Chương 41: A New Pantheon Member

Oh. My. God. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. There had to be some mistake. I had to look at the notification one more time just to be sure. PRAYERS. 241 Received. Prayers of Thanks (Summarized prayers - Select for detailed prayer) Thank you for the shiny rock. Thank you for reincarnating me. Thank you for letting me meet Bambi. Thank you for the mushroom. + 98 more prayers Prayers with Requests (Summarized prayers - Select for detailed prayer) Please help me find some honey. Please don't let the wolf eat me.

I'm not ready to die again. Please help me find a mate. Please protect my kids when I am out getting food. Please stop the humans from destroying my dams. Please stop the squirrel from taking my food. + 133 more prayers MESSAGE FROM GAIA. I hope you love spam. Really? I stared at the notification, feeling oddly touched and overwhelmed at the same time. Actually, I suppose I should be impressed. Whenever I prayed, it was often only when I needed something. My prayers of thanks were fairly minimal.

Maybe animals are more appreciative than I am, I thought, which is sad.

"What now?" Tala asked.

"Two hundred and forty-one prayers," I said weakly.

"In less than a week." Tala was quiet for a moment.

"That's... actually a lot. Especially for a new religion with only sixty-three followers."

"Some of them are obviously praying multiple times. Like, a lot," Well, not a lot, but more than I expected.

"Enthusiastic worshippers," Tala said.

"Could be worse." I scrolled through some of the requests. Some were heartbreaking, such as a mouse thanking me after finding a discarded bag of trash, filled with scraps of food. Some were from parents worried about their children, prey animals terrified of predators, a beaver whose dam kept getting destroyed by humans. Others were... less urgent.

"Someone's asking me to help them find a mate," I said flatly.

"Another wants me to make them brave. I'm not the Wizard of Fricking Oz."

"You're a god of second chances," Tala pointed out.

"Maybe they think you can give them a second chance at love?"

"I'm not running a divine dating service!" I protested.

"Then you better go talk to Bambi about what exactly she's been teaching them," Tala said pointedly.

"Before this gets even more out of hand." Her tone clearly implied that would be difficult. She was right. As much as I wanted to avoid this conversation, I needed to have it. I needed to understand what was happening with this church. More importantly, I needed to make sure Bambi wasn't setting expectations I couldn't meet.

"Fine," I sighed.

"Let's go find her."

"Finally," Tala said, but there was an edge to her voice.

"And remember, I'm coming with you. No solo deity meetings. Not with some female who's going to give you a big doe eyed look and who has made a home for you two." I wisely chose not to argue. Unfortunately, Tala seemed ready, and almost eager, to do so. Needless to say, I needed something to distract her. Sadly, the thing that was going to distract would probably just piss her off more. Reluctantly, I sighed and tried to sense Bambi. Afterall, if she was part of my pantheon, I should be able to locate her.

Finding Bambi actually turned out to be surprisingly easy. I could feel the golden thread connecting us, pulsing with that warm, divine energy. It was different from Pierre's totem connection. It was softer, more reverent, but also stronger in some ways. It was like the difference between a friendly handshake and someone holding your hand because they trusted you completely. It made me a little uncomfortable. Even my bond with Tala wasn't like that.

However, there was no way in hell I was going to mention that though. We headed into the forest, following the connection. Tala occasionally muttered about 'irresponsible deer goddesses' and 'divine home-wrecking.' The forest felt different than it had a week ago. I noticed it immediately. There were... markers. Small shrines, really. Piles of stones with offerings, berries, flowers, shiny bottle caps, even a few pieces of pizza crust that looked like they'd come from someone's trash.

This actually made me go 'aww' because they were giving me food even though winter was approaching.

"Are those for me?" I asked, stopping to examine one.

"Looks like it," Tala said. She darted around to investigate.

"There's a crude drawing here. I think it's supposed to be you." I looked. Sure enough, someone had scratched an image into a flat stone. It was a raccoon with what might have been a halo, or possibly just a circle around its head. It was hard to tell.

"That's... actually kind of sweet," I admitted. Part of me was reluctant to say this because whoever had drawn it was a better artist than I was, which was kind of annoying.

"It's concerning," Tala corrected.

"This is organized worship, Abe. Bambi's been busy." We continued on, finding more shrines every few hundred yards. Each one had offerings, each one had that same crude raccoon drawing. Some had deer drawings too, presumably Bambi. Do all the animals live close to me or did they travel all the way here to do this? I wondered. Then I started noticing the animals. They weren't hiding exactly, but they were watching. A rabbit that seemed too alert, too focused on us. A crow that followed us from tree to tree.

A fox that kept pace with us from a parallel path. If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

"We're being escorted," I said quietly.

"Or guarded," Tala observed.

"Your worshippers are taking their duties seriously." One of the animals, a young squirrel, got too close, at least according to Tala who whirled on it with a chittering hiss that made me jump.

"Back off!" she snapped. The squirrel scrambled backward, looking terrified.

"Tala, that was harsh," I said. Then I waved to the little squirrel as soon as Tala looked away. The squirrel looked immediately happy, which caused Tala to turn and glare at me again.

"I'm establishing boundaries," she said firmly.

"You're my companion. These newcomers need to understand the hierarchy." Oh boy. Jealous Tala is going to be a problem, I realized. After that, we walked deeper into the forest, and I started to notice something else. Some of the animals we passed looked... different. Not only were they bigger, but they also looked more intelligent. Many of them looked more humanoid in some way. For example, I saw a huge rat walking upright on its backlegs with paws that looked almost human-like.

"Are those…" I started.

"Blessed," Tala confirmed.

