Chương 57: Explanation

The roof of the science building was accessible and vacant, so that was my next landing site. If I don't get over my addiction to dramatic exits, I am never going to walk around and enjoy this beautiful campus. I opened the roof-access hatch and let myself down the stairs, following my instincts to the next class in my schedule. Okay Natalie, remember. This is natural philosophy. You can't call it science. People get weird about that.

This time I was not the first student in, a tall guy with a blonde brush-cut was already in, standing by the windows, hands in his pockets. His bag was dumped on a table next to him, and he did not even look my way when I walked in. He looked like a TA to me, he was dressed like the grad students who had off-campus passes.

"Morning," I said, and flopped into a chair at another group table.

"Is this Advanced Natural Ⅲ?"

"Yes," he said.

"How did you make that sound with your mouth?"

"Pure talent," I said.

"Do you know if we're covering new discoveries, or is that just for Developing Theories?"

"You know about Developing Theories?" He seemed surprised and amused. Surmused. Most of the reactions I get from people are mixed reactions.

"Eleventh bell," I confirmed.

"You the TA?"

"No, I'm actually the professor here," he said.

"But my TA should be around somewhere if you need her." I straightened up fast.

"Sorry sir, I made hasty assumptions." He laughed at me. I slumped back. I must look like such an apple-polisher right now. Teacher's pet. Other students started filing in. So, yeah, once again I'd been the first one in. I resolved that this time I would walk from one class to another. I'm sure I could do it. Just because teleportation gives me the ultimate opportunity to always get the last word, doesn't mean I need to use it to leave every conversation. The breakdown of ages here looked a lot like my math class.

I was the only freshman, there were several second-years that looked very keen, and the rest were third-years. I think I might've seen one or two of them back at the Calculus class. The instructor counted heads, and when he got the right number he walked over and shut the door.

"Hi all. I'm Professor Ryichsur. I figured we'd keep Day One kind of informal, yeah? Let's make this easy with an abbreviated roll call." He picked up a clipboard, looked over it for a few seconds, and then called out "Princess Natalie Fucking Harigold Herself." All eyes were riveted on me immediately. A hundred small sounds I didn't realize I was hearing all stopped at once.

"It's pronounced Francine," I said, offering the only smile I had at that moment, which was weak and anemic and self-conscious. He tossed the clipboard onto the desk and said, "Yeah, I'm sure that's enough. So, who's got questions for Lady Harigold?" These were easily the most inquisitive and incisive wolves I had ever been thrown to. They had really good questions, and I deflected almost all of them. Yes I do have more information I have not shared. No I'm not planning on sharing that out now.

Yes there is a good reason for that. No I did not intend any insult against the Healer's Academies when I started teaching people about vaccines. Yes I do have access to weapons with great and far reaching consequences that I am withholding for ethical reasons. No you cannot use electricity to become immortal, what the hell man that doesn't even track. No, electricity won't turn lead into gold, but let me tell you about electroplating...

Yes the mathematical constants that I've given will hold up to greater testing. No I will not follow you to your dorm room to look at your schematics with a glass of wine. The culture here treats fifteen-year-olds as adults. I am deeply freaked out by this. Mostly I'm off-limits to propositions because everyone understands that the ducal princess does not casually date.

But these are people here that have been building their careers for the past five years on being able to understand what I've brought over from Earth. I can't tell them that the only way I know how to build a Tesla coil is because I watched a Youtube video and followed half the instructions once. One of these days I'm gonna blow all their minds when I introduce a condensing steam engine. But first I'm gonna need some method to guarantee it won't be used to colonize and exterminate other cultures. Gotta think ahead.

And I need to figure out the condenser. Dong. Ding. When the bell went off, I was at a chalkboard illustrating electron shells with what I remembered from high school, carefully sidestepping any information about the atomic nucleus itself. There were still a hundred questions to answer, but I just held my hands up, and shouted them down.

"Easy, now! I'm back tomorrow, this isn't a one-time speaking engagement!" Honestly right that moment I was thinking about transferring classes just to get away from this. But I did walk out, under my own power, without any portals or void-walking. I strolled out into the starlit, windy, wintry day, with only a light coat on. I regretted my decision not to teleport. Still, it gave me time to stop past the student center and pick up a snack, five hours between breakfast and lunch is just a bit too long.

I grabbed an apple off the line and headed to my history class, which I intended to enjoy. Nobody had accused me of revolutionizing history. But as I walked, and crunched my apple, and crunched the gravel, I got more and more annoyed. That sci- natural philosophy class was a sham. Sitting back and having me teach the class for him? I only went along with it because I was too surprised to protest. And I could tell that these eager-beavers were convinced that the next three years were going to be like that.

