Chương 44: Butt-Cat Included

When we arrived at the cathedral I took in a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. Something had changed. It somehow looked a bit less… wild than it had before. Kasia stopped beside me, eyes wide.

"This is where you live?" I nodded.

"Yup. And now you do, too. Let me introduce you to Skelly and Phisto, then you guys can pick out your rooms." Her mouth dropped open.

"We get our own rooms?"

"Of course you do." Kasia grabbed me in a tight hug. I glanced over at Kuba who gave me a small, warm smile. Kasia let go and wiped at her face like she hadn't meant to get emotional. She hadn't cried, but she was close. I pretended not to notice. The vines choking the entrance were gone. The air smelled a little less mildewy. I looked around and noticed some of the mold was gone from between the stones. The floor had been swept. A few fallen tiles had been stacked neatly against the wall. Skelly had been busy.

He stood near the altar, holding a broom that looked like he had made it himself out of sticks and twigs, bound together with vines. He turned his head toward us when we entered.

"Hiya!"

"Skelly!" I said.

"I love what you've done to the place." He made a delighted noise somewhere between a giggle and a little gasp and clapped a hand to his mouth. If he'd had cheeks, I'm sure they would've been bright red.

"I worked very hard," he said proudly. He lifted the broom for emphasis. A few twigs fell off. Kuba frowned, expression somewhere between polite curiosity and what in the hells have I agreed to.

"I brought you some new friends," I said. Skelly tossed aside the broom and walked over. He offered Kasia his hand first.

"Hello! I'm Skelly! Would you like to be my friend?" Kasia shook his hand enthusiastically.

"I'd love to!" He moved on to Kuba.

"Hello! I'm Skelly! Would you like to be my friend?" Kuba shook it hesitantly.

"Sure…?" I glanced around.

"Where's Phisto?" Skelly shrugged.

"I haven't seen him since this morning. Maybe he's napping? Or plotting something?"

"Probably lazing around somewhere," I said.

"He'll turn up when he feels like it. Come on, let's head upstairs, I'll show you the rooms." Skelly picked the broom back up and led the way, carrying his twig-broom like a scepter. I watched him for a second, then stifled a laugh. When we arrived at the private quarters, I gestured down the hall.

"All right. These are all up for grabs. Fair warning, they're absolute shit right now. Mold, dust… and actual shit everywhere. From animals. I hope. Kuba and Kasia peered inside the first room. To them it must have been huge, probably big enough to fit their whole old cottage inside twice over. Even with all the filth, the size alone left them speechless. Kasia spun around.

"This is incredible!"

"It's not bad. And the upside of everything being a mess? You can decorate it however you want. No rules. I don't care." Kuba stepped inside, running a hand along the window frame. The wood flaked under his fingers.

"I've never seen anything like this."

"Pick whichever you want," I said.

"You want the one with the least holes or the most ghosts, it's all yours." Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. Kuba looked worried.

"Ghosts?" I chuckled and waved a hand.

"Just kidding. There are no ghosts here. Right, Skelly?" Skelly shrugged. Kuba didn't look convinced. Kasia on the other hand beamed, already dreaming out loud about curtains and flowers. That seemed to ease some of Kuba's worry, and he even managed a grin. Kasia picked the room with the least broken floorboards and an intact window. She was already describing where the curtains would go. Kuba chose the one across from her. He knocked on the wall, checking for rot. Apparently it was fine.

I leaned against the doorframe.

"Hey. Since you're the specialist… think you can make everyone beds?" He looked up.

"Yeah. Should be done in a few hours."

"A few hours? That fast?" He nodded.

"I'm a [Carpenter]. Beds are simple."

"You don't need a saw? Nails? Wood, maybe?"

"Ideally, yes. But not necessarily. I'm used to working with the bare minimum. And with the gear you gave me…" He flexed his hands experimentally.

"Pretty sure I can knock down a tree bare-handed. My skills will take care of most of the shaping." I stared at him.

"Damn. I'm really glad I brought you along." He smiled.

"Thanks." I jerked a thumb over my shoulder.

