Chương 30: Hasta el lunes...

"Dang." Duncan shook his head. Their luck went bad after the lights came back. Hilg's hammer throw missed. The Silver-Headed Hammer sailed past the pack of Horrablins and clattered down the hall. The Goblin sappers had terrible combat stats, but they were exceptionally slippery. They only needed to get in close enough to blow their alchemical bombs.

"Cinnabinathi?"

"Called shot on one of the acid casks," Chuck shook his twenty-sided die.

"Regular arrow?" Vlad asked.

"Yeah."

"Seems like a good spot to use Shriek Shot," Sandy observed.

"I've only got two left. We're pretty deep in this dungeon. I want to save something for the boss."

"We don't even know if there is a boss. We'll never find out if we get blown to bits," Duncan sided with Sandy.

"I've got this," Chuck assured them. Chuck rolled a six and missed. Sandy cackled and Duncan groaned. Vlad rolled the defense dice for the NPCs. Maro's arrow hit its target, but the Horrablin staggered on, his casks intact. Runagir's hatchet flew wide.

"Slippery gobbos," Sandy sighed. If only one good shot had landed, they would have set off a chain reaction. Even Vlad seemed surprised that they'd failed to stop the mad bombers. Robin had seen what Horrablins could do in a LOR game; a single squad of the crazed sappers could blow up an entire unit. Now, they were backed into a dead end. Robin was the only one with an action left.

"Save us, Bobbert!" Sandy beseeched. He'd wanted to blitz Yureg into the goblins and sacrifice himself, but the others had vetoed him.

"How close are they now?" Robin asked.

"Forty paces," Vlad answered. Robin looked over his spells and checked the disaster table for each. The Goblins were too close, a bad Web would ensnare everyone. They were frenzied, so he couldn't use Slumber. He could throw a dagger but his chance to hit was miserable.

"I attempt to parlay," Robin announced.

"You what?" Vlad was flummoxed.

"I mean, the Horrablins explode when slain, right? And we're trapped here in this dead end. A cave-in could finish us."

"Bobbert, I uh, am not sure we can negotiate with these fanatics. All they want is to blow themselves up," Duncan warned.

"I speak Goblin," Robin tapped his character card. He'd been waiting to do something useful all night. Vlad took him seriously, at least.

"Ah, but these are Horrablins, the absolute dregs of Goblin society. The misfits you see are the slaves of slaves, the scum of scum. They speak a mishmash pidgin of gutter Goblin and whatever unfortunate race they spawned from. From birth, they are kept separate, fed mind-bending herbs, and brainwashed by evil shamans to serve as fearless kamikaze-fighters," Vlad laid it on.

"You may attempt to parlay, but Duncan is right. The Horrablins are charging at you in a suicidal frenzy. You will roll at -10."

"How about if I cast Tongues first?"

"Wait, you took Tongues?" Sandy blinked in disbelief.

"Why not Mana Missile, or Fireball?"

"Bobbert is just an apprentice, he hasn't mastered those powerful spells yet," Robin explained.

"Oh man, we're hosed," Sandy groaned.

"Robin, I'll say, Tongues would bring your penalty down to negative six. It's still incredibly unlikely you can reason with these maniacs." Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

"Do I have time to cast Tongues, then Charm?"

"Yes, both have a casting time of one. With your Charisma modifier, you'd be down to minus one."

"That's still not great," Duncan frowned.

"It's okay. I've got a plan," Robin assured.

"The Horrablins are getting closer while you hesitate," Vlad prompted.

"How close are they now?" Robin asked.

"Twenty paces away." He flipped open the rulebook to the second-level Magus spells.

"Got it. I cast Web."

"Roll please." All their eyes locked on Robin. He rolled a one. * The Kit-Cat Klock ticked towards three AM. A fresh squadron of birds fanned across the table. Una was still up, of course. The door creaked and Robin slid in, shamefaced.