"Or reincarnated. Or both. Your handiwork, I'm assuming?" I swallowed. I'd only resurrected Bambi. As for Bambi, how many animals did she bring back? I wondered. Then I considered Tala's words. I could sort of sense a connection to some of the mutated animals. Not all of them, but at least some of them. Maybe the rest are random blessings, I considered. Soon after, we rounded a bend in the path. I nearly walked right into something lying across the trail. It was an opossum.

A big one, maybe twenty pounds, with grayish-white fur that looked perpetually messy. It was sprawled on its side, tongue lolling out, eyes half-closed.

"Is it dead?" I asked, stopping short. I wanted to rush toward it, but then I thought of Bambi. Also, I felt a connection to it. Then, with a sigh, I moved closer to see if it was playing dead. I approached cautiously. The opossum didn't move. It didn't even seem to be breathing. But as I got closer, I could see the faintest rise and fall of its chest.

"Hello?" I said tentatively. Nothing. He completely ignored me. Then again, I guess I should have expected that. I reached out with one paw and poked it gently. The opossum's eyes flew open. It scrambled upright with a startled squeak, fur standing on end, looking around wildly. When its gaze landed on me, it froze. Then it immediately fainted again. Thunk. This time a smelly substance oozed out of its butt. My eyes widened.

"You've got to be kidding me," I muttered. Tala was chittering with laughter on my back.

"Oh, this is perfect. This is absolutely perfect." I poked the opossum again, careful not to touch…whatever that was.

"Hey. Wake up." This time, the opossum stirred more slowly. Its eyes opened gradually, and it looked at me with what could only be described as absolute mortification.

"I'm so sorry, Great Trash Panda!" He looked completely mortified after seeing what came out of him. I was a little surprised that he could speak, but not too much. That and its size seemed to be the only mutation it possessed, sort of like I had chosen when I reincarnated. The opossum scrambled to its feet. Then he immediately tried to strike what I think was supposed to be an intimidating pose. It looked more like it was trying not to fall over.

"I was supposed to be guarding the path and I just…I heard you coming and I got startled and…"

"You fainted," I supplied.

"I prefer to call it 'strategic unconsciousness,'" the opossum said defensively. After that, it seemed to realize who it was talking to." mean, yes, Great One. I fainted. I'm a terrible guardian. I'm so sorry. Please don't smite me."

"I'm not going to smite you," I said, bewildered.

"Why were you guarding the path? And why would I smite a loyal follower?"

"Because Sister Bambi said someone needed to watch over you when she couldn't!" The opossum was speaking very fast now, words tumbling over each other.

"She said you were too important to be left unprotected, and I volunteered because I wanted to prove myself. I've been practicing my intimidating stare and everything, but then you actually showed up and I panicked and…"

"Breathe," Tala suggested, sounding amused. Obviously, she was worried he would go catatonic again. The opossum sucked in a huge breath, held it, then let it out slowly.

"I'm Mort," he said, trying for dignity.

"Reincarnated three days ago. Died from... well, I'd rather not say. But Mother Bambi brought me back and told me I had a sacred purpose, and I've been trying really hard to live up to it, but as you can see, I have some... challenges."

"The fainting," I said, trying to reassure him.

"The fainting," Mort confirmed miserably.

"It's involuntary. I can't control it. Loud noises, sudden movements, confrontation, awkward conversations, sometimes just general anxiety." He was starting to spiral.

"I'm basically useless as a guardian. I should be tough and intimidating like a wolf, but instead I'm just…"

"Useful in other ways," I suggested. Something about the opossum made me feel protective toward him. Because of this, I reassured him, "Do you ask turtles to sprint? No. Does that make them worth less? No. You might not be an amazing guardian, but I'm sure there is something else special about you." Mort looked confused, as if doubting there was anything special about him, "Like what?"

"Uh," I said, my mind racing as I tried to come up with a response. Not sure what else to say, I resorted to bullshito.

"While I know male opossums don't have pouches, I'm sure there's something even more special about you." That was vague and didn't answer the question, but I hoped it would be good enough. Almost immediately, though, a notification appeared. I groaned as I looked at it. Tala is going to kill me, I thought. INCIDENTAL CAUSALITY ACTIVATED. Limited Liminal Access Granted.

Scion of Chaos Created in the Pantheon of Chaos Pouch of Storage Bestowed: Limited access storage spaces through various locations on the body, the Divine Repository MESSAGE FROM GAIA. Another accidental family member? Mort blinked.

"What?! Wow! Thank you so much, your majesty." Tala didn't even look mad. She just slapped a paw over her face, as if she shouldn't have expected anything different. After a moment, she asked, "So, what did you do?"

"I sort of added a new member to the Pantheon of Chaos," I mumbled as I looked at her through my fingers. I sort of wanted to see her reaction and sort of didn't. As for the reaction, she took a page out of my book and went to a tree and started thumping her head against it. Slowly, hesitantly, I placed my paw between her head and the bark. Then to reassure her, I said, "It's okay. Mort's a good guy. I'm sure everything will be fine. Right?" As for Mort, he looked down at himself and then at a stick on the ground.

Hesitantly, he picked up the stick and then carefully poked his belly. The stick then disappeared into his fur, completely. Then he pulled his paw back, he was holding the stick again.

"Oh wow! This is amazing! I can carry things! I can be useful! I can…" He fainted again. Thunk. Tala looked at me, and then to Mort where he lay comatose. Then she looked at me and started walking away.

"Tala? Tala, wait! Where are you going? Tala!" I called after her, but she kept walking.

"Come on, it was an accident!"

"It's always an accident!" She didn't even look back. I looked down at Mort's unconscious form, then back at Tala's retreating tail. This is fine. Everything is fine.... I am so dead.