Chương 69: George’s Run (IV)

The first thing that went wrong when George surged through the portal was that the dragon wasn't where it was supposed to be. The chunk of meat it had been eating the first time was still there, but the dragon was gone. >>Where is it?! The dragon's room wasn't large, and in only a few seconds, the momentum George had been intending to use to ram the dragon carried them toward the opposite wall at an alarming speed.

While still holding the shield up with one hand, George yanked sideways on the jet ski with his other hand, and that's when the second thing went wrong. George was not used to his newly upgraded strength and pulled too hard, too fast on the handlebar when he tried to veer away from the rapidly oncoming wall. Instead of executing a smooth turn, the jet ski went into a sudden tight spin but maintained the trajectory it had upon coming through the portal. Until they hit the wall.

That is when the third thing went wrong. The wyvern revealed its position when it screeched at them from high above them and blew a wad of fire down. George was thrown from the jet ski when Jellybean spun into the wall. The fireball splashed straight into the vehicle and exploded in a wave of heat.

"The balls! The balls!" George yelled, casting draw on both the bocce balls. They arrived at the same time and he failed to catch them because he was also trying to hold the shield above his head to guard against the dragon's next fireball. One of the balls thudded into the wall and the other hit George in the stomach and doubled him over. >>YOU ARE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF! >>GET IT TOGETHER! Nod cast draw on one of the balls and caught it with George's hand.

He still had the ends of the sling in one hand and he dropped the ball into the padded loop of the sling and began swinging it in one deft motion. >>Shield down! >>Be ready to raise it again if that thing spits at us. Nod used George's arm to swing the sling in an overhand spiral that went faster and faster. >>Step to the right! George stepped to the right and braced himself against the wall as the momentum of the sling spinning around in his right hand threatened to carry him off balance. >>Now!

Nod released one loop of the sling and the bocce ball flew upward at the wyvern so fast that George could hear the hiss of its passage as it moved through the air. But it missed. The wyvern whipped its undulating, serpentine body to the side and evaded the projectile, all the while flapping its wide wings to remain aloft. It reared its head back, opened its mouth, and hocked another ball of fire down on them. George dropped to one knee and raised the shield.

The fire splashed harmlessly off of the shield and onto wall and floor. George barely felt the impact on his upraised arm. The bocce ball that missed the dragon collided with the wall and bounced quickly to the ceiling and then off another wall before careening back down toward the floor. It hit yet another wall near the floor and shot off through the portal to the slide room. >>Did you see that? >>It went back through the portal. >>RETREAT! George didn't move.

He couldn't take his eyes off the dragon above them and hadn't noticed the disappearance of the bocce ball.

"What do you mean?" George looked at the exit portal but it was still inactive. >>The ball bounced back to the slide room. >>The portals are two-way! >>Get your ass out of this room! That was enough for George to understand what his brain spider was telling him. Just as the dragon was rearing back to spray fire down on them again, he sprinted toward the portal they'd come in through.

He ran past the remains of the jet ski, which had been reduced to a bubbling, lumpy pile of black slag with hints of fuchsia paint on the rear end. As he neared the portal, he held the shield bracelet above his head and dived through, rolling onto the ground at the bottom of the slide before quickly picking himself up and putting his shield between himself and the portal.

"What do we do, Nod?" George said.

"Die and reset?" Nod shot the light grapple at a point high above them, lifting George off of his feet as he reeled the light rope in. George was hanging by his right hand fifty feet above the door.

"This is the plan?" George shouted. >>I'M IMPROVISING! George got his legs underneath him and leaned back on the light rope until he was hanging with his feet planted sideways on the wall instead of dangling free. The pain in his shoulder that usually accompanied being jerked around by the light grapple was gone and George briefly wondered if that was due to his new strength stat. >>We've got plenty of money left.

I'll just start spamming the heaviest amenities I can find and they'll bonk the dragon as it comes through the portal.

"Bonk the dragon?" George screamed.

"It can fly! It is going to eat us." But even as he spoke, a steady stream of random objects started to fall to the ground at George's feet. George saw a gallon of paint begin its silent freefall, followed by an oar, a backpack, a rotisserie chicken, a mirror, and a slew of other items.

"Take us back up the slide. We'll plan and regrou—" George said but was cut off as Nod stopped buying amenities and cast draw on one that looked like a gallon of milk. >>Bleach! Yes! This is it. Grab it. The white container slowed its descent and then began to rise back toward George. He wrapped his free hand around it as it collided with his midsection. >>Oh, this is too good to be true. >>But we need nail polish, George. We need nail polish remover!

