weep.

His friend was flying through the city at speeds so absurd that Rel could barely track him. What he could follow rather easily, however, was the trail of destruction Pete left in his wake. Brick and bone filled the air as skeletons and buildings alike were obliterated. It was only when Pete reached the other side of the city and turned to begin his return journey that Rel finally caught a clear glimpse of him. He was flying vertically, his arms and legs spread wide. He looked utterly idiotic.

And then he tore through the city once more, reaching the opposite side in a matter of moments. Nothing in his path had been spared. Undead destroyed Pete – 874 Rel – 538 Rel snarled and renewed his assault. His bolts of lightning ripped through buildings, leaving huge craters in their place. His fireballs reduced everything in their path to ash. His frostbolts struck with such frigid intensity that anything they touched froze and shattered.

Undead destroyed Pete – 1864 Rel – 986 When the status update appeared once more, Rel felt a weight of dread settle on his chest. He was going to lose... Pete had hit his stride now, weaving a zigzag of devastation as he flew back and forth across the city. In a matter of minutes, he'd reduced a not-insignificant portion of it to little more than a pile of rubble.