Chương 77: Big Balls

The Downtown Mall just after sunset was probably the second most colorful period of its day. Especially when there's caution tape everywhere after the gouges I put in the ground during a villain fight that they still needed to fill in. Most of the businesses were empty, except a couple restaurants. The most important one had this neon sign of some mushrooms, with the name Chris and I were told about: The Fairy Ring. Without a word said between either of us, Chris tapped my arm.

I didn't see anything from him initially until I looked down. Three fingers held out. That prompted me to immediately start looking up. Subtly, didn't want it to be obvious. Two men on one roof, across from the restaurant. There was a third on the other side of a window in the adjacent building. Couldn't see if they had weapons. But I didn't need to guess. We were under crosshairs already. And probably not just regular ones. Making our way into the restaurant, it was packed. Not by regular patrons, though.

A bunch of dingy men, dressed and moving with the experience of labor all their lives. In the center was an obese man, hair buzzed short, with a crude attempt at a patchy beard across his jowls. Instead of the typical thug-wear of the others in the room, he wore a tropical shirt and cargo shorts. Looked like a tourist. His wide body wouldn't have fit in the regular chairs, it seemed, as they prepared a large recliner for the table instead. He spoke, his voice oddly high-pitched. Almost childish.

"Come take a seat, boys," he squeaked out with the confidence of a bear in a river. We acquiesced, and he put a thick, meaty hand out.

"As you're already familiar with, I'm Bobby Bassignon, but the boys all call me Big Balls." Chris shook his hand first, then I did so after.

"Nice to meet you," I started.

"I'm Harry, this is Charlie." Chris looked off to the side. I couldn't tell if it was the performance or if he was genuinely nervous. Kudos to his skills if so.

"Your friend seems a bit bashful."

"He's my assistant and mostly handles the books. He comes along because we're friends. Two man operation."

"I see. Speaking of that operation, I'm not too familiar with you or your work. Your accounts are brand new. You mind elaborating a little?" Nodding, I crossed my arms. I could feel Shivvy fiddling in my pocket, prompting me to internally pray he'd sit still for longer.

"Yeah. We grew up in Crozet. Did a lot of muscle work for chop shops and such independently, but there's no growing in Crozet. No presence in the HenchNet. We just came to Charlottesville recently in hopes of real work." The cherubic man let out a little chuckle.

"Oh there's plenty of real work in Virginia. Just to be clear, I'm no crime lord or anything. Treat me like a union advocate, I was a grunt like all the boys around here since I was seventeen years old. I'm fifty now, and with that experience means I'm the one they trust to look out for them, keep everything in Virginia fair to the world's noblest flavor of scab. You get me?" He asked. I nodded.

"That makes sense. That's why I heard you out, it was clear you just wanna look out for your boys."

"Why yes I do. And I put in a lot of effort to keep them safe. You wanna know why they call me Big Balls, kids?" He asked as a man who looked like he spent most of his life digging ditches slid out three plates of pasta. None for us, as they were all on his side.

"Hormonal disorder?" I inquired. Another giggle from him emerged as he took out a meat fork for twirling up the spaghetti.

"Oh, no no. It's like how fat men get called 'Tiny.'" My eyebrow raised, and my head tilted.

"What, 'roids then?"

"No. You see, for the longest time, I've always had a taste for strapping young men like you and your friend." My fists began clenching immediately. Felt like a cornered animal just from that sentence. He raised a hand up in defense.

"Don't worry, I'm not trying to court either of you. But one day, I had been... doing business with one such lad, barely old enough to drink, who I met and courted while doing a courier job and his very conservative father found out. His response was to kill two fellow goons I was working with while trying to get to me, before he cut my nuts off, embalmed them, and mailed them to me." I could feel my stomach churning from the visual of that.

