Chương 32: Book 1; Chapter 31; No baby steps

After finishing, Rainee fell silent, looking with fondness at that strange, timid girl who surprised her once more by creating such an opening. Usually, to pass on this kind of message to someone would require a lot of time and effort until someone becomes open to receiving it. Today, out of the blue, just by a few words, this opening was created in everyone who attended. Not just openness, but also eagerness to hear the truth with it.

It's just unbelievable, seeking and wanting to hear when you already have a slight understanding of what will be said! There is no better environment for something new and opposing all beliefs to enter. She was hoping to end all conversation here and now, so that class would allow the weight of her words to sink in. Especially when this place magnified understanding immensely. Well, of course, it didn't happen... In a few minutes, unwanted questions started to pour out.

Never mind, human minds work in strange ways – you give them the secrets of the universe and they will ask how to bake a potato… It cannot be helped, but the same could be said about what has already happened; it cannot be reversed. Each and every one who attended this class absorbed a part of this truth, whether they realise it or not. And it will stay and will never leave, and on the day they choose to convert it to knowledge, it will be a significant start.

"Why should expecting help be wrong? Rainbow General herself said many times that ask for help and you will receive it!"

"The General said that help will always come if you seek it!" Sounded among other questions." Rainbow General this, Rainbow General that… There is no Rainbow General left! She couldn't even save herself, what's the point of even mentioning her any more?" Rainee felt anger, so unfamiliar to her, building up. And she didn't know what to do with it… After years of training and immense success, it was so strange to be on the other side. That's why it was obvious that Marcus will not benefit just from hearing her words.

Talks are never enough; one cannot make someone, or even oneself, look at something that they don't want to look at. It just seems that there is nothing, no matter how hard you try. There has to be some extra light, some external influence, some unexpected discovery, some words that didn't slide by, but shed light on this invisible door to pinpoint at least its location. Just then, it is possible to figure out how to open that door, if you want to get free. Or barricade it if you want to stay where you are…

"Misinterpretations of her words don't make anyone understand what she meant," – Rainee said aloud. – "Think for yourself. If you drown, if you fall, if your life is in real danger, are you able to seek help? I don't think so. At least it never happened in my life, nor to anyone around me. I have never seen a person whose life is threatened and needs saving, seeking for help. A person who seeks can help himself; he doesn't need saving.

Sometimes, he needs a helping hand, and it will always come, but he doesn't need saving. If a person who is drowning is able to seek or ask for help, then he is not drowning, but has difficulty with swimming. But there is much literature on this subject written by the General herself, so I am not going to cover it here. All who want to understand what she truly meant can simply study it with an open mind."

Seeing that she is not eager to answer questions any more, turmoil slowly died, and everyone returned to their own thoughts. Rainee thought about what had happened from a different angle. No matter how much is explained, people always think that help has to come to rescue them. So when they need something, they keep asking and praying for help, but that is just asking that someone else comes and does something that they cannot do themselves. Sometimes it happens, sometimes not.

What Rainbow General tried to tell them was that when you want to help someone, help will come if you put all your effort into it, but it is not enough. Help doesn't mean someone else coming and taking over. Help is just helping you to succeed in what you want to do, in what you already do, in what you strive to achieve. Isn't that what happened today? She really wanted to help Marcus, especially when today he was trying much harder than his usual.

She did her best with no success whatsoever, and then help came, Anniet spoke, and Rainee got the best help she could possibly ask for. It is not like Anniet came and took over resolving all issues. Help is to receive aid, not when someone comes and does everything for you. That is not help; that is taking over or saving. She did her best, but to no success. Anniet spoke and opened the gates so her words could pass through. All is so simple.

Hopefully, the gatekeeper will recognise what he has received and use it to his advantage. With these thoughts, Marcus lifted his hand.

"Yes," – Rainee acknowledged him.

"Can I ask something not related to today's subject?"

"Not very wise, but give it a try." – Said Rainee, thinking to herself that " nope, the gatekeeper didn't recognise anything".

"Could you open up a martial arts class for us?"

"What a surprise," – Rainee laughed inwardly.

"Old John is a martial arts teacher at School. When he teaches, there is no need for another teacher."

"But you would bring something new, something different. You are always full of new thoughts and ideas that nobody has ever heard anywhere else."

"I will take it as a compliment, not flattery."

"It is neither one nor another; it is just simply a fact. Is there anyone else who would want to learn martial arts from Lady Rainee?" – He asked, referring to the class. Instantly, all hands lifted high up.

"A sneak attack," Rainee laughed to herself again. – "A crafty one. Should I reword it? Especially when the intent wasn't to be sneaky."

"Are you asking for yourself or for others?"

"I ask for myself," – Marcus said openly.

"What makes you unhappy with Old John?"

"He makes me dance…" – Marcus said in an unhappy voice.

