Chương 87: Chapter 80: The Ultimatum

The heavy oak doors of the Haven Academy Headmaster's office swung open, breaking the tense silence that had settled over the room. The space was still bathed in the cool, artificial light of the three massive holographic screens. Headmistress Glynda Goodwitch sat rigidly behind her desk in Beacon, General James Ironwood loomed with military strictness from Atlas, and Headmaster Theodore alongside Xanthe Rumpole watched with keen interest from the sun-baked feeds of Shade Academy.

Qrow Branwen strode in first, taking a long, exhausted swig from his silver flask. He was followed closely by Oscar Pine, Team RWBY, and Team JNPR. Bringing up the rear was the most absurd, mismatched vanguard in the history of Remnant. Saitama strolled into the room with his hands lazily stuffed into the pockets of his yellow jumpsuit, completely unbothered by the sheer geopolitical weight of the individuals staring at him.

Trailing just behind his red boots, twirling her pink-and-white parasol with absolute, predatory elegance, was Neopolitan. The moment Neo stepped into the office, the temperature in the room plummeted.

"I still cannot believe we are entertaining this," Ironwood growled from his screen, his cybernetic eye narrowing with profound distrust as he glared at the diminutive illusionist. Weiss Schnee crossed her arms, standing protectively near Ruby.

"We don't like it either, General. She tried to stab Ruby less than twenty minutes ago." Neo offered Weiss a highly theatrical, mocking curtsy, a sickly sweet smile plastered across her face. Oscar Pine cleared his throat, stepping forward. He closed his eyes for a brief second. When they snapped open again, the nervous, fidgeting posture of the farm boy was entirely gone. His spine straightened into a regal, flawless alignment, and his hazel eyes radiated an ancient, unfathomable depth. Ozpin had taken the reins.

"We are entertaining it, James, because necessity often makes for strange bedfellows," Ozpin spoke, his voice echoing with calm, undeniable authority. He turned his gaze toward the small girl.

"Miss... Neopolitan, I presume?" Neo didn't flinch. She tilted her head, her heterochromic eyes locking onto the young boy with sharp, calculating interest.

"We are aware of your history with Miss Rose, and your... previous employment during the Battle of Beacon," Ozpin continued smoothly, leaning forward slightly on The Long Memory.

"However, Qrow noted that you did not travel to Anima to hunt our students. You are hunting someone else, aren't you?" Neo's smug smile vanished. Her expression hardened into cold, absolute focus. She reached into her tailored coat, pulling out her scroll. Her thumbs tapped rapidly against the screen before she held the device out for the room to see. Displayed brightly on the glass was a high-resolution photograph of Cinder Fall.

Yang Xiao Long's fists clenched, tiny sparks of Aura igniting around her Ember Celica.

"So you want a piece of her, too." Ozpin nodded slowly, acknowledging the shared enemy.

"Cinder Fall has fled Haven Academy. But her objective remains unfulfilled. Her faction is highly organized, incredibly dangerous, and they are moving to their next target: the Kingdom of Atlas." Ozpin kept his words carefully chosen, ensuring the existence of 'Salem' was perfectly omitted, painting the enemy as a lethal terrorist cell instead.

"If you truly wish to cross paths with Cinder again," Ozpin proposed, "your best chance is to travel with us to Atlas. We can offer you transport, and a direct line to your target." Neo stared at the ancient Headmaster. Her mind worked furiously. She looked at the hardened Huntsmen surrounding her, and then at the massive holographic screens of the military leaders. They were offering her a free ride to her revenge. But Neo was not a fool.

She knew Cinder was immensely powerful, and now possessed even more magic than before. Neo slowly lowered her scroll. She typed a new message and held it up. [I will go. But only if he goes.] She pointed a delicate, gloved finger directly at the bald man standing next to her.

"Huh?" Saitama blinked, aggressively scratching his cheek.

"What?" Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

"That was already our intention," Ironwood stated firmly from his screen.

"Mr. Saitama, we are facing an unprecedented threat. This terrorist cell intends to breach a highly classified, indestructible vault in Atlas. We require your... unique kinetic abilities as an insurance policy. If they compromise our security, we need you to punch the door open."

"Yeah. No thanks," Saitama deadpanned instantly. The entire room completely froze.

"Excuse me?" Glynda asked, her eyes widening behind her glasses.

"I said no thanks," Saitama repeated, crossing his arms and letting out a long, highly exaggerated sigh.

"Look, I've had a really long day. I accidentally rode a boat, got lost in a desert, got cornered by bandits, and had to wear a really itchy wig that is now completely ruined. I'm tired of disguising myself. I just want to go back to my apartment in Vale and sleep in my own bed."

"Saitama, please!" Ruby pleaded, stepping forward with her hands clasped together.

"We really need you! These terrorists are super strong, and if they take over Atlas, a lot of innocent people are going to get hurt!"

"You guys are Huntsmen, right? You're strong enough to handle some terrorists," Saitama reasoned lazily. He then looked down, a rare flicker of genuine guilt crossing his flat features.

"Besides... I feel really bad for the fake janitor guy. Darwin, right?" Saitama mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.

