Chương 14: Eldritch Issues

Ch 14. Eldritch Issues John's dreams were swirls of impossible colors and objects beyond the magnitude of possibility. He saw ancient temples sunken beneath oceans as deep as suns were large. Thousand-eyed creatures swirled through the dark expanse of night drifting in the empty voids between stars as they swallowed worlds. The images were interspersed with visions of the door to his office, the sun setting, and the couch on which his patients sat.

When the dream was over John sat up, feeling a warm line of liquid trickling down his face. He touched his fingers to his lip and looked at them, seeing rich red blood. He sighed as he moved over to the sink to wash his hands and his face, then he went to his balcony with a dollop of frosting on a small spoon and waved down a pixie.

"I need you to take a short message to Andressa Brimstone; in exchange I'll offer you this sweet treat," he held up the spoon. The pixie nodded.

"Please pencil in," he paused, remembering a series of eldritch symbols that had been etched forever into his mind.

"[Incomprehensible] the Unending King in Bronze for a six PM appointment when you get into the office. You don't have to stay late for it. These types of clients can sometimes drive you mad. Oh, and if the name seems like it's burned forever into your soul, just take some of the Lethe water in my desk, or visit a healer up the road. I'll cover the cost." He looked at the Pixie.

"Got it?" The Pixie responded by giving him a thumbs up and he handed it the spoon of frosting which it eagerly devoured as its wings took it swiftly away. John had had clients make or even have appointments in dreams before, but he'd only had one eldritch client in the past. A tentacle-faced abomination who was feeling inadequate because even though he could undo the reign of man with a single thought, a large ship had actually managed to stop him by ramming into his face.

John considered going back to sleep, but since every time he closed his eyes he saw ancient horrors beyond comprehension he elected to get an early start on the day. He started by requesting a few healing scrolls from a friend, one of which he received and used immediately so that he could stop feeling unending dread at his insignificance in the multiverse. After that he had a sliced-up apple and a cup of coffee as he watched the sunrise.

He made his way to the office, making his usual stop at Hilda's where instead of Mia, Hilda herself was the one manning the front.

"Good morning Hilda, how are you?"He asked. She was a broad-shouldered woman whose hands and arms were covered with burns both healed and fresh. She had strawberry blonde hair that would've fallen in bouncy curls if it wasn't always tied up to keep it out of the way, and a crooked smile that always made it seem like a joke was coming even though John had never met a woman more sincere.

"I'm alright, John. Just worn out from manning the front and back today. May need to close up early."

"Mia not around to help today?" Hilda shook her head.

"No, the silly girl found a picture of a girl with a shaved head in one of those magazines of hers and decided to try the look for herself."

"She didn't like it, I take it?"

"She did not," said Hilda.

"She refuses to come out until it grows back so I'm grabbing a tonic from Ricky, the alchemist up the road. Between this and all the dyes she buys from him we're probably putting his kids through the Mage's academy." John laughed.

"Well, it's not like he doesn't come in to buy something every day here."

"That's true. We're all like some elaborate gnome money laundering scheme where we just trade gold back and forth." She shook her head.

"Anyway, you want your usual?"

"Yes please, and whatever your special is too." She smiled widely.

"Mia told me you were finally giving them a shot," she said with some pride in her voice.

"Well, I have a new secretary at the office, and I like to bring them in for her."

"Ohhhh, I see." He sighed.

"I'm just a good boss."

"I was just a good boss for my husband for quite some time. Then one day I became a very good boss." John reddened just a bit.

"It worked out for you, married twenty five years with beautiful healthy children. My last experience ended with me secretary-less and sad."

"Oh, she was never right for you anyway."

"That's what everyone tells me."

"Can I get some ssssservicesss please?" asked a naga behind him. Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

"Sorry about that, just catching up with a friend," said Hilda. She reached back and got two bags ready before handing them to him.

"On the house today," she said with a wink.

"Mia would be very upset at you for giving away your hard work."

"Well, she can charge you double when she's back tomorrow." John shook his head and turned to leave, carefully stepping over the long coiled tail of the naga as she approached the counter. The office was open when he arrived.

"Good morning Andressa," he said as he walked inside and placed a bag in front of her.

"Good morning John," she replied with a smile reaching into the bag and pulling out what looked to be a scone.