The stream of amenities started pouring toward the floor again like a slender waterfall of bric-a-brac.

"Nod. What are you doing? Is this Plan B?" >>We're on Plan D, George. Keep up! >>Oh, please. Oh, please. My kingdom for some nail polish remover! The dragon still hadn't come through the portal even though they'd been in this room more than long enough for it to swoop down and pull its slender body through the doorway. Nod was producing quite the pile of items on the floor in front of the portal.

George was just starting to wonder if the portal would still work if they completely buried it on this side when Nod text-screamed again. >>That's it! WINDOW CLEANER! That'll do. Nod cast bind between the bleach and a blue spray bottle that had just appeared beneath George. The window cleaner stopped falling and rose toward them. It snapped into place against the side of the bleach. The author's content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

"Nod! What are you doing?" George said, glancing down. Visions of the scaly green snout of the dragon poking through the portal suddenly filled his head. >>Bind those two bottles against the wall. We need a mobile chemistry lab. We're going WWI on that dragon. >>But we need to hurry. If it comes into this giant room, it isn't going to work. George used bind to stick both the bottles against the wall. >>Now unscrew the bleach lid, unbind it, and pour half of it out. >>DO NOT drop it.

George asked why again but did as instructed. He carefully took the top off of the bleach and slipped the cap into his pocket. He took the bleach bottle by the handle and used unbind to detach it from the wall. He poured out half the bottle, and it splattered on the ground far below. >>Now stick it back on the wall and do the same to the window cleaner and I shall disclose my evil epiphany. >>DON'T mix them yet. George poured out most of the window cleaner and said, "Now what?"

>>We are going to make a chlorine gas bomb, toss it into the dragon's room, and wait a few minutes for the dragon to choke on its own lungs. Got it?

"How do you know how to make that?" >>George. I have access to all human knowledge. This is basic anarchist cookbook stuff. If you actually do ever become a real crafter, my knowledge base is going to be your secret weapon. >>Here's the plan. In a minute, mix the bleach and the cleaner and screw that cap on tight. >>Then, we're going to drop down to the portal and toss the bomb through.

"What happens if the dragon decides to come in as soon as we get down there?" >>Nodling! Make yourself useful. Go find out where the dragon is. George felt motion in his pocket and looked down to see the nodling peeking out. It pulled itself fully out of the pocket and launched itself into the air without hesitation. It spread its legs out as it fell. It used draw to slow its descent before it landed on the pile of objects strewn across the ground at the bottom of the slide. It scampered through the portal.

>>I'm getting the feed. The dragon is eating that chunk of meat next to the remnants of the jet ski. >>By the way, you are totally going to have to die again so we can get Jellybean back. >>If we don't, you're going to have to be the one to break the news to Cassie once she's ambulatory. I'm not doing it.

"We should have been doing this with the nodling for every portal," George said. >>You live and you learn. That's what time loops are for. >>Anyway. Get to mixing. It's bomb time. George slowly poured the window cleaner into the bleach and screwed the cap on. >>Hey, I bet when you were working that soulless desk job in that big office building you never thought one day you'd be making a bomb in another dimension… >>While hanging from a cliff one-handed… >>And taking instructions from your in-brain AI…

>>In order to go kill a dragon… >>And save your psychic friend and your long-lost child… >>Ya know? >>Just when you thought it was safe to walk out your front door, am I right? There's no telling where you might end up.

"Yes, this is crazy, and also, part of this is starting to feel normal. We're running for our lives and cobbling together a makeshift solution on the fly. Like you said…just another day at the office." George laughed.

"That being said, I'm terrified right now." >>Wow. >>Dude. >>I never thought I'd say this but… >>I think dying has been good for you. Nod paid out rope from the light grapple and they descended. When they touched the ground, George kicked a clear spot in the junk. As soon as Nod cut the light rope, he popped one of his claws out and stabbed George in the left wrist several times. He moved so fast that by the time George realized what was happening, blood was already trickling from the cuff of his gauntlet.

"Ow!" >>Rub that blood all over the container. The room is too large for the amount of gas our little bomb is about to produce, so we're going to need to deliver it directly inside the dragon's mouth.

"Give a guy a warning next time." George dribbled the blood over the bleach container and smeared it around with his hands until the whole thing was streaked red. He shook it up. >>I guess that strength stat upgrade left your wuss stat unaffected. >>Just when I thought you might be coming to grips with your new reality… George saw a new notification. New Milestone Achievement: You've crafted your first bomb Bonus unlocked: Select a new skill from the skill menu.

