Chương 29: Book 1; Chapter 28; Ghost of the past

That evening was the first in a long while when Anniet didn't go to the campfire. She stayed at her own place, trying to work on what she had heard today. Surely, if she would go to Rainee, she would explain it in more detail, but somehow Anniet… didn't want it? Somehow, she didn't want anything. She tried to think, but it didn't work as thoughts were scattering without allowing her to arrange them into something understandable. She tried to read, but couldn't understand a word.

Usually she would read a printout of the past class a few times, but today these papers were lying next to the entrance and she didn't dare to touch them. The King's story was so fascinating! Why can't she just go and pick it up? Maybe because the other dreadful piece of paper was next to it… But why was it so repulsive? What did they even speak about? And Anthony said something really sweet to her today. She could remember how she felt when he said it, but for her life, she could not remember what it was about.

Nor could she remember what Rainee was talking about. That could be easily fixed just by looking at a piece of paper, so why would she not? Whatever she spoke about was way too overwhelming, too confronting, so that at some point she just switched off. That never happened before. So she just sat there staring in front of herself for a long time. Darkness started to take over, and it was time to go to bed, but she couldn't be bothered, as sleep too avoided her, just as any thought.

So she just stayed where she was waiting for morning, hoping that morning would bring more clarity. Instead of the morning, a knock on the door came. That was even more unexpected than anything else and brought her back to earth. No one ever came to her since her arrival. No one ever knocked on her door, no matter if here or at Rainee's. She never found it strange, as it would be more unusual for someone to visit her. She never had visitors at home either, unless some emergency would come up.

"Home? That was not a home! That was a prison!" Some unexpected anger came, bringing these strange thoughts that startled Anniet even more. The second knock was a bit louder, more demanding, and she was sure now it wasn't the outcome of her imagination, so she stood up to open the door. Anthony walked in as soon as she opened it without even asking if he could. That was unusual as he would always be very reserved to the point that it would make an impression of a timid person.

By now, Anniet knew he wasn't timid, but nevertheless, sometimes he was so naive on specific matters.

"I thought you would use a friend this evening," he said, closing the door and turning around to look at her. All the worries of the day were suddenly swiped away by some unknown force, and instead of answering, the corners of Anniet's lips started to twitch. She tried to speak, but instead just a strange, angry sound came from her mouth.

She wondered what it was trying to explain herself, but realised that tears were choking her throat, and the more she tried to make any sound, the more they were coming up until she couldn't hold it any more. She wanted so badly to hug Anthony and cry her heart out, but she couldn't even do that, as the way she felt about him was so different from what he was feeling for her, and she didn't want him to realise it and to be pushed into a corner. So she just dropped back on a seat, covering her face with her hands.

What is she even crying about? She didn't know. Anniet could feel Anthony sitting next to her, and the next moment his arm hugged across her shoulders, pulling her closer and pressing her to his chest. It was such a strange feeling. It felt as if Anniet was watching herself from the side, but also being engulfed in these arms, and also crying non-stop. Like three different people, but also the same person. This hug felt so natural. Not intimate, not offensive. Why did she even think it would be any different?

What wouldn't she do to be in these arms at least for a few minutes, and now, when it happened, she just couldn't stop crying. Oh well, never mind, as Rainee says, it cannot be helped, but what will he think about it, as there was no obvious reason to be so sad, as nothing happened.

"I don't know why I am crying," she managed to say.

"I know," he said, kissing the top of her head and pressing her even harder to his chest, "don't worry." Now she definitely wasn't worrying any more about the crying, even if it wouldn't stop, no matter how hard she tried. So she chose to ignore that crying part of her and stay in the one who was living in the moment, being held by these gentle arms and listening to the steady heartbeat of the person sitting next to her. It felt so natural to be like this, and she was happy.

Happy that he had come, happy that she was crying, happy for whatever happened to bring this moment. She didn't know how long it would last or if it would ever repeat itself, so she just stayed in it now while it was offered. Minutes were passing, and nothing was changing, just her getting exhausted from all this crying and getting sleepy. Secretly, she was hoping that this crying would not stop any time soon, and it didn't. She fell asleep before it stopped.

In the morning, she woke up lying crouched on a seater covered with a blanket with her head resting on somebody's knees. She didn't have to think long to remember whose knees it could be. A little peek through half-open eyes confirmed her guess. What should she do? She didn't want to pretend to be sleeping, but she didn't want to move away either. And what should she even say? What happened to her last night? How did he know that she would be sad? As she said goodbye, as usual, before leaving.

Probably when she didn't come to the bonfire, he realised that something was not right. But she herself didn't know what was wrong…

"Hi," she said silently without moving.

"Hi," he replied.

"Is it OK if I stay like this a little bit longer?" she asked again, thinking that there could hardly be any more cosy place on the planet, and she definitely would like to take a few extra minutes before getting up.

