Chương 49: No Words

Once he calmed down properly and thought about it a bit more, Jonny realized that the first mana well might actually still have been an option. A very last resort option, but an option. Getting all the way to the center of the mana well was out of the question, but if they could camp out on top of the cave entrance, it might be doable.

There was no shelter there, and it was quite exposed, and if whatever lived in the cave woke up, they would just die, but if they had no other options, Igrette would at least be able to stabilize herself there. Still, it was firmly at the bottom of his list. He didn't want to be anywhere near whatever that thing in the cave was. He checked in on Igrette who was still feverish, but alive and actively healing herself, then traveled along the ridge toward the mana well that they had passed on the way there.

It took almost three hours to reach it, though not because he was too far away. He ended up picking up a stalker in the form of a second layer white-furred fox. Igrette had said that these foxes would not attack unless they were certain of victory, and they hadn't had any issues, but Jonny must have looked like very viable prey. He had to move slowly, and stare it down whenever it got too close for a while before it finally gave up. He did not actually make it all the way to this mana well.

He didn't even get close. The mana was hardly any denser than the average when he was forced to hide behind a tree as he heard a group of magic beasts approaching. Luckily for him, it was a herd of glass deer, and while he was pretty sure they noticed him, they were far enough away from the mana well not to get overly aggressive, and they let him back away in peace.

The deer didn't look any more powerful than the ones that he and Igrette had defeated at the previous mana well, but that didn't mean that it was at all doable for him. He was reasonably confident he could take on any one of the deer—except maybe the biggest ones—but taking on a whole herd? Not as he was. When he got back to their camp, Jonny decided to stick around a little while, just in case the fox showed back up and found Igrette incapacitated.

Jonny was pretty sure Igrette would be able to kill it, but he would rather she didn't exert herself any more. A few hours passed, and the fox did not reappear. Igrette seemed to improve slightly while he waited, but she kept her eyes closed, and her focus on her healing, so Jonny didn't say anything to her. Just before he was about to leave, she opened her eyes just long enough to tell him not to worry too much about her.

She must have somehow sensed his nervousness about leaving her alone while she was so obviously unwell. She told him that any scavenger that might find her wouldn't even be strong enough to pierce her skin. If she was in danger, she would be able to take care of herself. That was only a small comfort for him as he left the snow bank shelter and headed for the third mana well. Even if she wouldn't die to a random scavenger, that didn't mean he was comfortable leaving her alone.

This was usually the time that he would have been keeping watch and training while she slept. Even if he knew that this was ultimately for the best, he didn't like just abandoning her. He didn't want to entirely skip his training for this, so as he hiked, he practice his breathing, condensing his mana as he inhaled, and pushing it out and into his body when he exhaled. His body had developed a good tolerance for the practice, and he felt that doing it this way was actually better.

He originally did it while perfectly still because he was worried he would injure himself, but now that he was stronger, moving his muscles while they were saturated seemed to help them more than lying down did. It did not take that long to reach the final mana well, and he audibly sighed when he saw what lived there. A full herd of yaks. There were almost a hundred, half sleeping, and half wandering around and grazing. The mana well was a fairly strong one, but it was also completely untakable.

He doubted even a large pack of winter wolves could do anything about this. They had encountered a herd of yaks once in their travels, and had to patiently wait for them to pass through a valley they wanted to travel through. The yaks weren't aggressive unless you threatened the young ones, but they were extremely hardy. Their entire survival strategy revolved around being extremely hard to kill.

Everything about them was tough, to the point that Igrette said her sword wouldn't be able to do more than cut their fur if she didn't empower it with mana. Even Jonny wouldn't be able to strangle them to death, because their necks were just too thick. By the time he returned to the camp, the sun was beginning to set, so he decided to put off the final mana well for the next day.

Igrette was asleep, and thankfully undisturbed, so he decided to stay outside for a little bit, watching the sun set as he thought about his options. The yak well was out of the question. It was just flat-out impossible. There were too many of them. The underground mana well was also far too risky, but it might be serviceable as a last resort, or a stopgap measure until he was able to find somewhere less dangerous.