I was exhausted just from the past hour! The more I walked, the more convinced I was that I should file a formal complaint. Also he got my middle name wrong. My history class was blessedly normal. Sure, it was the most advanced class they had. But the history of this kingdom is pretty easy, there's surprisingly little to know. After all, it's just the background for a video game, it doesn't need to be incredibly intricate.

A lot of this gets papered over with "there was some kind of cataclysm that destroyed earlier records", and some of it is just reflected in that this culture is mostly settled and steady. Once upon a time this was a land of monsters like everything else, but our ancestors tamed the continent one mile at a time, pushed back the monsters and barbarians, and now we just defend a few land bridges to keep the area safe. Oh, and we had a Fissuring once.

The rest is mostly just minstrel tales of some minor skirmish or another, interpreted into a dramatic quest and a happy ending, or just a dry recitation of the various inter-House rivalries and conflicts. Our textbook for this class was one I'd already read, so I was free to just relax and daydream. Right now Nathan's meeting Lachel Freckentop, the princess that lives next door to me. The Dutiful Princess, another of the love interests.

She's a very sweet girl and has nothing but the best intentions, but romancing her if Nathan's classed as a Spy will guarantee a bad ending: she splits his loyalties and cuts him off from valuable allies, and after the Rapier Revolt the kingdom's armies are stationed in the east to hold the line when the Upheaval hits. There's no coming back from that. This game's on hard mode, i gotta make sure he takes the right path or we're all doomed.

So yeah, I've got Lady Elica et al out there running character assassinations on her so that her reputation is too toxic to touch. I feel awful about it. She doesn't deserve that. But Hearstwhile, this world, is full of people who don't deserve what's coming. I'm just out here steering trolleys, doing my best.

"Are you listening, Miss Harigold?!"

"Not in the slightest." I kept staring out the window. I had to catch moments of peace where I could. Conserve my stamina. I still had a big night ahead of me. Right now, the real story was taking place somewhere else. My twin brother was meeting the women that were going to shape his life, and charming almost everyone he runs across. He's already met Dizzy, already gotten assigned his science project. Sorry, 'natural philosophy' project.

In a week he should be climbing down that well to find the pendant and the scroll case, your first magic items of the game. Dong. Ding. Ding. The teacher glared at my back as I left. Whatever. I'm gonna ace his class and there's nothing he or I can do about it. I joined the press of people pushing past to the exit. This time I conjured a heavy leather overcoat before I stepped outside, and let out a relieved breath when the crush of people relented.

I started down the walkway from one building to another, and just tried to find a way to relax. It's been a long time since I had to operate at such a fast pace for such a long time.

"Hey! Natalie!" Fuck. I froze up. How did he even recognize me from the back?! Oh, right, pure white hair. Jogging behind me. Crrnch-crrnch-crrnch! I cringed into myself. This part always feels so easy when I'm sitting by myself thinking about my purpose, the future, the game, good endings. I always have a sense of purpose when I'm just inside my own head. Nathan came to a stop next to me with one last crunch of gravel.

"You're going to geography next too?"

"I am," I said, nodding. This path only led to one building, and only one subject was taught there. I couldn't keep my eyes up, they just trailed along the ground in front of me.

"Walk together?" he said gently. I nodded again. Our footsteps started again, matching. Same stride. Same pace. My twin brother looked up towards the star-studded sky, I watched the path in front of us.

"I wrote you letters," I said. Shit why did I start with that? I hated that it sounded like I was begging for his attention. I'm supposed to be creating some emotional detachment here.

"I got them," he said.

"But.. I was scared."

"Scared." I repeated the word, my tone flat and unimpressed. I was in prison, alone! You were scared?!

"Yes," he admitted.

"It... At first I was scared for you. Or even of you, when I learned... but the first few letters, I kept waiting for you to tell me it's over. And then - you never did. You didn't say it. There's still that tension, and that- ""I'm not following you," I said. I felt slow, like I wasn't able to understand. He heaved a big sigh, and shoved his hand in the pockets of his overcoat. It was dyed wool, brass buttons. It looked rather military.

"I didn't want to put it on paper. But I was hoping... um, I'll start near the end. The birthday party. I walked in with asparagus." I blurted a laugh, off-guard from that absurd detail.

"Yes," I said, remembering one of many days that still lives inside me like a dagger.

