Chương 37: Divine Chaos

"So, one of the gods of chaos has a stripper's name," Pierre muttered, clearly trying to work through his thoughts.

"No, you idiot," Shelly immediately corrected him, while at the same time slapping him on the top of his head.

"Bambi was a deer in an old cartoon."

"I thought Bambi was a girl's name. Wasn't the deer male though?" Luke volunteered, obviously trying to help Pierre dig himself out of trouble by bringing up strippers. Tala looked at me, pausing her advance while waiting to see what I was going to say. Clearing my throat, I finally said, "Actually, the Bambi in our pantheon is a deer. And she's female."

"Ugh!" Tala disappeared into the kitchen. Moments later, I heard cabinets slamming. I looked at the others, completely baffled by what was happening. They looked just as baffled. Except for Shelly who had a knowing smile on her lips. Getting a bad feeling, I watched as Tala returned with a cucumber in each paw. She then proceeded to beat me with them while I cowered. As soon as I started to speak, she immediately started shoving the smashed cucumbers into my mouth. The taste hit me like a war crime.

Gods shouldn't gag, but I absolutely gagged. Finally, I used Mask of Many Paws and shapeshifted into a skunk. I had been tempted to change into a porcupine, but I didn't really want to hurt her. Tala looked like she was considering hitting me a few more times, but before she could make up her mind, Pierre and Luke dragged her away from me. It looked like Shelly couldn't make up her mind on what to do. As for Claire, she just looked confused.

Finally, Tala regained control of her emotions and asked, "So, why don't I know about Bambi. Wait. Is she that deer? The roadkill you resurrected?"

"Yeah, the one…," I started to say.

"You made her into a god?" Tala's voice rose.

"I thought you just healed her! I didn't know… Why didn't you tell me?"

"It slipped my mind. I passed out and when I woke up, we had the meeting. And I just thought she was a scion of chaos, not a goddess!" I protested.

"So now I have to share my pantheon with roadkill?"

"That's no way to talk about her. That sounds like something Pierre would say," I said.

"Wait, what?" Pierre said, looking offended.

"I would never call a goddess roadkill!"

"You literally just called her a stripper," Luke pointed out.

"That was before I knew she was a goddess!" Pierre looked at Luke like he had betrayed him. As for Luke, I was starting to appreciate him more and more. Yes, help me throw him under the bus, I wanted to cackle while rubbing my hands together like a cartoon villain.

"Ugh!" Tala glared at me and clearly thought about throwing the remaining portions of cucumbers at me. Instead, she went up to my kiddie recliner and wiped the juices and mush all over it. Then she gave me a gesture before stalking outside. The flap on the doggie door almost came off as she slammed through it.

"Dude! You already have two goddesses," Pierre said, congratulating me. In the distance, I could hear Tala screaming at the woods. Obviously, Tala had heard him. Shelly just gave him a look. I was a little worried about what was about to happen to him too. Damn, females are ornery! I thought. Then I felt like slapping myself. I guess it sort of is my fault. Realizing the danger was gone, mostly, I switched back to my normal raccoon form. It wasn't like I was really going to stink up my own cabin.

I just need a breather. I realized that Tala wasn't angry about Bambi being a god. She was angry because I forgot to tell her. In her mind, she was supposed to know what I was doing. She can't guide me if she doesn't know what's happening to me. The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

"What about you, Abe?" Luke asked, breaking the silence. He was definitely trying to change subjects. I almost gave him a blessing then and there.

"What did your notification say?" I hesitated since I hadn't actually pulled it up yet. However, everyone was watching me. Waiting.

"Pull it up," Tala urged.

"Let's see what a trickster god gets." Sighing, I opened the notification page. EVOLUTION AVAILABLE. Select an Available Divine Option. Balance of Power: Act as a force of balance between chaos and order. Chaos Incarnate: Embrace your role as agent of disruption. Order in Chaos: Bring order out of chaos.???:???. MESSAGE FROM GAIA. I dare you.

"What the…," I muttered as I saw the last option. The others looked at me in confusion. Confused, I told them what my choices were. When they looked at me with equal confusion, I felt vindicated. I mean, why is the system giving me question marks as a choice? I wondered. I read it again, as if expecting the words to change. No one spoke for a long moment while they digested my choices.

"Those aren't classes," Luke said finally.

"Those are... destinies." Shelly looked at him, but didn't object. Then she said, "And the last one… well, I guess it's to be expected with a spirit of chaos." As for me, I kept on staring at the fourth option. Despite its question marks, I had to forcefully stop myself from clicking on it. I really, really, really wanted to see what it was. Still, the rational side of me was saying, 'Option four looks like a glitch that will absolutely come back to bite me.' However, some inner child in me was chanting, 'DO IT!

DO IT!' It took a lot of willpower, but I managed to not choose that option. As for the other options, Chaos Incarnate sounded downright awful. That certainly wouldn't help my friends. That left me with two options. Balance of Power didn't sound too bad, and neither did Order in Chaos. Personally, I was leaning toward Order in Chaos. Something about the other option just didn't feel right, though.

After a few minutes of indecision and awkward small talk while watching videos on YouTube, I considered my options, Tala stamped back into the cabin and glared at me before going to my snack tray. Then she stared at me as she proceeded to eat them. I could feel the threads screaming, CAREFUL at me. Pierre finally blurted out, "So what did you choose?" I sighed, and said, "Nothing yet. I'm still not sure what to decide." Figuring it wouldn't hurt to ask Tala's opinion, I asked her, "So what do you think?"

Tala paused mid-bite, and then gave me a slight nod, as if a clock that is always wrong finally was finally showing the right time.

"Don't rush into things. We might end up with another Bambi," she said. Really? You're really not going to let it go, huh? Still, I was smart enough not to say that.

"What if you wait too long?" Claire asked.

"What if the system forces you to choose? Or chooses for you, like with mutated animals?" I took a deep breath and was about to answer her when I heard a ding. FUCK!??? GRANTED. Due to indecision, a choice was selected for you.?????? MESSAGE FROM GAIA. Oops.

"Wait, what?! NO!" I immediately wobbled toward the wall and started thumping my head gently against the wood.

"Why. Do. These. Things. Keep. On. Happening. To. Me?" I said between thumps. When I turned around, I found that the others stared at me like I had gone crazy. Pierre asked, "Did he just choose Chaos Incarnate? Wait, even he wouldn't be stupid enough to pick that question mark one. Right?" Claire actually clapped a little before she realized how wrong she was. Her face reddened as she said, "Oops. Sorry about that. I just couldn't believe I was right." Pierre looked at me, and then at Claire.

Then he asked, "Right about what?" Shelly looked at Pierre and muttered something about, "At least he's handsome." Luke just looked at Pierre in pity. Then his gaze turned to me and asked me like he was addressing a living time-bomb, "Are you okay?" Tala just stared at all of us, and then laid down on her back. I could hear her muttering something about, "I can't believe this. I'm surrounded by… ugh!" As for me, I rubbed my forehead, which hurt a little. I've got to stop doing that, I reminded myself. It hurts.

"I'm fine" I reassured Luke.

"Apparently, Claire was right. The system thought I was taking too long and made the decision for me."

"Oh, uh, okay. So what do we do now?" Luke asked. He was clearly trying to bring some order to the chaos going on inside the cabin. I was about to respond when a new video began. It was a live broadcast by someone who was talking about getting a system and a class. Yep, that's about right. When the chaos calms down here, it begins outside. Fricking perfect timing. I ignored Luke for a moment. I knew. I knew something was about to happen. As luck would have it, I was right. The very next video was my old face.

Fuck, what is Raven going to say now?