Chương 45: Book 2; Chapter 44; In a grip of fear (2)

Anniet breathed out in relief, just now realising how tense she was. She cast one last look at this house on a hill where she spent so many happy days. These days obviously were over, as even if she would want to go there, she wasn't given a chance, as there would be hardly any force in the world that would be able to break through this guarding dragon. At least that's what people said. Anniet turned around and walked back to town.

She looked over her shoulder just in time to see this dragon putting her head back down. Anniet slowly walked through the celebrating town. What were they celebrating? It was difficult to say. She walked into an empty library. It was strange to see this place empty. She was greeted by the portrait of the King dressed in his golden armour. The King she saw today was nothing similar to the one in the painting. She must admit that the face was the same, but just that. However, Anniet wasn't looking at the King.

She was looking at a person standing right behind him on his right side. A young woman dressed in the uniform of any colour. Usually, painters didn't know how to paint it and would make it white with shades of colour added here and there. People would say that her armour didn't have a colour, that it would shimmer and change with every step. This painting somehow managed to represent it. Why had she never marvelled at it before Anniet didn't know. The face looking at her, however, wasn't the same as her friend's.

Anniet walked down to the second painting, portraying the Rainbow General on her own. She wasn't the same as Rainee. However, the more she looked, the more similarities she was able to see. She definitely has the same eyes. Why did she never notice it before? Anniet stretched her arm and with her palm covered the rest of the face, leaving just these eyes looking at her, and here she was. It was definitely Rainee looking at her from the painting.

She moved her hand away, and a strange person, having some of Rainee's features, was looking now. Anniet moved to another painting where Prince Angus was displayed. She usually liked this painting as his face and eyes were always so friendly. However, now she didn't feel the same and walked past it. However, she stopped by General Blake's painting and stood there for a very, very long time. There was no mismatch in this painting, as it was in Rainee's.

It was Anthony looking at her from it, painted to the very smallest details. Anniet knew why, up until now, she wasn't able to recognise him; it must be because of the spell. For some reason, everyone else saw him as a different person, but she could see him for who he truly was, just wasn't able to connect him to his true personality. But really, what was his true personality? Was it this scary half-person, half-beast from legends?

Or was he this sweet, gentle, and friendly person who was telling such beautiful stories and making sure that people wouldn't go hungry? If not to mention the treatment she was receiving. He said that she will see him again. Good. She really, really wants to see him again. Maybe one day she will be less afraid. Perhaps then she will be able to go to the Capital to meet him. This painting was drawn so well! How does it come that the King's and Rainee's paintings are inaccurate?

She was looking at his black, lively eyes that, even from a painting, had such a strong effect on her. Anniet has come here to the library this evening to start a new life, but now she has realised that she doesn't want this new life. She walked to another painting where Rainee and Blake were standing next to each other. Truly, how could she not recognise Rainee in these pictures? If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

The more she looked, the more similarities there were. She doesn't want a new life without them in it. This realisation came so naturally. But what can she do? There was nothing she could do. The King came to get them from her life, and they will follow him. Her heart was becoming so hollow, so empty, and life was as meaningless as a place on earth can be. She heard someone rapidly coming from deeper down in the library. So this place wasn't empty after all. She should go and read something too.

But no matter what, she couldn't move from this painting as if all her life depended on it. A woman came from behind the bookshelves and walked straight to her.

"What happened?" – she asked in a soft but firm voice that she had heard many times before. The headmaster. But she didn't look like a headmaster. The headmaster was old and weary; this woman was not even middle-aged yet. What is going on today? But it didn't even look strange any more.

"Nothing really…" – Anniet said, swallowing down tears that were climbing up her throat.

"Don't give me any of this nonsense," – the woman said, taking Anniet by the hands that were numb, lifeless, and cold. She definitely was the headmaster. Nobody else ever spoke in this way, just her.

"You look very pretty," – Anniet said, looking at her. Why didn't she ever notice it before? Just because the headmaster was old? Aren't old people pretty too? She never thought about it.

"Never mind my looks," – the headmaster said, rubbing Anniet's hands and bringing back some warmth in them. – "Now tell me what happened?" – she added, stroking her face. Anniet was about to say "Nothing," as it truly was nothing, but the headmaster didn't want to hear it, so instead she said:"They are gone."

"Who is gone?" The headmaster asked, following her gaze and looking at the picture herself.

"Rainee and the pain in the undercarriage? Why do you think they are gone? Come with me, I want to hear what happened." Anniet wasn't used to disagreeing, but she wasn't going anywhere away from this painting. However, the headmaster wasn't used to being disobeyed.

