Chương 74: No Dicks in the Circle

We'd been following the main road toward wherever the cat was supposed to be stuck in a tree, but since it was starting to get dark, we decided to get off the road and set up camp in the nearby forest. We found a small clearing surrounded by a mixture of beautiful white flowers. Some of them looked like tiny white bells, and some of them looked like small white stars. They gave off a sweet smell and made the whole area feel magical. I much preferred this to the swamp.

As we entered the clearing, the air tingled slightly. Maybe it literally was magical?

"You know, I've been thinking," Kasia said.

"Don't you think it's a little weird that they would post a quest to rescue a cat from a tree? Especially that far away from the actual tree."

"Maybe it's a big tree," I said, "but yeah, it does seem odd. How long has that cat been in the tree? What if it's already gone by the time we get there? Why is it in that tree? You know, the more I think about it, the stranger it is." Vasil cocked his head.

"They are offering a Vortex rune for the return of the cat, so either they love their cat very much, or rescuing it has proven difficult for one reason or another." I tapped my chin.

"Maybe the cat is a [Purrveyor of Chaos] like Phisto. Maybe it's trying to make people fall down the tree to gain levels. Maybe the cat posted the quest and it's a trap."

"Maybe there is no cat," Kasia said.

"If there's no cat that tree is gonna get it," I huffed.

"Making us walk all the way there."

"Still," Vasil said.

"Since you have a mana hungry class, that rune would be extremely useful to you. Of course rewards are never guaranteed, maybe it is a trap and there is no Vortex rune at all either." I waved my hand.

"Yeah, yeah. Or maybe it's just a regular, but slightly hard to grab cat stuck in a tree, and the owner really wants it back. I'm either getting that runestone, or I'm killing someone, and then getting that runestone." I looked up. The sky was clear and the moon shone bright. Mēnē was watching. Then I noticed some movement in the corner of my eye. I turned my head to see a feminine face staring back at me from a brush. Huh. I cast [Soul Index]. [Viwa] Status: Blessed"Umm, what's a viwa?"

I whispered to Vasil, not taking my eyes off the brush-person.

"They are similar to the forest nymphs you have in Graecia. Why?" I pointed at the bushes.

"No reason."

"Ah," he said.

"Well, they are usually quite amiable, as long as you are respectful. Encountering one can be seen as a sign of good fortune heading your way. Again, as long as you are respectful, of course." I gave the Viwa a weak wave and a smile. She smiled back and slowly got out of the brush. She had long, silver hair, and I was expecting a flowing white dress like all magical ladies seem to have in this place, but I was wrong. She was completely, one hundred percent, butt-naked.

"Good evening, ladies," the viwa said. I pointed at her.

"You're not cold?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not. Are you?" This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author's work. I shook my head.

"No, but I'm wearing clothes."

"And I'm not."

"Why not? Did you leave your flowing white dress at home?" I asked.

"Yes," she answered. Knew it. Probably had one of those magical dresses just like the powudnitsa. Maybe hers also couldn't get dirty. Since she wasn't using it, maybe she'd be willing to part with it? I could use a new dress—one without a missing piece of fabric at the leg.

"Nudity suits you," I said.

"Do you work out? If I had a body like yours I'd probably be naked all the time too. Since you won't be needing your dress ever again, could I maybe have it? I could pay you for it. It would also be a good excuse to be naked all the time, you know. If your friends ask why you're naked, you can just say 'because I don't have any clothes.'" I gave her a nod.

"Just saying." The viwa just stared at me for a couple of seconds.

"What? No. Also… thanks, I guess." I glanced at Kasia, who was frowning at me. I shrugged. Worth a try. The viwa coughed into her fist.

"Anyway. I just wanted to let you know that you've been followed by some unsavory men. They said they're going to kill you, and it would be super cool if you didn't get blood all over our sacred dancing circle." She nodded at the ground.

"The one you're sitting in right now." Of course. Can't go a day without some assholes trying to kill me. I wondered what I did this time. I nodded solemnly and patted the grass.

"It's a good circle. Would be a shame if it got all bloodied and brainied."

"Right!" the viwa said.

"And you know, us girls have to look out for each other, so I figured I'd warn you." I raised my fist.

"Right on. Did you happen to see how many? Did they say anything else?" She put her hand on her hip.

"Just two of them. They're planning to cut your head off and bring it to the Bishop in Opole. One of them must have a skill that allows him to see through objects, because he mentioned your face definitely matches the posters. Are you famous?"

"Something like that."

"Oooh! A real celebrity in my forest!" she squealed.

"Anyway, they also went on about how stupid you are."

"They what?!" I snapped.

"Oh yes! They said it takes a special kind of stupid to disguise your illegal class into a different illegal class. They said if you're going to change it to [Gunwitch] you might as well have kept it at [Katarologa] since any witch gets reported to the Church anyway."

"What?! I didn't disguise my class! I've never been a [Katarologa]!" She frowned.

"So… it's not you?" I sighed.

"It's definitely me. Though they're the ones who are stupid for having their facts wrong. Not that it matters, because I'm going to kill them. I mean, obviously I was already going to kill them for hunting me, but for calling me stupid…"

"You're going to super kill them?" Kasia asked. I pointed at her.

"Exactly!" The viwa stared at me with her head tilted.

"And I won't get blood on the sacred dance circle." She clapped her hands together and flashed a bright, toothy smile.

"Excellent!"

"So… where might I find these gentlemen?" She gestured behind me.

"And since one of them can see through objects, they probably already know you're coming." I snorted.

"They may see me coming, but they have no idea what's coming. Calling me stupid. Unbelievable. We'll see how smart they are when they don't have a brain anymore. Not that they're using theirs right now." I rolled my shoulders.

"Kasia, you stay here with Vasil. If anything tries to attack you, just throw Vasil at them." Vasil's frogbrows shot up.

"Why?"

"Because you're indestructible, and it would give her time to run away." Vasil opened his mouth, but he didn't say anything.

"It's alright," the viwa said.

"Nothing will harm her, at least, not while she's in the circle." Something about the viwa standing there completely bare made me feel like I could trust her. The naked truth was something people said, after all. I thought about telling her that if something happened to Kasia I would get so much blood in the circle, but decided against it. No need to threaten her when she'd gone out of her way to warn us.

It would probably also hurt my chances of scoring that dress, because I was definitely going to try to convince her to hand it over again when I got back. Maybe if I gave her some hands she'd give it to me.

"Could I interest you in some hands?" I asked the viwa.

"Excuse me?" she replied.

"After I kill those guys I can cut off their hands so you can have them." The viwa raised an eyebrow.

"No thanks." I shrugged. Maybe she couldn't offer hands for upgrades. Oh, well.

"I have some heads to collect."

"Hecate," Vasil said.

"That means you can't shoot them in the head!"

"I know that!" I huffed.

"I wasn't going to! I know how it works!" He raised his little froggy hands.

"I know, I know. It's just, you are angry, and when you are angry…"

"I'm going to shoot their dicks off." Vasil looked taken aback.

"You are going to…" I waved him off.

"Relax, I'm just kidding. Maybe. I'll see how I feel when I get there." Kasia grimaced.

"She's going to shoot their dicks off." The viwa grinned and pumped her fist in the air.

"Yeah! Shoot their dicks off!" Then her expression turned stern and she jabbed a finger at me.

"Yeah, yeah," I said.

"No dicks in the circle."