Chương 139: Slurp on This

Walking through the final unexplored tunnel, Kasia's words kept going through my mind. If I was scared and traumatized, would I want to see the ones responsible for that get turned into paste? Me personally, probably yes. Even better if I was the one doing the pasting. But that was me personally. And in my experience, no one really was like me, or thought like me. They probably wouldn't want to see that at all. They probably just wanted to… I had no idea what normal people wanted to do. Complain? Cry?

Normal people were a complete enigma. They functioned on a system of fragile emotions and bizarre limitations that I couldn't even begin to fathom. And why couldn't I? Kasia seemed to have no problem with it. Vasil seemed to do just fine. Maybe Bogumir was right and maybe I was just a lunatic. Nah. I was probably the only normal person out there. Besides, complaining and crying never solved anything. A bullet to the face, on the other hand, fixed everything. A bullet to the face was quick. It didn't have feelings.

It just made problems go away. One moment it's there, the next it's not. Simple. Elegant. Yeah, I wasn't a lunatic. I was a pragmatist. A problem-solver. Squeak. Pause. Squeak. Pause. Should I say something about it? It was starting to grate on my nerves. Every time I looked back, the guy with the squeaky shoe looked like he'd somehow gotten uglier and annoyinger. It was so bad I started to wonder if that was just his class. If such a class even existed.

I almost hoped it was, because if that was his personality I wasn't sure I could keep him. Maybe I should send him first and—No. That is not what a good leader would do. But what would a good leader do? Ask him to take his shoes off? I glanced down at the ground. No, he'd probably cut his feet and we'd have to carry him… or leave him. Take just the squeaky shoe off? Then he still might hurt one of his feet and slow us down. He might also develop some spinal issues or whatever from walking on a single shoe.

That seemed like a thing that could happen. That would also be less than ideal. Maybe I should ask Hubert if they found some shoes in the boxes and give them to the guy. He didn't really deserve new shoes though, did he? I wouldn't want to start rewarding people for being annoying. I could already see twelve people all with a single squeaky shoe, hoping to receive my blessing. I shuddered. So what was left? I couldn't take his shoes. I couldn't give him shoes. I couldn't kill him. Well, I could, but I shouldn't.

Squeak. Pause. Squeak. Pause. I peeked back over my shoulders and sighed. There was only one solution. I just hoped it would work.

"Oh, no! Look up! Behind you!" I yelled, pointing up and behind them. Everyone looked. I swiftly blinked behind squeaky shoe guy and kicked him in the ass. He flew forward (yay extra Strength) and landed on top of Teofil. To my great pleasure, he shrunk down as soon as he touched one of the boxes and seemed to be stuck there, as if he were an annoying human-shaped box himself. I used [Blink] to reposition myself in front of the line as if I'd never left.

"What? What is it?" Odeta asked.

"I guess it was nothing, Never mind," I replied. Kasia shook her head. She probably saw what I did and didn't approve. Hubert gave a slight bow and mouthed, "Thank you." I guess he did approve. The man was quite perceptive. Glad I wasn't the only one who couldn't bear the squeaking anymore. No one else said anything, not even when the rest of the trek was suspiciously squeakless. I mentally patted myself on the back. Flawless execution, Hecate. This book is hosted on another platform.

Read the official version and support the author's work. I half-expected some ows from the rolling, but he remained as silent as his contemptible shoe. When I heard sound, I paused. I figured we were near the end of the tunnel.

"Alright, everyone," I whispered.

"You guys stay here, and I will go check out whatever is out there so you won't have to see anything traumatizing. More traumatizing than you've already seen. Not that I think there will be something traumatizing there, but I just want to be sure. Vasil and Kasia can come if they want." Vasil and Kasia did want, so the three of us moved on. The tunnel opened into a natural cave chamber, though "chamber" didn't quite capture it. For example, one entire wall was missing.

