Chương 20: [1-14] Cope Is Contagious

"Princess." Gaspar's voice was a wheeze, his face a mask of blood.

"I shall serve you how I sought to serve your father—with my dying breath. Go, now! Ulrica's fate is your inheritance." Against the pain and exhaustion, he held his head high and faced down Piru-Piru Labupon. Adelheid broke her eyes from Hague and Tuatoru's handshake. Immediately agitation overtook her. Her dull, uncomprehending glaze gave way to a meaningless series of hand gestures.

"This is it," she finally choked out.

"This is it, Gaspar. Valhalla! The tragic end of the true warrior."

"Nah, fuck that Valhalla shit," Hague said.

"I am not losing my Jagen. And it's not your fucking turn Piru-Piru! Signy, move your ass!" Signy was, in fact, already moving. Good, because he wasn't sure how willing she was to listen to him. She shot him the briefest glare as she bounded the final length of the bridge, struck the ground with a catlike crouch right next to Gaspar, and launched herself at Piru-Piru.

Her fine white clothes flashed, her beret teetered, and with a subtle flick of one sleeve a little metal thing slid out the cuff and into her hand, already opening with a series of elegant revolutions into a blade. Orbitèle. Maybe a species of spider, but a butterfly knife. With it glinting in her hand Signy no longer looked quite so refined, more like a well-dressed pimp, and she moved quick enough to divert Piru-Piru's attention.

The ice spell manifested, not at the bleeding Gaspar, but at the hostile hurtling at her with a Waffle House shiv. The clash happened quick and under a spray of shattering icicles, but when it ended Signy hopped back with her rainbow forcefield flashing. She didn't bother to hang around. Thanks to her Reroute skill, she quickly hurried back the way she came, keeping pace with Gaspar. Signy had meh STR and her knife crap MT, so even with Piru-Piru's unimpressive DEF the attack only chipped a tiny bit of health.

Way less than what Piru-Piru dished back to Signy. As an offensive maneuver, an awful trade, but that wasn't the objective. What mattered was Orbitèle's secondary effect. Inflicts Dilation. A status effect that reduces the target's MOV. When Piru-Piru's forcefield flashed in response to the knife thrust, it changed: bulging, bubbling, becoming a magnifying glass that distorted Piru-Piru's form within, making her appear tiny and far away.

When her legs churned to pursue Signy and Gaspar across the bridge, it was like she ran within a space that kept expanding around her. In practical terms, her MOV dropped from 6 to 2. Now it only took a little smart maneuvering to get everyone out of her range. Gaspar, undaunted by his wounds, effortlessly nabbed Tuatoru off the ground and yanked him away from the edge of the river.

Signy, expending her remaining MOV to reposition next to Hague, got picked up as well, and because she was smaller and lighter than Adelheid Hague didn't even need to engage his Famespirit to do it. She did, of course, start bitching the moment he grabbed her.

"What are you—Unhand me! Do you understand the impropriety, miscreant? Oh! Don't put your hand there!"

"You'll die if I don't." Hague passed her to Adelheid (Signy noticeably did not complain about her grabbing her) and Adelheid set her down. Signy sulkily smoothed out her fancy clothes and slipped her butterfly knife back into her cuff. Nobody remained in attack range. Piru-Piru ran and ran and ran and didn't even reach the bridge. The turn ended. Hague had killed Bontempelli without a single casualty.

Elsewhere, under the threat of the Lucian pegasus girls swooping in and out to harry his army, Kaynes rushed to the edge of the map and retreated off it entirely. Due to the way the gameboard worked, Hague enacted his turn in miniature before it happened in reality. That meant Kaynes, like Hague, had known the turn's outcome: that Tuatoru would one-tap Bontempelli, that Piru-Piru would fail to capitalize. (Piru-Piru knew it too, so why did she even try to avert the outcome? Sheer desperation?) Kaynes was already spooked since Truth did her dragon shit, but now he was absolutely pissing and shitting his pants. Hague got to watch him crash out in null space for a good five minutes, his poise and pomp dribbling down the drain as he tugged his hair and pawed his eyes and basically looked the way Hague looked when the map started.

"We'll retreat," he had said, mustering his nerve.