"He's been sweating in a bald cap for weeks just to cover for me. It's not fair to make him keep doing my job. I should go back and let the poor guy take a vacation." Glynda Goodwitch let out a slow, deeply strained breath. The fact that the strongest being on the planet was prioritizing the mental health of a civilian body double over the fate of the world was both endearing and incredibly frustrating.

"Mr. Saitama," Glynda said, her voice dropping into a remarkably gentle, reassuring tone.

"You do not need to worry about Vale, or Mr. Darwin. I will manage the public perception. I will ensure the illusion holds, and I will personally see that Darwin is given a substantial bonus and a long rest. This mission to Atlas is far more important."

"I don't know..." Saitama groaned, slouching backward.

"Atlas is a frozen tundra, right? It sounds freezing. I don't even have a winter coat. My suit is very breathable. I'm going to freeze to death."

"Are you being serious right now? Your physical constitution can withstand the atmospheric friction of reentry! You are not going to catch a cold!" Ironwood barked, his military patience wearing exceedingly thin.

"This is your duty as a hero!"

"I'm a hero for fun," Saitama corrected flatly, entirely unfazed by the General's shouting.

"It's true that I can adapt anywhere, but... freezing my butt off in the snow doesn't sound very fun." Team RWBY and Team JNPR exchanged desperate, exasperated glances. They were losing him.

"What if..." Weiss Schnee suddenly spoke up, stepping forward with a brilliant, calculating gleam in her pale blue eyes. She knew exactly how to play this game.

"What if we ensured you wouldn't be cold?" Saitama raised a single, skeptical eyebrow.

"How?"

"My family owns the Schnee Dust Company in Atlas," Weiss explained smoothly, adopting the tone of a high-end corporate negotiator.

"If you come with us, I will personally guarantee that you are housed in a luxury, hyper-heated Atlesian penthouse. The floors have built-in thermal warming." Saitama's posture straightened slightly.

"Heated floors?" Ironwood caught on instantly.

"Furthermore, the Atlesian military will provide you with unlimited access to our premium, military-grade rations. Including the highest quality, imported Wagyu beef. Entirely free of charge." Saitama's dotted eyes began to widen.

"Premium beef? For free?"

"I'll even throw in a little extra," Headmaster Theodore laughed from the Shade Academy screen, leaning forward with a massive grin.

"Vacuo just finished developing a highly classified, next-generation virtual reality gaming console. It doesn't even hit the markets for another two years. You come to Atlas, I'll have one shipped directly to your penthouse, along with fifty unreleased games."

"And," Glynda added, striking the absolute, definitive final blow, "I will issue you a lifetime, kingdom-wide Platinum Coupon Booklet for every single major supermarket chain in Remnant." Saitama's face completely transformed. The bored, flat oval of his face was instantly replaced by a hyper-detailed, incredibly intense, and overwhelmingly passionate expression of pure, unadulterated joy. A majestic, imaginary wind seemed to blow his white cape behind him.

"A luxury heated penthouse... unlimited premium beef... next-gen video games... and Platinum Coupons..." Saitama whispered reverently, as if he were reciting sacred texts. He slammed his red-gloved fist into his palm, his eyes burning with heroic fire.

"I will protect Atlas with my life!" Saitama declared loudly. Every single teenager in the room rolled their eyes so hard they nearly gave themselves a headache. Qrow let out a deep, cynical groan, rubbing his temples. While Theodore burst into booming laughter. Neo, however, just smirked, twirling her parasol with quiet satisfaction. Her meat-shield was secured.

"Excellent," Ozpin smiled, the ancient Headmaster looking incredibly relieved despite the sheer absurdity of the negotiation.

"Then it is settled."

"However," Glynda Goodwitch interrupted, her voice suddenly dropping into a terrifyingly cold, absolute zero register that froze the very blood in Saitama's veins. Saitama stiffened, slowly turning his head to look at the Beacon Headmistress's screen. Glynda pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, her green eyes piercing directly through the holographic projector.

"Let me make myself perfectly clear, Mr. Saitama," Glynda warned, her voice echoing with maternal, administrative wrath.

"If you cause a public scene in Atlas. If you accidentally destroy a city block. If you deviate from the mission parameters even slightly..." Saitama swallowed a massive lump in his throat.

"I will personally access the Vale Central Bank," Glynda promised softly.

"I will permanently delete your bank account. I will cancel your Lien credit card. And I will ensure you are blacklisted from every single convenience store on the continent of Sanus." The color completely drained from Saitama's face, leaving him in a stark, heavily-shaded monochrome of pure existential dread. He immediately dropped directly to his hands and knees on the Headmaster's floorboards, bowing so furiously his forehead nearly cracked the wood.

"I WILL BE PERFECT!" Saitama screamed in high-pitched, comical terror.

"I WILL BE THE MOST BORING, INVISIBLE HERO YOU HAVE EVER SEEN! I WON'T EVEN SNEEZE TOO HARD! I PROMISE! PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY CREDIT CARD!" Ruby buried her face in her hands, groaning. Yang bit her lip to stop from laughing, while Weiss simply shook her head in sheer, exhausted disbelief.

"I cannot believe the fate of the world rests on this man," Ironwood muttered, dragging a heavy metallic hand down his face.

"You and me both, Jimmy," Qrow sighed, capping his flask.

"You and me both."