Chương 47: The Case For Being Pathetic

Ch. 47: The Case For Being Pathetic Squonk ran as fast as his little legs would carry him. It was not enough. Sampson, Exley, and Paulie all chuckled to each other. Sampson thumbed at Squonk in a mocking gesture.

"What do we think? Nickel?" Sampson asked.

"Oh, no," Paulie said, "We don't want to hurt him too bad."

"Roosevelt it is, then." Sampson reached into his back jean pocket and pulled out a dime. He gingerly placed it in his magic cling. He lifted the swing and began whipping it above his head. It turned into a tiny energy beam, but the strength of Sampson's 360% boost caused the wind around them to swrl. The grass pushed away in bursts as Sampson geared up for a big sweep.

"Let him have it," Exley said.

"Oh, I will." Sampson tossed the energy beam. The beam leaving the sling let out a hideous cracking sound as the dime launched. Squonk looked back over his shoulder and watched as the inevitable made it way to him. His eyes widened and he tried to jump out of the way. The ball hit his back and exploded on Squonk. Squonk felt his body lift. His arms flailed as he was hurled 20 feet into the air. He felt gravity shift, his direction changed and he dropped back down with a thud.

"Yeeeowch!" Said Squonk. Damaged and pathetic, he had a god's constitution. He scuttled back up. The backpack that Spiros was hiding in had been blown off his back and fell next to him. He stumbled over to try to grab his pepper spray, as it hung off a key chain on his pack.

"Use your powers, idiot!" Spiros hissed from his hiding position in the backpack.

"R-right. Haven't done that in a while," Squonk said. He turned back just as he said, "Lugubrious lug-" Paulie had traversed the field and made it about three feet from his face. He brandished his club and mollywhopped Squonk right in the stomach.

"Oof!" Squonk let out a soft moan before falling to his knees. Sampson swiveled, traveling his club in a circumference and knocked Squonk in the face. Squonk let out a rattle as he felt the club smash his cheek bones in. Exley was not paying attention. He had found more distraction in looking over emails on his phone.

"You've got him now, boys." He said as he passively read his chiropractor's newsletter title, "Help Your Back Relax!" Sampson came forward as well. He grabbed his short sword off his hilt and walked toward Squonk.

"Evasive maneuver: Barrel roll!" Squonk yelled, then rolled to the side. Sampson and Paulie both watched him as he slowly rolled over.

"Evasive maneuver: Barrel roll!" Squonk said again. Rolling again. Sampson and Paulie exchanged glances as he did.

"Evasive maneuver: Barrel roll!" Squonk rolled one more time, managing to get his hands on the mace on his backpack. Spiros felt the rustling from the inside of the backpack. He stuck his face out of an open flap as he saw Squonk undoing the mace from the backpack.

"Your powers," Spiros seethed.

"Secret move… mace!" Squonk shook the mace bottle and clicked the tab. A meager hiss came out but no stream of irritating aerosol.

"Damn. Empty. Used it all last Black Friday. I did manage exit that Best Buy first though." Dory had been staring, standing out in the cold. Exhausted. Exley was right near her. She took a step. Even though Exley was distracted, he noticed the change. He said, "not another step, girlie." Sampson looked back at Exley,"Yeah, this guy ain't no god."

"Of course not. Which once again adds to the mystery of this layabout, Drake. He soloed two cores as an NPC.. and this is the alleged god that chose him? I'm sorry, but that's just bull." Paulie laughed and said, That's a pathetic god." Sampson and Paulie had briefly turned their attention to Exley. Spiros peeked his head out and said, "Why are you not using your powers?"

"It's no use," Squonk said, "If I fight back, they'll just stomp me harder. If I lay down… submit instantly… then I've got a shot at surviving." Spiros said, "Think of how scared you are." Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.

"I do. Every minute of every day."

"Now think of how scared she must be." Squonk didn't say anything, taking deep labored breaths as he lay on the ground, feeling the prickling of the cold grass on his neck.

"If I fight them, I'll die."

"That's a chance I'm willing to take."

"Why do you care? You suddenly care whether or not some human lives or dies?"

"I saw a god beg."

"So what? I'm a god, I beg all the time."