"All things considered, our total losses are light. Yes. We achieved our most significant objective in antagonizing the Floating City; our technological might is displayed; the conflict is primarily one of religious schism now; the FFIR will no longer intervene. Those goals always superseded capturing Adelheid, who lacks any agency of her own. Yes; yes. Retreating now with my main force intact renders this battle a strategic victory." Hague sniffed the air like a mouse.

"Smell that chat? That's cope."

"It is impossible to smell anything on the Ideal Gameboard," said Piru-Piru.

"Piru-Piru! We're falling back," said Kaynes.

"Position yourself on the gameboard accordingly."

"No."

"Yes! Look at what happened to Bontempelli. We must regroup, reorganize, replan—""Ridiculous." Piru-Piru crossed her arms, tapped her foot, and kept her eyes on Hague's troops ranged across the river. On Adelheid in particular.

"They are hemmed into a corner. In another turn or two I will accomplish our objective. My might is superior."

"No! The Tau Nuian's skill is too dangerous."

"He's too poor to use it again," Piru-Piru said matter-of-factly.

"We can't possibly be sure of that. I don't know how Hague gathered the resources, but he's clearly well-financed. Polymath Truth must have opened the church's treasury to him, or Adelheid raised the funds somehow. The specifics are immaterial; if he managed it once, we must assume he'll manage it again."

"Nonsense. I possess more than enough evidence to deduce the source of his funds. He received his money from Chat." Hague wore an unbothered grin, but inside he was a little nervous. Eliminating Bontempelli was essential in its own right, but part of the purpose for the impressive display of force was to bluff Kaynes—already skittish—into backing off. Piru-Piru better not to convince him otherwise. In fact, Hague realized he already made a mistake. Or less a mistake, more a suboptimal play.

He did not actually need 20 damage for Tuatoru's Exchange Rate skill. He could've managed with 10, only injuring Bontempelli, before finishing him off with Adelheid, whose Sanguinity skill meant she could've escaped Piru-Piru's range easily. So he wasted a full 20, 000 gold, which if he saved he might've used to kill Piru-Piru. Tunnel vision. Focusing on the idea he had to kill with Tuatoru and forgetting his other options.

Of course he justified the error to himself: he wanted to awe Kaynes, and more damage in one attack did that better. Or on a more primal level: he was tired, the day went long, he'd exhausted reserves of adrenaline he never knew he had, can you blame him? That was all cope though. Like Kaynes's "strategic victory." In the end, Hague erred. But he couldn't let anyone know it, especially not his enemies.

"If it's 'Chat', that's even worse," said Kaynes.

"We don't know the capabilities of this new Earth technology."

"I do," said Piru-Piru.

"From merely the briefest glance at that odious deluge of information, I was able to ascertain that Chat donates money to the Hero in small increments, either to ensure a message's prominent placement among the unreadable vomit or for other incentives. Based on the Hero's desperate pleading, he must have only barely scrounged together what he needed. As long as we end our turn quickly before he has a chance to beg for more, I'll overwhelm him first."

She'd figured it out exactly, which maybe he should've seen coming given he didn't exactly keep his intentions secret. Hague laughed, a "wow you're so stupid" laugh, but now he was wondering what he'd do if she kept coming. There seemed to be no time limit on his turns, regardless of how fast Kaynes moved, so theoretically he could stand here begging forever. Maybe hold chat hostage. Threaten no more gameplay unless they sent him more money. Yeah right. They'd just leave, maybe permanently.

Plus, he worried about Sophia. She took his money before, she could do it again if he gamed the system in such a boring way. Also, it was just kind of a bitch move in general? Like yeah he's fighting for his life here, but there's some shit you just don't do. This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author's work. So instead he bluffed.

"You don't know shit. Yeah, I was asking for money, but the Adelheid donation incentive earned me way more than I expected. I've already raised enough to use Exchange Rate three more times. But hey. Fuck around and find out, am I right?"

"Finding out is one of my favorite activities," said Piru-Piru. An immovable object. But Hague wasn't trying to convince her.

"I refuse to take such a pointless risk." Kaynes hovered well out of Hague's range, past where Truth's flames were dying down.

"I refuse to risk you, Piru-Piru! We know too little. Knowledge is power; luck is a king's Achilles heel. I am asserting my authority as your king and your master, Piru-Piru—retreat!" So he retreated. Claiming victory all the while, he ran off the edge of the map, followed by Ignez and a good number of his troops. Hague waved as he went. Of course, Kaynes was too far away to see, but the sentiment counted most.