"Take your time, we are not in a rush," he said, and she knew that he was smiling. That's good! A twister of thoughts was playing in the background of her mind, suggesting that he should be tired of sitting like this with her all night, that there was no reason for her to bother him even more, that there wasn't even a reason to put him in such a situation at all. She ignored these thoughts and snuggled deeper into the blanket.

Anthony's hand moved from her shoulder and stroked her head a few times before returning back. Thanks god it didn't feel uncomfortable in any way. So she could be in this close proximity with him without getting too crazy. That was good to know. She turned her head slightly to look at his face, and after meeting his eyes, slowly turned away. It was better not to push her luck; there are limits after all. Anyway, what happened yesterday? Why had she became so sad?

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. Right, Rainee was giving an extra lesson about rudeness, and it made her realise that she had been called rude so many times for no reason. Is that why she got so upset? How strange. What difference does it make? She doesn't live there any more and will never return. That's right, she doesn't want to go back to her previous life for any reason. She doesn't even want to talk about it or remember it.

It is good that Rainee has spoken about it; at least she knows now. It is interesting what Rainee will say today. Today!!! In a moment, Anniet was standing on her feet with her eyes wide open.

"I missed it!" she said with horror. She overslept Rainee's special class! Where only those who want to attend will find the way!

"Don't worry," Anthony said in his so calming voice, "I am sure you will make it on time."

"How can you be sure?" – How did he even know what she was talking about?

"You want to attend it, and all who wish to attend will make their way," he said simply.

"Then let's go, let's go," Anniet urged, running to the sink and splashing her face, quickly combing her hair, and getting ready to leave in less than two minutes.

"Not before breakfast," Anthony said, standing up.

"I am sure she wouldn't be happy to see you fainting in the middle of her talk." Such a picture made Anniet laugh inwardly, but she had no food at home, and there was no time to go anywhere else. She was about to object, but one look at Anthony's face made her realise that it wouldn't be an easy task to do.

"Then let's go," she said without arguing.

"We can grab something from your place. Anyway, we will walk by it."

"So you know where you are going?" Anthony asked, following her through the door.

"Sure, I know. It is so obvious. In fact, it was obvious before becoming obvious. I don't know how to explain. I knew it even before it had become known. I know it sounds strange, but it is just how it is. Don't you know where to go?"

"I will follow you," Anthony said. But he didn't follow; he actually led them to his cottage, where they, despite Anniet's protests, had a full breakfast before moving forward. After breakfast, Anthony put an extra-large sandwich in a bag with some apples and oranges. Only then did he allow her to show the way.

"What is it?" Anniet asked, pointing at this snack bag.

"It's a lunch box," Anthony smiled.

"Lunch box? Never heard about it before. What is it for?"

"For us," he said, "in case we get hungry." Anniet didn't say anything to it, just thought that he was really into feeding people... At first, Anniet was a little bit impatient, but as minutes passed, Anthony's calm took over her, too, and she stopped rushing around. Just then, she realised how silly she was, as it was still an early morning, and it was highly unlikely they would miss anything. And even if they would, then Rainee definitely would tell her later in the day what she had missed.

She led them along way that was so familiar by now. Halfway, they bumped into Marcus, who was heading in the opposite direction.

"Have we missed it?" Anniet asked with surprise. She was sure that Marcus wouldn't leave earlier.

"How would I know," Marcus said in an unhappy voice, "how one is supposed to know where that class is going to be? Instructions were really dumb. How can one find it with no information?" He was really stressed. Anniet would think that it was silly, but wasn't she herself acting the same just a short time ago?

"Thank you," she said to Anthony. Just now she had finally realised what a big impact he made on her. If not for him, she might be running around the woods in a similar manner as Marcus did now.

"Who is he?" Marcus asked, looking at Anthony.

"How come I have never seen you before? Who are you?" He redirected his questioning to Anthony. Same greeting every time he sees Anthony and Anniet together… Anniet tried many times to introduce them, but all in vain; all was forgotten in a short time. Anthony himself never bothered to answer him, simply not paying him any attention. However, this morning he replied"Ghost of the past," he said. It made Anniet laugh and put a strain on the already short-tempered Marcus.

"Well, Ghost of the past, are you coming together with her because she knows where she is going, and you don't? Then maybe you will not mind if I join too. After all, Lady Rainee definitely shared the class location with her friend." He was calling Rainee Lady, but he was always so angry at her… Anniet could not understand it.

"No, she didn't share the location with me, but you can come together, as it is obvious where to go. I thought everyone who wants to attend knows it, but maybe I am wrong." Marcus didn't say anything to it but walked behind.

"Never in my life have I seen such an irresponsible teacher," he was expressing his thoughts aloud.

"I genuinely don't understand how such a great personality could have such a laid-back attitude." It was fascinating how he recognised, more than anyone else, that Rainee was really someone extraordinary and admitted that her knowledge is much deeper than his, and would try to take in anything she says, and would keep asking for more, and would call her Lady Rainee. Still, at the same time, he was constantly criticising her, angry and demanding.