It was just a massive opening with a complete view of the trees and mountains and whatever. Three strzygi stood near the edge. One was slurping down what I hoped was not—but feared it was—human intestines. Another was dragging… leftovers toward the opening. The third casually tossed what appeared to be a human torso over the cliff's edge and gleefully watched it tumble down. The wind blew through the massive opening, blowing the foul scent of blood and guts and shit back into the cave and into my face.

The view was spectacular, though. If you ignored all the blood. At least there weren't any corpses. They must have tossed them all down the balcony. The slurper suddenly jerked his head toward me and his eyes grew large.

"Slurp on this," I said, looking absolutely cool and badass as I activated [Clean Entry] and shot him in the head. To my surprise, his entire upper body also disintegrated. [Generous Gift +170% Damage.] His two buddies turned to him and also looked surprised as his lower body fell down the mountain. They did not get a chance to do anything else before two more bullets also tore them in half, sending them down along with him. [Generous Gift +180% Damage.] [You have gained 1 level.] [You have gained 1 skill point.] [You have gained 3 stat points.]"Nice," I said, giving Kasia a cocky tilt of the head.

"Totally badass," Kasia said with an impressed nod. Vasil didn't say anything. I subtly nudged him with my foot, but he still didn't say anything.

"Vasil, come on, man. That was a killer line." He sighed, which kind of hurt my feelings. I thought it was cool. It could even be my thing. Say something punchy right before I disappear my opponent's head. Or half their body, I guess. But that only made it more badass. That I managed to effortlessly apply situational humor to it all just made it even better.

"It could be my thing, don't you think? Say something cool and then people will be like 'Woah! That was cool.' And I'd look cool. Cause I'd be cool."

"I don't think so," he said.

"I think so." I nodded, satisfied with myself. Vasil was just an old guy trapped in a frog body. What did he know about being cool? I bet back in his time "cool" was… sitting on a chair? I had no idea. What I did know was that he was old and a frog and not cool. Unlike me. The giant missing wall really did give a spectacular view. Seeing that would probably make my followers feel a lot better about almost having their intestines slurped out. Or their babies cursed to become half-man half-owl looking demons.

I cupped my hands around my mouth and turned to the tunnel.

"Alright Order of the Radiant Dawn, the area has been sanitized. In a cool way. But also in a not traumatizing way. Come out and enjoy the view." There was a brief pause, and then I heard the sound of footsteps coming closer. What I didn't hear was squeaking. Perfect. When they all arrived they looked around suspiciously. The place still looked a bit bloody, but not body-party, so they shouldn't feel scared. I hoped. I spread my arms, back still turned to the cliff.

"You see this? Amazing isn't it?"

"Come on," I said, walking backwards.

"You absolutely have to see this. It will make you feel better!"

"Be careful," Vasil said.

"If you keep going like that, you might fall down the cliff."

"Me?" I scoffed.

"You think I'm that careless?" I did turn around, though, because I didn't want to accidentally slip and fall down the cliff. I walked up to the edge and looked down. We were up pretty high. Anyone who fell down would definitely die.

"Uh, yeah." I held up my hand.

"You guys better be careful around the edge. It's a pretty big drop." Since I also didn't want to fall down, I took a step back, but slipped on some Strzyga blood, causing me to stumble forward. I managed to straighten myself just in time. Whew. That was close.

"Don't worry, guys. Perfect balance." I chuckled nervously and pretended to look like it had been intentional.

"I'm just playing ar—" Before I could finish one of my feet caught a piece of rock. I windmilled, and my perfect balance chose that exact moment to abandon me. I tipped backwards, and the spectacular view of the mountains and trees tilted upwards as I slipped completely off the edge of the cliff.

"Hecate!" Vasil yelled. The horrified gasps of the Order of the Radiant Dawn were swallowed by the rushing wind as I plummeted into the open air. I frantically grasped for the ledge, but my fingers slid through blood and I couldn't catch it. My other hand managed to grab hold, but was slowly slipping as well. My feet dangled uselessly below me. I was literally hanging from a cliff.