Chương 44: Ch,. 44: Who Said That?

"Squonk?! What the fuck, Squonk!?"

"Are you mad at me?" I made a deep exhale and ran my fingers through my curls, "Yeah, man. I'm… I'm miffed a little. I kinda need you to help me out with my sister. I really need you to step up as my god here."

"But he's an Exley. I mean… I don't want to undersell myself… but he'll kick my happy meal ass up and down mainstreet."

"You know what, man? You are underselling yourself. You're a god."

"I… once again, my therapist said I need to lay off the negative self-talk… but I'm pathetic."

"So what?"

"So… So I can't fight this guy," His voice trailed off as he looked for excuses, "I can, like, give you a ride or…" On the other end of the line, Spiros was trying not to look directly at Spiros, who was staring daggers at him.

"Do you need a ride?" He repeated. My voice on the messaging app came through crystal clear, "No, I do not need a ride. I need you to go and defend my sister while I handle the leonids."

"But he'll kick-""He'll kick your happy meal ass up and down main street. I know. I heard you. You're pathetic. I heard you.

'Not everyone has the strength to be pathetic.' Who said that?" Spiros looked askance, "Come on. What are you doing? Don't do that."

"Who said that? Answer me," I demanded.

"I… don't want to say. Why are you bringing this up?"

"Not everyone has the strength to be pathetic. Not everyone, the courage to be an open, oozing wound. I know you know who said that."

"I did." Squonk huffed, "What? You read it? You read "The Case For Being Pathetic?"""Read it? Squonk, I devoured it. I read it twice. You're not just an amazing writer, Squonk, you're a god. You should be acting like it."

"Aw, shucks."

"It's not an accident you're here. You made it out of the mud pile. You made it to this world. Now you're scared to go up against a follower!? No. If it's you versus Exley, I know who I'm worried about, and it's not you."

"I… I don't know. You really think so?"

"Squonk, you're the god who almost fucked Andie McDowell." Squonk stayed silent before saying, "You're right."

"You're damn right I'm right. Now get out there and fight the bastard. You don't have to win, you just have to keep him distracted. So tell me, are you ready to do this?"

"Yeah," Squonk whispered.

"Louder, boy. I can't hear you!" I yelled.

"Yeah!" Squonk screamed, "Yeah! I'm ready to do this!"

"Atta boy! Take Spiros with you! You got this!"

"I. Got. This."

"You. Got. This. I have to go." I hung up on him. Fuck. I have to find Nelo and save her before Squonk gets killed by these guys. And then, a large pillar of light called my attention, and I leapt in its direction.

Exley Grabbed Dory's face in her hand, the bruising was large.

"So weak. Barely a flick and you're already bruising."

"She's been fragile since I picked her up," Sampson said.

"She sick," Paulie said, "I can smell it."

"Ahh. Sorry about that, girlie. You should have said something. After I promised that man I wouldn't harm you. I feel like a chump," Exley said.

"Really?" She asked, "Because you look like a tool." They had dragged a bench out to the middle of the stadium where they waited. The dew collected on the turf. The sun added a briskness that made it too cold for what Dory had on. She wore sweatpants and a simple white t-shirt. She had sandals on her feet. Dory was shivering cold and yet she still had fire in her eyes. Exley said, "Tell me about your brother."

"No." A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

"You and him are quite alike, no? You have his curls. His insolence. But when I look at you with my lion eyes, I see now the bright red all along your skeletal structure. My nephew was right. What is it? Bone cancer?" The bone marrow extraction had made her unusually weak. She struggled to breath, the cold air burned her lungs. Dory didn't say a word to them.

"Go on. What are his powers?"

"He's good at being late on rent, I guess," She muttered.

"You know," Exley let out a breath from his nose, "Glibness is my least favorite attribute. It's why I have such a low opinion of your brother."

"If you want to have a competition of who has a lower opinion of Drake, you're going to lose that one."

"Enough banter. Has he been close to a god? Has he been speaking to one?"

"I don't know. He said he got someone's powers. Wouldn't that be in the trades*?"

"Squonk? You expect me to believe that? No. Tell me-""How long are we going to wait!?" Paulie asked, "I'm freezing my tits off. And we want to kill the montabeest." Exley snapped at his least favorite nephew, "Enough, Paulie! This is the best time to confront him. It's an active mission zone. The fog of war. If I don't get a chance to confront him tonight, I would need to be on some mission with him. And let's face it, if he gets ranked, he'll probably be an alpha. So…

young lady, what other gods has your brother been speaking to?" She glared at him, and didn't say a word.

"You're going to make me feel like a chump again," Exley placed his pinky to Dory's cheek, and tapped it. One pinky's worth of strength from Exley, and her head bent to the right and she spit out blood.