"Tita! Wow, did you paint all of these? You didn't have to wait up," Robin said. But she did. Just as Una had waited up for Lucinda, her mother, Gloria, had waited up for Una, and Gloria's mother, Dominica had waited up for her. It went back forever. Women who worried had more children who survived, all the way back to the times where people hunted mammoth and lived in caves. Una shot a petrifying look at her grandson. Robin would never understand, not unless he had children of his own.

Even then, it was nothing for men. They didn't suffer the same. She could remember Hector snoring like a hurricane the first time the police hauled Lucinda home. Lucy was raccoon-eyed from crying and drunk as a skunk. She was only fifteen and too pretty, petty, and proud for her own good. Una hammered on her constantly. A dozen times, she told Lucinda she was flushing her potential down the toilet.

She was running around with losers who would amount to nothing, and one day she would wake up and realize she was one of them. Lucinda never changed, she only got better at not getting caught. Slowly, Una drove her away. Lucinda ran off the week before her seventeenth birthday. Una didn't see her again until she was twenty-three, with a baby in her arms. Robin was still standing there, unsure if he was in trouble. He probably thought Una was losing her marbles.

The trouble with Lucinda was all past, so why was she giving Robin the third degree? She'd given him permission to go to the game. It was just a bunch of ñoños (nerds) staying up late in the back room of a model train shop. There wasn't a whiff of smoke or liquor on him, though he looked like he was about to fall over where he stood.

"Are you hungry? I could fix you something to eat," Una offered.

"I'm stuffed. Mr. Schweizer got us pies from Pizza Castle! We should go sometime, they have a green chile one you'd like."" ¿Pan remojado? No, no, no. (Soggy bread? Yuck.)" Una shook her head and stuck out her tongue.

"I swear, it's good. Are you OK?"

"Just tired," Una lied.

"How was your game?" It was like turning on a faucet. Robin rattled on and on. She was surprised at his memory. He seemed to have soaked up everything the other boys said. Una laughed as Robin recalled Sandy getting Vlad's goat, over and over. Sandy was shocked when the Goblins always seemed to target him first.

"The final fight wasn't a fight at all. I flubbed my spell and everyone got stuck together by a giant spiderweb. I wound up talking to these crazy Goblin bombers. They were insane, but slowly, I won them over. I convinced them not only should they not attack us, but they ought to turn on their evil masters and take revenge! It was a funny way to end the session. Everyone busted up laughing. Duncan says negotiation runs in our family."" ¡Ay! Es verdad! (Ha! It's true!)" Una crowed.

"So the adventure is finished?"

"No, it keeps going! We're playing again next week, is that okay? Can I go?" Una hesitated.

"We'll see."

"Ahh, please Tita? It's so cool! Every week your character gets a little stronger as they gain experience and learn new things. This game ties in with the campaign, too. Tomorrow is Blitz Day! It's a bunch of short games that advance the plot in fun ways. You get to draw a prize for every game you win. I'm going to fight against the Goblins that are attacking my expedition while my heroes are busy delving into the dungeon. I can't wait for tomorro -ooh!" Robin was caught in a deep yawn." ¡Qué sueño! (So sleepy!) Cover your mouth, conejito. Wait, where's my tupper?" Una demanded. She'd waited all night for this moment.

"Oh!" Robin had forgotten it in his bag. There wasn't a crumb left.

"Seems like they all got eaten," Una noted.

"They got mauled," Robin admitted.

"And did the boys laugh at you?"

"No, they thought your cookies were really cool. Duncan took a picture to send to the magazine. He asked me to thank you."" Pues claro. (Of course.)""You were right," Robin uttered her favorite words.

"Sorry I made such a big deal about it. I was just nervous. It all went great."

"¡Hazle caso a tu abuelita, menso! (Listen to your grandmother, doofus!)""Sí, Tita." He was all smiles as he stumbled off to bed. Una watched him go. Her little smile faded away. He doesn't need to know until Monday, Una decided.