If the fourth nearby mana well wasn't viable, though, then their only option would be to travel back the way they came, and hope the first was unoccupied. Maybe I could take on the deer… He tried picturing himself defeating the herd of deer. They were the weakest of the three mana wells he had scouted so far, and he had already slain one deer. Maybe if we went full guerilla warfare on them, he could take them out one by one and clear out the mana well. How long would that take, though?

Even if he borrowed Igrette's sword to speed it up, it wasn't like it would be a quick process. And if they realized they were being hunted and grouped together, that was it. He was screwed. But it still might be possible … He decided that would be his even laster resort. If he couldn't find anything else, he would leave Igrette by the cave mana well, and then try to clear out the deer. He didn't like that idea, but it was the best he had.

If worst came to worst, then maybe Igrette would be able to use the last of her strength to kill the thing in the cave, and then the more powerful mana well would be enough to help her recover… It was a plan, but not a good one, or one he wanted to use, so it stayed as his lastest resort. If they got truly desperate, they could try that. Otherwise, he just had to hope that the last mana well was something he would be able to take.

A weaker mana well with a single, stronger beast that he could hopefully choke to death. That would be ideal. I sighed and laid back on the snow, watching as a small cloud circled overhead. The cloudhawk had been occasionally following them around, even after they left behind their piles of free meat. Jonny guessed that it must have been hoping that they left it more scraps.

Either that, or it was waiting for Igrette to die, but he liked to think it was the former, and they had formed a sort of working relationship. Especially since he knew that it could swoop down and kill him at any time, and there was little he could do about it. Once the sun finished setting, and the stars were out, he got back up, and returned to their camp to start preparing dinner.

They had saved some meat from their last few kills, which was transported with Igrette on the wolf pelt, and had more than enough to survive a few nights without any fresh kills, which was good, because they hadn't found anything. Stolen novel; please report. Igrette woke up on her own when the meat was just about done, and while she tried to sit up at first, she listened to Jonny when he gently pushed her back down, and asked that she stay reclined. He doubted that using her abs at all was good for her wound.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Terrible," she said, staring up at the ceiling.

"Everything hurts. Even my missing arm. I swear my elbow hurt less before I cut it off."

"Damn…"

"But I'm not dying. Yet."

"Are you hungry?"

"Of course I am."

"The meat should be ready right about now. Hold on, I'll grab you some." Jonny reached back and pulled one of the skewers from the ground and placed it gently in her hand. She took a large bite, then used her sleeve to wipe off the extra grease, still staring up at the ceiling. Jonny grabbed the other skewer for himself, and the two ate in silence until the food was all gone.

"Earlier while I was healing, I was also praying," said Igrette.

"I asked God why I'm still here, when it's clear at this point that I'm more of a burden than anything else. I am ready to go. I have accepted my fate. But I am not gone yet. That can only mean there is something left for me to do. Something for me to teach you, or to protect you from."

"Or, it's because you're not supposed to die yet."

"Or that," she conceded.

"Who am I to guess the plans of the Lord? But if it's the former, I want you to promise me something."

"You're not–""Jonathan." Jonny shut up. He couldn't remember if she had ever used his full name before.

"If we end up in a situation where we are in grave danger, and I tell you to run, you will run."

"But–""I promise I won't talk about dying anymore. I will try my best to survive. But if that becomes obviously impossible, then I want my last action to be saving you. If I tell you to run, it will be because there is nothing else. Do you understand?"

"I–" Jonny hesitated.

"I understand."

"And if there is no situation like that, and I run out of mana, and the infection kills me…" Igrette trailed off, seeming to have second thoughts about what she was going to say. She hesitated, gritting her teeth, and glanced over at Jonny, giving him a look that made him slightly uncomfortable.

"I've never been good with my emotions," she finally said.

"I ran away from them for decades. I've never known how to put them into words, so forgive me for my inadequacy. You are like a son to me. If you survive, and grow up well, I will have no more regrets in this life. I– I love you." Jonny felt an incredible tightness in his chest as he looked down at Igrette and forced back tears. A moment later, Igrette burst out into laughter, and unlike the laughter he had heard from her over the past few days, this laughter sounded genuine.

