Chương 71

Taunt"What do you require assistance with, master?" asked Sir Rockington III. Rel waved the question away with a paw.

"We can talk about that in a moment," he said.

"First, I'd just like to say how pleased I am to finally have a team member who appreciates stylish headwear. My friend Pete – who you'll no doubt meet sometime soon – wears a dreadful straw monstrosity. Honestly, the thing is an insult to hats everywhere."

"Straw?" said Sir Rockington III, sounding genuinely appalled.

"Good heavens." Rel chuckled under his breath as he imagined Pete standing in the spectator chamber, forced to listen to his precious hat being insulted by an earth elemental. In fact… Rel activated his magical sense and slowly turned to survey his surroundings. Where was it…? Ah, there it was – a very faint concentration of arcane energy, the spell work so subtle and sophisticated it was almost impossible to detect. Only a magus of the highest calibre would ever have noticed it.

It was the concealed transmission spell that was broadcasting the assessment to the spectators. He grinned widely as he lifted his gaze to stare directly at it. Then he waved. *"What? That's not possible!" said Auroria, gesturing wildly as she cycled through different displays.

"This device was created by Archmagus Zalandar himself. There is no way a Trialist could see through the concealment spell!" I was barely listening, my eyes narrowing as I stared at Rel's grinning, waving form. I reached up to pat my hat reassuringly.

"Don't listen to him," I whispered soothingly.

"He's just a bully who doesn't understand the timeless appeal of a good straw hat." * Rel turned his attention back to the magma golem. It had resumed its advance and was now barely a hundred metres away. He let out a contented sigh, then turned to face Sir Rockington III. After a quick introduction to Commander Osian and the skeletal knights, he explained the situation.

"In answer to your earlier question," said Rel, "I am currently undergoing an important assessment that requires me to battle through five waves of increasingly powerful enemies." He gestured towards the approaching construct.

"This is the first of them. I would like you to introduce yourself and demonstrate what happens to those foolish enough to stand against me."

"It will be my pleasure, master," said Sir Rockington III.

"I shall ensure it receives a most thorough explanation regarding the folly of its actions." With that, the earth elemental strode down the hill, each footstep striking the ground with the force of a miniature earthquake. Despite his monstrous size, Sir Rockington III moved with remarkable dignity and grace. He walked with his enormous hands clasped behind his back, chin slightly raised as he regarded the magma golem.

"Stop right there, old boy," he rumbled.

"I'm afraid you have made a truly catastrophic error in judgement." The magma golem apparently had little interest in conversation. It swept one of its massive arms through the air, summoning a shower of lava that crashed over Sir Rockington III. The earth elemental appeared scandalised as he looked down at the lava now hardening across the stone of his torso.

"I say, old boy!" he boomed.

"That was damned rude of you! I have heard it said that you fire folk are uncouth individuals, and now I have witnessed it firsthand." He stepped forward and jabbed a finger the size of Pete's forearm into the magma golem's forehead. The construct stepped back to avoid the finger, steam billowing from the fiery fissures in its body.

"Where I come from, such actions would be ample justification to engage in fisticuffs." * I began whooping as Sir Rockington III approached the magma golem with his hands raised. Surely a fistfight between two such hulking creatures was going to be the coolest shit I'd seen all week? I imagined punches powerful enough to make the chamber tremble, enormous chunks of stone flying through the air as their colossal fists smashed into one another, every impact sounding like a collapsing building.

The reality was underwhelming, to say the least. Plenty of punches were thrown, sure… but enormous chunks of stone flying through the air as they smashed each other apart? Not so much. The magma golem's fists crashed into Sir Rockington III's body… and did absolutely nothing. They bounced ineffectually off the earth elemental's stone form. In fact, it seemed the magma golem was doing more damage to itself. With every punch, small cracks spread across the rock that formed its hands. As for Sir Rockington III?

The guy had the most catastrophic case of pillow hands I'd ever seen. This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. You know those dreams where you try to throw a punch, but they're slow and weak and somehow do absolutely no damage no matter how desperately hard you try? That was how the earth elemental fought.

As I watched, feeling as disappointed as if I'd paid for a PPV fight only for it to turn out to be complete dogshit, I remembered the description I'd read when Rel had shown me the scroll. The elemental possesses extremely high durability, but deals minimal damage. Immovable object? Sure. Unstoppable force? Abso-fucking-lutely not.

"Well," said Auroria, "if this carries on, we might witness a new record for the longest assessment in history." * Rel raised an eyebrow as he watched the 'battle' unfold. He could envision many scenarios in which Sir Rockington III would prove incredibly useful, but the earth elemental certainly had no future as a one-man army.

"Lord Rel…" said Commander Osian, "as there are still four more waves to contend with, would you like me to enter the fight and expedite the process a little?"

"I think that would be a good idea," said Rel. Osian nodded, then strode forward. As he approached the battling creatures of stone, he drew his sword, the satisfying rasp of metal briefly overpowering the sound of colliding rock.

"Ahh, Commander Osian," rumbled Sir Rockington III as the skeletal knight approached, "have you come to help me educate this ill-mannered ruffian in the finer points of gentlemanly conduct?" Osian stepped past the earth elemental, bringing his sword around in a sweeping arc. It blurred through the air, crashing against the magma golem's body in an explosion of fire and shattered stone. The creature stumbled back several steps, then dropped to its knees.

The force of Osian's blow had carved a huge chunk from its torso. It reached up disbelievingly to probe the gaping chasm in its side, the lava running along its body dimming as though the magic sustaining it was failing. It collapsed. Sir Rockington III, apparently still caught up in the fever of battle, stepped forward and proceeded to stomp on the magma golem's body several times.

