Chương 35: Chapter 33 - Identity

I groaned, slowly sitting up on the bed as I blinked the sluggish malaise of sleep from my eyes. Listlessly glancing around the hotel room, I saw nothing that seemed out of the ordinary. My eyes eventually found a digital clock on the nightstand. It was a little past eleven now, meaning I had been working on my astral shift for just over an hour. Selene was sitting on the edge of my bed, fluffy fox tails swishing happily, as I stood up and stretched.

Needles danced across my muscles in pinpricks of numbness, as if I'd been laying down for a much longer period of time. The entire experience certainly felt like it had been longer than an hour. I was hesitant to call picking out my Astral Dress an ordeal, but Selene had certainly had some… interesting ideas. Warmth flashed across my cheeks at the memory of the bunny girl outfit, and I suppressed a shiver.

[Well, with that finalized,] Selene spoke cheerily, [you're one step closer to realizing your full potential as a Magical Girl. All that is left is unlocking your Signature and Grimoire. Congratulations, Mai!] I fidgeted, awkwardly tucking a strand of hair behind my ear as I looked away with a shrug. It wasn't like I had done anything special. Sure, unlocking my Astral Shift was a long time coming, but it was something all Magical Girls did, so I wasn't sure why there was a need for any congratulations.

Seemingly sensing my awkwardness, Selene hopped off the bed and ambled over to the door before turning back to me. [Unless there is anything else you'd like to discuss, I would recommend initiating your Astral Shift so we can continue with Everglaive's plan.] A small pit formed in my stomach, and I gave a jittery nod. Right. We were going to go on a patrol out in the city, and then… I swallowed down the nervousness tickling the back of my throat. It would be fine.

Everglaive wouldn't just throw me into a dangerous Usurpation and abandon me. She'd probably be right there with me just in case anything went wrong. But that didn't make the fear in my stomach stop burning any less. I shoved down those thoughts, giving a slightly stilted nod to Selene as I took in a breath and closed my eyes. Thinking any more about my situation wasn't going to solve anything. I'd just have to make do like I always did, one step at a time. With another deep breath, I directed my thoughts inward.

After Selene and I had decided on my costume in the weird dream space, she'd let me practice going through the process of using my Astral Shift a few times. In essence, it was a lot like what I did to manifest her or activate the silencing enchantment on my gun, reaching inside myself and finding the pool of warm, thrumming energy. The only difference was what came after. For enchantments and spells, it was a fairly simple process of reaching out to my mana and then connecting it to whatever I wanted to do.

With enchantments, that was literally feeling for the empty construct I wanted to power and then pushing some mana into the enchantment. Spells were apparently similar, except I had to create the construct in my imagination and activate the spell by mentally or verbally saying its name. My Astral Shift was more like an enchantment in that I could feel the construct of the transformation magic already waiting inside me just waiting to be powered.

However, unlike most enchantments, there were options on how much mana I could commit. The amount used partially determined how strong my Barrier, my protective shield, would be. Apparently my stats also had something to do with how strong my shield was, but Selene hadn't explained that part quite yet. What she had told me was that I had a choice of using ten, twenty, or thirty percent of my total mana whenever I shifted.

Using thirty percent of my mana would give me a Barrier at full capacity, twenty percent would give it about eighty percent capacity, and ten percent would give me only half capacity. When I'd asked Selene why a Magical Girl would want anything less than a full capacity Barrier, she'd explained it was a matter of mana consumption and context. In an ideal world, a MG would always be able to shift ahead of time, getting a full Barrier and letting their mana replenish back to maximum before they fought.

In emergency situations, however, having more mana might be more important than having a full Barrier. For instance, Magical Girls who mainly relied on magic might value having more mana for their spells than the passive protection of their Barrier, especially since they would be attacking from a distance. The other benefit of using less mana was it apparently sped up the "transformation sequence."

Interestingly, the actual transformation sequence made the Magical Girl fairly impervious to harm due to the amount of mana being released and some other complicated magic reasons, but in emergencies, it was obviously better to transform as quickly as possible. If I used the minimum ten percent of my maximum mana, it was almost an instantaneous shift while thirty percent it took around six or seven seconds.

