Chương 165: Chapter 186: Radical

Part of my commitment going forward is to try harder with the love interests. I need to get these quests knocked out. And while I'm at it, maybe snatch some of the quests from Nathan's plotline as well. Skipping to the end of Belisa's story had been worth 25XP, and that was a big step. Some of them are easier than others. I'm having a hard time finding or triggering any quests for Licard, but my interest there was mostly academic. I spend a lot of time with Tiviti, but I think she's waiting for me to do something.

Most of Rabert's progression is waiting until we can be freely seen together, especially coming up on the revolt. So with a lot of these stories in a holding pattern, I take the time to knock out the ones that I've already got. I'm sitting on a grassy verge, under a purple sunset. Darkening sky, full of stars that twinkle and glitter. I've got a picnic basket laid out, some snacks.

The grass is long and wild, it hasn't died of autumn's frost yet and is bent under the weight of the summer season, grown long enough to droop almost double. The grass is shoulder-high where we sit, and it leans over the empty chasm like curious spectators. We sit under the stars by firelight, and we have our moment.

"Thistle sack dual leak eyeing dan ice," he said, staring out across the landscape.

"Sir prized youth ought touch ewes me."

"You wanna throw the next one in?" I asked. I had his attention immediately.

"Gimme gimmer meats meeting fleeting fleeing poisson poison!" I tugged threads of possibility and a raw rack and shoulder of mutton shimmered into being, close at hand. He eagerly sprang to his feet and grabbed up the deep-red meat, and then overhand threw it out into the well of darkness that was only twenty feet away. Honestly, it was a really impressive throw, he was a good bit stronger than he looked. This is an experiment: will going through the motions of a normal relationship help out at all?

I brought picnic blankets and candles, plenty of finger foods and some desserts. I am trying to work out the mechanics of what constitutes a date, and because I'm an unusual person in an unusual predicament, I've elected to take a very methodical and analytical approach. Testing under controlled conditions. So obviously I thought of Nux Gysmo. Not only is he the one person in my catalog that is the most related to scientific procedure and analytical testing, he's also the safest bet.

My other science-themed contact is my professor, Ryichsur, who is talkative, emotionally involved, and weirdly preoccupied with my mental health issues. Those would really complicate my testing procedure, so instead I've invited Nux, who is quite insane and is not going to mess things up by speaking coherently, interacting emotionally, or trying to get to know me in meaningful ways. I don't want to have to defend my secrets while I'm setting my parameters.

"Funny thing?" I mused aloud.

"That aphasia that you show sometimes, could be considered you reciting poetry to me. Which actually makes this more romantic than I expected it would be."

"Cards of engineering, cars of engineers, mica teeth river mouth paler poster all around, tailer toaster all around all around," he said, giving me a serious but troubled look. His vocal tone could vary some, and this time he sounded almost bittersweet.

"I don't mind hearing you talk," I said.

"But it often feels like a puzzle I should be able to figure out, just out of reach."

"Bygone ropes, bygone names, only lonely buckle wonder knuckle under games," he said, regretfully. He shrugged.

"Whiskey willing, fleeting leading wool on the line, crown in the dark, fishing fission shepherd peppered herder murder." Our expedition had more than one goal, just to be sure. We were also throwing large cuts of mutton down a sinkhole that leads down to a Blind settlement. Not just any mutton, but my conjured mutton. Anything that falls down this hole winds up following a torturous path through caverns and an underground river to spit out at the banks of their encampment.

And once the ever-ravenous creatures get a whiff of it, they are sure to consume it down to bone chips. And if I'm lucky, fight each other for the chance. Then, hours later, I'm going to dispel those sheep and in doing so I will retroactively remove the nutrients from those creatures. Doing this in small amounts will sicken a person or creature. Large amounts are guaranteed to kill. We're keeping a pretty good volume going, sending the sheep down regularly.

