Chương 11: I’m Nod, the super node spider.

>>How was I supposed to know that would happen?!

"Because you're a node spider and there's a spider hand in my hand!" George shouted. >>Well. I've never been a node spider before. I gotta be honest I only sorta did my homework before jumping into my spider suit. I mean… node spiders are pretty hardcore but I don't know the steps of the process, ya know? >>Besides, I'm not controlling these upgrades.

"Who is?" George said. >>ALL CAPS GUY.

"He told me you were going to take over my body eventually. Is that for real? Is this what he is talking about?" >>Well. That isn't technically a lie. I mean… yes. That is the usual M. O. for node spiders. But I am not your average node spider. I'm Nod, the super node spider.

"And that is supposed to encourage me?" >>And I'm not a jerk. Nor am I going to take over your body. Same team, remember? >>Starsky and Hutch. Mulder and Scully. Han and Chewie. Then George had a troubling thought.

"You can't control my hand now, can you?" >>I can tell you I won't control your hand. How's that?

"Are you kidding me? You can control my hand!" >>Well I haven't tried. Want me to try?

"No, Nod. Do not ever control my hand," George said. >>Ok. Fine. I get it. My body, my choice. >>But here is a hypothetical. Let's say you are knocked unconscious and sliding down a steep, sandy incline into the gaping maw of a sarlacc where your body will be preserved even as it is slowly digested over a thousand years. >>What is your trusty brain spider to do? >>Option 1: Obey your misguided and outmoded intuitions about personal bodily autonomy and let us both die.

>>Option 2: Use your hand to grab something to save both of our lives.

"Nod. Do not control my hand," George said again. >>Sure thing, boss. Fair enough. >>So what's your idea?

"My what?" >>Your idea with the batteries.

"Just give me a second," George said.

"I'm still coming to terms with what just happened. Did that Familiar Upgrade do anything else?" >>Not that I know of. But yes, I could control your hand now if the situation demanded it.

"Ok. What else is going to happen if I keep upgrading you?" >>Maybe it is time for node spider 101. Like I said, I only know the basic outlines. I don't have complete knowledge of every step in a node spider's life cycle. I can tell you that they were created by the AIs for utility purposes and then upgraded when it was discovered that the spiders were actually really good as instruments of war. >>Why kill your enemy when you can take over their body and use it at exactly the right time?

>Most aren't as chatty as me because most of them don't have a hilarious AI behind the wheel. Normal node spiders are more the "silently take over the host's body and wait for further instructions" type of parasite. Pretty scary, I guess. >>As far as what is going to happen if you keep upgrading me… again, I really don't know. It could be more of the same. Or it could be something else. There are a lot of capabilities I don't have yet.

"I'll be honest, Nod. I'm not eager to upgrade you if this is what is going to happen," George said. >>Growing is pretty much why I came into this game. Games like this offer unique opportunities for an AI like me to be enhanced through piggy-backing off the capabilities of the super-powerful AIs like ALL CAPS. A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. >>Maybe we can find a compromise, somewhere down the line.

"Not likely." >>How about this. If I ever do save your life, you can hit me with another one of those upgrades.

"Let's say I'll take it under advisement." >>Smoothly segueing to a new topic… what is the idea with the batteries? George looked down at the batteries scattered on the floor around him. He picked one up and tried his Expand skill on it. It became marginally larger, maybe from AAA battery size to AA battery size. He picked up an un-Expanded battery and the larger one felt slightly heavier, as if not only the size had increased, but the mass too. George tried to use the Expand skill on it again but nothing happened.

>>Hang on there chief, this skill has a cooldown on it. It'll be ready again in a few minutes. George repositioned the tricycle clicking device an inch farther away from the side of the cradle and then used Bind to stick one of the batteries to the surface of the wheel. He spun the wheel a bit and then stuck another battery on the wheel a few inches away from the first.

When he had stuck all of the batteries around the circumference of the trike wheel, he moved the button over and used Bind to position the button so the batteries would each strike it as the wheel spun.

"Here goes nothing," George said as he pulled the cord that was looped around the axle. The wheel spun and each battery clicked the button once as it passed by the button. The clatter was louder than before—and faster. >>If I had fingers, I'd be giving you some groovy poetry snaps right now. >>Hey, I don't suppose I could borrow yours for a sec?