Anniet truly liked Marcus, and despite what she thought about him at the beginning, they have become really good friends, but still, this attitude was difficult to understand.

"You are always so annoyed with her and have such a bad attitude when she thinks so highly of you and spends so much time trying to help you. Why is that?" she asked.

"Who is thinking highly of me?" Marcus snorted.

"All she does is pull me down all the time and push me away, refusing anything I ask."

"We must be seeing the world with entirely different eyes," Anniet couldn't believe what he was saying.

"She never pulls you down, and she gives you more of her time than anyone else. And when she speaks about you, she always says that you are a much greater person than you yourself realise and that she is not willing to teach you things you ask for because it is not what will help you to start seeing yourself as she sees you." Marcus just snorted again.

"Well, it is up to you to believe or not, but I don't have any reason to lie. Besides, I too think that you are much better than you are trying to be. But if you don't believe it, then there is nothing I can do."

"Why do you two live together?" Marcus asked.

"Sorry?" Anniet didn't understand the question.

"Why do you live in her house? You have your own place, and nobody has lived with her before."

"Because she invited me," Anniet didn't understand the nature of the question.

"Are you a couple?"

"Sorry?" Anniet stammered once more.

"Are you a couple?" Marcus repeated.

"Do you love each other?"

"I do love her to bits and pieces," Anniet said, taken aback by such a question.

"But it doesn't make us a couple. How did such an idea even get into your head? What a strange way of thinking! She just offered me a spare room in her house because I like being in her company. Besides, she has a boyfriend."

"But he is not here?"

"Obviously, he is not here; otherwise, we all would see him. But what does it have to do with you thinking that we are a couple?"

"Nothing really," Marcus said, "don't be offended, as it wouldn't be anything wrong if you were. Just she always does what you ask—even invited you to live with her. She teaches you to fight with a sword. She comes with you to the gatherings. I am wondering what the secret is. How can it be achieved?"

"Try to be loving instead of needy and demanding," Anthony suggested.

"Who are you?" Marcus squinted his eyes with his question, making Anniet sigh.

"Oh yes, the ghost of the past. Why do you think I am not loving?"

"To be loving, you have to produce some love," Anthony laughed, "you hardly manage to squeeze out a single drop of respect."

"OK, that's enough, that's enough," Anniet interrupted, seeing that nothing good is coming from the direction these two are heading.

"But I must admit that what Anthony said is right, you don't respect her, at least not in a way the rest of us understand respect. I don't think you love her either; all you like is her knowledge. So you just try to use her to your own advantage."

"Is it bad?" Marcus asked, not trying to argue.

"I was told that this place is for learning, and she is a teacher. Is it bad to use her knowledge to my advantage? How else can I learn?"

"I see where you are coming from and to some degree can understand your logic, but she is not a library, not a book that you can just use as much as you want. And the most significant difference is that she sees you better than you see yourself and knows what you need to progress better than you. A book or a library cannot give you such advice. But instead of taking her advice, you ignore it entirely and try to squeeze out of her something that she thinks would be harmful for you."

Marcus was walking in silence for some time before asking:"Do you think that is the case?"

"I know that is the case!" Anniet said firmly.

"Then why did she never say it to me?"

"Because you never listen! And never ask."

"I ask her all the time."

"Yes but not questions! I mean, not something that she truly thinks about you. You often ask why she does this or that, and she has to explain herself. That doesn't provide you with any information about you. Why does she even have to explain herself? She never asks you to explain yourself."

"I never saw it that way," Marcus admitted.

"I also ask a lot about a subject."

"Yes, and I love your questions when they are not blaming, as then every time you raise a question, it leads to an interesting answer. I truly love it. But still, you never ask anything about yourself. I mean her opinion. You never ask what she thinks is best for you, and when she shares it anyway, you simply don't listen and take it as an offence. You never seek her point of view; you just think by yourself what you think is best for you, and then try to press it out of her. Well, at least ask, not pressure.

Explaining why you want it, what good it would do for you, and that you realise that if something goes wrong, you will take full responsibility."

"When something goes wrong," Anthony corrected.

"Sorry?" Anniet didn't understand him.

"You said if something goes wrong. The correct saying should be when something goes wrong."

"Why does it have to be so certain?"

"Didn't you say yourself that she is very smart? Then, if she thinks that it would bring more harm than good, why should there be a doubt?"

"Who are you?" Marcus asked, squinting his eyes. Anniet just completely gave up on this conversation. Luckily, they had arrived. A large field on the edge of the cliff with a view of the town in the distance. A few other students were already here, but not chatting with each other; instead, they sat quietly as if enjoying a little time with themselves.

"I am going to ask them if this is the place," Marcus said.

"Why wouldn't you just simply trust?!" Anniet asked in disbelief.

"Trust who?" Marcus asked.

"I don't know… Anyone… Me? You? Her? Anyone? Why can't you trust?" Marcus opened his mouth to say something, but then changed his mind. But instead of going to make enquiries, he sat down and waited patiently like everyone else.