Chương 117: Hup

We'd made camp in a secluded spot. Kasia had done so much for me lately, it was time I did something for her. I know she wouldn't see it that way—and would probably get upset if she caught me thinking it—but this time I was the one who felt like a burden, like I didn't do enough for her. Maybe I should ask her about her parents again. Maybe it would help her. Though maybe she didn't need it or want to talk about them.

It wasn't her fault they were gone after all, so there was no reason for her to feel guilty all the time. She likely missed them, so it might still be nice for her to talk about them, remember them, share their memory with us. I was also curious to know more about these people. If they managed to raise such a compassionate person, maybe I could learn from them even though they were no longer here. Learn to be more compassionate myself, more understanding, like Kasia was.

I'd foolishly thought she was weak, and that I was strong. Maybe I'd known all along I wasn't that strong. I just tried to mask my insecurity with false confidence and humor. Now I saw that probably came across more as arrogance than confidence. Actually, the jokes were funny. Even when I made the heads say they ate poop, that was funny, despite Vasil getting angry at me. The arrogance on the other hand… I was feeling a little bit ashamed of that.

I just thought that maybe if I said I was strong enough, I would start to believe it. That I would start to be it. I told myself I didn't care what people thought about me, when in reality I cared a lot, because if they didn't see me as strong they might want to hurt me or hurt my friends. Kasia, in this case. And I really didn't want a repeat of Perry's situation. I really didn't want to lose another friend. Especially not Kasia. Now I actually was strong…

strong-ish, did I really have to project so much arrogance? Wouldn't some humility serve me better? With that kind of bounty on my head, acting like a conceited asshole just made me a bigger target. Especially since all of my enemies seemed to share that arrogant asshole energy. All it did was make me more like them, and less like me. I held out a lock of my new golden hair.

Did transforming myself into Kasia make me more like her, or had her kindness shown me I didn't always need to lash out at the slightest thing? If people were looking up to me now, if people believed in me, I shouldn't be like that. I should show more restraint. I should be someone worth looking up to, worth believing in. I glanced at Kasia, who was sitting next to me, looking up at the sky. I put my hand on hers, and she slowly looked back at me with a smile. Kasia didn't need to tell anyone she was important.

She probably thought she wasn't. She had no idea. How could I let her know how much what she did meant for me? What she meant to me? I'd spent so long acting like a fool I felt like I'd forgotten what it was like to act like a normal human being. I had no idea how all this worked.

"I was thinking," I started.

"About your parents. You don't have to talk about them if it hurts, but... I'd like to hear about them. Not just how they died, but who they were, and what they taught you. If you'll let me." I looked up at the moon.

"I think I could stand to learn a few things. About being… well, like you. And maybe you'd feel better if you shared their stories. Not that I'm saying you're feeling bad. But I felt better after telling you about Perry. That's what I mean. And it would help keep their memory alive. I think… I think it's important that we remember. And if you tell us, that's two more people who remember them." Vasil gave a single nod.

"Three more people," Bogumir said. You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. I almost snidely remarked "He thinks he's people", but I didn't. He was people. He probably had his reasons for being an insufferable asshole, just like I did. Perhaps traveling with us would lead him to an epiphany. Well, with Kasia. She seemed to bring out the best in everyone without even trying.

I was sure that whatever being around her did to me would happen for Bogumir as well eventually. Constantly ribbing him would only make him defensive and less likely to change. Who knew what his reasons were? Maybe he'd share them some day.

"Three people," Kasia said with a faint smile.

"Gosh, what would you like to know?"

"Tell us about a day they were happy," Bogumir said.

"Tell us about a day you had fun with them." Kasia exhaled.

"Happy… I think… I think we were always happy. We were poor, but happy. They made everything fun. What can I say? All my memories of them are happy." She paused for a moment.

"They couldn't read, but they always told me stories. Stories about ancient heroes and princes and princesses. I loved those stories. I guess I still do."

"Oh," she said, perking up.

"Do you know the story about Smok Vavelski?" I saw Vasil smile, then I looked down and while I couldn't see his face, I saw the crease in Bogumir's cheeks. He was smiling as well. I shook my head.

"I don't."

"It's so good!" she said excitedly.

"He was this huuuge—" she spread her arms wide "—dragon in Mawopolska, the country next to Silesia. Back then it was still part of Silesia. He lived in a cave and he'd made a deal. Everyone was terrified of him, so they were happy to oblige. So every week they'd send a bunch of cows over for the dragon to eat. The dragon was so big he could swallow a cow whole! In a single bite!"

"That's a big dragon," I agreed.

"Right! And since he was so big no one could defeat him, but since they had to give him all their cows they had to get rid of the dragon somehow. So the elder prince came up with a brilliant plan. He filled a cow skin with sulphur, and when the dragon ate it, he exploded!"

"Woah," I said.

"I guess that's one way to defeat a dragon. That prince must have been pretty smart."

"Yeah," she said.

"But then the younger prince killed his brother and blamed it on the dragon. No one believed him and he got exiled. Because there were no male heirs left, their sister became Silesia's first female ruler."

"Uh…" I said.

"And then she committed suicide because she wanted to avoid getting married to some asshole," Bogumir said.

"And then Silesia split apart into a bunch of different countries." I scratched my head.

"Wow… That took a turn. Are you sure this is your favorite, Kasia?" She gave me a sheepish look.

"Not really. I just thought it's the one you'd like best."

"Kasia," I said.

"I appreciate that, but that's not what I meant when I asked about your parents. I want to know what you like. Your happy memories with your parents. This isn't about me. It's about you. I want to know you."

"Oh," Kasia whispered, face flushing.

"I think… I think I understand." She leaned back and closed her eyes, then a big grin spread on her face.

"I guess the first memory that comes to mind is not a very special one. But it's special to me. My father came home without wood because it was raining. He was soaking wet. My mother was furious because she just polished the floor and he was dripping all over it. He even forgot to take off his shoes so there was mud everywhere." She shook her head.

"Mother was so angry. But he just laughed and picked her up above his head and started squatting her, yelling 'Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!' She screamed so loud, but when he started saying hup hup hup, she cracked and started laughing." We all burst out laughing at that.

"Now that is the kind of story I like," I said.

"Did he really squat her?" She nodded, smiling.

"Three sets of ten. By the end they were both wet and covered in mud. And the floor… Well, she made him clean that up."

"Sometimes," she paused, then sighed.

"Sometimes me and Kuba will still say 'hup', when we feel like the other is overreacting to something, or just as a way of signaling like hey, it's not as big as you think it is. Or sometimes we just say it to make each other laugh."

"Wow…" I said.

"That's kind of beautiful."

"It is," Vasil agreed.

"I guess we can all use a little hup in our life sometimes," Bogumir said.

"There is wisdom in that." I squeezed Kasia's hand.

"Thanks for sharing. I think I like your dad, even if he was a [Carpenter]." Kasia snorted.

"Yeah." She shook her head, laughing.

"What is it with you and carpenters? Anyway, I think he would have liked you too. He always said the world needed more people with fire in their spirits." Fire in my spirit. Fire in my build. Fire all around. It all started to feel more intentional and less like a coincidence. I wondered if it was. I glanced at the moon and for a moment it appeared like it shone just a bit brighter.