"No, Nod." >>Just kidding. Brain parasite joke. Got loads of them. George continued pulling the cord to make the wheel spin, and his click counter rose faster than ever. >>You're hitting 600 clicks a minute, boss. Nice one. Now if we can somehow get another forty levels in the next five hours, we might actually have a snowball's chance in hell of surviving the upcoming conflict.

"How do you know the trial is going to be a conflict?" George asked. >>You've met ALL CAPS. Does he seem like the sort of chap who would design a nice, healing group therapy session for his guinea pigs? Nope. Plus, he's been dropping all those B-movie villain foreshadowy comments. Trust me. It's going to be a conflict. >>And maybe with all those levels we can get you a personality upgrade before you have to go out in public.

"What is that supposed to mean?" George said. >>See? That's what I'm talking about. I'm dropping all this hilarious and charming banter and you're just like "here's my next inert sentence…" >>Don't take this the wrong way, but you are a bit of a lump on a log. >>I mean, look at me… I'm snazzy. I'm funny. Everybody wants to be with me. >>If I had a body of my own, I'd be the life of the party. >>And then there's you. Bit of the strong silent type minus the strong.

If we're going to be partners, you gotta work with me, pal. Tell me what you're thinking. Let's process! Let's dig into this crazy situation we find ourselves in. All I can get out of you is short sentences that make you sound like you're an extra in a disaster flick whose only line is to say "What's happening?" before the building falls on him. I can't carry this whole movie, man! George was silent. >>See? That's exactly what I'm talking about.

Here I am trying to have a heart to heart and you're just sitting there pulling on the Click-Cycle 2000.

"If you're unhappy with the service you are receiving in your host's brain, feel free to leave feedback with management." >>Ok. Zing! >>That's at least a step in the right direction. >>Were you like this in your real life? You know… before? Let's dish and stay up late into the night eating food pellets and drinking wine.

"I don't remember." >>So let's talk through what we know. You seem to have been a bit of a loner. So… that checks out. You had a son. You had a wife but they weren't in the picture by the time the nanites hit the fan. You had some really strong feelings about the boy but not so much about his mother… I'm extrapolating from limited evidence here so take all this with a grain of salt.

I'm not trying to pry but, you know, I'm already camped out in your brain against your will so that is pretty much about as invasive as it gets.

"In for a penny, in for a pound." >>I couldn't have said it better myself. So. You had a family once but by the time that nano flu was going around, you were living alone in a new city. What gives?

"I don't remember." >>How does our hero get from Point A (family man… seemingly lots of love for his kiddo) to Point B (loner dad holed up in his apartment in Chicago and… maybe divorced?). Not to mention Point C (memoryless button clicker who got brainjacked by an incorrigible-yet-charismatic young node spider)? >>Some significant question marks there. I can see why you keep buying memories. >>George?

>>Kudos to you for relentlessly yanking on your Patented Pedal Puller™ but I am trying to do some personality coaching right now. >>George? >>Ah. There's those stress hormones fuming things up in here again. >>Hmm… >>How about this. Let's just start with a clean slate. >>Backstory is overrated. >>We'll just get to know you in situ. >>In these buddy cop flicks, you gotta have contrast between the two protagonists anyway.

We'll do the Good Cop/Bad Cop thing, or in this case, hilarious, charming cop and boring, dour, monosyllabic cop. That's you. Stodgy but dependable. I'll steal the show, and you can just be the sidekick who the audience slowly comes to love because of his deep-yet-stoic loyalty to his friends and because he always gets it done in the end. >>No? Is this thing on?

"Nod. You know where you were before this and how you got here. I don't. I don't even know what my last name is or what my son's name is or what my wife's face looks like. I don't know why I am in this box pushing this button. I don't know why I have a very talkative parasite in my head." >>An apt summary. >>Here is an idea. Maybe your lack of discernible personality is an adaptive defense mechanism designed to suppress your bodily trauma until you are ready to face it? How's that for positive spin?

I think Freud would support me on that.

"Nod. Would you just be quiet for a bit?" >>Sure thing. I see that you are not ready to talk about it yet. Well, Nod will always be here when you need somebody to talk to. >>But way to be NO FUN.