Realistically, there wasn't any reason for me not to do a full shift, so I reached within myself into the gentle warmth centered in my chest. The mana itself reminded me of water, but it thrummed with a gentle heat between the imaginary fingers I grasped it with. Gathering the amount I needed, I let out a slow, measured breath as I connected it to the empty construct of my Astral Shift."

Shift," I whispered, and a sudden void opened up inside me as my gathered mana disappeared in a rush, violet light flashing around me. Beneath my feet a magic circle formed, the same heptagram pattern with overlapping runes, circles, and moon symbology filling the circle to the brim. I crossed my arms over my chest as oddly familiar black and amethyst thorns of lighting burst upwards from the circle, crackling with electricity.

Some of the thorns reached up, forming a partial cage around me even as energy arced between the strands and myself. Other thorns snapped directly to me, wrapping around myself even as my clothes appeared to disintegrate into motes of purple light wherever the baleful electricity touched. I knew that my clothes weren't really being destroyed, just being turned into energy and stored within my soul gem, but it didn't make the feeling of my clothes swiftly vanishing any less startling.

I managed not to let out a yelp only because of Selene having me do practice runs, but it was a near thing. The purple-black energy was quick to replace the portions being shunted away, energy solidifying into cloth. I did my best not to pay attention, simply holding my breath as the light show played out around me. A few uncomfortable moments later, the shift finished with an electrical snap. Silence followed, and I shivered, my new clothes hugging me with a supernatural softness.

Looking down at myself, I was relieved to see I was wearing the outfit Selene and I had settled on. It wasn't like I was expecting her to trick me, but after the initial… incident, I was a little on edge. Thankfully, my worry was unfounded. With Gildscale's recommendations, actually creating my outfit had been mostly painless. We had started with his first recommendation, trying for a mix between a modern and historical military uniform with a hint of frills.

It took a few iterations to create something easily recognizable as a Magical Girl costume without it just looking like a military outfit. We had eventually made something that I was fairly pleased with, but Selene had insisted on trying at least one more combination, one she thought would work well. She'd ended up going with Gildscale's third recommendation, something cute in the Gothic Lolita style.

I'd been incredibly uncomfortable at first, but as we went over the details, swapping things out that I didn't like, I slowly began to feel… something. Clothes were never a big deal to me. If they were cheap and comfortable, I was more than happy. But staring into the mirror of that dream world, looking at my finished outfit, I felt a giddy warmth flush through me. It wasn't that I felt pretty or beautiful, I knew I didn't have the looks for anything like that, but I'd been left feeling… satisfied? Excited?

I wasn't sure what it was, and even though I was embarrassed at the thought of someone seeing me wearing this, actually wearing the outfit wasn't… It wasn't the worst thing in the world. And, all matters of what I looked like aside, the outfit was cute. So, with a little nagging from Selene, we decided on that one.

It took a little bit more time adding some additional ornaments, especially because Selene insisted on embarrassing me by taking time to pick out more customized and girly details even down to my underwear. Why that mattered when nobody would be seeing that particular part of my costume, I would never know, but it had been easier to just go along with Selene's enthusiasm than fight it, especially after she started monologuing.

It's not about other people seeing it, it's about YOU knowing you're wearing something cute and taking confidence, pride, and general happiness in that! Every piece of your outfit is part of a greater whole, seen or unseen! Fashion is the armament of your identity, of your very soul! It is part of a passive, inner strength for you to draw on, to build your confidence from and express your personality, even if it is to nobody but yourself!

I refuse to let you leave here with an outfit consisting of anything less than perfect unity that resonates completely in a beneficial psychological and spiritual cohesion! … It had quickly become clear I wasn't escaping, and so I'd given up and endeavored to just finish that particular portion as quickly as possible. Selene at least seemed to acknowledge my extreme discomfort and hadn't prolonged my suffering too much.