I don't know how many sheep it's going to take to wreck a whole colony of the Blind. But I do know how many we're gonna use. Not coincidentally, killing monsters in innovative ways is one of Nux's favorite hobbies. He was ecstatic when I told him about this. And since weakening the Blind is one of my long-term goals, we were well lined up. When possible, I try to serve more than one purpose at a time. But the main thing we're doing here, on a pleasant autumn evening, is having a date. A romantic gesture.

Most of my goals in this life are, by necessity, romantic goals. So it behooves me to know what the standards are.

"Nux," I said, and waved him over to me.

"Do me a favor? Sit down here?" I patted the ground next to me. He peered at me like he was trying to pierce and parse a puzzle of his own. I patted the ground again, and he walked over one step at a time, pausing between each as if his balance was iffy. Then he folded himself down and sat on the ground, awkward. I whisked a whisper of magic about us and pivoted him in place, so that he sat next to me, both of us watching the sinkhole together.

"Stone spire erosion, knotted and tied, lashing straw round, tumult." His tone was dry and factual, even if the words did not come together. I ignored it, because I had to. I leaned to the side, resting my head against his shoulder. I kept my arms wrapped around my knees, and just let myself relax against his bony shoulder. He kept his head turned to the side, staring at me from up close, but I just tried to imagine what it would be like to do this with someone else. Picnic, poetry, closeness by candlelight.

If I tried doing this with someone that I could connect with? Someone I can communicate with? Someone whose feelings are plugged into the right adapters. Honestly, it seemed kind of nice. I like the idea of being a little cozy, of letting someone else support me. I've spent this last year fighting very hard to do everything myself, and for the most part I have suffered for it. Usually at a practical level, suffering setbacks and losses- all my victories were pyrrhic victories.

And always at an emotional level, I'm not really wired for solitude. Sometimes I'll climb someplace high and lonely to think my thoughts and enjoy some sunlight, sure. But mostly, I can't really do much by myself. When you're doing everything yourself, there's only one person to blame if things go wrong. And if things go right, you can't tell anyone without it sounding like you're bragging. Also? When I'm on my own I miss a lot. I've got blind spots, and I have a habit of just shutting down in a crisis.

It has been getting increasingly obvious that I need people to help with what I'm doing. I just really wish I could tell people why I need to do these things I need to do. Why the eastern side of the nation needs to be undefended. Why I need transportation routes all around the cliffs. Why I need to stay neck-deep in the seediest side of corrupt politics. Why I'm carefully mustering resources for refugee camps. Why I'm training for war, and enlisting a cadre of advanced warriors with me.

And why I will only prepare myself to mitigate disasters, instead of preventing them. There's only so many times I can say "that's just the way it is, you have to trust me". So, I need to find people that will trust me without me needing to say it. The ones that have faith in me before I ask for it. I'm done going it alone. I'm done fighting by myself. I'm done trying to challenge the world, the king, the gods and my own brother with nobody at my back. So I'm sitting on the grass, leaning on Nux's shoulder.

Baby steps. Before I know it I'll be saying something honest and genuine to someone without even really thinking about it. Maybe Tiviti.

"Thanks for coming out here with me," I said to him. He did not say anything, but it wouldn't have mattered if he did. I said what I said for me, not for a response. I need to get used to this, asking for small gestures. Not bargains or ultimatums, just thanking people for offering a bit of comfort. After all this time, it feels odd. Nux is never going to be the one at the end of my path. Of the twelve choices I've got, most of them are bad.

If my read of the situation is accurate, I'm probably more likely to end up with Belisa than with Nux and she's almost catatonic because of an ongoing issue of having no soul. From the hints I've allowed myself to peek at, her problem is more solvable than his. I could cuddle closer to him. I'm keeping this place comfortably warm, I could lower the air by a couple degrees and easily justify snuggling closer to him. It would be disingenuous, but he wouldn't call me out on it.