His Identify ability kicked in, and a tooltip appeared beside the bleach bomb. <Improvised Gas Grenade, Type O-Positive> >>This is technically our second bomb, but I guess it doesn't count if the first one was a complete accident. Select a Skill to Unlock • Push • Separate • Spin • Raise • Lower >>Point of order. As soon as we get some time when we're not actively fighting for our lives, let's sit down and make a bunch of stuff.

There are probably lots of low-hanging-fruit crafting milestones out there waiting to be snapped up.

"I'm choosing push," George said.

"Draw has been so useful that its opposite should be useful too. We could affect an enemy's aim or push things into them." >>I'm in. >>I'm excited for the day you can launch poisoned daggers from your hands with a thought. Skill Selected: Push. George looked down and cast push on a slinky at his feet and it toppled over, rolled sideways, and fell still. >>Well, that was underwhelming. These skills are so weaksauce at first. >>We don't have a nodling assigned to this one, so you'll have to grind it yourself.

"Let's assign it to the draw nodling the next time we get a level-up and have access to the skill menu," George said. >>Bad idea. >>We'd have to call it the draw/push nodling. >>Sounds like a recipe for an identity crisis. >>Someday our nodling is going to end up in therapy and its sob story is going to start with "One day my dad decided to change my name…" >>Your parenting resume can't bear another black mark like that.

"Well, Nod," George said.

"Do you think we should do something with this bomb in my hand or do you want to just make fun of me until the dragon comes through and eats us?" >>I mean… >>I'm having a great time doing the latter so far. >>That was a comedy of errors in there. If it hadn't been so scary, it would have been hilarious. You were like all Three Stooges rolled into one. >>You spun out the jet ski and then just shouted, "The balls! The balls!" George walked over to the portal and stuck his head through.

The dragon didn't notice him this time, so he whistled and it lifted its head from the hunk of meat. He tossed the bleach bomb into the room and it rolled to a stop a few feet in front of the dragon. The creature raised itself up on its legs and opened its mouth to spew out another gout of flame. George pulled his head back and spun his body sideways against the wall in the slide room. He lifted his force shield and held it tight against his body.

The fireball flew through the portal and exploded against a toddler chair that was perched on top of a microwave. George stepped away from the wall, and raised his right hand in the air. Nod shot the light grapple upward. George ran up the side of the wall as Nod reeled the rope in. When they were high enough to feel somewhat safe, George looked down and watched the portal, waiting for an enraged dragon to come pouring through. >>Nodling-vision coming through now. The dragon has slithered over and licked the bomb.

>>Now, it's either going to— >>YES! >>It lifted the container into its mouth like it was going to swallow it whole, but then it bit down and the bleach all gushed into its mouth. >>That can't feel good. >>I think a lot of it washed down its throat and now it's vomit-roaring at the ground. Some significant gas had built up in there already and all the ground around the dragon looks like it is steaming. >>OK. Now, it is writhing around and rubbing its face all over the ground.

>>This is happening a lot faster than I thought it would. I wonder if we found a weakness or something. It keeps trying to hork up fire but it doesn't seem to be able to do it. >>NO WAY! WE DID IT! >>The portal just opened even though the dragon isn't dead.

"It just said 'overcome your enemy.' I guess this counts." >>I'm sending the nodling through the next portal and lowering us down. The dragon seems pretty well distracted, but you should skedaddle anyway. With your helmet, I don't think you'll be in trouble from the gas. Nod let out the light rope and George rapidly dropped back to the ground. >>Nodling entering port— >>Oh, no. >>Not again!

"What is it?" George said.

"Another dragon?" >>Ugh. No. Worse. It's him. >>Just go through and see for yourself. >>Don't worry. It's safe. George stepped through into the dragon room and was surprised at how loud it was. The youngling siddic wyvern was writhing around on the ground and letting out pained trumpet blasts that were so loud George could feel them as well as hear them. It had wrapped itself into a tight ball like a snake and was weaving itself in and out of its own coils. It did not seem to notice him.

George jogged around the outside of the room to the portal on the opposite side, and stepped through. Entering Bonus Room: Johnny Johnny's Diminished Kiosk of the Impromptu Getaway Objective: Choose one of three prize packages. Exit at any time. Focus Stats: N/A Difficulty: N/A"Oh," George said, staring at the dummy torso sitting atop a tropical-themed store counter.

"He's not looking so good."