Other than the mortifying few minutes following that speech, the experience of picking out my costume with Selene was… fine. Mostly, I was just happy I had something that both looked like a Magical Girl costume and felt softer than silk. Just the sheer, all-encompassing comfortableness was worth the effort. Starting from the bottom of my costume, I had on heavy, lace-up combat boots that went up halfway to my knees.

They were all black except for the deep violet of the crisscrossing laces and a small bow of soft fabric near the top. My legs themselves were covered in thick black tights colored as dark as the void, the material completely opaque with a faint sheen that gleamed when the light caught it just right. Over that was the main part of my outfit, a Gothic Victorian dress that was all black except for the purple accents.

The skirt of the dress was shorter than I was comfortable with, magic modesty enchantment or not, only reaching halfway down my thighs. Thankfully, we had gone with the puffed out style Gildscale recommended, so underneath the black fabric was the layered underskirt to give the dress shape. It was in purple, and the amount of layers of thin fabric made my legs virtually disappear into it like a fluffy cloud, providing extra cover that would have helped even without the enchantment.

The skirt of the dress itself ended in a frilly, ruffled trim of violet that blended with the underskirt. Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. Cinching the dress tight and separating the bodice of the dress from the skirt was a black, waist hugging corset crossed with violet laces. A purple satin sash hung tightly around my hips like a belt and was tied at the small of my back in a giant, fluffy bow that trailed two streamers down the back of my skirt.

Selene had assured me the sash would be durable and strong enough to support any holsters or ammunition pouches I decided to hang off it. The rest of the dress's bodice was fairly simple, consisting of unadorned black cloth that reached to my neck. The sleeves were long, and the upper portions were bound tight just over my elbows by violet ribbons tied into bows. The lower half was looser, ending in voluminous cuffs with purple frills and ruffles matching the skirt's hem.

My hands themselves were partially covered in ornate black gloves that only covered the back of my hand in a triangular piece of silky fabric that stretched from my wrist to the base of my middle finger where the material was secured by a ring of cloth. Around the wrists were ruffled lace cuffs done in violet, giving more accent to the elegant, minimalist gloves. The last part of the outfit didn't really have a proper name being something between a half cloak and a mantle.

The dark cloth was draped around the shoulders of the dress, falling about halfway down my biceps and ending in more purple lace. Secured by a purple bow at my neck with a silver, crescent moon pin in the middle, the mantle helped provide a little more complexity to the dress. Also attached to the cloak-mantle was a voluminous hood.

Unfortunately, Selene had convinced me to keep the long, floppy bunny ears, assuring me they would be both cute and practical, not getting in the way because the mantle could be easily detached by pressing down on the center of the purple bow that tied the garment at my neck. Worse, I couldn't really argue that it didn't look cute when my hood was up with the two ears trailing down the sides, because part of me completely agreed. I just wished I wasn't having to show it to other people.

The only other visible detail of my costume was, of course, my eyepatch. I was worried at first that it might make me too recognizable, that a girl with blue and red heterochromatic eyes and an eyepatch was too easy to draw connections to if I went with the same look for my Magical Girl costume. Selene had tried to assure me that the magic protecting my identity would keep me safe, essentially "downplaying" those details in the minds of anyone trying to notice the similarity.

While I wasn't completely convinced, I also wasn't willing to leave both of my eyes uncovered. I knew how people looked at me when both my eyes were visible, and I hated the feelings it brought me. Every extra second of staring, every slight shifting of their gaze as they looked from one eye to the other brought a flush of shame through me as past words whispered through my head. What a freak. Just looking at those things makes me nauseous. She looks like a monster. Can't even stand looking at her.

She looks completely unhinged. I ground my teeth together tightly. Even now, Katie's mocking laughter and wry grin made my stomach clench. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't manaborn, but the vivid color and brightness of my eyes made my heterochromia that much more noticeable. It just… It just wasn't worth it. So, with Selene's reassurances, I went with the same white, medical style eyepatch over my right eye that I normally wore.