"Think you can do doors too? The main entrance could use some. Would be nice to keep out animals."

"Shouldn't be a problem," he said.

"I'll take a look after I get the beds started."

"You sure? They are supposed to be kind of big and heavy." He frowned.

"You think I'm not strong enough?" I raised my hands.

"Hey, I'm not saying anything. Just asking."

"Sure," he said, shaking his head.

"I might not look it, but I have plenty of points in Strength. And the boots and gloves add another sixteen points. That's a lot."

"You're right. That is a lot," I agreed. I turned back toward the stairs.

"Come on. I'll show you the war room." Kuba gave me a look.

"You have a war room?"

"It's what I call it. It used to be some kind of office, I think. It's the room with the least holes in the ceiling, so that's where we gather when we're pretending to be organized." We passed through the main hall on our way to the war room. Phisto was on the altar, one leg straight up, licking his own ass like he was trying to light a fire. Kasia stopped.

"Is that—""Yes," I said.

"That is our guardian beast."

"He's—""Conducting sacred rituals." Phisto paused to stare at us.

"What?" Kuba looked alarmed. Skelly gave an approving nod.

"He's very flexible." Phisto kept glaring.

"Do you mind?" Kasia burst out laughing.

"Anyway," I said.

"Now you've met Phisto. Let's move to the war room." I stepped inside and gave a quick nod.

"Now you've seen everything important. War room, bedrooms, skeleton, butt-cat. You're caught up." I turned to them.

"I've got a few things to go over with Vasil. You two can explore, clean, rest, do whatever." Kuba gave a short nod.

"Thank you. For… everything." Kasia smiled.

"Yeah. I never thought I'd be somewhere like this. Or meet someone like you." I raised an eyebrow.

"Someone like me?" Kasia's smile widened.

"You're amazing. You're strong, fearless, you don't take orders from anyone—not even the Church. You just… do what you want. And you're so brave and so powerful." Her eyes went distant, dreamy.

"You're like a hero from the old stories." I blinked. What? I mean, sure, I was pretty capable. And yes, I'd handled a few situations competently. My judgement? Impeccable. But hero? That seemed like a stretch. What had I even done that was so impressive? Shot some guys who were trying to kill me? That was just self-preservation. Anyone would've done the same. Well, anyone with a gun and decent aim. And [Clean Entry]. And maybe a totem or two. Okay, maybe not everyone could do it. But still.

I helped Kasia because the Church was being unreasonable. They were dragging away a seventeen-year-old girl for rejecting some creep. You see someone getting kidnapped by religious zealots, you stop it. That's not bravery, that's just being human. I gave Kuba some hands because he might need them later for skill upgrades. That was just my kind and generous nature. Had nothing to do with bravery. And taking them in? That wasn't some grand gesture of compassion. They needed a place to go, and I needed people.

It was a mutually beneficial arrangement. Sure, the flaming bullets were cool. Actually, the flaming bullets were super cool, but I didn't create them. I just… happened to cut off the right guy's head at the right time. Anyone could have done it. Really, when I thought about it, I hadn't done anything special. I was just solving problems as they came up. So why was she looking at me like I'd done something extraordinary?

"I'm not that special," I said slowly. Kasia shook her head.

"You are. You really are. You don't even realize." Which, frankly, was rude. I realized plenty. I was one of the most self-aware people I knew. Why was I being criticized after heroically risking my life rescuing her and her brother? What in Erotokomos's perfumed waves prompted this betrayal? Before I could explain to her how many things I realized, Vasil cleared his throat.

"We should give Hecate a moment," he said, with a small, froggy smile in Kasia's direction.

"She and I have a few things to go over. Why don't you and Kuba get your rooms settled?" Kasia nodded quickly, almost shy now.

"Right. Of course." She gave me one more look—that same reverent, awe-struck one—and left with Kuba. Vasil waited until they were out of earshot, then spoke.

"You're doing well." Which was annoying, because I hadn't said I wasn't. Obviously I was doing well. I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever. I gained two levels after I shot those inquisitors. That means I'm level ten now and have two upgrade points and a skill point to spend. Let's do some brainstorming."