"That is an excellent technique and very good for you. Why would you think I would teach you something different?"

"I have been doing it for four months…."

"May it be because you are not advancing?"

"But even if I do it for the next four years, would it make any difference?"

"Probably not," – Rainee agreed – "unless you understand the reason behind it." This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

"I am tired," – Marcus finally said in a voice that no one had ever heard him speak in before. – "I am tired of being stuck in the same place. I am feeling like giving up soon. On myself, on the world, on everything. I want to move forward. It is suffocating me to be stuck in the place I am in. The very first day I saw you, I knew that you could help me break free. The next inauguration is coming soon, and I have not moved anywhere. I want to be ready. I want to be prepared like no one ever was before."

"Your fighting abilities are not standing in the way of you being accepted. No one who will be accepted next time will know as much as you do, and no martial arts I can teach you will help you to get in."

"But shouldn't it be my call what I choose to learn? I was told today to trust you, to trust your advice, to trust your opinion. All this time, I thought I did, as I tried my best to follow your advice. It was new to me to hear that I do not. And it made me realise that it doesn't work. And will not work. I simply don't know, don't understand the things that you are telling me. I am a fighter, a warrior. I know how to fight, I love it, I understand it, I want to learn it! Why can't I learn from you?"

"A teacher bears full responsibility for all that is taught. I don't believe what I would teach you could bring much good."

"But for my actions, I would bear full responsibility now and always. I am always told to trust, and no matter how much I trust, when I think I have succeeded, I am told again to trust. What even is that trust? If it is so easy, why can no one show me? If I say that all I would learn from you I wouldn't use for a bad course, would you trust me?"

"No," – Rainee said firmly, standing up – "A person can do only what he can, and what he can comes from his heart, and in a moment when the mind goes blank, the heart is in charge. Much stronger people than you have fallen for the same reason with much steadier hearts than yours. The heart doesn't remember promises made by the mind; it has its own rules.

When two sides are clashing, one considered to be the enemy who is breaking all rules, who has come uninvited, bringing just chaos and pain, and the other side are people that you think you want or have to protect, or maybe even someone dear to you, like a family member or friend. Would you be able to step into the middle while loving equally your enemy and your friends? You think "yes," but what do your thoughts have to do with your heart? Love doesn't reside in thoughts. Thoughts are incapable of love.

If your thoughts, your sanity are taken away, would you be able to pierce the heart of your enemy without hatred? Without fear? With nothing else in your heart but love for them? With the desire that these actions of yours would benefit, protect, and do good for your enemy, the same as for those that you are protecting? Would you be able to do the same to your friend or family if your heart tells you that this will benefit them most?

At the same time when all what you know, all you have learned, all what you think, all what is reasonable is opposing to what your heart dictates? Because no matter what you think, no matter what others think, you would love that person more than reason, more than consequence, and you will do only what is best for them, even if it brings pain, blame and loss for you? How would you know what is dictating your actions if you never look into your heart and never listen to it?

How would you know if it is fear and reason that tell you what the best course of action is, or if it is love and understanding? Would you be able to fight an enemy with love for your enemy, not for the love of those they are attacking, burning, or torturing? Let me ask you again: what do your thoughts have to do with love? What do the teachings you received and learned so well have to do with love? How can you love and listen to others when your own self has never been heard or loved by you?

You think that doing what you want is love? You think that doing what others want is love? You think that doing the right thing is love? Let me say, while you think you don't feel. If you don't feel, how can you hear what your heart dictates to you? How can a blind person bear responsibility for falling into a ditch when someone has taught that person how to run before how to see? Come." – she pointed Marcus to join her. Marcus came immediately.

"Do you know what it is?" – Rainee stretched her hand forward, showing on her palm some strange glowing bands that appeared from nowhere.

"Binding bands," – Marcus answered easily while everyone else was wondering what it was.

"Do you know why they are used?"

"For fast teaching, so the moves could be used on the go without learning them in advance."

"Not very accurate, but it will do. Have you ever used them?"

"Only when a child."

"I see," – Rainee said. – "Put them on." Marcus obeyed immediately, putting a pair on his wrists and a pair on his ankles.

"The moves that Old John is teaching you are not really even moves, that is why you are having difficulty learning them. You are right, it is more of a dance between two people. One is leading, and the other is allowing himself to be led. You cannot learn in advance, as there is nothing to learn in advance; you just do what the leading person does without questioning, without hesitation, without resistance.

You learn to trust another person entirely, following him at the very moment he makes a move without any thought, straight from the heart. So you can see someone is trying to teach you what trust is for the past four months. You haven't seen this technique before, as even if it is known by many, not that many can do it."