In my normal life, people might give it a quick glance before looking away, afraid to be caught staring at what might be an injury. In my Magical Girl costume, it didn't really look that out of place. Sure it might come across as edgy or ridiculous, but most Magical Girl costumes had something equally fantastical or impractical anyway, so it was par for the course.

Besides, with my latest upgrade to my Augment, I could see through the eyepatch as if it didn't exist, so there was no real worry about it hampering my vision. Selene had also seemed rather enthused about the eyepatch for some reason, though I wasn't quite sure why. I assumed it was because it gave my outfit another extra flair besides the bunny-eared hood, but something about her excitement felt off. The only other thing that was included in my Astral Shift was a slight change to my hairstyle.

Normally, my hair was a shaggy mess that fell just below my chin, and it was cut so the bangs would fall partially over my right eye, helping to conceal my eyepatch. In my shifted form, my hair was the same length but a lot neater. The bangs were also cut equally to give both of my eyes a clear view. It felt a little weird not having that extra layer of protection over my eyepatch, especially because I was seeing through it like it didn't exist. All I could do was hope I would grow accustomed to it in time.

Moving my hands over my outfit slightly, I noticed a part of my HUD had changed. Joining the red and blue bars in my upper left of my vision was a new green bar attached to the bottom of my red health bar. Ah, right. That must be a bar for my Barrier's remaining durability, then… The other addition to my HUD was a timer in the same corner. It was already counting down from sixty minutes, the maximum amount of time I could stay in my Astral Shift before having to go through the transformation process again.

Thankfully, there was no cooldown period between Astral Shifts, but it did require another chunk of mana. [Well?] Selene asked, startling me from my contemplation. [Any second thoughts?]"N-no," I fidgeted nervously, hands smoothing out nonexistent wrinkles on my skirt.

"I'm just not used to clothes like this." [Hmm,] Selene hummed. [Well, that is only to be expected. The best way to grow accustomed to your new outfit will be to wear it out in public. Having Everglaive out on your first patrol should also help take some attention away from you.] I gave a shaky nod, looking towards the doorway. My heart jittered a nervous dance around my ribs.

The door seemed like such an innocuous thing, and yet, at the same time, I couldn't shake a feeling of intense unease, like walking through would change everything. Selene cleared her throat after a minute or two. [You do have to actually open the door if you want to go on your patrol.]"R-right." I stepped to the door, anxiety tightening around my lungs and making it hard to breathe. Unlocking the door and placing my hand on the handle, I felt my stomach roil with nausea. Seriously, what's wrong with me?

I'm just stepping back out to meet them. There's no reason to be this nervous. So what if I'm wearing… this. It's not like it's any weirder than what other Magical Girls wear. I let out my breath, opened the door, and stepped out into the room. Everglaive and Naiad were both lounging on the sofa, chatting softly about something. Their heads turned as I entered the room, both of them standing up and staring at me.

A silence stretched between us, and I watched their gaze trail over me, my cheeks heating up as their eyes flicked over the details. Everglaive's stoic expression remained unchanged, but I saw Naiad's eyes widen, her jaw opening and closing a few times. Neither of them said anything, and I found myself tugging my skirt down slightly, wishing it was longer.

"Cuuute," Naiad cooed quietly. The soft, drawn out word caused fire to dance across my face, but it seemed to break the frozen moment. Everglaive blinked, turning to give Naiad an amused look that made the other girl blush. Turning back to me, Everglaive gave me a nod and gentle smile.

"I find myself agreeing with my teammate, you do look quite charming. Even knowing what Gildscale's recommendations were, this final outcome has exceeded my expectations quite thoroughly. I'm sure the public will be quite enthralled as well." I wasn't sure if it was possible for my face to turn as scarlet as my eye, but I was pretty sure it was a fairly close approximation by now. A nervous, buzzing thrill tickled my chest, and I fiddled with my skirt a little more, unsure what to say.

Thankfully, Everglaive seemed to take mercy on me.

"If you don't mind, I do have one question," she said carefully, turning partially to Naiad.