I could test out the process, go through the motions. Practice flirting with him, even. I considered it. I fit that frame in my mind's eye and tested it for perspective. A bad taste in my mouth. For whatever reason I'm not ready to confront yet, I respect Nux too much for that.

"Sandwich?" I offered, floating the platter over to us with a brush of magic. I often describe this ability as control of wind, but it's really not. What I do is I can shape air into solid forms and move them. Asking wind to bring me a plate of sandwiches would be a good way to find out how much of a mess a single plate of sandwiches can make. Instead I firm up a ring of air around the raised lip of the serving plate, and lift that, bringing the plate with it.

It's not particularly strong, air is not intended to be strong. But it's versatile, and handy, and easy to use. It can fit into tiny spaces and exert pressure at any angle. One of the very most useful essences I've developed affinity for. I leaned against him and munched on the quarter-cut sandwiches I had made. Rye bread, watercress, hummus and swan breast. Swans are a real pest around the capitol, but nobody ever bothers eating them. Not quite as gamey as duck.

Nux took one, and I could feel the vibrations as he started to eat. It was weirdly comforting. Also, he hasn't tried to bite me even once during this trip. The last time he tried that, he chipped a tooth. I never sit close to him unless I'm holding the essence of steel in my mana channels, giving myself the physical properties of that metal. I've got four more years ahead of me. I know the exact date that this story ends and I can start building my own life.

The five fixed points in time left before the end of the world. How much time I have left to save this kingdom, this world, and myself. But I still feel like I'm still only starting to understand how hard this world is going to fight against me.

"Did you get enough?" I asked, bringing the plate back around. I know that I never see him in the campus cafeteria or the dining halls. I don't know what his regular meal-planning situation is, but he seems eager for another sandwich. I know it's probably hard to work out a good system for getting him fed considering his random outbursts of violence, and more frequent outbursts of incoherent noise, and his complete inability to communicate what he actually would like or not.

Most of his caretakers were very much susceptible to a sudden elbow, or a snapping pair of teeth- considerations that needed to be taken into account. When he finished, I stood up and dusted off my dress. Out of habit and for show, to fit in. I could just remove grass stains from fabric by appealing to the essence of grass and asking it to make an exception to the usual rules for my sake. And just like that, grass and its substances would behave how I needed them to.

Sorcerous power was normally judged based only on its combat utility. I, on the other hand, am constantly making my life easier with magic in manners both pragmatic and luxurious, and if the world did not acknowledge that utility that was their problem. I helped him up to his feet, the same essence of steel that made me too dangerous to bite also made me strong enough to easily lift him around despite the difference in our sizes.

I started manifesting chunks of mutton, prepared meat of sheep, all resting on a table of hardened air.

"All right Nux," I said, smiling indulgently.

"We throw these in, and this time I'm grading for style points as well as distance." I sat down onto air shaped to a solid chair for my convenience, and chatted idly with the man while he lobbed, chucked, hammer-threw and even alley-ooped the mutton through the air, to drop away into the wide sinkhole. He was having a great time. I looked around the place. This portion of the area was clear and level and scenic.

Most of the neighboring area was either hostile and unpredictable monster-filled forest, or back the other way there was nothing but the smashed and abandoned ruins of a mud-brick village. The villagers had all been moved out to lands that were less deadly and harsh, a joint charity project of two Houses, the Griefir and the Brunbling. Those Houses would not be sending any more troops out here until deep winter, the safest time to cross the forest. So this evacuated hellhole had perfect privacy for Nux and me.

And, it had an open-air sinkhole that led to a Blind outpost by a very short route. They almost destroyed the village several months ago, but now it made a perfect opportunity for us to explore new ways to hurt the monsters. Normally I would never casually brush off any creature with sapience and tool-using capacity as 'monsters'.