Meanwhile, big dragon Truth swayed drunkenly as she plodded across the rubble until, with another ripple in spacetime, she reverted to her human form and collapsed. Apparently one breath attack really was all she could muster. The pegasus knights, seeing their loli pope drop, swarmed to her defense. As they swooped closer, Hague noticed one was Benedicta Virtue. Her spear dripped with blood; she'd managed to kill a straggler in Kaynes's army. The moment of Truth was over. Now for the moment of truth.

The objective of this map was "Defeat Enemy Commander." That commander, Kaynes, just skedaddled. That meant either the commander needed to change or the objective did. Logically, it seemed, Piru-Piru would become the new commander, which was a bit of a problem. Hague could probably kill her, but he'd need to sacrifice at least one of his units in the process. He didn't want that, not after everything he did to keep them alive. Luckily, Kaynes already implied what would happen after he left.

The words OBJECTIVE: DEFEAT ENEMY COMMANDER appeared in Hague's shades, then disappeared. New words replaced them: OBJECTIVE: ESCAPE TURN 5 PLAYER PHASE START Hague couldn't believe it. There'd been so much bullshit he couldn't believe so far, but this was the first bullshit he couldn't believe in a good way. It was as though the system—or, even more incredible, Sophia—finally decided to show him a shred of fairness. Kaynes escaped, so now Hague was given the opportunity to do the same.

And the escape point, indicated on the map by a pair of red arrows, was in the most logical position: right behind him. Beyond it sprawled only miles of pastureland.

"I did it," Hague said.

"I did it chat. The map's over. I won. What'd I say? Best in the world. Best in the fucking world baby." ej_hurtt9: BEST IN THE WORLD rintintinabulation: nice! KagasHypnoFetish: we did it HeyManHey: as if there was any fucking doubt brave_lakche: wait it's finished? xosyn9914: yoooooo Kmarticuno3: LFG DGirlLiker: Is Truth okay?!?!

Krantzz: That's my goat JordanVonAir: map doesnt look over yet blazedpascal: we're making history here guys LakkaDakkaLoo2: ezpz The_Nuremberg: Only 2 war crimes, weak Ceirn subscribed and said: yooo this seems sick but it's been going on a while now and i'm kinda busy atm, there gonna be a vod later? tulsasiivat: Hague lives to fight another day IronMarcus: HI YOUTUBE Argonautic: Nice work, Hague! Congratulations! oxydiezerr: Wow unc, you sure lit a Fire under that Emblem! Z3zol: finally. i gotta sleep.

"Dude. Thanks for the fucking sub Ceirn! Don't worry about a VOD, as soon as Kirin my editor wakes up I'll get a highlight vid going. Fuck. You have no fucking clue how much my heart is racing right now. God. Holy shit. Props to you guys, those donations came in clutch as fuck. Never would've pulled this shit off otherwise. You saved my ass chat. Shout out to Gonzagool who sent in like forty bucks."

"I knew it!" Piru-Piru shouted from across the bridge. Now that Kaynes was gone, only she remained to pester Hague on the gameboard.

"Obviously I knew it. It was a simple deduction. You barely scrounged together enough gold for one attack. There was no possibility you'd use Exchange Rate again." Hague shrugged.

"Who can say."

"I can. I only want the record to show I was right. Chat, be my witness. I perfectly assessed the situation and made the correct judgment. In the end, that's what matters."

"In the end, what matters is this: I won, and you fucking lost."

"Victory is temporary," Piru-Piru said.

"Knowledge is eternal." Gonzagool: Wise words from Pirupiru Labupon"Oh shut up, don't take her side," said Hague.

"See? Chat agrees with me." Piru-Piru's face flickered satisfaction.

"They may be agents of chaos, but it seems they're not completely brainless."

"You don't even know what they're saying!" Which only invited Piru-Piru to run toward him and attempt to stick her head in his face again to read the inside of his glasses. He kept her at bay by retreating to the top-down view. Erratic_Scofflaw: Nooooo bring her back"Come the fuck on chat, this is my victory, let me bask in it a few seconds." A shame Kaynes dipped, he was way easier to troll than Piru-Piru. Then Hague realized who he should really be trolling. Sophia's domain remained as static as ever.

