Chương 66: Behave Yourself

As we turned toward the stairs, a mountain of a man reeking of beer and sweat plowed straight through Kasia. It wasn't an accident, that bastard walked into her on purpose. Kasia stumbled and dropped her new tunic and pants onto the floor.

"Watch where you're going, you little rat," the man growled.

"Keep your trash out of my way." Kasia froze, face flushing.

"I—I'm sorry, I—" I didn't let her finish. I stopped shuffling and hunching and stomped over to the giant.

"Hec—Grandma, no!" Kasia whispered. I ignored her. I reached up and grabbed the man's greasy collar. For a fraction of a second I thought about pulling him down, but then I remembered I only had a single point in Strength and I probably wouldn't be able to. Instead I got real close, and tried staring him down with my ugly mask. The man scowled.

"Let go of me, you crazy old freak, before I—""Say sorry."

"I said get your hands off—" Before he could finish his next insult, I slammed my palm over his mouth and summoned my revolver, sliding from my palm directly into his throat. The man's eyes went wide as I pushed the barrel in deep.

"Did that make you feel strong?" I asked.

"Picking on someone smaller than you? Was it fun?" He grabbed his throat and tried to back up, but I held on. His face started to turn blue.

"Now, because you couldn't just be a decent human being, because you had to keep acting like an asshole, you're going to die. Tell me," I moved my face closer to his.

"Was it worth it?" Kasia grabbed my arm.

"Grandma, stop! Just let it go! Please!" I stared at the man for a second longer, hoping he would realize just how close he'd come to dying thanks to his shitty behavior. Maybe he'd think twice about assaulting random people in the future. Then, I felt Kasia's hand trembling on my arm. I exhaled. I retracted the revolver back into my palm, then pulled my hand away from his mouth. The man fell on the floor, and he sat there clutching his throat and gasping for air.

I leaned in, slapped his cheek, and immediately went back into decrepit grandma mode.

"Now you behave yourself, young man!" I said in my best shaky old grandma voice.

"Rudeness is a very unbecoming trait!" I turned back to Kasia, who was staring at me in horror. I pointed at the stairs.

"Well? Pick up your clothes, dearie. My stomach is growling!" I rubbed my back.

"Owwww…" As I was about to get on the stairs I looked back. The innkeeper gave me a small nod of approval. None of the other patrons seemed to have noticed, or they didn't care, since no one was looking at me. Maybe this sort of thing happened all the time. Maybe that guy was just an asshole and no one liked him. Could have gone worse, and the guy probably won't bother us again. Our room was pretty nice. The interior kept the same dark lacquered wood and green accents going that were present in the rest of the inn.

It was spacious, and the bed was big, just like the innkeeper had said. It even had a little round table with two chairs. This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. The room also had a little ensuite I checked out. I didn't see a bath, or a shower for that matter, but I did see a seated toilet (basically a bench with a hole.) That was definitely a luxury I should incorporate into the cathedral.

Note to self: tell Kuba to make some seated toilets. Actually, make that a priority. I was tired of squatting in the woods like some kind of animal. I looked around a bit more to see where this "shower" was, but didn't really see anything special until I noticed a flat stone slab on the wall with a rune carved into it. It was smaller than the one in the cathedral, but looked similar. I pressed it, and a jet of warm water hit me square in the neck.

I stepped back, startled, and looked up just as the water sprayed me directly in the face and mouth. Coughing and sputtering, I managed to reach out and press the rune again. The water stopped. By Her Pale Grace, I could have died! Who puts a death trap in a bathroom? What if someone pressed that by accident and drowned? What if a child pressed it? This was a serious safety hazard and I should probably tell the innkeeper about it. Unless…

Unless this was the shower, and then I'd have to admit I almost drowned myself in a shower—which apparently was a normal thing here—and that would be embarrassing. I stepped to the side, safely out of the blast zone, and pressed it a couple more times, turning it on and off to get the hang of it. Once you knew where it was coming from, it was actually pretty clever.

"Kasia, check this out!" I yelled. Kasia walked in, looking curious.

"What is it?" As soon as she was in range, I quickly pressed the rune. I now saw the water was actually coming from another slab with a rune on the ceiling. It fell right on her head. She got startled for a moment, jumping back, but when she recovered and felt the temperature, she wiped her eyes and said, "Hey, this is kind of nice!"

"Vasil!" I yelled. He hopped inside the small room, and I pushed the rune again. The water sprayed right onto his little head. He didn't say anything. I pushed it again, more water sprayed, and he still didn't say anything. Whatever. He's no fun. Just as I was about to tell him that, there was a knock on the door. I quickly pulled my mask back on (can't be too careful) and opened it just a crack. A lady was standing there holding two big plates. Even through the mask, the smell was intoxicating.

It was roasted goose with pieces of cooked apple, and on the side was a heap of cabbage mixed with thick chunks of bacon. I'm not ashamed to admit that I might have drooled a little bit.

"Janek thanks you for not destroying the place," she said, handing over the plates.

"And for not killing the drunk."

"I totally wasn't going to destroy anything," I said, trying to sound offended while balancing the heavy plates. Maybe I should put at least one more point into Strength?

"But tell Janek no problem." The lady gave a nod.

"And I see you found the shower. People usually take their clothes off first."

"I knew that," I said. The lady considered that for a moment.

"Alright then," she said, and turned around to leave. I pushed the door shut, bolted it, and ripped the mask off.

"Food!" Kasia came out of the ensuite, and her eyes nearly popped out of her head when she saw the plates. We sat down at the little round table and attacked the meal like starving animals. Because we were. This must have been a luxury for Kasia, who had probably never seen this much bacon in one sitting in her life. But it was just as much of a luxury for me. I'd been living in a damp, miserable swamp for weeks, eating those damn fish.

The sweetness of the apple with the salty grease of the goose was enough to make me want to cry. Maybe I did cry. So what. It was beautiful. For a few minutes, the only sound in the room was smacks and grunts. The paranoia about the four gold, the "woohooing" shopkeeper, the drunk, and the posters outside felt a million miles away.

"You know," I said, chewing on a particularly crispy piece of bacon.

"We should visit inns more often." Kasia just nodded, her mouth too full of cabbage to respond. Vasil was just sitting there, perched on the edge of the table, silently observing us. I looked down at him, then at the goose.

"Vasil, you want some?" I asked, holding out a piece.

"I do not have to eat," he said.

"Liar. You ate that mosquito back when we first met." There was a pause, and I could swear I saw his little frog eyes blink in embarrassment.

"A guilty pleasure," he replied.

"I do not require sustenance, but for some reason, mosquitoes taste amazing. Sometimes, when the urge gets too strong, I'll oblige." I squinted at him.

"So if you don't eat, I guess you also don't poop."

"I do not poop," he confirmed.

"Convenient. And what about sleep? Do you just sit there and watch me be a delicate princess all night? And for the record, I don't snore. Any rumbling you hear is the foundation of the building settling. Don't mention it again."

"I do not sleep in the way you do. But I try to clear my mind and meditate to achieve a relaxed state that mimics sleep. Sleep, or clearing the mind, is needed. Without sleep, you will go insane."

"Tell me about it," I sighed. I finished a mouthful of cabbage and leaned in a bit closer.

"Actually. There's something else I wanted to ask you."