There was no bitterness, or wistfulness. Just pure amusement.

"I don't think I've ever said those words aloud," she said.

"How sad is that? At my age, I've never told someone that I love them. I might be the biggest idiot who ever lived!" Jonny was not amused. He was barely keeping himself together. Her words hit him harder than he thought they would have, and he knew that if he tried to speak right then, he would just burst into tears. Instead, he just sat there, lip trembling until Igrette calmed down, and her face settled into the most genuine, peaceful smile he had ever seen on her.

"Yes, I do love you, Jonny," she said.

"Survive. Grow up well. Walk with the Lord, and don't let anyone else's wishes dictate yours. Live as best you can, and be fulfilled. If you can do that, I will have no regrets." Jonny didn't respond. After a few seconds, he sniffled, then wiped his nose and turned away. Internally, he scolded himself, but on the outside, he didn't say a word as he crawled to his spot in the snow bank shelter and curled up to sleep.

Facing away from Igrette, he finally let a tear fall, running down the side of his face and hitting the snow. Why didn't you say anything, dumbass? he asked himself. He didn't have a good answer. He had an answer. It just wasn't a good one. He didn't want to cry in front of her. He didn't want to fully accept her words. Those weren't the words of someone who expected to live, and he didn't want her to die.

He scolded himself over and over again, but he still couldn't bring himself to get back up and respond to her properly until he drifted off into a restless sleep. It's going to happen again… That night, he dreamt he was back on Earth again, in a familiar room in his grandma's house. The details around were fuzzy, but they had been fuzzy back then too.

The room was quite the same as it had been growing up, his grandmother's old bed was gone, replaced by the hospital bed with machinery hooked up to keep her alive and pain-free in her final moments. He didn't remember if they had moved the other furniture as well, and it didn't matter, because in his dream, all he could see was the bed, and his grandmother on it. She was nothing like Igrette. Even when healthy, she had never been imposing, and the cancer turned her positively skeletal. Her face was a blur.

He could never quite recall what she looked like in her final moments. He remembered what she looked like before, because he saw her pictures every day in his house, but what the cancer had turned her into, he never remembered. He would never forget her final words, though.

"You've grown up so well," she had rasped.

"I wish I could see the rest of it. But I know you'll be amazing. So don't worry about me. I'll be in a better place. You just stay here and be the best Jonny you can be. Okay? And never forget: I love you." In the dream and in life, Jonny never replied. He just sat there, holding her hand and silently cried as she smiled at him. He knew the end was near. This was her first moment of lucidity in days.

But no matter how much he screamed at himself, he still couldn't say a word, and not long after, she went to sleep and never woke back up. Why didn't I say it back? He woke up at sunrise with tears frozen on his face. He stayed in place for a minute or two before silently getting up and preparing breakfast. Igrette remained asleep, and Jonny preferred it that way. He couldn't even bring himself to look at her at the moment.

When she finally did wake up, he shoved the meat into her hand and immediately started talking about business. Her own words had made him completely forget to tell her about his scouting results. She sensed that he wasn't in the mood to talk about more, and engaged normally, agreeing with his assessments. As Jonny predicted, she volunteered to just take care of the monster in the deep cave, and hope that the denser mana would be enough to keep her alive afterward, but Jonny shot her down.

Not entirely, but as he had already decided, that would be their lastest resort, only if literally nothing else worked. When they finished discussing that, before Igrette could even think about bringing something else up, Jonny stood up, and said he was going to investigate the final mana well. Igrette wished him luck, and got to healing herself as he turned and walked away. He hated himself for avoiding the topic, but he just couldn't deal with it.

Acknowledging her words felt like accepting that she was going to die. And he was determined not to let her die. He couldn't do anything about his grandmother. Cancer wasn't something he could punch. But here, he could do something. He wasn't helpless. He just needed to take over a mana well for her and hold it for a little while, and she would live. I only have to fight a bunch of magic beasts that are stronger than me while in the body of a magically crippled child. Easy.

He stopped a moment to look at the way the sunrise looked on the snow ridge, then turned uphill to face the direction of the final mana well. Only three days left… he thought. Gotta make 'em count.