More, even, because she lay totally inert on her chaise longue, her head tossed back with her green hair streaming and a hand over her forehead like she suffered from a migraine. Her other hand with the iPhone hung off the side, and on the screen her gacha game seemed to play itself, which it might actually be doing. He clapped his hands to get her attention, but that didn't actually make a sound, so he shouted instead.

"Hey! Sophia! Aw come on. Out of shit to say already?" One jade eye opened from between her spread fingers. Shouldn't you be worried about ending the battle? Maybe I'll snap my fingers and teleport an enemy to sit on the escape tile.

"Yeah right, I'm figuring out how you work here, what you can and can't do. Kaynes said you're not omnipotent, and given I just kicked your ass, I gotta agree." Ohhh? That's what you think you did? You ought to be grateful. When the enemy commander left, who do you think changed the battle objective? I could've made you rout what remained of the army, but I decided to take pity on you for once. And see how my kindness is repaid!

"I don't believe that for a fucking second, so quit with the melodrama. I won, you lost. Or will you cope, like Kaynes and Piru-Piru?" They controlled the enemy forces, not me. I didn't lose a thing.

"Cope," said Hague. Sophia slid her hand off her face and sat up. Aren't you the least bit afraid of pushing your luck against me? For a moment, Hague hesitated. Yeah coming here and talking shit to her was, objectively, pretty dumb. Even if he knew she couldn't fuck him over on this map—he'd fulfill the victory condition his very next move, before the enemy got a chance to act—he opened himself up to future reprisals.

Maybe she couldn't generate an army out of nothing or crank the enemy stats with a wave of her hand, but she could take away his Famespirit or restrict his access to chat. Honestly, he'd come here without even thinking about it. On the other hand: he needed this. After all Sophia did to him, he needed it more than anything. That catharsis, that moment of triumph. What'd Piru-Piru say? Victory is fleeting? Yeah. Yeah, Hague knew that as well as anyone.

No world record stood forever, he'd set several that got broken by some pissrandom a week later, a day later, an hour later even, then spent months grinding to get it back. But without that moment, that instant of accomplishment, that fleeting fragment of time when you stood on top of everyone, when nobody in the world could claim they were better than you, what the fuck was the point? Why the world record grind at all, why the insane challenge runs, why play the fucking game? Because it was fun? Maybe once.

When he was twelve. But pushing a game to its limit bled fun from the equation. Instead it became a chase for that high, a swamp trudge through hours and hours and hours of tedium in exchange for one gleaming gold fleck of perfection. This moment here in her void was that fleck. If he could grasp it even for a second, it made everything worth it: being abducted, nearly dying, losing his life savings. It made it worth it, at least, until the trudge for the next fleck began.

"Afraid?" he said, since he couldn't possibly communicate everything that just ran through his head.

"This is it. This is the reason. This is what I live for." At first, a smile spread on Sophia's lips. A smile dripping with condescension. But the smile soon crumpled. Her face darkened, her lips parted to show her teeth in a scowl. Her fingers dug into the sides of her chaise longue and she even started to shake. It was as though she realized that, at that moment, he really did stand on top. You are unfathomably arrogant.

"I know." I'm glad you're happy. I really am. Because this is just the start, Hague. It's just the beginning of our little game. Call it "cope" if you like, but your quote-unquote victory here? Anything but decisive. All you managed to do despite your strategies and your scrambling was run away, run like a little coward. Escape! Are you too conceited to see that objective's an insult? Go on, then. Escape. That won't always be an option. There are men in this world just as bullheaded as you. Plenty of them!

A world of stubborn, bullheaded men, hellbent on their own annihilation. As far as I'm concerned, you've overcome the easiest challenge you're going to get. Enjoy it, Hague, because this might just be the last time you can. Just~you~wait~"If winning means I get to see you with that face," he said, "then be sure I'll find a way to win every time." Jerk! she said, such a lame childish insult that when she flicked her finger to banish him from her realm he was already laughing.

He kept laughing as he moved his chess piece soldiers—Adelheid, Signy, Gaspar carrying Tuatoru—one after another to the escape point and ordered them to leave the map. He laughed, too, as he moved his final piece, the one representing himself, and once he escaped too he laughed as the word flashed over the emptied map: VICTORY! Then he stopped laughing. The moment ended, and there was nothing except to chase the next one.