Chương 99: Supply and Demand

"Don't look at me like that, Jerzy," I said.

"If you had better dental hygiene you might not have been in this position. And if you hadn't tried to mind-trap me, you wouldn't have gotten burned. You need to take accountability for your own mistakes."

"Why are you talking to the totem?" Vasil asked.

"I like to think they're still in there somehow, you know. So I let them know they've been bad, and if they had been nicer they would still have a regular-sized head, and it would still be attached to their body, and they'd still be alive. Even if their soul has moved on to burn forever in one of the hells—because they are definitely not getting into The Isles of the Blessed—it gives them a bit more personality. Anyone can chop off a head and hang it from their belt.

Not everyone can give their severed heads personality. I think it adds to the coolness factor." Vasil's eyebrows raised.

"What?" I stuck out my hip and pointed at Pavel's head, still hanging from my belt.

"It's cool, right? I know you guys were all like 'that's creepy' and 'that's morbid', but they have really grown on me." I wiggled my hip, which caused his head to bob up and down.

"Haha, see? It's like he's alive and dancing. I think if we play this right we could make it a thing." Vasil looked concerned.

"You want to make hanging people's heads from belts a thing?"

"What? No. I mean, yes. Since I'm apparently Saint Hecate now, I could sell the ones I don't need anymore and call them blessings. People see me wearing them. People think I'm super cool. Everyone will want one of their own." I rubbed my hands and grinned.

"We're gonna be so rich!"

"Um," Kasia said.

"If everyone wants one, there won't be enough to go around." I leaned in.

"Ah, my young student. You are correct. Scarcity will make the value rise. Like I said. We're going to be rich."

"But if they cost too much won't that mean no one will be able to afford one?"

"That… Yes. But that is also part of my masterplan. They'd be status symbols. And if people can't afford one, or there simply aren't enough to go around, they will have to create their own. People will start ambushing inquisitors to collect their heads." Vasil's eyebrows rose even further.

"Oh my."

"Oh, you, indeed. I imagine this would create an underground market for inquisitor heads. People could barter with inquisitor heads instead of gold. So now people aren't just dismembering inquisitors to upgrade their skills, now they're also chopping them up to make money… Or just because they want to look cool." I held up Jerzy's ugly little head and pretended he was talking in a squeaky voice.

"That's a pretty good idea, Hecate! You're so smart! I suuuure wish I hadn't tried to kill you!" Vasil was staring at me with his mouth open. Kasia blinked, then shook her head.

"You came up with all of this just now?" I shrugged.

"It's nothing. I'm something of an entrepreneur. A venture capitalist, if you will. Or in Jerzy's case—a denture capitalist." I snorted and slapped my thigh.

"Get it? Because he's missing a tooth, so I said denture instead of venture!" They were both staring at me now. Vasil's mouth was still open. Neither of them was laughing.

"Oh come on!" I said.

"That was a good one!" Maybe they didn't get it. Or maybe they simply didn't hear me. It was possible that one of the birds flying above us had squawked at the exact moment I delivered the punchline, causing both of them to miss it. I mean, I didn't hear any birds, but that could have been because I was so engrossed in delivering my exceptionally witty joke. Should I repeat it? Damn birds and their squawking. I should have just shot them and then I wouldn't be in this predicament.

The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement. You know what, I'll just repeat the joke. I leaned a little closer to them in case a bird squawked again.

"I'm something of an entrepreneur. A venture capitalist, if you will. Or in Jerzy's case—a denture capitalist."

"Yes," Vasil said.

"We heard you the first time." I narrowed my eyes.

"So why aren't you laughing?"

"It's not that it wasn't funny…" Kasia said, rubbing her arm. Vasil cleared his throat.

"I think I can speak for the both of us when I say that your joke was very clever. The reason we are not laughing is because we were not expecting your plan. It was just…"

"Genius?" I asked.

"Well. Sort of. Yes. It just might be crazy enough to work. Any advantage, big or small, will help us. I think it is a brilliant idea. I just… Sorry, Hecate, but I am at a loss for words. You keep surprising me. The way you got the people on your side. The way you convinced them to offer the inquisitor's body parts for upgrades, leaving no remains. Now this. The way your mind works is beyond me." I brushed some imaginary dust off my sleeve and nodded.