"This is for splashing me with lava, you… you…" His foot froze mid-stomp as he searched for an appropriately weighty insult.

"You ill-mannered hooligan!" Commander Osian stared at the earth elemental in stunned silence. Sir Rockington III reached up to adjust his top hat, which was tilting precariously as a result of his enthusiastic stomping, and cleared his throat.

"I apologise for that regrettable outburst, Commander Osian," he said.

"You must think me an uncivilised brute." First wave defeated. You are now eligible to access Tier One quests. Second wave spawns in one minute. *"Here they come," said Kaelis. We watched as a horde of rats streamed towards the hill. As they'd spawned as second-wave constructs, there were a few noticeable differences compared to the ones I'd faced. First, I'd described the ones I'd encountered as 'enormous' due to the fact they were waist-high with bodies as long as a horse.

The rats approaching Rel were even bigger. Humongous, perhaps? If I'd stood next to one, the top of its back would probably have reached my shoulders. Second, there were way more of them. I'd fought around fifteen during my assessment. This time, there were at least thirty of the unreasonably large fuckers. Other than that, they were pretty similar. They still had the same beady, intelligent eyes, thick brown fur and long, pink leathery tails.

Commander Osian and his knights were stationed around the base of the hill, evenly spaced and defending around three-quarters of its perimeter. The final quarter was guarded by Sir Rockington III, the earth elemental easily as wide as three skeletal knights standing side by side. Rel seemed entirely unconcerned. He was lying on his back, paws resting behind his head as he softly whistled a tune under his breath.

"He's not going to help his minions fight the constructs?" asked Auroria.

"That seems a little… lazy?"

"Grandmaster Rel is not lazy!" said Kaelis, the words coming out so quickly and forcefully that a little spittle flew through the air and landed on the screen.

"Delegation is not a sign of laziness. It is an essential quality for any great commander!" Auroria stared at Kaelis, her expression deeply sceptical.

"Not a sign of laziness, you say…?" She gestured towards the screen. Rel had stopped whistling. He was now snoring.

"Are you absolutely certain about that?"

"I… the… that…" Kaelis stumbled over his words, his blue skin taking on a red tinge.

"Being such a brilliant tactician and gifted magus is tiring work!" This is what life is all about. Hanging out with friends. Sharing unforgettable experiences. Watching Kaelis desperately attempt to justify Rel falling asleep while Osian and his crew took care of business. I chuckled under my breath, then turned my attention back to the screen and the unfolding chaos. These rats were apparently more aggressive than the ones I'd faced, not bothering to slow as they closed the distance.

They chittered excitedly, baring long, needle-like teeth, saliva matting the fur around their muzzles. I hoped it wasn't because they were hungry and expecting a grand feast. I'm not sure eight skeletal knights and an earth elemental would make a particularly satisfying meal, considering they were made of bone and rock. Sure, they could eat Rel, but for creatures their size, his entire body would barely qualify as an entrée. Besides, they'd probably choke on his wizard hat. The two forces clashed.

Axes, swords, and warhammers blurred through the air as the skeletal knights lashed out with their weapons, each blow reducing a humongous rat to a bloody ruin. Sir Rockington III stood with his fists planted on his hips, his laughter echoing through the chamber like an avalanche. Rats hurled themselves at him, teeth bared. Moments later, those very same teeth shattered as they tried to clamp down on the earth elemental's rocky form.

"Gentlemen, gentlemen! There is no need for such barbarity," he boomed, swiping a rat out of the air with the back of an enormous hand.

"This sort of behaviour is precisely why rodents have such dreadful reputations!" The rats were not stupid. They quickly realised they had little hope of overpowering the skeletal knights and earth elemental, so they turned their attention towards what they believed to be an easier target. Rel. They darted past his guardians, using their numbers to overwhelm the defensive line. Several were killed in the attempt, but at least eight made it through.

They scurried up the hill, tongues flicking eagerly across their teeth in anticipation of their imminent meal.

"Now see here, you ravenous delinquents," said Sir Rockington III.

"You are being dreadfully impolite. It is obvious that my master is sleeping and does not wish to be disturbed by such repugnant rodents." He unleashed his taunt ability. There was no visible effect, but every single rat's head suddenly swung around in perfect unison, as though Sir Rockington III had thrown an invisible lasso around their necks and yanked them towards him. They looked pissed.

I'd like to think the spell had sent some telepathic insults, carefully tailored to match the individual insecurities of each of the rats. Your mother was the village bicycle. Your furline is receding. Your tail is severely lacking in girth. However the ability worked, it was undeniably effective. Rel was immediately forgotten, and every single surviving rat swarmed towards Sir Rockington III like they wanted nothing more than to tear him limb from limb.

Unfortunately for them, anger and willpower alone were not enough to overcome the outrageous durability of the earth elemental's body. The rats hurled themselves at him over and over again, teeth shattering and bones snapping. Commander Osian and his knights looked on for a few moments, likely confused by the rats' sudden and intense desire to mutilate Sir Rockington III. Then they charged.

Blind to anything but fury and the desire to kill, the rats made no attempt to defend themselves as the skeletal knights hacked through the last of their number.

"Bravo, gentlemen!" said Sir Rockington III, much of the grey stone of his body now hidden beneath a revolting mixture of blood, fur, and rodent innards. Second wave defeated. You are now eligible to access Tier Two quests. Third wave spawns in one minute.