Chương 115: Horsing Around

Kasia's eyes grew large as I activated [Disguise Self] and transformed into… Kasia!

"Oh my," Vasil said.

"What's going on?" Bogumir asked.

"What did she do this time? She didn't turn into my mother, did she?" Then I used [Forged Credentials] to change my class from [Gunwitch] to [Classless].

"What do you think?" I said, twirling around.

"How do I look?" Kasia stared at me with her mouth open.

"You look like… me."

"Yeah!" I said, excited.

"This way I can still be beautiful! And I also changed my class to [Classless], so no one will ever ask me for anything!" Kasia's face flushed.

"You… You think I'm beautiful?" she whispered.

"Yeah! Look at you! Flawless skin. Long golden hair, with great volume, by the way. Bright blue eyes. You look amazing! I couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather look like… Other than myself, of course." Her face got even redder and she made a funny sound. Then she turned around and kind of walked in place.

"Are you… okay?" I asked.

"I—I'm fine," she whispered, refusing to meet my eyes. Vasil cleared his throat.

"Ahem. Hecate. Are you sure you have thought this through?"

"Well, yeah. Obviously. It's simple, really. I'm now [Classless], so I don't have to be something creepy like [Carpenter], and I look like Kasia, so I'm still pretty!" He stared at me.

"And you do not see any problems with this?" I pursed my lips and shook my head.

"No, not really. Do you?" He pointed at Kasia, who was still facing away from me, then pointed at me.

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Kasia is your companion. Now there are two Kasias right next to each other. That might strike people as odd."

"Why? The more Kasias the better, I think. It should make people happy. Instead of thinking wow that's crazy that there are two Kasias, they should be thinking wow that's crazy cool that there are two Kasias." Vasil cocked his head.

"But they will not be thinking that, will they?"

"Why not?"

"Because there is only one Kasia."

"Not anymore!" I said, laughing.

"But there can only be one Kasia."

"Geez, Vasil, so I'll name myself Masia or… Vasia," I said, then burst out laughing.

"Or is Vasia too much like Vasil and is that also not allowed? Is the Silesian Name Inquisition going to arrest me if I use your name?" I recoiled a little, lifting my hands like I needed protection.

"Oooh, I'm so scared! Don't let the big bad inquisitors get me. Don't tell them I used a name someone else also has."

"It is not about the name, Hecate. You are using Kasia's face, her identity. The polite thing to do would be to ask for her consent. She is your ally. She is your friend. You just took all of that from her, and you did it without asking her how she felt about it." Maybe that was a bit rude of me. I got so caught up in my plan and getting the perfect cover it didn't even cross my mind to ask her if she was alright with it. I probably should have asked first. That would have been the polite thing to do.

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"Yeah," I said.

"I'm sorry. Also I wasn't taking it, just borrowing. And she still has her own! But you are right. I should have asked first." I turned to Kasia, who had turned back around by now.

"I owe you an apology. That was inconsiderate of me. I just… I couldn't be myself anymore, but obviously I still wanted to be beautiful. Then I got so excited when I realized I could still be beautiful, because I could be you! I got carried away. I should have asked you first."

"You really think I'm beautiful?" she asked.

"I do! I couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather look like if I couldn't be myself." Kasia smiled.

"So…" I said.

"Is it alright if I look like you? We could tell people we're twins! We could really be sisters now. Well, not really. But sort of really." Kasia laughed and shook her head.

"Sure, Hecate."

"Alright!" I said with a fist pump.

"Still pretty! Suck it, Bogumir!"

"What did I do?" he asked.

"Um. You already forgot you and your buddies tried to kill me? I didn't. It's the whole reason I have to change my identity." I glanced at Kasia.

"Not that there is anything wrong with this identity. I'm not—I'm not saying… What I'm trying to say is you're great, Kasia. I'm happy to sort of be you. But I also liked being me. I just can't be me for now."

"I understand," she said.

"I don't," Bogumir said.

"I don't understand anything you just said." I tapped him on the head.

"You lost your body, not your brain."

"Well excuse me for not grasping the incoherent ramblings of a homicidal maniac. How anyone can understand anything you say is beyond me. I think they're just telling you they understand to get you to stop talking." I waggled my eyebrows at Kasia.

"I think he likes me." She grinned at Bogumir.

"I told you she'd grow on you."

"I know you guys are fucking with me," he said.

"I know that. You won't get a reaction out of me." I winked at Kasia, who got the hint and let out a small gasp.

"Bogumir!" I said.

"Watch your language! There are children around. Is this how a holy man behaves? Was assaulting the Silesian youth not enough? Must you poison their minds as well? Tell me, Bogumir, where do you draw the line?"

"What?! Stop saying we assault children!" Bogumir snapped.

"We don't fucking assault children!" Vasil tutted.

"She is right, you know. We do not use that kind of language. It is unbecoming. I would have expected a veteran inquisitor—especially a squad leader—to conduct himself in a more dignified manner."

"I will not be lectured by a bunch of murderers!" I rolled my eyes.

"Always with the 'murderers'. Get off your high horse—" Wait. I quickly glanced at Vasil. He wasn't laughing. Good. He missed it. I expected him to burst out laughing the instant I accidentally compared myself to a horse, especially after the whole transform into a horse thing. My eyes flicked to Kasia. No reaction. I pretended to cough, then continued, "What I was trying to say before my allergies got me is that you should stop horsing around—" Damn it. I couldn't stop thinking about horses now.

"You should stop beating that dead horse—" No! Nonono! I started to sweat, and rubbed my wet palms on my pants. I had to take back my power. I had to take back control.

"You need to rein it in—" By Erotokomos's eternally flowing hair! The more I tried not to think about them, the further I slipped! Now all I could think about were big dumb horses! Big dumb horses looking at me with their big dumb teeth. Big dumb horses frolicking around with their big dumb butts. I could never be a horse—my butt was perfectly sized. As were my teeth.

"What is wrong with you?" Bogumir asked.

"You're sweating. Why are you sweating? I'm getting wet!"

"I'm FINE!" I yelled, voice pitched two octaves higher than usual. I wiped my forehead.

"I'm just… I'm just… It's warm! I'm hot! Aren't you hot?"

"Are you having a stroke? Please, Stvora, give her a stroke. Put her out of her misery."

"I'm not having a stroke!" I said, voice sounding horse. HOARSE!

"Whatever it is you're doing, can you do it without sweating all over my head? It's not that I don't enjoy hanging against your hip all day, but I don't enjoy hanging against your hip all day. Getting covered in your murderous sweat isn't making me feel any better about my situation. Please grant me at least one mercy." I roughly grabbed him and looked into his eyes.

"The reason I'm sweating is because you are DESTROYING Kasia's innocent soul with your foul language! Murdering it! Now I may have killed some people here and there, and you may think of that what you want, but Kasia hasn't harmed a fly." I inhaled deeply.

"You claim to be a holy man. You claim to serve Stvora. I'm just trying to help you preserve your soul. I'd like to think there's a good guy in there, somewhere, underneath all that scowling and profanity. I believe in you, Bogumir. You are better than this. You don't need to use such uncivilized language." Bogumir narrowed his eyes.

"Fuck off." I shook my head in disappointment.

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." I heard a stifled little snort. I looked around to see where it came from and noticed Vasil staring at me flatly, the corner of his mouth twitching.

"Still regretting that you did not take [Transform Self]?"

"Fuck you."

"Hypocrite," Bogumir said. Kasia just smiled and shook her head.