"Yeah. Don't worry, Vasil, stick around and you'll learn a thing or two. I like to plan things, you know. In my head." His expression turned skeptical.

"You do?" I paused, stared at the horizon for a couple of seconds, then looked back at him.

"Not really." Kasia startled me by making a sound that sounded like air escaping out of a wet waterskin.

"Anyway," I said, ignoring the weird noise Kasia was still making.

"I know how much you like talking about plans and walking four steps ahead and stuff, but let's not get sidetracked. I was about to see what benefits Jerzy over here was planning to provide me, until you distracted me."

"I was just—" Vasil started. I held up my finger.

"Upupup! You're doing it again." Vasil stared at me with his usual mouth-open stare, but didn't say anything. I squinted and glared back for a moment, just in case he was planning on interrupting my grandiose reveal a second time. Nothing came, so I cast [Artifact Index] and read the description aloud. [Headhunter - Jerzy Ruta, Kinetist] Weapon modification: Mentally influence the path of projectiles fired by you. Scales with level.

+14 Attunement +20% Mana Regeneration Gear modification: Mentally influence the path of projectiles fired at you. Scales with level. +14 Attunement +20% Mana Regeneration Of course the ugliest head had to be the most useful one.

"You knew this all along, didn't you, Jerzy? You planned this as your final act of revenge." I sighed and attached Jerzy's head to my revolver. It dangled there, missing tooth staring back defiantly.

"You're enjoying this," I told the head.

"Shame on you." A gust of wind blew past and the tooth-hole made a little whistling sound.

"Really?" I said, holding the head closer to my face.

"Are you serious right now?" The wind gusted again, and Jerzy's head whistled once more. I chewed on my cheek, thinking of a way to deal with this whistletooth situation. Maybe I should just throw it away. He's already super ugly and now he's super annoying as well. I could already see myself kicking down Menekrates' door in a cool and intimidating way. Suddenly everyone in Asteria is there. Menekrates is crying, drops to his knees, and begs my forgiveness. Obviously, I say no, I'm going to kill you.

He's crying harder now. I point my revolver at his head and ask him if he has any last words. He looks up at me with his tear-streaked face, and right before he says something, a slight wind blows past and Jerzy makes his stupid whistling sound. Menekrates looks confused and I die of embarrassment, my ten-year-long quest for revenge undone by a missing tooth.

"This is by far the best totem you have," Vasil said.

"Yeah, but stylistically it doesn't match me at all. I think I should get rid of it." Vasil cocked his head.

"What do you mean? It matches your combat style perfectly."

"That's not what she means," Kasia said, shaking her head.

"She thinks it's ugly and makes an annoying sound. She thinks it would make her less cool." Vasil blew a bit of air from his nose.

"Of course." I gave Kasia an appreciative nod.

"Kasia gets me. Can you imagine me running around, whistling like an idiot? Sorry, Vasil, but that just won't work. No one is going to be intimidated by someone who sounds like a sad teakettle." Jerzy whistled again, perfectly punctuating my point.

"By the Goddess! He's doing it on purpose!" I said as I pulled his head off and threw it into the mud.

"Enough! I will not be mocked by a shriveled, whistle-toothed bastard!" I was about to stomp Jerzy in anger, but Kasia pulled me back.

"Hecate, wait. Why don't you just stuff a piece of cloth or something in the gap?"

"Hmm. It's more than he deserves." Kasia picked up the head and stuffed a small scrap of cloth in his mouth, then handed it back to me.

"Here. That should be better." I swished him around a bit to see if he still made any sounds, but he was silent. My mood immediately improved. I gently touched Kasia's shoulder to show my appreciation.

"Thank you. You saved me." I looked down at Jerzy.

"…And him." Kasia gave me a warm smile.

"Good," Vasil said.

"What about the other three totems?" I attached Jerzy back to my revolver and made it disappear into my hand. After rummaging through my satchel I picked the next head—the tank. I held it between two finger.

"I'm warning you. If you make any stupid sounds, you're going in the trash."