"You were so happy when you walked in, you had that smile..." And then it was gone. We both remembered that part. The way his happiness was shocked out of him in a single moment.

"I did. And when I saw what I saw, all the fear came right back."

"You were mad that I had turned my back on you," I said.

"Invited everyone but not you."

"No. It wasn't that they were invited and I was not. You'd never have expected me to come," he shook his head, casually dismantling the assumptions that have been keeping me up at night for years.

"I'd never left that far from home, and I didn't even tell you I was close by. It wasn't them that shocked me. It was your eyes, Natalie. My entire life, there's been a sad secret in your eyes, something horrible you cannot tell me about. I suspected long before I ever asked you about it. But when the -" His words caught. I don't think either one of us would ever be able to say the words the fire to each other, ever again." - When everything happened.

When we lost everything, when those people died, when you almost- and then you woke up, and you had to do all those other things, and then you were in prison... Natalie, I thought that was the worst thing in the world. I was sure that this was the end of your sad secret, and now that it was done with you would finally look at me like you weren't already nostalgic for these good days. I walked through that door, hoping that for the first time in my life I was going to see my sister happy.

Instead, it was still there. Not even diminished. And then I realized that whatever you're holding back from me is so much bigger than even these tragedies. Losing your freedom, our house, nearly dying, losing friends, locking you away... only a drop in the bucket of pain you could see in our future. And I... reacted badly." You shut down and shut me out. Because you wanted to know what could be so bad. And you were scared I might actually tell you. I could not do this. I channeled steel, a lot of it.

I brought it into my mind, firmed my spine, quelled my tears. I called on strength that I did not feel, but could only borrow.

"You were a child. And you were alone. And scared." I said.

"Just like me. I know what you were feeling. I know how awful it was. And knowing how hard it was, I would be a hypocrite if I demanded that you had been stronger."

"That... is gracious of you," he said.

"But also inaccurate. I had the family, Cushnere, Hyrtice. I had support. And I should have given support."

"It was all right," I said.

"I was strong enough." That's the steel speaking. A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

"In the last few years, the family has been struck by repeated tragedy, and our lands have suffered several misfortunes. Dark days in Meadowtam, and Harigold House," he said, finally turning to look straight at me.

"It was never your fault."

"I know," I said easily. He seemed surprised. I wasn't. I know that with or without me, those tragedies and dark days were always inevitable. Did he think I've been blaming myself? What happened to us, we never used to have these miscommunications.

"It wasn't me, and it's not over," I said.

"And Nathan?"

"Yes?"

"You're going to hear things. About me. And see things. I won't be the sister you remember."

"I know," he said. Gods he sounded so tired. We were in sight of the building. This was almost over.

"Mother told me once that she sent you off to war. And you never came back." I nodded.

"I'll come back. When it's done. When we're safe. But until then... I'm going to need to be someone else. And while I'm doing that, I don't think you're going to like me very much." In the shadow of the awning. The door ahead.

"Is that something you've seen, Natalie?"

"No."

"Then neither of us can promise the future," he said. He probably meant that to be comforting. I caught his hand, squeezed his hand, and I walked up the stairs.

"Gods above, how is this day still going on?" I groaned.

"Natalie, it's only lunch time," Vancy reminded me.

"We're only about half-way thr-" I dropped a hand on her shoulder.

"Vancy, I understand. But complaining is good for my soul." Elica rolled her eyes.

"You must have the healthiest soul around because you-""I promise you that you don't have to finish that sentence," I said to her, pressing the heels of my hands into my eye sockets. Instead, Elica changed the subject.

"So, how are you all liking your classes so far? I am pretty sure I'm not cut out for this place." Vancy laughed a little.

"I'm for sure gonna fail at least half my classes. Larianne?" Countess Larianne Ebonder gave a flat waggle of her hand, a 'maybe' gesture.

"Natalie, I haven't see you at all since breakfast," Elica said.

"How are your classes?"

"Oh, they're not great," I sighed.

"Annoying. Difficult. Sometimes kind of condescending." Elica tapped her chin.

"Isn't that the school's creed or something?"

"Might as well be," I sighed.

"Oh, thank gods the line is finally moving." We shuffled along down the hall to pick out our food for the hour-long lunch break.

"Good thing too, I was about to ask you to just sorcery everyone out of our way," Lady Elica said, with a 'magical' gesture. I laughed, and Vancy laughed too. I think Larianne considered it. Gods, these three are actually my friends now. We joke around. We share stories. We commiserate. And we plot the ruin and humiliation of those who get in our way. I really thought I'd be better than this. God help me I'm a mean girl.