"Unfortunately for him, he ended up drowning to death in a fishing accident. No one knows where his head went, however. They only found his body with a neck-stump. Are you grasping my story here, Harry?" Not even bothering to wait for a response, he began slurping down the noodles. It sounded like a plunger got stuck in a sink drain. I watch him, his pinkish face and his almost giddy smirk as he ate. There was a detail he included that wouldn't be there if it weren't important. The fellow grunts.

"You don't tolerate anyone trying to threaten your coworkers. If he targeted just you, he'd be square." His eyebrows perked up and he pointed his fork at me.

"You're the first to get it on the first go! Whenever I ask they think 'Oh, you don't tolerate being attacked.' Not at all! I fucked his son's ass and he wanted retribution for the perceived humiliation. If he left it at just me, I'd probably respect the Hell out of him! But he decided to kill two henches. Henchmen have it rough as it is. We need to look out for each other, and two unnecessarily killed? Well that's just too far!" I nodded.

"That makes sense. You're worried we could be a threat to your boys?"

"Why yes, either through physical harm or social confrontation. So could you tell me a bit more about yourself? Think of it as a marketing pitch." Leaning back in my seat to try and pretend I was relaxed, I hummed in thought.

"Huh. Never thought I'd have to do a job interview like this. I do this kind of stuff to avoid that," I mentioned, prompting a chortle from him and a few listening in.

"Lemme see..." I tapped my hand on the table as I gathered my thoughts.

"In the simple angle, I'm a strong guy. Like I should be on the registry strong. People are more willing to pay the extra prices at a chop shop when you threaten to throw their car off a bridge bare-handed. Oh, and I got good eyes." I raised three fingers. Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

"You got three guys outside." I could feel Christian's gaze on me. He probably was hoping I wouldn't give up that card. I had a reason.

"Your boys in here are a distraction from them. They're here to make us think they're the threat in the event we were planning on throwing down. Two are on a roof. One's a spotter for the other so he can focus his scope on the back of my head." I lowered two of the fingers, leaving just my index raised. Felt oddly comforting to let all these thoughts out instead of just boiling them between my ears. Big Balls' gaze on me was intense. I didn't see him blink even once as he ate.

Despite his gnashing away at the noodles, already finished with one plate, he had a tiny smirk.

"The third guy's on ground level. In the building across the street. This building's yours, that's why you have everyone in here. The other building's probably borrowed. Either a favor or a racket. He's not armed. One gunshot can be covered for. Multiple can't. He's got a power, I bet. Definitely unregistered. If he's indoors, he might not like light. And we're here at night, too. Bet he's a vampire, right? If it were daytime you'd only have one gunner for a guy who might be bulletproof." I then pointed at him.

"That's half of why you picked tonight. The other half was so, if we were trying an ambush, we wouldn't be able to prepare." His smile widened.

"You are astute. Tactical eyes are very appealing. As is the strength, but... if we have a vampire, someone who even at the weakest could still easily lift cars and bust through walls, what makes you different? Why would we need an additional superhuman?"

"Because I don't just have super strength. I got a toy, too."

"A toy?" Reaching into my coat pocket, which prompted most of the men to immediately turn to fully face me, I tapped Shivvy with a finger. The silvery creature coiled up along my arm as I raised it.

"Small," I said, causing him to compact into a ball I idly tossed up and down.

"That his name?" No recognition in his eyes. He's not part of the drug trade. Or maybe he's just good at pretending he isn't.

"No. It's Shivvy. Found him when I was doing a gig down in a nearby sewer. Likes cat food. He's all liquid-y, but full-on metal. When he's like this I can huck him like a baseball and probably kill a guy with it."

"Well, killing isn't always necessary, but that's fascinating. Can he take any other shapes?"

"Long," I said, and Shivvy extended out into a six foot long rod that I rested on my shoulder.

"Proof enough?"

"Fascinating. And he only listens to you?"

"Yep. I'm a good pet owner." I gave Shivvy a squeeze, and he took it as a hint to reform back into his little blobby self, which I deposited back into my jacket. He began to chuckle. Felt oddly invigorating to hear. I was a lot more comfortable in this kind of dingy element than I expected to be after getting used to all the bright colors and logos.

