Chương 101: My Gift to You

He sneered.

"Saint H—" I yelped and reflexively threw him away. He landed face-first in the mud with a muffled splat. It was quiet for some time after that, but after a while I managed to pull myself together.

"You guys saw that, right?" Kasia, who was still staring at the head, wide-eyed, slowly nodded.

"I believe I told you to shoot him in the head," Vasil said, like it was the most normal thing in the world that a plum-sized severed head could talk.

"What?!" I said.

"I shot his head off! I blew his heart out! I saw his legs fall over. His eyes were closed!"

"His eyes were closed…" Vasil repeated.

"Vasil, I swear to Mēnē, if you say maybe he was sleeping I'm going to scream!" Vasil looked up at me.

"That was not what I was going to say. The damage you did to his body was severe, so you might have knocked him unconscious. It does appear that he has some kind of skill that allows him to survive as only a head. A very rare skill indeed. It is even more remarkable that he survived your [Headhunter] transformation." Kasia frowned.

"Do you think his body will grow back?" Good question. Would it? Would he grow back a tiny body to match his tiny head? Or would it grow back regular-sized? Would he spend the rest of his days walking around with a tiny head on a normal body? The thought made me chuckle.

"Something funny?" Vasil asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Can you imagine if his body grows back regular-sized? Big bad Bogumir walking around with a tiny scowly head on a normal body. It would be hilarious." Vasil snickered.

"It would be most undignified."

"Spending the rest of his days as a head, hanging from your belt, would also be undignified," Kasia said, rubbing her arm. I walked over to Bogumir's head and picked it up.

"Undignified, but very deserved, don't you agree, Bogey?" He stared at me angrily, mud covering his face.

"Why can't I feel my body? What did you do with my limbs?"

"I'm afraid they're gone. I left them in the inn, and that burned down, thanks to you, by the way. I wanted to grab your hands, but I didn't have time with the whole roof collapsing on top of me and all. So what happened to your body? It burned to ash and is buried under the inn." Bogumir opened his mouth, then closed it.

"Stvora—""No," I cut him off.

"I don't think Stvora is listening, Bogey. I don't think he has blessed you either. I should probably tell you that I also shrank your head, just like I did to Pavel here," I showed him Pavel's head hanging from my belt.

"So you're stuck with me now. I am your god now. Or goddess, really. So I expect you to be polite, and I expect you to make yourself useful. Do I make myself clear?" He helplessly looked around, then scowled.

"This is an outrage! You can't do this!"

"Really?" I said, frowning.

"This is an outrage? You are an outrage. You did this to yourself. You could have left everyone alone and gone on your way, but you didn't. You were probably so used to bullying people and being able to push them around that it didn't even cross your mind that there could be someone stronger out there. Well there was. There always is. And now you and your friends belong to me, except they're dead, and you're not.

I'm not sure who got the better deal, but I do know that this is entirely your fault, and I hope you realize that. And if you don't, don't worry, you will, because I will remind you as often as I have to." Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. I summoned the revolver that had Jerzy's head and held it out for Bogumir to see.

"Look at this." Bogumir's eyes widened in shock.

"What have you done to him? You monster." I rolled my eyes.

"Monster. Sure. Whatever."

"Don't roll your eyes at me!" I sighed.

"You call me a monster. Maybe I am. But have you ever looked in the mirror?"

"You dare call me a monster?" he spat.

"I follow divine orders! I do Stvora's bidding, for the greater good."

"The greater good?" I snorted.

"Good one. I guess there are people with a sense of humor around here after all. What greater good?"

"We protect the people—""Hah! Who are you protecting, Bogumir? Is taking from the poor protecting them? Is accusing children of being a witch and burning them protecting them? What about the people in the inn? Did you scare them to protect them? Did Irena kill that drunk to protect him? I bet he feels real safe now."

"Stvora demands—""Stvora demands what? Did he demand you attack a classless girl minding her own business as well?" I pointed at Kasia.

"What did she ever do to you?" Bogumir opened his mouth but he didn't say anything.

"You were a bad man," I continued.

"All of you were bad. And now all of you are dead. Except for you of course. Really, you should be thanking me for showing you the error of your ways. The others paid for their lesson with their lives. It only cost you your body. It's not too late for you to atone." The defiance had left his eyes now.

"Just… kill me." I shook my head.

"Oh, no. You're not getting off that easy. You're going to make yourself useful, whether you like it or not. You did try to kill me, after all. You owe me that much. The least you can do is give me a hand." I paused.

"Well. Maybe not a hand." Kasia winced. Bogumir frowned, defeated.

"What do you want from me?"

"I told you. You're going to help me. And I'm going to show you who the real monsters are. Besides me, of course. I think in the grand scheme of things I'm not that bad. It's not like you were a saint either." I cocked my head, smiling.

"Though I guess I am a saint now. Or so I've been told."

"Ridiculous. You, a saint?"

"Hey, I didn't come up with it." I shrugged.

"It's just what people call me. It's what happens when you do good things for people. You should try it sometimes." I gave him a sympathetic look.

"Will be difficult without a body, but I'm sure you'll figure it out somehow. You're a resourceful guy. Or you were, when you still had a body."

"And why, exactly, would I help you? A witch."

"It's not like you have a choice. If you decide to be annoying I'll just stuff a piece of cloth in your mouth like I did with Old Whistletooth over there. You don't have to be able to talk to boost my stats."

"Boost your stats?" I gave him a wink.

"Don't worry about it. We have plenty of time to get to know each other. Now let's get you cleaned up." I gestured to Kasia.

"Could you hand me a piece of cloth, please?" She handed it over and I wiped the mud from Bogumir's face while he growled. He may have even tried to bite me. I held him in front of my face.

"Hey! No biting. Otherwise I'm stuffing this muddy rag in your mouth so you can chew on that." I gave the cloth back to Kasia and smiled.

"He's a bit nippy, this one."

"Are we sure we should keep him?" Kasia asked.

"Isn't he… dangerous?" I held him between two fingers and gave him a little squeeze.

"Hey! Stop that!" he growled.

"This little guy?" I said.

"He's harmless." I turned him back so he was facing me.

"And if he insists on biting we could also just pull his teeth out. Probably a better solution than a rag, right Bogey?" He immediately closed his mouth. I grinned.

"Glad we understand each other. There really is no reason for us to be enemies anymore. You are part of my team now, Bogumir. Maybe once you get to experience life from the other side of the Church you will think differently about your former masters. I suppose, in a way I've set you free, undone your shackles. All that is left is to open your eyes, and then you can decide for yourself who the real bad guys are. You'll have plenty of time for self-reflection, being a head and all.

Consider it my gift to you, to mark the beginning of our beautiful new friendship." He glared at me, but didn't say anything.

"Hecate," Vasil said, nodding at Bogumir.

"Right. Now there's just one thing left. We are all excited to see what benefits you will graciously bestow upon me. They better be good, Bogey, or this may be a very short friendship." I cast [Artifact Index] and his eyes widened.