"The eyepatch. Were there some difficulties with your healing, or…?" I felt myself freeze, realizing that besides Naiad, the rest of her team probably hadn't gotten a close look at my eye colors. Other than when I was wounded at the mall, I'd kept my hair carefully arranged to hide it. Everglaive probably noticed my heterochromia being the only other one to look at me before I was put to sleep, but she had no way of knowing how my eye colors made me feel being exposed. Freak. Creepy. Monster.

Naiad shook off her stupor, oblivious to the ugly swirl of thoughts in my head, a big grin still on her face.

"Uh, nope, no complications. It's-" She stopped herself, something like realization flashing across her features. Her smile flickered for a moment as she turned to me with a pained look.

"Oh! I'm sorry! Do you usually wear an eyepatch to cover…? I didn't even think about it, but with your normal haircut, I should have realized…" She trailed off, and I swallowed down the lump in my throat.

"It's okay," my voice came out strained.

"I do, but my hair covers it well enough." Everglaive looked back to me with curiosity, and I gave a small shrug, looking away.

"I have heterochromia," the words came out thick, and I had to spit them out.

"Blue and scarlet. Being manaborn makes it… distinct."

"Ah." Everglaive nodded, seemingly unphased.

"I believe I understand. Well, no matter the case, I believe the eyepatch goes with your outfit well. It helps give it an extra, distinguishing feature for people to latch onto. Your heterochromia will also give you a beneficial feature should you ever need to remove your eyepatch." I bit down on my lip, giving another small shrug as I looked down at the ground. Selene had suggested the same thing, that I might even consider removing my eyepatch anytime I got into combat to give me some sort of dramatic flair, but…

"Well, I think you look great either way," Naiad said cheerily.

"And with your costume all settled, we can take you out on your first patrol! That is, if you still want to. I know setting up your first Astral Shift can be a bit draining, so if you want to reschedule…?" I quickly shook my head. Nerves aside, I knew if I put this off, the discomfort would only grow stronger. It was better to get this over with now. Besides, I could hardly impose on them any more than I already had.

"N-no, it's okay." Naiad grinned, and the edges of Everglaive's lips turned up in a soft smile.

"Very well then. I suppose the last thing to ask you is what your alias, your Magical Girl name will be. While we could come up with something temporary, choosing one now would certainly be the simplest solution." I gave a hesitant nod, trying to steady myself. This was one of the things Selene and I had discussed while making my costume, but I still felt unsure about it. We had talked over a few names, but ultimately, we were limited by the fact that I was both a Dark Magical Girl and that I wanted to use guns.

My costume helped reconcile both those things, but Selene was afraid even a more neutral name might not fit well. Ultimately, what had helped finalize the choice was when we checked the shape of my pupils after I transformed and found them to be crescent moons. Combined with my outfit, the repeated moon symbology in both my magic circle and Selene, and the temporary emblem that she'd put on my guns, the choice had seemed obvious. It also helped that Error Machina had already suggested the name.

And no, it had nothing to do with him saying it was a cute name. Nothing at all. Looking up at the two more experienced Magical Girls, I tried to calm my nerves. Giving a short little bow, I forced myself to give my name, even if it did make me feel ridiculous. Logically, I knew my name was perfectly within the norm for most Magical Girls, but saying the words out loud still made me feel stupid.

Unfortunately, between twenty-one years of actual Magical Girls existing and the genre already having been established in media, having an extravagant or cutesy name was pretty much expected. By that measure, most of Fantasy Fatale was incredibly tame. To be fair, by Magical Girl standards, my name was too, especially considering some of the names out there like Super Velocity Cat Ranger, Hyper Kinetic Railgun, or Eternal Starlight Nova.

So, really, it wasn't that far out there, even if it still did feel embarrassing.

"Moon Bunny," I blurted out.

"My name is… Magical Girl Moon Bunny. It's a pleasure to be working with you." Risking a glance up at the two, I was met with a beaming smile from Naiad, and something approaching actual warmth on Everglaive's face.

"Likewise. I hope to do great things together, Moon Bunny."