"Now, do you want to talk?" She chuckled to herself as drips of red landed on the stadium. She muttered, "Drake was right."

"About what?" She smiled, her teeth missing and said, "I am the bigger asshole." She spit blood into Exley's face. Exley stepped back, affronted. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his face. Then, out of anger, pulled his hand all the way back, Dory's face being the target.

"I've had very little fun with you." Dory looked up at Exley's hand. It may as well have been a guillotine. Dory swallowed the viscera in her mouth and screamed, "When you see Drake, tell him to find anyone else to plan my funeral. Because that boy ain't shit at planning them!" A voice piped up, "Excuse me." The Exleys turned to look at him. Paulie said, "Say, ain't that Drake's supposed new god?"

"Y-you've heard of me?! Thank you. Uh, yes. I am. Squonk waddled closer, his giant backpack of things jiggling behind him.

"I am here on behalf of Drake Ramirez and I would like to formally ask you to please let his sister go. I am not above groveling, in fact, I'm quite proficient at it." Exleys all turned to each other and they looked back down at him.

"Again, I am Squonk, the Squonk god. You may know me from such publications as American Tall Tales, Volume 4. Or an online fashion blog for incels called 'Living Your Best Incelves.' I kindly ask that you-""Get him."

"What!?" Squonk asked. Sampson placed a ball in his sling and spun it above his head. When he released it, a ball of energy shot out and thudded Squonk's chest. It knocked him back on his ass.

"Oof! What was that!?" Squonk asked.

"That's the weapon I have. It lets me turn any physical item I place into the sling into an energy attack." Paulie lifted his club and swished it in the air like a baseball bat.

"My weapon? My club does double the damage if the opponent is poisoned. Poison Stab." The mace shimmered green as the mace was now able to do poison damage. He slammed Squonk with it on the ground and kicked Squonk. Sampson walked forward and grabbed a clod of dirt that had been stuck to some cleat after practice. He placed it in his sling again, "Ozid's focuses are on self-buffs and opponent debuffs. He drills that into us pretty heavily."

"I've met him," Squonk said, stunned, "He's not very nice, and he throws bad parties."

"So I take this weapon, and the energy blast directly correlates to the strength of my throw."

"Oh… no," Squonk said.

"Lion's Pride." Whispered Sampson, a yellow sheen overtook him. Because he had two allies near him, he'd been given a 1. 2 times multiplier to his strength. He was 20% stronger. Sampson began whirling the sling over his head again.

"Lion's Wrath." The sling swung faster and faster.

'Lion's Wrath' was a rage spell. It gave 50% more strength for 10 minutes. But this was based on his current strength, which had already been increased by 20%. This meant that his strength was now 80% stronger. Or almost double his strength.

"Then… there's this necklace." Sampson said, showing off a tiny monkey's skull that he'd gotten from the pits.

"A monkey who threw hot flaming turds at us that exploded on impact. After 100 monkeys were defeated, this weapon dropped. You know how that world works… It has a very specific spell. It makes thrown objects hit 100% harder." Squonk stumbled up and began to run away, refusing to do the math in his head. He didn't need to, Sampson informed him, "Which means that when I hit you with this energy blast… it's going to hit at a whopping 360% of my strength!"

The whirring from the spinning atop Sampson's head now sounded like a chopper. The light from the energy clod had completed a circle and made a ring. He let loose the blast and it shot out at the speed of a firework. Squonk jumped out of the way and the clod hit him by his feet. It made the impact of a cannon blast. The percussive shockwave caused Squonk to be flung to the side. He rolled along the ground and coughed as the dirt filled his lungs.

Exley turned to Dory, who was staring in abject horror and said, "Off that bench, girlie." He pushed her off the bench and cried over his shoulder, "My lion eyes let me see peoples' physical weaknesses. This one here has bad bones. But when I look at you, do you know what I see?" Squonk let out a low groan as he tried to get his bearings.

"I see all red. Every inch of you. And when I think about how a chud like you gets to be a god, it makes me see red all over again. Because we're not just champions of Ozid… no… we're disciples." He picked up the bench from the far end and walked toward Squonk.

"We believe in Ozid's supremacy. His philosophy, and ours too as a matter of fact, is simple: Brute force, enhanced by systems or by weapons." He made his way to Squonk, who laid on his backpack on the ground.

"Please no," Whispered Squonk.

"Optimization until humanity is at its pinnacle. Culturing strength and eliminating weakness. Weakness like you. You see, Squonk, we're not just champions." Exley held the bench over Squonk's head.

"We're minmaxers." And he slammed the bench onto Squonk with all his might.