"Well, I think you've made your appeal. You did get one thing wrong, however. The boys in here aren't meant to distract you. Like I said, I'm just an advocate. These are some of the more influential members of the network. The generally respected and agreed-upon representatives. I'm not the one who lets you in. We're the ones who let you in. Right, boys, hands up if you want to accept Harry here into the network. My gaze passed across the room. There were eight men in total besides Big Balls.

Four of them raised their hands. After a few seconds, I glanced back at him.

"Are you the tie breaker?"

"Not at all. I develop a bias if I talk to someone. Let me just..." His rounded, marshmallow-like fingers procured a cellphone that he tapped away on before bringing it to his ear.

"Hidalgo, they saw you in the store, and we're in a tie here, so consider yourself visible. Do you want to give a vote yea or nay on letting them into our HenchNet?" He then tapped his thumb on the screen as the static from the phone became prominent. Speaker. A voice spoke. Scratchy, Spanish accent of some kind.

"Hmm. What's he do?"

"Super strength, very astute, has some sort of alien pet that he can shape."

"Super strength, eh? Hey boy, you wanna come out, go for a scrap with a Vampire Knight?" Nailed it. Honestly would be curious about how I'd hold up against one, but I knew picking a fight now would give them too much info. Had to keep my cards close to my chest.

"As fun as that would be, we're two strong guys. That'd make a big mess, and those capes already messed up the place when that bull guy showed up, right? We don't wanna give folks a harder time. They're working just as much as we are. Maybe another place and time?" The air sat silent for a minute. There wasn't a change in Big Balls' expression the whole time. The goons surrounding us were stony-faced or back to eating their own food. Finally, the pregnant pause gave birth to words.

"Let 'em in. He's smart. I'll kick his ass another day." My knee tapped against Christian's, and I made a thumbs up under the table that I hoped he noticed. I could see his leg bouncing out of the corner of my eye. Never seen him this nervous before. Hoped he was just a good actor. Big Balls finally spoke, hanging up the phone.

"Alright, that's majority for in. I'll be sending you an invitation to the Virginia HenchNet later tonight. Otherwise you're free to go. Do either of you want anything from here before you leave? I can arrange a doggie bag. The fettuccine alfredo is to die for!" I'm still recoiling from my lunch eight hours ago. I was all set.

"Maybe another time after I've earned it," I noted, starting to get up and holding my hand out to Big Balls.

"We'll be getting out of your hair for now. Can't wait to work with you all." A fat hand grabbed and shook mine. I could feel butter on my fingers and it made me want to crawl into my skin and die.

"And I can't wait either! If I could've voted, I would have said yes, by the way. That's how biased I can get!" He said with a laugh.

"We need more young blood that's actually got a brain between their ears. Our current supply of younger henches are all braindead thugs. It's bad for business with our friends up North."

"Up in DC, right? Heard the guys who really excel get to work across the Potomac."

"You heard right! Those jobs pay very well. I see potential in you, so you may be getting offers soon if you pull your weight. Any other questions, boys?"

"None here. Had a long day and I'm due for an early rest. None from you either, right Charlie?" I asked, tapping Chris' shoulder. He just shook his head, face a little sullen.

"I see. Take care then, toodaloo!" With that, Chris and I left. Through the window of the store across the street, I could see the man waiting in it. Fat and burly, thick beard. Deathly pale. He gave me a thumbs up. I just nodded as we made our way down.

"Well, that was something," I mused, but Chris refused to answer. Well, that was fine by me. The silence lasted us a solid ten minutes before he finally let out a shuddery exhale.

"Not used to lying like that?" I asked.

"No, no honestly that wasn't the issue. It was the fact we were being watched."

"Well yeah, but you found them and we would've been able to fight our way ou-""Leo. It wasn't just three guys. There were six of them." I cocked my head.

"Why didn't you mention them?"

"Because they didn't make themselves known until after we walked out of that restaurant."