I followed them through the lanes, and grabbed a plate to dish up a small loaf of bread, a thin wedge of cheese, and a slab of roast beef. With my free hand I grabbed a pitcher of water, and Vancy carried an extra glass for me. I followed them back to our usual table, all four of us just sort of in a gaggle. I glanced to the side, spotted Nathan. Right on time he was sitting down next to a girl looking very bittersweet, wistful, sad. Kiri Sizomaji, the love interest for this time slot.

She had her prepared lunch in a small wooden box, ready to release beautifully fragrant steam. Her abilities to cook would make her legendary.

"Natalie you forgot a fork," Elica said, but I was breaking open my bread lengthwise already. I used it to clasp around the roast beef and cheese, and bit into my simple sandwich. Vancy stared at me.

"Oh my god. What do you call that?" I held it out for her to try a bite, and she leaned away, laughing and waving her hands back and forth to ward it off. Rude and unfair! This world has a variety of recognized food options that use a baked shell around other ingredients, meat or cheese or whatever. Hand-pies, curries, whatever. But if I try making a sandwich with sliced bread they stare at me like I'm eating off the floor! Well, no matter. Time to get to work.

I kept a peripheral view of Nathan and the girl that was flirting with him. I flowed some gestures with my off hand, curving salt's essence to my needs. I picked the spot, several tables over. One area, fairly small. And any salt that was in that zone started to heat up. This was one of the more effective uses, for some reason salt likes to be hot. Every essence has their quirks. And salt will readily heat up enough to burn the food it's mixed with, if I ask it to. And then, afterwards, I can cool it off again.

So the food looks like it was already burnt. There aren't many uses for a trick that can ruin food and make it look natural, but there are some. Elica sneered at my sandwich and rolled her eyes.

"I call it eating with your hands like a barbarian. Still, it is moderately clever. All right, everyone: time to spill. Cute boys?"

"Cutest!" Vancy said, wriggling in her seat, doing a little dance.

"I don't care if I fail these classes. Make me repeat the year, I'll double up my cute boy time!" Larianne nodded.

"Top shelf material," she said approvingly. That's a whole-ass speech from her. She even looked Elica in the eyes when she said it. Meanwhile, Kiri was finally unveiling her lunch, which let off a small cloud of blue smoke instead of mouth-watering steam. It hurt my heart to ruin good food like that, but her romance route would take up Nathan's Sixthday afternoons, and he was going to need that. She was one of the easiest routes for me to close early. The princess, the fencer, the class president?

Those were going to be around a while. But the bento-bearing mother-figure? All I needed was to keep him from enjoying her cooking and they'd drift apart. And her bad outcome is that she burns out, gets disappointed, and doesn't open a restaurant. Some of these girls die if their ending goes bad. And I'm already committed to seeing some of those bad ends. I need to defeat every version of his romance that does not lead to the right ending.

"Hello? Natalie? Paying attention? Cute boys?"

"Um, I'm not really looking," I admitted.

"My father's going to arrange something anyway, so no sense getting my hopes up." Elica rolled her eyes.

"The cute one, the dark one, and the weird one. Honestly, Natalie, I never know what you're going to say next." I shrugged.

"It wouldn't be the same without me." Vancy patted my shoulder and smiled my way. Well, time to go to work.

"So, Elica, about that princess. Correct me if I'm wrong, but neither of her parents actually attended this Academy, correct?" She frowned, tapping her chin.

"I don't... think so? I don't think that crown princes go to the Academy, no."

"And she's not in scholarship or merit classes." I pointed out. Vancy crinkled between her eyebrows.

"Wait, so she's not supposed to be here? But she's a princess, don't they have to let her in?" I shrugged.

"I spent some time with the bylaws recently, and there's no guarantee. Legacy admission is for sons or daughters of previous students, noble or not." Larianne swirled water in her glass, looking around the room as if unconcerned. But she spoke directly to the conversation.

"So, there may be something improper about her admission?" Elica nodded.

"That's enough.

'Something improper'. That's fine. Studied the bylaws, something improper." She seemed to know what she was doing. I've never started a whisper campaign against someone, so I would defer to her expertise. Start slow and build. It was a place to start from, next we'd start by accusing her of nepotism to give her special benefits, and also to get her out of the palace because of strife in the royal family. Kiri was hurrying out of the dining hall, her head down and shoulders shaking.

I could feel Nathan staring at me, as if he knows what I've done. I hope he forgives me, he's going to need the practice.