"Yes, but you're not proud," Spiros took a deep breath and said, "Drake is the proudest man I've ever had the misfortune of knowing. He is obstinate to the point of self-destruction. I told him to beg for my help for his sister. I did it as a mean joke, thinking we'd once again lock horns. He'd call me a mean name or tell me he'd place the good Italian cookies on the highest shelf so I couldn't get to them. But he didn't. He got on his knees and was prepared to beg."

"Rookie mistake. That's hard on the joints. You want to go lower. Lay in a prone position while begging. I could give him some pointers." The kirin shook his head.

"At first I was incredulous that anything could make this man beg. Nothing could make me do what he did. But then I got profoundly sad."

"Sad? Why?" Squonk asked as he lifted his head and stared down his belly at the three Exleys, wrapping up their conversation.

"Because I've never had anything or anyone worth begging for. Isn't that sad?"

"Spiros… can I reveal something to you?"

"Anything."

"I never asked Andie McDowell out."

"Really?"

"I never had the guts to. Also she pepper sprayed me before I could get close. I think.. I think I've been too afraid to try."

"I have been an exceptional god. I always was. But I have not been a good guide to my mentee. I want to try too, Squonk. I want to try… to be better." The proud Kirin walked outside the backpack so that Squonk could see his full, miniature body.

"What are you doing? Spiros, they'll see you." Spiros took a deep breath, and slowly, deliberately, dropped his head below his shoulders and pressed his snout to the ground.

"Spiros… Spiros, get up. Someone might see you."

"Please, Squonk. Please help me help Drake."

"Spiros…" The two pitiful gods let the silence speak volumes. Spiros walked backward and slipped into the backpack. Before escaping into the darkness of the canvas fabric, he said, "What was that you wrote in your article? It takes strength to… Oh, you know it." Squonk nodded his head.

"Yeah. I know it." He slowly rolled to his side and pushed himself up. He dusted himself off and the Exleys took notice. The three Exleys turned their attention.

"It takes strength to be pathetic," Squonk murmured under his breath.

"What'd he say?" Sampson asked.

"I said I'm going home," Squonk said louder.

"Good riddance," Exley barked, "We won't stop you. Get out of our sight." Squonk put one foot in front of the other and began walking away. Once again, he muttered under his breath, "It takes courage, to be an open, oozing wound." Then louder, he said, "Secret move: Surprise attack!" Squonk turned. He used a burst of speed he hadn't seen from himself in years. Not since he attempted to outrun that three foot tall magpie in Valhalla. He rushed forward with such determination that it surprised even Exley.

"Dear me, he's actually trying." Exley stuck his foot up and boot-stomped Squonk in the chest.

"Oof," Squonk went down again.

"We gave him a chance," Exley said, "Now, let's get him." Paulie slammed his club down on Squonk's body.

"I am a god!!" Squonk screamed, "And not a particularly good one!"

"You're telling me," said Sampson, who joined in with Paulie, kicking Squonk.

"While others… oof! While others hunted, killed, and maimed… I survived!"

"You think yourself a god!?" Exley mocked as he approached his two nephews. He kicked Squonk as well. Dory stared in horror. She wanted to do something. Anything. She cursed her sick body, her tired state, her fragile constitution. Dory didn't even have the stupidity to escape. Not only was she terrified she wouldn't make it, she could not survive the hole of shame that would eat at her to walk away from this.

"Tell me!" Exley screamed, "Tell me what Drake is hiding!" He raised his boot, threatening Squonk with the promise to continue.

"But I ask you this!" Squonk ignored the boot, "Who is braver? Oof!" The boot kicked him anyway, "Who is braver? The fire that walks through the flower shop? Or the flower that walks through the fire shop?!"

"He's lying! They're all lying!" Said Exley.

"This isn't a god and he certainly isn't the source of Drake's power. They're all playing some sort of shell game. Hiding who is the real source of their power. Who is Drake's god!?" The three continued. Paulie, on his knees, driving his club down on Squonk. Sampson and Exley followed up with their boots.

"And let me ask you this!" Squonk screamed through the pain, "When the divine boot of a Titan's wrath is brought down upon this farcical zoo, who will survive!?"

"Shut him up!" Exley yelled.

"Oof, ouch! The lion!? The bear!? The tiger!? The dragon deer!? No! The answer is the one who will survive… is the mighty cockroach! Gloomy Gatling Gun!" Squonk opened his eyes, and for the first time since leaving Valhalla, used his powers.