While Rainee was talking, she was slowly moving her hands, then her arms, then incorporating her whole body into this move, and from the side, it did seem like these two were dancing as Marcus was mirroring every move. Well, it didn't look like he was repeating it; it looked more like they were moving simultaneously, and only because of Rainee's words, it was obvious that it wasn't the case.

"Has Old John used binding bands on you while teaching?" – Rainee asked.

"No," – Marcus shook his head.

"See, he has more trust in you than I do." – Rainee smiled at him. – "I don't think you will manage even with these, when he was sure that you could do without them."

"How do you know he is sure about it?" – It was obvious that Marcus disagreed.

"Instead of rebelling, you should put effort into knowing the person, then you would know it too. He never does anything in doubt. And to be frank, he is the only person who could actually succeed if you would just allow him. You say you trust me. But how many times did I tell you that he is the strongest teacher in the entire kingdom? Did you think I was lying or making fun of you?" Marcus didn't say anything back.

It was obvious that these words took him aback, but at the same time, his face could not stop smiling despite the enormous concentration on it.

"With this technique, you don't need concentration, at least not that kind you are having right now." – Rainee said – "Happiness, on the other hand, is a perfect ally to succeed in this exercise. That's why you are capable of keeping up, but as soon as happiness starts to dissipate, you will start to worry, as it is an unavoidable companion of the concentration you are using. It will just get in the way, and the bands will break from your resistance."

Marcus tried to follow the advice, but he, like everyone else, didn't fully understand what she meant. The moves were getting more intense, starting to take the shape of proper martial arts movements that, despite still being very fluent and consistent, required more precision, more flexibility, more agility. Slowly the smile on Marcus' face was changed tofull concentration, and at that very moment, the band on his wrist broke. His arm moved forward when the band moved to the side.

Soon after, all three other bands dropped down for similar reasons. Marcus didn't know any more what Rainee would do next, and Rainee stopped.

"Put it back on," – she said. – "Thinking will not help you, trying will not help you, concentrating will not help you. Being in a moment will help, being happy will help, wanting to be with me will help, wanting to be led by me will help. Wanting to learn from me will not help. Trusting that you will do so, without your own effort, if you only allow my teaching to get in, will help you.

Trust is not about knowing in advance; it is not about showing up or trying to catch up; it is about believing, believing in the one who leads. Without this belief, not even the strongest general will be able to lead you in a battle. Without this belief, there is only one place for you in the King's Army, and it is a general's position. But to be a general, you have to believe in yourself, as that is what they believe in. Otherwise, how could they lead?

How could anyone believe in them if they don't believe in themselves? Members of the formation are not manipulated marionettes; that would be an army of zombies. Each member in a formation is only led, and as soon as they don't trust the leader, they are out and fight on their own until that trust is regained. People standing closest to the general are those who have the most trust. Not from the general to them, but from them to the general.

And this trust sometimes is equal to unbreachable, but it is not brainless; the brains are not used in formation, hearts are. Only those who can trust in themselves can trust in others. So the people standing closest to the general are people who trust in themselves the most. By trusting in themselves, they can do nearly anything close to impossible, whether they are led or they are on their own or have to lead.

Master this technique without bands, and there is no way you would be rejected from joining the King's Army. Old John is a genius. He never stops surprising me." While Rainee spoke, the bands were falling and falling from Marcus. He kept putting them on, but the more he tried, the less success he got.

"OK," – Rainee said – "let's start with baby steps…."

"I don't want baby steps!!!" – Marcus's scream interrupted her. He fell on his knee and smashed the ground a few times before picking up the bands and putting them back.

"I don't want baby steps," – he repeated in a calmer voice. – "I don't want it. It is suffocating me, these baby steps. I want to break out of whatever is holding me, not tiptoe around in baby steps. Can't you bind me with stronger bonds? These are just leading bands. Make those that don't break. You are stronger than I am. Much stronger. There would be no problem for you to lead me with those."

"I could," – Rainee confirmed, standing straight and looking at Marcus. – "But what good would it do to be dragged across the ground by those bonds? They are used for those who are incapable of understanding how to perform, and just directing is insufficient. But it is not your case. You can learn anything I show you to the smallest detail in a short time. What good would it do to you?"

"I don't know." – Marcus kept saying – "I don't know. I just need help. If that is not asking for help, then I don't know what it is."

"I really would do with help now too," – Rainee thought to herself as it was truly heartbreaking to see him like this. Then she relaxed and a smile came back to her face – "Since when do I believe that I have to do everything? That success depends only on me, only on my own strength? So strange… When have I lost my true self? Was it recently, or was it long ago, and I simply didn't see it before?" Rainee stood tall, stretched her right arm, and a wooden training sword materialised in it out of nowhere.

She lowered it down to her side and made an inviting gesture with her left hand, pointing in front of herself. No one understood who she was inviting as she didn't look at anyone, not even at Marcus, who was standing in front of her, full of confusion.