But the Blind have evolved to feel nothing but hunger and hatred, since pack-bonding or pair-bonding emotions made them vulnerable to widespread poisoning, so they had evolved away from any capacity to experience what a human would call positive emotions. Their society is held together by terror and tyranny, their development is fueled by their need to consume whatever is there to be consumed. Without exception. Like sorcery-summoned sheep!

If you listened really carefully, you could hear the splash of the chunks hitting the pool at the bottom that fed into a sluice that moved through limestone, and in a roundabout path dropped into their feeding grounds. The pool was fed by the river that flowed out of the forest and into the sinkhole, setting off a spray of luminous vapor and mist. It was really scenic, just beautiful really.

And as long as I kept the air firmed up in a bubble around us to screen out all the toxic particles and miasmas, we should be just fine here. Not deadly at all. I started to feel a strain, somewhere in my soul. The part of me that corresponded to the affinities for elemental essence, and it was feeling stretched, overburdened. I stopped conjuring meat, and caught my breath. It felt a lot like I had a muscle cramp or an indigestion.

I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to find some comfortable position, but of course that would not help.

"All right, all done," I sighed.

"Okay, Nux, let's run the first test, yeah? I'm gonna delete the first of those sheep and see what happens." I could kind of feel each of them, not like a part of me at all but like a small weight pressing down on me. I picked the one that had been there longest, and I dispelled that bit of magic, withdrawing that sliver of my mana back from that application. And somewhere below us, about five pounds of mutton vanished without a trace.

Every fiber, tissue, scrap, cell and molecule of it was removed from reality instantly. No matter what happened to it since then, or whatever form it was in right now. Normally, I'd have no idea what it was. Who could? But I had a sneaky exploit. I hardly ever use this ability, because when would it ever be useful? It just tells me what I already know... except sometimes it's the MVP of intel. [Combat Log] [You have injured a The Blind! (x4)] [You have gravely injured a The Blind (x1)] I could open that up to see the breakdown of HP, and the timestamps. But that is just never going to be important.

"Nux, I just confirmed that our enemies have indeed taken the bait. Right now I've hurt a few of them. I'm going to wait several hours and then take out the rest. By the numbers, that should kill a couple dozen of them, and cripple most of their community for a while." This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon. [Quest Complete: War Crimes, More Crimes. +5 XP. Advancement: The Madman.]"Rhomboid rhizome," he said with a firm nod and a pleased smile.

I think he understood that our plan was successful and the monsters were going to die. Something tugged my thoughts. A... square root? What's that about? I did not have time or bandwidth for that. I'm already stressed beyond all reckoning. I've got so much going on in my life that I can barely spare mental energy for anything else as it is. I'm a full-time student with a full course-load of nine classes. I'm in the last stages of planning for my next tomb-raiding expedition.

I need to figure out how binding the contract is that may control the rest of my rather short lifespan. I could still be under investigation for the murder of a royal princess. There's a lich somewhere out in the world that definitely wants me dead by now. I have no less than six secrets of my own that could get me killed if anyone knew about it, and four secrets from powerful enemies that they would kill me if they found out that I know, and I'm a very bad liar.

I've got a lot of work left to do saving the world, I need to progress as many romantic relationships as I possibly can, there's a girl with no soul that responds only to me, my hypercompetent brother is sabotaging every one of my efforts, and we've only got two days until the opening night of Fashion Week and I still haven't gotten my dress from the shop. That's a lot of plates I've got spinning, and a lot of balls in the air.

If I let myself get distracted by random shit that Nux Gysmo has to say, I'm gonna lose my goddamn mind. Problem is I don't really feel like I even really worked out what I came here for. It's good to knock out another quest objective and get some more XP, and it's good to find new ways to hurt The Blind. But I don't know if just going on a date-date, without a quest, is worth my time at all. I'll have to try again. With someone that can give better feedback than The Madman.

Several hours later I dispelled the rest of the sheep and watched the notifications of the dead and wounded scroll in. Hopefully this means a few less citizens dead in a few years.