"It is only a painting; there are no people in it. If you want it, you can take it and keep it, but only after you tell me what has happened. Come right now." Anniet didn't have the strength to refuse and followed after casting one more look at these faces so dear to her. The headmaster didn't take her to the exit. Instead, they walked across the main hall to the smaller door on the side. The headmaster opened it and showed Anniet to go first.

This must be some shorter route, as they walked straight into the headmaster's office. Anniet has been here a few times before, but always with Rainee. It was fascinating to sit and listen to how these two would speak about many things that Anniet had little knowledge and understanding about.

"Sit here," – the headmaster said, pointing to the chair where Rainee would usually sit. Anniet stood for some time, not daring to sit down, as it felt somehow unnatural to take this seat.

"Don't make me repeat myself," – the headmaster said, walking to the kitchen to put on the kettle and making two cups of a hot drink. By the time she returned, Anniet was already sitting. The headmaster was so firm… it was difficult not to do what she said. Anniet knew only one person who was firmer than she was…

"OK, why do you think Rainee and Blake are gone?"

"Why did you call him a pain in the undercarriage?" – Anniet asked in return.

"Long story," – the headmaster said, slightly smiling. – "But he is. What did he do this time?"

"Who? Anthony? He didn't do anything. He just… he just is… he is just not Anthony!"

"Well, to some degree, you are right, but also you are not. Anthony is just a name, and if you think back, the King did mention this name among many others, so it is just one of his names."

"But he was always so kind and friendly, and funny. And he turned out to be someone… someone who is so scary."

"My little girl, with your words, you are opposing yourself. Nobody is turning into something different just because they are called by a different name. And yes, the same person can be kind, friendly, funny, and scary. It is just how people respond to something. One person might think you are funny, and you will be funny for that person; another person might think you are scary, and you will be scary for that person.

And both of them could have seen you at the same time, speaking the same words, doing the same thing. It is rarely about what a person does; it is mainly about what the other party thinks. Anyway, how did you know that Anthony was kind, friendly, and funny? No one was able to remember him."

"I could," – Anniet said, – "I told you that before, but you were always forgetting."

"I see. Yes, now that you mention it, I can recall you speaking about him before. How strange. Anyway, what has he done to scare you off?"

"He hasn't done anything. He just turned into the Dark General."

"Well, this isn't right. He didn't turn out to be the Dark General; he always was him, no matter if you knew it or not. Did he behave any differently since his identity was disclosed?" Anniet thought about what was said and shook her head, realising that it wasn't him but her who behaved differently.

"But I am so afraid of him now!" – she said, covering up her face. – "I don't know what to do!"

"This statement makes much more sense than anything you said before," – the headmaster agreed.

"There are many ways to go over your fears once you recognise them. But no matter what way you choose, it is you who will have to do it. No matter how it got in, now it is your fear, and others cannot take you away from it, nor take it from you. No matter what others will do, it will not have the slightest influence if you yourself are not involved. No matter how much they change, it will not ease your fear.

They can sacrifice their lives trying to become something that you would approve of, but it will still not work, as what you approve will shrink and shrink until there will be no room left to move, and you will be afraid of them anyway."

"Then how do I stop being afraid? I cannot even breathe when he is around!"

"First step we did just now. We found out and identified what that fear is about."

"You found out," – Anniet pointed out, as she herself didn't find out anything.

"We found out," – the headmaster corrected her. – "I could talk all day or all year, and it would not bring the slightest change if you don't want to see it by yourself."

"Then how do I stop being afraid? Because I still am."

"As I say, there are many ways. Most simple is to stop accepting it, as it wasn't you who manifested this fright, as he hasn't done to you anything that would bring up this much fear, which means you accepted it from other people. So you choose to refuse it instead of taking it. Same as you accepted it, same you unaccept it. You accepted it as a truth, now reject it as a lie. Fear is always a lie; there is no real reason to look much deeper.

If you cannot do it, then going through fear, doing things the same way as if it didn't exist, even if it freezes you at the same time, will do the trick. Just at the same moment, acknowledge its presence, don't ignore it, don't pretend that fear doesn't exist." Anniet tried to think hard about how it all should work, but could not even imagine how it would be possible in his presence. Aqila watched her struggles for a while.

"Or maybe you admit that you love him so much that the thought of him being unapproachable is unbearable to you. Let me tell you that he is not. Don't fall for the image that people have drawn over him. His will is too strong to succumb to the influence and demands of others. But you should ask Rainee about that. She is much better than I am at explaining all these things. Also, she knows him more than anyone else." Now she did it!

When the headmaster spoke so openly about her love for Anthony, as if it would be the most obvious thing, Anniet had frozen again, prepared to deny it with her life, but Rainee's name had swept all these defences, all this ice away, leaving just raw, open pain, and tears started to fall down her cheeks.