"You have all old clients aside from…someone I can't remember." She held up an empty vial labeled lethe from her desk.

"I assume because of this?"

"It's a unique client." She shrugged.

"Clearly it wasn't something I felt I needed to know about." He paused for a moment, squinting.

"You're letting me off easy today."

"Oh?" she said with a smile.

"No digs? No comments to make me uncomfortable?"

"You were radiating so much anxiety on the way from the bakery I didn't see a need." There was a bit of a sparkle in her eyes.

"Did you want me to push your buttons a bit? Did you miss it?" John sighed.

"There it is," he said as he walked back into the office with the sound of Andressa's light laughter behind him and a small smile on his face. … Later in the day after the sun had gone down and Andressa had left with a teasing remark and a smile, John waited patiently at his desk for his last client for the day. He organized his notes, double checked his stocks of tea and coffee, and cast a couple spells of mental fortification using the scrolls he'd been given to ready himself for when he was contacted.

As he was debating making himself another cup of coffee, he blinked and very suddenly found himself floating in an endless void. He briefly lost all sense of self, time, space, and everything else, but the oblivion ended after just a moment as his mind came back into focus and he found himself back in his office. There was a… man? No that wasn't quite right, but neither was woman, or thing, or monster, or any other word he could think of. He settled on entity.

The entity on his couch gave off an impression of yellow and endlessness that would shatter an unprotected mind. Parts of him were indistinct, and blurred in John's vision, likely due to the enchantment that was protecting him.

"Good evening [incomprehensible]. I hope that the office wasn't too hard to find."

"The entirety of this world's existence is perched precariously on the edge of a god's dream," replied the entity.

"I did make a wrong turn in Albuquerque though." John chuckled, tasting salt as some kind of indescribable black fluid leaked from his throat.

"Well, you're not here because you're worried about your sense of humor. What can I help you with?" The entity sighed and in doing so birthed and destroyed a vast number of cosmos.

"It's my followers. Every time I ask them to do something they don't take it the right way and it's really starting to make me angry with them, which makes me feel bad and also sometimes makes them burst into a dark mist that drives mortals mad." John nodded, spitting a mouthful of the black liquid pouring from his mouth into his mug so that he could speak.

"Can you give me an example?" The entity gave the impression of a nod that was somehow also a collision of worlds.

"The other day my cultists were building a dark temple in my honor. When they asked for guidance I sent them an impression of red for what color I wanted it to be." John nodded to indicate he was listening, his vision was blurring so he cast a clearing spell using one of the scrolls he had and his sanity was restored and the barrier restrengthened.

"Well, instead of using paint they used blood. They killed like forty virgins for it, which is particularly odd because nothing about my worship has to do with virginal purity. Blood makes terrible paint too. It looks okay when it's fresh, but it turns brown and flaky when it dries and now that temple looks and smells terrible." John nodded, surprised that an entity like him would care so much about aesthetics, but decided it would be wiser to save his strength and focus on the actual problem.

"Can I ask how it is you told him what you wanted?"

"Well, I turned the moon over their heads a dark red, the exact shade that I wanted, and cast its light upon the spot where they were to build my temple." John nodded.

"I'm guessing you usually speak to them through auguries and visions? To avoid," he gestured to his eyes that were now weeping bloody tears, "this?"

"Exactly."

"Have you tried sending them notes? Or leaving them some kind of message that is less obtuse?"

"Any words written by me are embedded in the soul of the reader forever and often tear them asunder." John tapped his chin with a pencil. He could encourage patience, or recommend some communication exercises, but this was a pretty unique client to deal with which made things a bit more difficult.

"Are there beings between you and humans that could pass the message along more clearly for you? Like some kind of demigod?" he took a moment to activate his second to last scroll. If this went on much longer Andressa would have to drag a healer in to raise him from the dead in the morning. The entity became bright for a moment, like an exploding sun.

"I know of many of my kind with a herald; perhaps they were dealing with the same problem as I." There was a pause as the entity gave the impression of standing.

"Thank you." There was blackness again, floating in a void, and then John was back at his desk covered in blood and other odd fluids. [Incomprehensible] was gone. John took a long deep breath looking at the state of himself.

"I think I need to shower for three days."